


Domestic Dame, Shaken or Stirred

by MamaZamo



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Childbirth, Coming Out, F/F, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Katya is a Career Mom, Lesbians, Light BDSM, Mommy Kink, Praise Kink, Pregnancy, Smut, Spanking, Trixie is a Dance Teacher, references to past abuse, trixya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-05-19 05:12:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 91,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MamaZamo/pseuds/MamaZamo
Summary: Katya Zamolodchikova is a stressed out art gallery owner & single mom to a six year old dance prodigy, Shoshanna.  When Shoshanna's dance teacher, Miss Alyssa, hires a new pink-haired teacher, Trixie Mattel, for the studio, Katya finds herself enamored.(Tags will be added as I go, so make sure to keep an eye on those for any that may not be your thing.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first fic in the fandom, so go easy on me! ;) Comments are always welcome! xo

 

“Mom! You forgot the iPad!” came a high-pitched whine from the backseat.

“What?” Katya glanced back at her six-year-old through the rearview mirror, strapped into her booster seat & straining to rifle through a purple duffle bag.

“It’s not in here!”

“You’ll live, Shosh.  It’s only a ten minute drive.”

“I won’t,” she pouted, crossing her arms.  Katya sighed— her daughter had certainly inherited her flair for the dramatic.  

Knowing Shoshanna would forget about the lost iPad soon enough, Katya turned her attention back to the road, anxiously biting the inside of her bottom lip as she maneuvered her way through the early rush hour traffic.  

She knew it would be a pain in the ass to settle into the school year routine, but she hadn’t expected just _how_ frantic every afternoon would be.  Shoshanna starting kindergarten meant that Katya’s workday had become compressed from eight hours to six— no less work, just less time to do it in.  She swore up  & down she wouldn’t have her daughter raised by nannies— not that she could afford it anyway— but that meant leaving work at 3 & racing to pick her up from school to have her to dance by 4.  Of course, that also meant that sometimes she forgot to pack the iPad or the right flavor of juice box or the particular leotard Shosh wanted to wear that day.

“Jesus, mother fuck—!” Katya slammed on her brakes as an Audi cut in front of her.  “Turn signal, asshole!”

“Mom, language,” Shoshanna warned sternly.

“Sorry,” she grumbled, running a hand through her shoulder-length blonde bob & causing her bangs to stick up sideways.  Clicking the signal to turn into the dance studio lot, Katya hoped she’d have time to run down the street to Starbucks while Shoshanna was in class.  Most of the moms stayed around, watching their kids through the one-way glass & sniping back & forth about whose little princess deserved what role. Neither petty competition, nor bitching about rich husbands piqued Katya’s interest, so she was all-too-happy to play the loner role— either sitting in the lobby on her laptop or walking down the street to get coffee by herself.

Her daughter was just like her— independent, assertive, determined, & a little off-the-wall.  Unfortunately, that also made her a bit of an outcast, but Katya was proud of her for it. Despite her hesitation about enrolling her in dance classes in the ritziest neighborhood in the city, Katya knew it was what she deserved.  Her talent reminded her so much of her own as a little girl, & she wasn’t going to let the fact that she didn’t fit in with the other mothers stop Shoshanna from reaching her full potential.

Shosh barreled confidently through the front door, dance bag slung over her shoulder.  “Well, hey, miss thing!” Alyssa, the owner of the studio, chirped in her direction.

“Hi, Miss Alyssa!” she waved, stringy blonde ponytail bouncing with each step she took toward the changing room.

“Long day, lady?” Alyssa drawled, turning her attention toward Katya.

“Huh?”

Alyssa motioned toward the blonde woman’s hair.  “Oh!” she laughed, reaching up to smooth down her wild bangs.  “Yeah, work & traffic &...” she trailed off, motioning her hand around the room.

“I know how that goes!  I just hired a new teacher on a trial basis, though— for Shosh’s age group!  Hopefully that’ll get things a little more organized around this zoo!”

“Mmmm,” Katya nodded politely.  “Maybe.” All she could think about was her need for caffeine.  Miss Alyssa had a reputation for being the best teacher in the city— & probably in the state at large, so she wasn’t worried— whoever she’d hired would be good.

“Want to stay around & watch?” Alyssa asked.  “I’m very interested in what y’all think of her before I make a decision about keeping her on full time.”

“Um… I have to run an errand, but then I’ll duck back in?” Katya offered.  Alyssa was the only person at the studio who’d ever been friendly to Katya, so the nagging voice in her head told her she owed her one.

“You got it!” Alyssa patted her on the shoulder as headed down the hall, leaving Katya to her Starbucks run.

When she returned twenty minutes later, venti Americano in hand, Katya headed for the side door to the studio— the one that led straight to the observation room the moms congregated in.  Taking a deep breath in an attempt to quell the anxiety creeping up her throat, she pulled the door open & tried to enter as quietly as possible. The squeaky hinges gave her away, however, & she was met with nine pairs of eyes simultaneously swinging in her direction.  Aside from a couple of eye rolls, no one acknowledged her, simply returning to whatever inane conversations they’d been having before she’d interrupted.

She never knew exactly what kept these suburban moms from accepting her— not that she wanted to be one of them, anyway, but still.  Was it the fact that she was a career woman who owned her own art gallery downtown? Her self-cut choppy hair & messy black eyeshadow?  The fact that she drove a Nissan instead of a Jaguar or a Range Rover? She told herself these were the reasons, not wanting to let herself get angry at what she knew was probably closer to the truth— she was an unmarried woman, one who never talked about her daughter’s father, never brought a date to dance recitals.  Katya had learned all-too-early upon moving to suburban Dallas that it wasn’t the place to chase women… they all had pearls around their necks, sticks up their asses, & George W. Bush’s politics in their heads.

Even in her smart black blazer & slacks, Katya felt like she stuck out like a sore thumb in the observation room.  She took a seat on the end of the front bench & pressed her lips to the red print on the rim of her Starbucks cup, more breathing in the steam than actually taking a drink.  Scanning the room, she found Shoshanna in the middle of a line of girls sitting on the floor, their legs extended before them in V-shapes with varying degrees of grace. Her daughter’s face was scrunched up in concentration, the cheekbones that mirrored her own especially sharp as she focused on the stretch.

“That hair, though,” someone scoffed from somewhere behind her, & another woman chuckled quietly.

“Right?  Talk about trying too hard.”

Katya whipped her head around, fearing they were talking about her— or worse, Shoshanna.

“Don’t you think, Katya?” a cardigan-clad brunette sneered.

“Huh?”

The woman pointed toward the new teacher, where she knelt, gently straightening a girl’s hips.  Katya’s eyes widened as she looked her up & down— scuffed tap shoes, tight grey yoga pants, white tank top that clung to her curvaceous body, & mess of cotton candy colored hair piled into a loose bun atop her head.  “What about her?”

“Her hair is so tacky.  I’m surprised Alyssa wouldn’t hire someone a little classier.”

“It looks fine to me,” Katya shot back, turning her attention to the pink-haired teacher who was now giggling along with the girls.

Katya sucked softly on the lip of her coffee cup.  She’d already bitten all her nails down to the quick & since she couldn’t smoke in the studio, she needed something else to occupy her nervous mouth.  Leaning down with her elbows atop her knees, Katya watched Shosh practice— she was clearly one of the strongest girls in her class, & though Katya would never consider herself anything close to a stage mom, she internally gloated at how hard Shosh was showing the other girls up.

The new teacher must’ve noticed, too, as she motioned for her to come to the front of the room.  Head held high, Shosh pranced up to her side & listened, nodding as she talked. The teacher began a step, slowly pulling her right leg back, then shuffling it forward to meet the hardwood floor.  Katya didn’t know if she or Shoshanna watched more intently as she pulled it back to tap the floor again before shifting her weight to the other leg & stomping down. Katya could hear the muffled taps through the glass & leaned in closer.  The teacher moved once more in slow motion before turning to Shoshanna & smiling warmly.

The little blonde mimicked her movements tentatively at first— shuffle, tap, shuffle, tap, switch, step.  Katya’s fingertip absentmindedly drummed out the rhythm on the side of her cup. After a few cycles, Shoshanna had quickly gotten the hang of it & was repeating the step seamlessly.  The teacher clapped her hands together in glee & ruffled Shoshanna’s messy ponytail before pointing back to the group of girls who stood before them. As she ran back to the group, Shoshanna was oblivious to the eye rolls she received from her classmates.

Katya needed away.  It was one thing for her to take that treatment from the snotty mothers, but to watch her daughter take it from their kids was too much.  She stood silently & pushed the heavy door open, escaping into the parking lot, where she was met with a sudden flood of sunlight. “Jesus,” she muttered to herself, squinting against its rays.

Leaning against the building, Katya lit a cigarette.  Then another. Before she knew it, the mothers & daughters began to trickle out the front door.  Shoshanna was always the last kid out, loving to stay behind & help Miss Alyssa clean up. When Katya rounded the building & stuck her head through the front door, she found Shosh & Alyssa digging through a giant bin of props in the lobby, & Alyssa waved her off with a smile & a silent assurance that she was fine.

Katya returned to her perch near the side exit, away from the parking lot hustle & bustle, & lit another cigarette.  She refused to smoke around her daughter, but her nerves were on edge, so she took advantage of the alone time. Not even a third of the way into the cigarette, the side door swung open, just narrowly missing Katya’s face.  She jumped back, ready to yell, before she saw the soft pink hair of the perpetrator.

“Those’ll kill you, you know,” she smirked.

“Wow, no one ever told me,” Katya deadpanned.

The woman giggled— a girlish, high-pitched squeal— & pulled her duffle bag up higher on her shoulder, tap shoes slung over the strap.  “Well, now you know.”

Katya nodded, lips curling into a smile she couldn’t stop from forming.  “You were great in there.”

“Hm?”

“With the kids.”

“Oh!  Which one is yours?”

“Shoshanna,” Katya turned her head to exhale in the opposite direction of the woman.

“Ah!  She’s _so_ fun!” Trixie gushed.  “She’s _really_ good!  Like, actually talented!”

Katya felt a blush creep across her cheeks & lowered her eyes.  “Thanks.”

“Where is she?”

“Oh, uh,” Katya stammered.  “She’s inside with Alyssa— those two get along better than she gets along with anyone in her class.”

“I could’ve guessed,” she nodded.  “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you one of the crazy dance moms?” she whispered conspiratorially.

Katya scoffed.  “Ha! Far from it.”

“Well… that’s probably a good thing…” she trailed off.  “I’m Trixie, by the way,” she extended her hand.

“Katya.”  As their hands clasped, Katya’s eyes bored into the younger woman’s.

“That’s a pretty name,” she smiled, surprising Katya by keeping the intense eye contact.

“Mmmmm.”  Katya hummed, reluctantly letting go of Trixie’s hand.   _Say something!_ she mentally chastised herself, but her brain refused to let her mouth form words.

“Well… hopefully I’ll be seeing more of you?”  Trixie pulled her keys from the front pocket of her bag.

“Yeah… me too… I mean… um, you will.”

Trixie smiled sweetly & wiggled her fingers in a tiny wave before heading toward the parking lot.  Katya waited until she’d safely rounded the corner before leaning back into the hard brick wall & sighing aloud.  “You idiot,” she groaned to herself. “Id. I. Ot.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

“Hey K, need anything before the meeting with the contractor?” Ginger, Katya’s secretary, popped her head into her office.

“Oh, shit… what time is—?” she cut herself off, flipping her wrist around to glance at her watch.

“You’ve got time, breathe!” Ginger chuckled.  “It’s not for another 20 minutes.”

Katya smiled in relief, pushing herself back in her desk chair.  “Unless you can get me a second brain or six more hours in the day, I’m good.”

“On it!” Ginger teased, turning on her heels.

“Oh!  Actually, wait!  Can I ask your opinion on something?” Katya called after her, waving her over.

“Of course!”  Ginger rounded the desk to look at Katya’s oversized screen, featuring a hodgepodge of lines & measurements laid out in a blueprint.  “Bitch, what is this?”

Katya snorted in amusement & tapped her blunt red nail on the screen.  “The gallery. I want to go into this meeting with a concrete plan, but I can’t decide if the Madison installation would look better here—” she pointed.  “Or here—” she used the touchscreen to drag a box to the opposite wall, then glanced up at Ginger expectantly.

“Move it back?”  Katya did. “Okay, now back again.”  The box slid across the screen. “I think I like it better the first way.”

Katya clapped her hands together.  “Good! So did I!”

“Then why did you ask me?” Ginger rolled her eyes playfully.

“Because you know I need validation, you whore!”

Ginger tapped another tab on Katya’s screen.  “Looks like you’re getting plenty of…  _ validation _ … on your own,” she wiggled her eyebrows as a paused YouTube video popped up.  A young dancer was frozen mid-leap onscreen.

“Shut up!” Katya slapped her hand away & switched tabs.

“Oooooh, who’s Trixieeeeee?” she teased in a singsong voice.  “Is she your new giiiiiirlfriennnnd?”

“Eat a bag of dicks, Ginger,” Katya laughed, despite the blush she felt crawling up her chest.  Ginger stared at her, motionless. “She’s just a random girl!” Katya finally gave in. The angle at which Ginger’s eyebrow cocked told Katya she wasn’t buying it.  “She’s Shoshanna’s new dance teacher, okay.”

“Aaaaaand?”

“And nothing.”

“Mmhmmm.”

“Don’t we have a meeting to get ready for?” Katya stood up & straightened her blouse.

“You all together, there, gal?” Ginger taunted.

Katya flipped her off with a grin.  She reached across the desk to grab her notes.  “Not a word,” she whispered menacingly to Ginger as she walked past her & out the door.

  
  


* * *

 

Later that night, after she’d tucked Shosh into bed & read her three separate bedtime stories at her insistence, Katya sprawled out on the couch in her underwear & a baggy tank top.  She flipped through the tv channels, but by the time she’d circled back around to the beginning, nothing had caught her eye. She grabbed her phone from the end table, where it sat charging, & mindlessly scrolled through her work emails.

She opened Instagram & glanced nervously around the room as if she might get caught by a ghost or other sudden intruder.  Typing painstakingly slowly, she swallowed hard as Trixie Mattel’s name filled the search bar. One account seemed to match— it looked like a cropped group photo.  Trixie leaned into a half-squat, hands on her knees, & thick pink hair falling over her shoulders, a giant grin on her face.  _ trixiemattel89 _ .  Katya guessed that was her birthdate & quickly did the math— 28.  Not too bad, she thought. She definitely looked young for her age, while Katya felt like she looked all 36 of her years & then some.

With only the very tip of her finger, Katya carefully scrolled down Trixie’s profile, smiling at the mix of cute selfies, makeup closeups, & photos with her friends.  She took pictures of her chai tea, apparently spent a lot of money at Sephora, & liked to go see local bands. She seemed happy. Normal. Katya got lost in the soft colors & flirtatious smirks that filled Trixie’s page… everything was as pink as her hair, her lips…

“ _ FUCK _ !” Katya screamed out loud, then clamped her palm over her mouth, hoping she hadn’t woken Shoshanna.  She jolted upright on the couch. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she muttered under her breath, eyes wide as she stared at the screen.  She’d accidentally tapped a photo from five months ago— Trixie holding up a tiny grey kitten as she kissed its nose. The red heart that appeared beneath the photo felt like crosshairs aimed directly at her chest.  “ _ Shit! _ ” she hissed, closing out of the app to open a new search tab:  _ how to unlike on Instagram _ .

Her pulse pounded in her throat as she clicked page after page that told her, essentially, that she was fucked— Trixie would still get the notification, even if she unliked the photo.  Katya slowly nestled the phone onto the couch cushion next to her & stared down at her hands, balling them into fists, then stretching them out repeatedly as she tried to remember how to breathe normally.  No matter what, she was caught, & she knew it.

Plugging her phone back into the charger, Katya got up & quietly pulled the sliding glass door open, stepping into the warm night air of her patio.  She lit a cigarette & paced back & forth, running through various disaster scenarios that could happen the next day when she took Shoshanna to dance.   _ Or she could just blame it on Shosh! _ she thought to herself, then sighed at how terrible of an idea that was.   _ Oh, my daughter just liked your… cat…  _ Katya’s face broke into a smirk of its own volition as she thought about the photo.

She shook it away & ran a hand over her face as she stubbed out the cigarette on the wooden railing of the patio & tipped it into the candleholder that served as an ashtray.  When she returned to her phone & found it devoid of notifications, she decided she needed a distraction & headed for the shower. Despite the fact that her mind was racing, she tugged conditioner through her hair, lathered her body, & shaved her legs on autopilot.  She was doomed to look like the bizarre, unlovable, always-too-much girl everyone else at the studio saw her as— why not Trixie, too? It only made sense.

Katya craned her neck from side to side, stretching the muscles in the steam of the post-shower bathroom, & pulled her tank top back on, not bothering with underwear.  She sloppily towel-dried her hair, slathered moisturizer on her face, & climbed into bed, dreading having to face the day… & Trixie.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks SO SO SO much for all the comments! I was nervous about posting this fic, but waking up to y'all's comments kicked my ass into gear to write another chapter. I hope you keep enjoying it!
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter context notes: Oak Lawn is the well-known "gayborhood" in Dallas.

 

When Katya’s bedside alarm went off at 6:35 the next morning, she blinked hard & blearily reached for her phone, only to remember she hadn’t brought it to bed with her.  She used her knuckles to rub her eyes awake & sat up, twisting from side to side to crack her back. Before Katya did anything else in the morning, she needed two things: caffeine & nicotine.  Ambling down the hallway, she peeked her head in at Shosh, who was still sound asleep. She had another twenty minutes before she needed to be up, so Katya crept quietly past her room & toward the kitchen.  

She grabbed a can of Red Bull from the fridge & swiped her pack of smokes from the counter, taking both outside.  The humid breeze slapped against her bare thighs & Katya pulled her long shirt down, making sure her naked lower half was covered— not that anyone would’ve noticed anyway.  That was something Katya didn’t mind about living in the suburbs— her backyard was surrounded by a tall privacy fence & her neighbors kept mostly to themselves.

Wandering— only slightly more awake— back into the living room, Katya grabbed her phone from the charger & scrolled through her notifications.  Work, news, Twitter… until she froze, breathless, at the Instagram notification.  _ trixiemattel89 liked your photo _ .  At 2:11am?  Did Trixie not sleep?  Maybe she was an insomniac… maybe she was drunk… Katya’s mind blazed through the possibilities before she willed herself to click on the notification.

It was a photo from two months ago— she & Ginger crowded into the frame, alongside Ginger’s friend Kennedy & Pearl, one of the artists who’d been featured at the gallery.  While everyone else smiled normally, Katya’s face was stretched into a cheesy grin so huge it caused her to squint, & she held up a peace sign beside her face. She looked dumb, but she liked it anyway.  And now Trixie did, too.

She grinned as she set off to wake up Shoshanna.  Either Trixie had gotten caught stalking her, too,  _ or _ she did it on purpose, meaning… Katya’s thoughts trailed off.  Meaning what, exactly?

“Wake up, Shoshi Moshi,” Katya tickled her stomach through the blanket.

“Nooooooo,” she whined, refusing to open her eyes.

“Yeeeesssss,” Katya mimicked her.  “Time for school.”

“Can I have Froot Loops?”

“I dunno, can you get up?”

“I’m up!” she giggled.

“Okay, Froot Loops it is!” Katya fluffed her daughter’s hair.  “I’ll get your dance clothes ready if you get your school clothes?”

Shoshanna nodded & tumbled out of bed.  Katya had given up on trying to dress her— she had a mind of her own when it came to fashion, & lately, that included many various shades of purple, smashed together to make her look like a walking grape popsicle.  If Katya got her out the door in a shirt, pants, & shoes, she considered it a success, regardless of how well anything matched. “Get the dark purple leotard!” she called down the hallway.

“On it!” Katya chirped back, folding it neatly into the dance bag.

  
  


* * *

 

As she waited in line for a salad on her lunch break, Katya stared at her phone, willing something to happen.  She wasn’t sure what she was hoping for, but whatever it was, it wasn’t there. Sighing, she shoved it into her pocket & grabbed a plastic fork & stack of napkins from the rack, electing to take her lunch to go.

Once she got back to the gallery, she flopped down into her desk chair & popped a couple of Tylenol with her lunch— her daily tension headache was creeping up early.  With each stab of her fork, Katya thought only of how awkward the afternoon would be.  _ It’s not even a big deal _ , she told herself, but her brain begged to differ.  If there was something to overthink, something to get anxious or obsessive over, Katya would do it— she couldn’t help it.  No amount of Klonopin or nicotine or guided meditation had ever been able to successfully keep her from running herself ragged with headaches & stomach ulcers, worrying about things that were completely out of her control.

By the time she’d picked up Shoshanna from school, Katya had downed a solid handful of Tums & was sipping on a Perrier in an attempt to settle her nervous stomach.  “Hey, baby!” she hopped out of the car as she saw Shosh approaching, Paw Patrol backpack dragging sideways on the ground. Katya kissed the top of her head, then swooped her up into the booster seat, buckling her in tightly.  “How was your day?”

“Good… Bailey & I got to do the sand table today!  She made a giant mountain for the cars to go up!”

“That sounds fun,” Katya smiled, pulling out of the pick up line.

“It was!  And we read a good book!  Can we get it?”

“Maybe… do you remember the name?”  Katya merged into traffic.

“ _ Rainbow Fish _ !” Shoshanna exclaimed.  “He’s so cool… he’s all shiny, but then he shares his shiny things with all the other fish!”

“That’s nice of him,” Katya replied sweetly.

“Yeah, I like him,” Shosh nodded before something out the window caught her attention.  Katya glanced in the rearview mirror to see her daughter’s head turned, watching everything that passed by, & smiled to herself.

When she pulled into the dance studio parking lot, Katya took a deep breath, trying to disguise her nerves.  She flipped the visor mirror down & tugged her fingers through her choppy blonde hair, willing it to lay down neatly, & swiped on a new coat of red lipstick, licking her teeth to make sure none of it transferred.  “Ready, kiddo?” she turned back over the seat.

“Yep!”  Shosh unbuckled her seat belts & waited for her mom to open the SUV’s door so she could jump down.

Katya followed her daughter into the building, her hand gently resting on her back.  “Want me to help you get ready?”

“Will you put my hair up?”  Katya knelt behind her daughter, finger-combing her blonde locks into a high pony & twisting a hair tie from her wrist around it.  Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a blur of curves & pink hair, headed toward the reception desk in front of them, & gulped.

“Good?” Katya asked Shosh, pulling the strands taut, pretending to focus on the updo so as not to make eye contact with Trixie, who was rifling through a stack of papers.

“Good!”  Shosh high-fived her mom & trotted off toward the changing room.  Katya started after her, but Shosh turned on her heels, “Mom. I’m six.  I can do it by myself,” she said very seriously.

Trixie let out a laugh, then covered her mouth, making eye contact with Katya & blushing.  “Okay, six year old, get at it then” Katya acquiesced.

“Sorry,” Trixie giggled, once Shoshanna had left their sight.  “That was too cute!”

“That’s Shosh for ya,” Katya smiled awkwardly.  “She runs her own life better than I run mine.”

“I doubt that!” Trixie countered, reaching across the desk for a pen to sign whatever paper she’d been looking for.  Katya gulped, Trixie’s pale pink Spandex top threatening to give way as she strained. Trixie’s eyes shot immediately to Katya’s as they jolted back up her body to make eye contact.

Katya laughed nervously.  “No, it’s true… so… um… how are things going… around here?”

Trixie gently laid the pen down on the desk & crossed her arms, looking thoughtfully at Katya.  “Really good! The kids are great & Alyssa’s like royalty, so it’s fun to watch her work.”

“Yeah…” Katya agreed.  “The studio is basically Alyssa’s whole life— well, that & her show—”

“Her show?” Trixie interrupted curiously.

“Oh, yeah, she hosts a, like, variety night thing every Saturday at a place in Oak Lawn. Burlesque & drag & stuff.  Sometimes she dances at it.”

Trixie squealed with delight. “I didn’t know that!  We should go!” Katya’s breath caught in her chest & the surprise was evident on her face.  “I mean, wow, that was weird of me, I just—”

“No,” Katya cut her off.  “We definitely should.” She couldn’t believe the words were coming out of her mouth.

“Good!  My friends aren’t really the type to…”

“Go to Oak Lawn?” Katya finished with a grin.

“Yeah, that,” Trixie giggled.  “Well, I better—” she pointed toward the classroom.  Katya nodded & Trixie started down the hall. “And hey—” she turned back over her shoulder.  “Maybe you can come meet my cat, too.” Trixie flipped her hair over her shoulder & skipped toward the classroom without a second look, leaving Katya standing stunned, mouth open.

She blinked hard, then laughed out loud, even though there was no one around to hear her.  She knew she looked like a crazy person, but she couldn’t help it. “That just happened,” she whispered to herself, wild Cheshire Cat grin on her face.  “That just fucking happened!”

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! I'm totally blown away by your kind comments! They 100% motivate me to write, even when I'm feeling lazy &/or insecure as hell, so THANK YOU!! <3

 

“Mom!  Mom! Guess what!”  Shoshanna ran high speed toward Katya, who was sitting on the couch in the dance studio lobby.

“What!  What!” She stood up just in time for Shosh’s tiny body to pummel into hers & she wrapped her arms around her.

“Miss Trixie says I can have  _ Rainbow Fish _ !”

“She what?”

“Yeah!” Shosh spoke a million miles a minute, “I told her I love him & that you said I could get the book & guess what!  She said she’ll give it to me!”

Katya looked up from her daughter’s face to see Trixie smiling at her from across the room.  She playfully shook her head at her. “Look what you’ve unleashed,” she teased.

Trixie shrugged as she approached the pair.  “Just doing my duty!”

“You really have  _ Rainbow Fish _ ?!” Shosh asked her, still in disbelief.

“Yep!”  Trixie crouched down to her height.  “I got it when I was your age. I used to make my mom read it to me over & over & over.”

“Wow!” Shosh smiled.  “When were you my age?”

Trixie let out a hearty laugh, which caused Shosh to burst into laughter, too.  “A loooooong time ago!”

Trixie looked up at Katya through her long lashes & pushed a loose strand of hair back from her face.  All Katya could think was how soft & innocent she looked, & when she thanked Trixie for the offer, her voice came out low & raspy.  A blush bloomed across Trixie’s already-pink cheeks & she lowered her eyes shyly.

She softly patted Shosh on the back & stood, back at eye level with Katya.  “It’s not a problem… I have a huge box of all my childhood books in the back of my closet.  I’ve kept them all this time, but they haven’t gotten any use.”

“That’s cute,” Katya replied, fingers worrying at a loose thread hanging from her shirt sleeve.

“Yeah, I guess!  My mom said I hoarded books as a kid… books & Barbies…” Trixie explained, but Katya was only half listening as she worked up the courage to push the issue.  

_ Before you get to three, you have to say it _ , she told herself, almost able to feel the words sitting heavily on her tongue.   _ One.  Two. Th— _

“Um, if you want to give me your number?” she blurted out.

Trixie giggled.  “Yeah! Let me put it in your phone & then you can text me?”  Katya nodded & unlocked her phone, handing it to Trixie. She passed it over as if it were a grenade— gingerly, softly, making sure not to let her fingers touch Trixie’s, no matter how bad she wanted them to.  She typed in her number & saved herself as “Trix” with a pink bow next to her name.

Katya couldn’t hide the grin on her face as she glanced down to see it.  “Cute,” she teased.

“I try!” Trixie beamed playfully.

“If you wanna go to Alyssa’s thing tomorrow night…” Katya’s voice meandered.

“I do!”  Trixie looked so gleeful over something so simple, Katya couldn’t help but wonder how excited she’d get over something more significant.  “I could drive so I can bring Shosh’s book over?”

Katya nodded.  “Yeah, okay… sounds good.”  She looked down at Shosh, who stood between them.  “Sound good to you?”

“Yep!” she chirped.

Trixie grinned.  “Alright, well, I’ll see ya later, kiddo!” she told Shosh, who had already started for the door, tap shoes hanging around her neck.

“Bye,” Katya quietly added over her shoulder, following her daughter out the door.

“Don’t forget to text me, mama!” Trixie called after her, & Katya gave a casual thumbs-up, not letting Trixie see that she’d clamped her front teeth down on the tip of her tongue to distract from the electricity that shot through her limbs at Trixie’s nickname for her.

Katya buckled Shosh into her seatbelt & smirked her entire way through traffic.  “Hey, should we get some ice cream?” she asked into the rearview mirror.

“YESSSSS!” Shosh screamed.  Pulling into the parking lot of a local ice cream shop, Katya hummed along to the radio, already feeling like she was on a sugar high even before eating ice cream for dinner.

Shosh wanted to sit outside, & the warm early October evening felt better against Katya’s skin than the freezing cold interior of the shop, so she agreed.  A cup of bubblegum ice cream with sprinkles for Shosh & a cone of strawberry for herself in hand, Katya led them to a small round table on the sidewalk.

“Please  _ try _ not to spill this on your leotard,” Katya begged as she handed the ice cream to her daughter, though she knew her plea probably wouldn’t matter.

Katya fished her phone out of her pocket & held it up in Shosh’s direction.  A natural ham in front of the camera, she started making faces— sticking out her tongue, pretending to smash her face into the ice cream, crossing her eyes.  She laughed hysterically as Shosh modeled for her until she wore herself out & returned to her cup of ice cream.

Katya smirked as she stared at her phone screen, then opened her texts.  She scrolled down to Trixie’s number & typed with one hand:  _ Now you have my number! _   & pressed send before she could second guess herself.   _ Having a healthy dinner with Miss Rainbow Fish _ she typed in a second message, then added tongue & ice cream emojis onto the end of it.  Send.

Within seconds, three dots appeared on the screen.   _ You aren’t. _

Katya replied with a line of ice cream emojis.

_ I fully don’t believe you _ !

She opened the camera & turned it forward, taking a photo of the ice cream cone hiding all of her face minus her hair, & sent it in response.

_ Nope, not you!  Ice cream cone wearing a wig! _

Katya beamed as she licked her ice cream cone.  Trixie was funny!   _ This ice cream does look like your hair, now that you say it. _

_ You were thinking of me, aw! _  Trixie added a winking emoji.

_ Never.   _ Katya laid her phone down on the table & sighed happily.  She reached over to swipe some of Shosh’s bubblegum ice cream with her finger.

“Mom! Gross!” she laughed.

“I know you are!” she taunted, sticking her tongue out.

Once Shosh had reached the end of her cup & started licking the bottom of it, Katya circled around to her, trying in vain to clean her up.  “Yuck!” she protested as Katya licked the napkin to wipe her sticky mouth.

“Oh, hush!” she laughed, tossing the crumpled napkin into the trash.  “Let’s hit it!” She extended her hand to Shosh, who took it happily.

 

  
  


* * *

 

 

_ So tell me more about this Alyssa thing… _

Katya was brushing her teeth when her phone vibrated on the countertop next to her.  Trixie. She spit out her toothpaste & typed a reply as she swished mouthwash back & forth between her cheeks.

_ What do you wanna know? _  She took her phone into the bedroom, clutching it in one hand as she pulled back the comforter & climbed into bed in only her underwear.  Katya was a hot sleeper, but even so, she hated not having a blanket over her. When she was a kid, she was convinced that Freddy Krueger would climb into her bedroom & get her if she wasn’t covered up, & she hated to admit that her irrational fear kind of lingered into adulthood.

_ What’s the vibe, like what should I wear? _ Trixie replied.

Katya wiggled her way down into a comfortable position among the pillows.   _ It’s kind of anything goes.  I’m sure whatever you wanna wear will be great! _

She stared at her phone for a few seconds until the dots appeared.   _ Are you dressing up? _

_ I’ll do whatever you want _ !

_ Ooohhhhhh really? _  Katya’s face scrunched up as she read Trixie’s message & laughed out loud.  She bit the inside of her cheek as she forced herself to play it cool.

_ Nice try, Strawberry Shortcake _ .  She paused to add an emoji face with its tongue sticking out before hitting send.

_ If I’m Strawberry Shortcake, what does that make you? _

_ You tell me! _

_ Hmmmmmm. _  Trixie responded.  Katya grinned as the dots popped up again before she could reply.  Trixie’s second text contained only a blonde queen emoji.

_ Oh, is that me? _

_ We’ll see… _

Katya yawned— a deep yawn from the pit of her stomach— but couldn’t bring herself to put her phone down.   _ Will we, now? _

_ Mayyyyybe _ .  This time, Trixie’s message included a wink.

_ Sounds like a threat. _

_ Only if you want it to be. _

Katya gulped, suddenly acutely aware of the way the sheets brushed against her legs, the way her heartbeat sped.   _ I’m undecided… _ she texted back.

_ Well, maybe you’ll decide by tomorrow!  Speaking of which, what time should I come over? _

Katya felt her eyelids getting heavy & rolled onto her side in an attempt to stay awake past her body’s limits.   _ Maybe 8?  Shosh’s babysitter can come whenever. _

_ Okay!  Text me your address & I’ll head over then? _

As Katya typed out her address, she agonized— should she say anything else?  Was Trixie even interested? Maybe she was just naturally flirty, she warned herself.  Against her better judgment, she immediately sent a second message:  _ Can’t wait to see you. _  Her heart ricocheted against her ribcage; her stomach climbed into her throat.

Much to her relief, Trixie replied immediately.   _ I can’t wait either… sleep well _ !  She included two pink hearts with yellow ribbons around them.

_ You too _ !  Katya reciprocated the heart emoji & then plugged her phone into the charger.  Her eyes burned slightly & the muscles in her face were so tired, they begged to stop being used, but Katya couldn’t erase the grin from her face, even as she drifted to sleep.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took me a little longer than normal-- thanks for being patient! As always, your comments are the SO VERY much appreciated icing on the cake of getting to spend mental time with these two losers. ;)

 

Shoshanna loved the nights when her babysitter, Alex, came over.  The two of them rummaged through the cabinets, gathering the ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies, while Katya hid in her room, taking off outfit after outfit.  Since she wasn’t sure what Trixie was planning on wearing, she worried that anything she tried would either be too dressy or too casual. Luckily, she’d had the foresight to do her makeup first— red lips & dark smoky eyes accented with fake lashes— so getting dressed was the last step.  Trixie had texted fifteen minutes ago that she was on her way, so Katya rushed through her closet before finally settling on a pair of short black shorts & a see-through black top with sleeves that flowed out around her wrists. She had just sat down on the edge of the bed to slip on her high heels when the doorbell rang.

Katya took a deep breath, steadying her trembling legs, & hollered, “I’ll get it!” down the hallway.  Her heels clicked against the hardwood floor as she hurried to the door, nervously shuffling her blunt fingernails against one another.  “Hey!” she yanked open the front door with a smile.

“Oh wow,” Trixie muttered under her breath, looking Katya up & down.  “You look… damn, mama!”

Katya felt her cheeks flush.  “Says you,” she laughed, waving up & down Trixie’s figure, clad in a tight lacy white dress, tiny spaghetti straps seeming to defy gravity against her cleavage.  Trixie giggled & Katya stepped aside, motioning for her to come in. Katya smiled to herself at how tall Trixie was in her heels. She’d only seen her in dance flats, but now, in sparkly silver pumps, she easily had a few inches on her.

“Miss Trixie!”  Shosh screamed, abandoning her job of spooning out brown sugar into a cup to run around the counter to give her a hug.

“Hey, you!”  Trixie reached down to hug her.  “Whatcha makin’?”

“Cookies!”

“Oh, Trixie— this is Alex; Alex— Trixie.”  Katya motioned back & forth between the small brunette girl measuring flour & the tall blonde beside her.  They said their polite hellos before being interrupted by Shosh, beckoning Trixie down to her level with a finger.

Trixie knelt beside her.  “Yes?”

“Did you bring  _ Rainbow Fish _ ?” Shosh whispered in her ear.

“I did!” Trixie whispered in reply, pulling it out from behind her back.

Shosh squealed & held the book to her chest.  “Thank youuuuuu!”

“Of course!” Trixie beamed, standing back up to her full height.

“Look, Mom!”  Shosh turned the book cover around to her.

“Oh, cool!” Katya agreed, running her fingers over the shiny, textured fish on the front of it.

“Can we read it when you get home tonight?”

Katya did her best not to glance at Trixie, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw Trixie staring expectantly at her.  “Um… I probably won’t be home ‘til late, sweetheart. But we can read it tomorrow, anytime you want!”

“Okay!”  Shosh toted the book into the kitchen with her as if it were a pet she had to keep in her sight.

“Okay, we’re gonna head out,” Katya told Alex.  “I’ll be back by…” she paused to think.

“Oh, don’t worry about it.  I stay up so late that I’ll be fine!  No rush!” Alex assured her.

Katya nodded.  “And you, little one— bed by 9:30, no later.”  Shosh was focused on using a teaspoon to move brown sugar from the bag to a measuring cup.  “Hear me?”

“Yessssss, Mom,” she groaned.

Once the pair had made it out the door & into Trixie’s car, Katya’s nerves kicked back in.  She watched Trixie type the address into her phone & slip it into the car mount. “Ready?” Trixie chirped.

Katya nodded slightly, wishing she’d had a cigarette before they left.  “Ready.”

As she drove, maneuvering traffic, tunnels, & construction without a sign of anxiety, Trixie sung along with the radio under her breath.  The satellite radio was tuned to “Classic Country,” & Katya smirked unabashedly as she listened to how Trixie knew every single song.

“What?”  Trixie finally turned to Katya, catching her staring happily at her.

“Nothing,” Katya grinned.

“What?!”  Trixie squeal-laughed.

“Nothing!”

The two of them were in hysterics, Katya teasing Trixie about her Dolly Parton obsession, the rest of the way there.  As Trixie pulled up in front of the club, she whined, “We’re never gonna get a spot here!”

“Try down that road,” Katya pointed to a side street.

Trixie drove slowly down the street, waiting for any sign of movement.  As she reached the end of the street, she saw headlights around the corner to her right.  “Hang on!” she warned Katya.

“Wha— Trixie!  It’s a one-way street!” she hollered as Trixie turned the wrong way so she could nab the parking spot.

“Worked, didn’t it?” she grinned as she turned the car off.

“Jesus Christ.”

“What?  Just getting the adrenaline flowing early!”

“I don’t need help with that,” Katya laughed as she got out of the car & lit a cigarette.

Once they reached the entrance of the club, Trixie waited patiently beside Katya, watching silently as she smoked her cigarette down to the butt.  As Katya gave curt nods & half-smiles to everyone who walked by, Trixie studied the older woman. Her messily chopped hair, sharply carved cheekbones, perfectly straight nose.  She wanted to memorize the way she cocked one hip to stay balanced in her heels, the way the corners of her top lip slightly pouted over the bottom one as she exhaled smoke.

“Ready?” Katya asked, clearing her throat.  Trixie nodded, surprised to find herself feeling shy  _ now _ .  

The bouncer asked for their IDs.  “$10 a piece,” his gruff voice informed them.  As Trixie put her driver’s license back in her wallet, she reached for a ten, but Katya stretched her arm in front of her, handing the man a twenty.

“Katya—” Trixie started to protest.  Katya hushed her with a wave & extended her arm for a wristband.  “It’s fine.”

“I’ll owe you,” Trixie reassured her as the bouncer secured a band around her wrist, too.

Inside the club, the lights were slightly dimmed, the deep red interior striking against the black couches & tables.  Trixie looked around, taking in the narrow staircase to the balcony & the expansive stage on the other side of the room, adorned with fancy lights.  “I can’t believe I’ve never been here!” she told Katya over the music.

“It’s pretty great,” Katya nodded.  “Want a drink?” She pointed to the bar.

“Oh, you are  _ not _ doing that, too!”  Trixie skipped off ahead of her.  Katya shook her head to herself & followed behind.

Trixie wriggled her way up to the bar & quickly caught the bartender’s eye.  “Two shots of Jameson?” He grabbed the bottle & poured the shots before Katya could protest the money Trixie was spending on her.

She passed him a couple of folded up bills & turned to Katya.  “Hope this is okay!”

“Someone wants me drunk,” Katya teased.

“So what?” Trixie lifted her shot glass from the bar & Katya mirrored her, the two of them clinking the tiny glasses together before downing the liquor.

Katya grimaced at the burn.  “Didn’t take you for a whiskey girl.”

“Why not?”  she smiled.

Katya shrugged.  “Dunno.”

“I’m full of surprises,” Trixie winked, turning back to the bar & asking if they had any specials.  She ordered a well vodka soda with lime & Katya asked for one of the same. “Do you wanna sit?” Trixie called to her over the noise.  Katya pointed toward an empty loveseat across the room & Trixie nodded enthusiastically.

The two sat facing one another on the couch, legs pulled up on the leather.  “So, thanks for inviting me!” Trixie chirped.

“Of course!  I don’t really get a chance to get out much, with Shosh & all, so this is nice!”

Trixie nibbled on her straw.  “You’re such a good mom.”

“Thanks,” Katya lowered her eyes to her glass.  “Shosh makes it pretty easy.”

“Even so… she’s lucky to have you.”

Katya glanced back up at Trixie to see her eyes wide & kind as they bored into her own.  “She doesn’t know anything else,” she said quietly. Trixie reached over to cup Katya’s knee with her palm.  “Sorry— I don’t wanna be a downer tonight,” Katya forced a smile.

“Hey, no, it’s okay.”  Trixie squeezed her knee encouragingly.

“It’s just… sometimes I feel like she deserves better than me, ya know.  She’s never had a dad or anything…” Katya pushed her straw around the glass, watching it spin the ice cubes into a slow cyclone.  The silence between them left only the bass shaking them both from the inside out, amplifying Katya’s already-pounding heartbeat. She didn’t talk to anyone about her personal life— not the few friends she had left, not Ginger, not even her parents— but for some reason, something was compelling her to open up to Trixie.  “I mean, I didn’t really know what I was doing,” she started, then took a deep breath. “It’s not like I was a kid or anything. I was 29 when she was born, but did I have my shit together at 29?”

Trixie giggled sweetly.  “I’ll be 29 this year & I sure as hell don’t!”

Katya chuckled, taking a gulp of her drink.  “Nobody really does, I guess… But I dunno, I was kind of in denial about a lot of stuff—”  She stopped & looked into Trixie’s eyes, seeing if what she was leaving unsaid had registered.  Trixie nodded slightly & ran her thumb along the inside of Katya’s knee. “And I was just really stressed all the time… but I had this friend… sort of friend… & we’d just kind of take our stress out on each other,” Katya laughed awkwardly.

“That’s a good friend,” Trixie grinned.

“Yeah, it worked out,” Katya matched her expression.  “Until I got pregnant & he decided he ‘couldn’t do it’—” she made scare quotes with her fingers.  “And I never heard from him again.”

“Oh, babe,” Trixie whispered.  Katya could hardly hear the words over the music, but she felt them nonetheless.  “Have you tried to find him?”

Katya shrugged.  “He’s back in Boston.  That’s about all I know & all I care to know.  If he doesn’t want to know Shoshanna, he’s a piece of shit.”

Trixie scooted closer to Katya.  “You’re such a good person,” she smiled softly at her.  “Shosh is really fortunate… seriously.” Katya led her hand drift atop Trixie’s where it lay on her knee.  She looked down at their hands, almost disbelieving what she saw, then glanced back up at Trixie, whose big brown eyes shifted nervously to the drink she just remembered she was holding.

Katya squeezed Trixie’s hand gently, then quietly said, “Wanna have a cigarette with me?”

Trixie nodded & unfolded her legs from beneath her, rising unsteadily like a baby deer in her heels.  As Katya led the way through the crowd, Trixie linked their fingertips together, allowing herself to be pulled behind.  Once they reached the patio, Trixie kept hold of Katya’s fingertips until she had to let go for her to light her cigarette.

“Sorry, I don’t wanna ruin your night,” she sighed between drags.

“There’s no way you could ever do that,” Trixie assured her, reaching over to take the lit cigarette from Katya & slide it between her lips.

“You smoke?”

“Not really,” she exhaled.  “Sometimes.”

“Hmmmm…” Katya hummed, taking the cigarette back.  “Looks good on you.”

“Shut up!” Trixie squealed, playfully punching her in the arm.

“Fine,” Katya deadpanned, making a zip-your-lips motion over her mouth.

“No!  Just kidding!  Don’t shut up!”  Katya shook her head & clamped her lips together in response.  “Nooooo, talk!” Katya shook her head so hard her hair flopped from side to side.  Trixie reached over & tickled her sides. “Pleeeeaaaase!”

“Okay!”  Katya gasped between hysterical laughs.  “Okay!” Trixie grabbed Katya’s side one more time, this time not letting go.  She could feel her exhale into her touch & spread her fingers across her hip, the chiffon texture of her shirt rough against her skin.

Katya tried to act nonchalant, turning her head away from Trixie as she exhaled smoke.  “You want?” she extended the cigarette, butt-first, toward Trixie’s mouth. She answered by capturing it between her lips & drawing slowly, Katya’s fingers holding it in place.  The two of them finished the cigarette in relative silence, passing it back & forth like teenagers.

Every surface of Katya’s body felt sensitive, like Trixie’s touch had electrified her, & she shivered.  “Cold?” Trixie asked huskily.

Katya shook her head as she leaned over toward an ashtray to stub out the last of the cigarette.  “No.” Her voice was lower than normal & Trixie smirked in response, reading everything that was written on her face.  “Let’s go in— the show’s gonna start soon.” Katya ran her hand down from the top of Trixie’s bare arm to the place it met her hip, taking her fingers in her own.  Trixie wiggled her hand the rest of the way into Katya’s— both of them taking small half-steps & counting on the other to go further.

Hand-in-hand, they pushed their way to the bar, each ordering another drink before disappearing happily into the crowd awaiting the show.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome. Or I'm sorry. Or... whatever. Enjoy!

 

“I’m Alyssa Edwardssssssssss…” She paused while the crowd cheered. “And thisssssss… is Alyssa’s Secret!”  Her tongue pop punctuated the applause & hooting noises that filled the club.

Trixie burst into laughter.  “Oh my god!” she elbowed Katya.  “This is, like, a  _ thing _ !”

“You have no idea!” Katya laughed in reply.

“I need to borrow that wig!” Trixie’s jaw hung open in awe at Alyssa’s hair.  Her normally dusty-brown waves had been hidden beneath a voluminous platinum blonde wig, sprayed up to gargantuan heights.

“I could see you in that,” Katya teased.  “Complete with the sixty pairs of lashes.”  Trixie exaggeratedly batted her eyelashes in response, causing Katya to grin.

Alyssa introduced performer after performer in rapid succession over the course of the night— drag queens, comedians, & a pint-sized baton twirler named Chi Chi who had Trixie watching in amazement, eyes sparkling with each of her flips.  “She’s so cute!” Trixie squealed, grabbing Katya’s arm. Katya nodded in agreement as her eyes followed each rhythmic spin of the sparkling green baton.

Trixie loosened her grasp on Katya’s upper arm only to tentatively let her hand wander toward her elbow, then down to her wrist, where she toyed with her flowy sleeve.  The corners of Katya’s mouth turned up into a shy smirk; she & Trixie both stared straight ahead, though they were well-aware of one another’s shifting presences. As Chi Chi bowed & made her way offstage to raucous applause, Trixie’s fingers slowly pushed their way beneath the sleeve of Katya’s shirt, short pale pink nails tickling the inside of her wrist.

“Now, ladies &... ladies!”  Alyssa taunted the audience.  “Closing out the show tonight, we have your favorite scrawny bitch with an original track!  Give her some love— Miss Violet Chachki!” The crowd— mostly regulars who knew what they were in for— whistled excitedly.

A lanky woman with jet black hair, a chokered neck, & a corset-clad, impossibly small waist strutted onto the stage, patronizing sneer on her face & whip in hand.  The music behind her pounded along with her stomps as she started to sing.

_ I’m a good housewife, I respect & obey. _  Trixie’s fingernails swirled around Katya’s wrist.

_ I clean your mess when you clean your plate.  Don’t worry, darling… don’t worry, darling.  _ She trailed them up Katya’s forearm beneath her sleeve, feeling the goosebumps rise on her skin.

As the song reached its crescendo, Violet forcefully cracked her whip against the stage & Katya’s eyes widened unmistakably.  Trixie slid her hand out of Katya’s sleeve as she amused herself watching Katya’s microexpressions.

_ Bettie needs a spank—  _ the whip cracked again.   _ Bettie needs a spank— _ crack.  Katya licked her lips, drawing a giggle from Trixie’s.  “What?” Trixie purred.

“Nothing.”  Katya’s voice was low, eyes sparkling as she reached over to rest her hand on the small of Trixie’s back, pulling her closer before returning her attention to the stage.

_ Domestic dame, shaken or stirred— I’m the ideal woman all men prefer.  Happy wife, happy life—  _ Katya’s hand trailed ever-so-slightly down Trixie’s back.  She learned into her touch, happy to let Katya’s palm come to rest on her tailbone.

Violet knelt, crawling toward the precipice of the stage.   _ It’s so nice to have a man around the house _ —  __ she bared her teeth hungrily at a guy in the front row as the music made a chiming sound.   _ Dinner’s ready _ —  __ She skillfully leapt back up to her heeled feet, spinning the whip in a circle.

While Katya was thoroughly enchanted by the performance, Trixie couldn’t think about anything but Katya’s touch.  She downed the rest of her drink & began to sway her hips from side to side along with the music. Katya glanced at her & smirked before quickly looking away.   _ Bettie needs a spank—  _  Trixie’s hips moved in time.   _ Bettie needs a _ —  Violet paused, letting the whip crack echo alongside the music.   _ Spank! _  Trixie arched back into Katya’s palm before pulling away.  The next time, Katya got the message.  _ Bettie needs a—  _  before Violet could even speak it into existence, Katya’s hand came down hard on Trixie’s backside & Trixie bit her lip, feeling her face flush at the sensation.

Her hips rolled beneath Katya’s touch for the rest of the song, Katya’s grip tightening throughout.  Once the song ended, Violet blew a kiss to the entranced audience & catwalked offstage. “One more time for Violet Chachki!”  Alyssa hollered, prompting whoops from the crowd. She thanked everyone for coming & reminded them to tip their bartenders, but Katya could barely register the sounds she made as words.  She was so worked up, she needed a cigarette  _ immediately. _

Guiding Trixie by the waist, she pulled her through the throng of people & toward the patio.  “I have to pee!” Trixie hollered over the hubbub.

“Okay!”  Katya yelled back, rerouting them to the bathrooms.

Once they were inside the cocoon of the restroom, the music was little more than a dull throb from somewhere deep in the distance.  Katya leaned coolly against the sink & Trixie stared at her skeptically. “What?” Katya asked with a chuckle. “Go pee!”

“I don’t have to pee, you idiot.”  Trixie’s voice dropped to a purr. She slowly stalked toward Katya, who stood up straighter, back of her hips flush against the counter.  Trixie’s eyes lowered as she held her body just inches from Katya’s, cheeks pink as her hair.

“You don’t?”  Katya whispered.

“Nu-uh,” Trixie shook her head, planting her hands on the counter on either side of Katya.  They stood face to face, breath to breath, staring into each other’s blown out pupils & silently challenging the other to see who would break first.

Katya.

She launched her mouth at Trixie’s… Trixie, all vodka & creamsicle-scented lipstick & sweetness against her.  Trixie, whose lips were opening to hers, wordlessly begging for more. Her hands wrapped around to pull Katya’s waist, lifting her up to sit on the counter & making room for her to stand between her legs.  Trixie wanted closer— as close as she could get. She moaned softly as Katya’s hands found her curls, tangling in them to tilt her face closer. Katya could’ve devoured her then & there— the sugar & fire & heat of her all rolling into her thighs, into her mouth.

Trixie laid soft kisses along Katya’s cheekbone— that exquisite angle she’d been admiring since the moment she first laid eyes on her— feeling Katya’s long lashes flutter against her face.  As she brushed her lips across her face, Trixie’s hands found Katya’s, holding them softly. When she let her lips drop to Katya’s neck, kissing deeply before biting down, drawing the delicate skin between her teeth, Trixie hummed.  Katya’s lips parted of their own volition, letting a small whimper escape. Trixie grinned against her neck as she heard it.

“Hmmm,” she whispered.

“What?”  Katya was breathless.

“Angel food.”

“What?”  She laughed, reaching up to push Trixie’s pink hair out of her face.

“If I’m strawberry shortcake… you must be angel food cake.”

Katya wheezed with laughter.  “Does that make you an angel?”

“Um, obviously!”  Trixie beamed girlishly.

“I hate you,” Katya tried to catch her breath.  “I really fucking hate you.”

“Cleaaaarly,” Trixie rolled her eyes.

Katya hopped down from the counter & turned to face the mirror.  “Ew, pink,” she wiped her lips with her index finger, trying to blend the color into her own.

“Jeez, sorry!”  Trixie threw up her hands in mock offense.

“Mmhmm, I’m sure,” Katya grinned, leaning over to kiss Trixie once more.  The lipstick clearly wasn’t going anywhere, so there was no use fighting it now.  “Cigarette?” Katya whispered through a smile as she broke away.

Trixie fluffed up her hair & licked Katya’s red lipstick from her mouth.  “Or we could go,” she suggested into the mirror.

Katya raised an eyebrow.  “Or that.” Trixie started for the bathroom door & Katya playfully swatted her ass as she followed her through the labyrinth of people & out into the fresh air.  On the way to the car, Trixie made excited small talk about how good each of the acts was as Katya puffed at her cigarette & nodded in agreement.

Trixie auto-unlocked the car doors & Katya tossed her cigarette onto the concrete, twisting it out with her heel, before she got in.  Once she’d turned on the car, radio low & AC high, Trixie turned to look at Katya. Katya stared back. “I like you,” she blurted out, prompting a giggle from Trixie.

“Well, I’d hope so, mama!”

“And I  _ really _ like when you call me that,” Katya whispered, turning in her seat.

“Oh, do you?” Trixie’s voice was hushed, barely audible over the slow country song pouring from the speakers.

“Mmhmmm.”  Katya leaned into her, grabbing her face with both hands & feverishly crashing their lips together.

“What else— do— you like?”  Trixie managed between kisses.

“You’ll have to find out,” Katya taunted.

“I think I can do that,” Trixie breathed against Katya’s swollen lips.  Her hands twisted into Katya’s slightly sweaty hair, pulling as she kissed her.  “Hang on,” she gasped, reaching down to pull the bar beneath the seat that let it slide all the way back.  Katya took the signal & climbed on top of Trixie’s lap, straddling her & letting Trixie tug sharply at her blonde hair.

“God,” Katya sighed, kissing Trixie’s jaw, drawing a line down her neck to the tiny strap of her dress & nudging it down with her nose to kiss her bare shoulder.  Her hands meandered slowly up Trixie’s sides, discovering the peaks & valleys of her body— the luxurious swell of her hips, the fluid indent of her waist, the heavy curve of her breasts.  Palms coming to rest there, Trixie’s heartbeat erratic beneath her hand, Katya kissed down her exposed collarbone.

Trixie pulled her long hair over one shoulder, giving Katya’s lips, tongue, teeth full access to the side she was focusing on.  Her hands clung tightly to Katya’s ass, pushing her down more firmly into her lap as she kissed down her collarbone, down her exposed cleavage at the top of her dress.  The tip of Katya’s tongue teased the soft skin just beneath the edge of the white lace, pulling a sharp inhale from Trixie. “Fuck,” she moaned.

Trixie looked around, window to window, paranoid, though she knew she wouldn’t stop Katya, who was slowly pushing one side of her dress down.  “What if someone sees,” she whispered halfheartedly.

“Let ‘em,” Katya shot back, brushing her lips gently over Trixie’s nipple before enveloping it in a kiss.  Trixie’s hips reflexively jerked up into Katya’s, her hand holding her firmly in place by the hair.

Katya pushed her hips against Trixie’s & Trixie, through her heavy breathing, let her other hand find the space between them, grabbing roughly at Katya’s bare thigh.  She loved how her tiny nails ever-so-slightly cut into the soft skin there, smoothness accentuated with faint stretch marks she could feel, but not see. Katya pulled Trixie’s dress back up to cover her, kissing up her neck to her mouth that was painted with an intoxicating mixture of their lipsticks.  Her hands getting lost in Trixie’s thick hair, tugging & twisting, Katya bit Trixie’s pouty bottom lip. Trixie moaned & grabbed Katya through her shorts. “I want you,” she breathed.

“Yeah?”  Katya licked Trixie’s bottom lip as she kissed her.

“Yeah.”

“Tell me,” Katya groaned between kisses.

Trixie grabbed Katya’s hips, forcing them down hard onto her lap.  “I want you to fuck me,” she breathed into her mouth. “Please…” She used her hands to roll Katya’s body against her, desperate for any small amount of friction she could get.  “ _ Please _ fuck me.”  Her voice was shot through with need, tiny & pleading, but thoroughly unashamed as she begged.

Without breaking the kiss, Katya aggressively yanked Trixie’s dress up around her hips & with no warning, pulled her panties to the side to slide two fingers into her.  Trixie gasped, tilted her head back, breath stuck somewhere between her lungs & mouth, & closed her eyes. One hand slipped beneath the back waistband of Katya’s shorts to rest against her sweat-damp skin; the other groped at her own hair as Katya forcefully thrusted over & over, tips of her fingers curled up inside of her.  Katya’s crystalline eyes watched her come apart beneath her— her cheeks turning from blush to flame, dark pupils dilating, mouth dropping open helplessly as the thumb of Katya’s other hand rubbed firm circles into her.

Without warning, Katya felt Trixie’s hips & thighs stiffen under her.  “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Trixie covered her mouth with her palm to muffle her yelps.  “Fuck, Katya, I’m… fuck—” her words fell into a squeal, Trixie turning her head to the side & biting the flesh of her hand as she came.  Katya slowed her fingers until she felt Trixie twitch away from her, gasping, & slid them out.

“Hey,” Katya smirked lovingly after a few seconds.

Trixie languidly rolled her head over to face Katya.  “Hey,” she giggled. Katya leaned down & pressed her lips into Trixie’s, taking the time to kiss her gently, carefully.  “Can you drive?” she whispered against her mouth.

“Mmmm, we’ll see,” she laughed.  “What about you—”

Katya cut her off.  “Don’t worry about me,” she smiled sweetly.

“But—”

“You gave me plenty to think about when I get home tonight,” she teased.

Trixie whimpered.  “That’s not faiiiiiir.”

“What?  You don’t wanna lie in bed tonight & know exactly what I’m doing…” she tugged Trixie’s bottom lip between her teeth.  “Thinking about you…” she bit harder.

Trixie moaned.  “Okay, you have a point.”

“Always do,” she grinned, a wide, genuine smile that showed her gleaming white teeth & disastrously smeared lipstick.

“You look disgusting,” Trixie teased.

“Get used to it, babe!”  Katya climbed off of Trixie’s lap & flopped down into her own seat, giving Trixie room to put her seat back where it belonged.

“I already am,” Trixie smiled contentedly as she fastened her seatbelt.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being slower than normal to update-- these past few days have been so hectic. I spontaneously planned a trip to meet Katya in a week & a half, so I've been running around like a maniac, trying to get everything ready for that.
> 
> This is just a little chapter to hopefully tide y'all over until I can sit down & crank out another ~exciting~ one ;)  
> Thanks again for all the love-- I'm blown away!

 

Katya had a hard time pulling herself out of bed the next morning, preferring to lie amongst the warm pillows & dreamily relive her night over & over.  Hearing Shoshanna attempting to pour a bowl of cereal for herself was enough to make her jolt up, however. She grabbed her silk robe from the floor & tied it quickly.  “Shosh!” she hollered in a warning tone. “What are we doing?”

When her bare feet padded into the kitchen, she was met with a pajama-clad Shosh sitting on top of the kitchen counter, eating dry Cheerios with her hands, & had to laugh.

“I couldn’t open the milk,” she grinned.

Katya thanked the universe for the small miracle that was the still-sealed carton of almond milk in the fridge & ruffled Shosh’s bedhead.  She reached her hand out to her & helped her down onto the chair she’d pushed over to be able to reach the cabinet, & then down again to the ground.  “Want some milk?”

Shosh nodded & sat down at the kitchen table.  “And juice!”

Katya made her cereal & poured orange juice into Shosh’s favorite Lion King cup.  “Breakfast is served, madame,” she bowed as she set the food & drink in front of her daughter.  

As Shosh dug in, Katya went to the bedroom to retrieve her phone, blushing at what she saw on the screen.   _ Can’t sleep… wonder who’s to blame for that? _ with a thinking face emoji.  3:22am. Only a minute later:  _ Thanks for tonight, by the way. _

She swiped back to her texts & saw one from Ginger.   _ Can we push lunch to 1?  Avery is being a terror _ .  

Katya walked back to the kitchen to check on Shosh, who was still munching away contentedly.   _ Yeah, no problem!  See you then! _  She poured a cup of coffee, grateful that she’d remembered to set the timer when she’d gotten home the night before, & sat down across from Shosh at the table.  “Wanna play with Avery today?” she asked.

“Mmhmm!” Shosh exclaimed through a mushy mouthful of cereal.  “Where?!”

“The coffee shop?”

“The place with the books?!”

“Yup!”

“Yessssss!”  Shosh shouted.

“You probably need a bath before then!” Katya waved her hand in front of her nose teasingly.  “You smell!”

“No,  _ you _ smell!”

“No,  _ you! _ ”  Katya made a gagging noise, causing Shosh to burst into giggles.  “You smell like monkey’s feet!”

“Well, you smell like… poop!”  Shoshanna retorted, cracking up as if it were the most brilliant thing in the world.

Katya pretended to sniff her armpit.  “Yep, you’re right! Definitely me! Guess we both need a bath!”  She got up & cleared away Shoshanna’s empty dishes. “You first— go get ready!”

  
  


* * *

 

 

Kindred Coffee was Katya & Ginger’s frequent weekend meeting place, given the kid-sized tables full of books, coloring pages, & toys that allowed them to chat freely while Shosh & Avery played out of earshot.  Avery was the same age as Shoshanna, though they were in different kindergarten classes, & they had become fast friends upon Katya & Shosh’s move to Dallas a few years back.

While waiting on them to arrive, Katya opened her texts & scrolled to the one from Trixie.   _ Hope you got some sleep, honey _ .  She added a smiley face & hit send.

A moment later, Avery raced over to where Shosh was already scribbling on a Halloween coloring page & before even saying anything else, asked, “Why is your pumpkin purple?!”

“Because it can be,” Shosh retorted.

“Pumpkins are orange!” he teased her.

“Not this one!”  Shosh said cheerfully, totally unbothered by his insistence on realism.

Avery sat down across from her & chose a witch coloring page & a dark orange crayon.  “I’m gonna make it look like my mom,” he whispered conspiratorially & Shosh laughed out loud.

“Did you already order something?” Ginger asked Katya, fishing out her wallet before tossing her purse down on the couch next to the blonde.

“I just got a double espresso & Shosh a smoothie.  I ordered us one of those giant hummus plates, too, if you wanna share!”

“Awesome— thanks, lady!”  Ginger made her way to the counter & ordered a black coffee— something she knew she wouldn’t have to wait on— & grabbed a bottle of strawberry milk for Avery.

“So…” she started, flopping down on the leather couch next to Katya.  “Any exciting developments in the Zamolodchikova household?”

Katya snorted.  “Not unless you count an unending cycle of  _ Paw Patrol _ as an exciting development.”

“Oh, girl, I’ll gladly take  _ Paw Patrol _ over  _ Frozen _ ,” she heaved a sigh.  “If I have to hear  _ let it goooooo, let it goooooo _ one more time, I’m gonna let a fork go straight to my eardrums.”

Katya wheezed with laughter, “That movie is strictly forbidden in our house.  Shosh clearly inherited my musical talent, so we are a no singing household.”

“Bitch, don’t remind me of those dying chicken sounds you call singing!” Ginger laughed through a sip of her coffee.

“Katya!” the barista called from the bar.  She leapt up to retrieve everything, balancing Shosh’s smoothie in the crook of her arm.

“Here,” she leaned down toward her, nodding toward the bright blue drink.  Shosh gently extracted it from her mom’s elbow & took a huge gulp. Katya had barely gotten her drink & the plate of food arranged on the table in front of her & Ginger before she noticed the smirk & raised eyebrow on her friend’s face.

“What?” she giggled nervously.

“Oh, nothing!”

“What?!”

Ginger pointed to her phone, lying face up on the table next to the plate of assorted vegetables & flatbreads.  It lit up once more as Katya glanced down & quickly grabbed it, reading the text:  _ Not much… I imagine you slept well if you kept your promise about what you were doing when you got home, though _ & a winking face.  Katya turned bright red, grinning like a child who knew she’d been caught with her hand in the proverbial cookie jar.

“Do I even wanna know what that meant?” Ginger laughed.

“Um… probably not.”  Katya couldn’t wipe the smile off her face, despite her embarrassment.

“Well, you’re gonna tell me anyway!  Since when did we go from cyber stalking this girl to… whatever the fuck that was?”

“I wasn’t cyber stalking her,” Katya hissed, lowering her voice.  “I just wanted to see her dance, okay!”

Ginger munched on a piece of bread.  “Okay, fine… but what…?”

“So, uh… you know Alyssa that runs Shosh’s studio?”  Ginger nodded. “So she has this like dance show thing she hosts, & Trixie wanted to go to it.”  Katya paused to glance at the kids, who were working in tandem to build something from a pile of Legos.  “And that was last night.”

“Mmhmmm… & what happened?”

“We had a good time,” Katya quickly summarized, taking a painful swig from her too-hot espresso.

“How good are we talkin’ here?” Ginger wiggled her eyebrows.

Katya swirled a carrot stick into the hummus.  She was terrible at keeping secrets— & even worse at keeping them from Ginger, whom she’d quickly come to consider her closest friend.  “Um… good,” she grinned knowingly at her.

“Gettin’ fucked on the first date, you dirty rotten whore,” Ginger whispered with a wink.

“Well, more like… nevermind,” Katya rasped through her stifled laughter.

“ _ Ooooookay _ , that’s enough info for me!” Ginger chopped loudly on a carrot.  “Do you like her or was it more just… a thing?”

Katya picked at a loose piece of plastic hanging from the lid of her coffee cup, flicking it back & forth with her nail.  “I mean… I like her,” she smiled softly. “She’s so sweet & genuine & she’s so good with the kids… & she’s so fucking hot.  Like, she’s  _ so fucking hot _ .”

“When are you gonna see her again?”

“Well, Shosh has dance tomorrow, so… tomorrow.”

Ginger shielded her mouth with her hand.  “Does Shosh know anything?”

Katya shook her head & lowered her voice.  “No, I mean… she came over last night to pick me up, but I don’t think she thought anything of it.”

Ginger nodded.  “Just be careful.”

“I know, girl.  Trust me, I didn’t expect this to happen.”  Katya ran a hand through her freshly-washed hair, causing it to frizz up.  She always hated the way her hair looked when it was clean— too polished & girly.  She’d much rather it hung heavy with leftover hairspray & leave-in-conditioner, ends sticking out in random places.

When Ginger got up to go to the bathroom, she looked back down at her phone & opened the text from Trixie.   _ Promise well-kept, don’t you worry! _ she typed back.

Three dots showed up almost immediately.   _ Tease. _

Katya bit the corner of her lip.   _ Excuse me, I am many things, but a tease is not one of them. _

_ What other things are you, then? _

_ A rotted gila monster, for one— or so I’ve been told. _

_ Ummm, no. _

Katya scrolled through the emojis until she found the one that looked like a red monster mask.   _ This is literally me _ , she sent a line of them.

_ Wow, was I that drunk last night?  I seem to remember someone a lot more attractive than that. _

_ It’s time to confess.  I’m a shapeshifter. _

_ I’m okay with that as long as you keep shifting into the shape you were in last night _ .  Trixie added a winking face.

_ Cruel. _

_ Why?! _

_ Hmmmm… who’s the tease now? _

_ Always me, of course _ , Trixie followed with an angel emoji.

_ Guess I’ll have to get used to it _ .

Ginger sat back down & upon seeing Katya’s smirking face as she stared at her phone, sighed, “Oh, lord!”

Trixie replied,  _ Good luck with that, mama. _

_ Evil. _  She chewed on her already-short thumbnail & turned the phone back down on its face on the table.

“You’re fucked, huh?” Ginger teased.

“ _ So _ fucked!”  Katya sighed happily.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise... I found myself in a writing mood tonight. I hope y'all like this one. <3

 

The only thing that crossed Katya’s mind all day, as she sat through meetings with the gallery’s social media & marketing managers was Trixie.  Trixie’s baby pink hair. Trixie’s full lips. Trixie’s soft hips underneath her. Trixie’s thighs shaking. Katya was used to those kinds of distractions, though— she was a perpetually horny person.  What she wasn’t used to was how mixed in with those thoughts were ones of the way Trixie held her hand in the bathroom… how truly seen she felt when Trixie listened to her speak… how much she’d like to fall asleep curled around Trixie’s body & wake up to her bare face & ratty hair in her bed.

By the time Katya had to take Shosh to dance, she felt like she was going to explode if she didn’t see Trixie… but at the same time, she was petrified.  She sat at a stoplight on the way to the studio, jiggling her knee up & down so quickly her hip started to ache. She could do sex. She could do obsession, even.  But this already felt like something completely different, & she barely even knew Trixie. It was easier to rely on her own stash of sex toys or on the occasional fingers or tongue of a woman from Tinder than it was to let someone else in.

Trixie seemed so innocent, so… good.  Katya told herself she couldn’t put her through having to deal with her neuroses.  She couldn’t hurt someone so pure. But then she thought of the flashes of moans pouring from Trixie’s mouth & heat coming from her eyes & was struck with guilt.  She wanted nothing more than to march into the studio, throw Trixie against a wall, & get down on her knees in front of her, to make her come so hard she cried & screamed her name in broken syllables.

Instead, she left.  

She’d walked Shosh in & bolted back to the car, lighting a cigarette before she even turned the key in the ignition.  “Fuck,” she scowled to herself, resting her forehead on the steering wheel. Katya drove. She wasn’t sure where to, but she had to get as far away from Trixie as possible— she couldn’t trust herself around her.  Her mind raced, internal dialogue telling her she didn’t even know  _ how _ to be in a relationship, that she would end up doing nothing but hurting Trixie, that she deserved to be alone.

She ended up at a dog park she didn’t even know was there.  What made her pull into the parking lot & head for the fenced in greenspace, she had no clue, but as her ankle boots dug shallow holes into the grass, she didn’t bother questioning it.  Opening the gate tentatively, Katya made her way to the far end of the park & sat down on top of a picnic table, watching the dogs run around, jumping playfully at each other.

After a few minutes, a golden retriever wandered toward her.  He didn’t run or jump, simply walked in her direction & put his paws up on the bench next to Katya’s feet.  “You want up, buddy?” she patted the table. When he made no effort to leap, Katya scooted down to sit on the bench next to his paws, which he promptly plopped into her lap.  

She scratched his head & whispered baby talk to him, “You’re such a good boy, aren’t you?  Yes, you’re such a pretty pup.” Katya tapped one of his giant paws that was planted on her thigh.  “Good baby.” She could feel tears welling behind her eyes as she patted his side.  _ Maybe I should get a dog instead _ , she thought.   _ It’s not hard for them to be happy. _

Once he’d trotted off to join the pack of multi-sized dogs roughhousing on the lawn, Katya used her knuckle to wipe the tear that fell down her cheek.  Everything felt so good— she was so happy around Trixie, yet she felt herself trying to sabotage it. She thought back to her old therapist in Boston— the one who used to tell her how it was all about control, how it was easier for her to orchestrate the failure herself than risk it taking her by surprise.

She knew Trixie was in class, but she opened her phone & typed two words, then hit send:   _ I’m scared. _

Katya immediately shoved her phone back into her pocket, preferring not to think about what she’d just done, & walked a loop on the paved sidewalk that surrounded the dog park, stopping to pet each dog who begged for attention.  When she made it back to the car, she leaned against the trunk, pulling her sunglasses down from the top of her head to shield her eyes, & slowly smoked another cigarette. All of Trixie’s possible responses played on a loop in her head.  Maybe she’d think Katya was too much… too sensitive… too fucked up. Maybe  _ she’d _ run from  _ her _ .  She sighed & leaned her head back, letting the late afternoon sun flood over her face & neck.

 

  
  


* * *

 

 

 

Only moments after Katya picked up Shosh from dance, her phone vibrated from its place in the cupholder.  At the first red light, she glanced down to see a text.  _ Talk to me, babe. _

She bit her lip & exhaled loudly.   _ I have to handle this head-on _ , she told herself.  Katya took her time cooking dinner for herself & Shosh, & poured herself a glass of wine to go alongside the chicken & green beans.  “Can I have jello?” Shosh interrupted her tumultuous thoughts.

Katya nodded, “If you eat your food.”

“Did you get orange or red?”

“Orange, duh!”  Katya forced a smile.  Shosh melodramatically shoveled a huge forkful of green beans into her mouth, proving to Katya that she was bound & determined to get her jello.  Shosh— ever the conversationalist— gave her mom every detail of her school day, interrupting herself only to point out that her plate was clean. “Wow, I didn’t know you loved chicken so much,” Katya laughed.

“Oh, I  _ do _ !” Shosh exaggerated.

“You can have your jello either way, dude,” Katya told her with a chuckle.

“Okay, then I only  _ like _ chicken, I don’t  _ loooooove _ it,” she corrected herself.

“You goofball,” Katya shook her head.  “Get your jello.” Shosh ran off to the fridge & tore off a plastic jello cup, digging into it in the middle of the kitchen.

“Can we watch a movie?” she asked between bites.

“Sure, like what?”  Katya got up & rinsed her plate before slotting it into the dishwasher.

“Maybeeeeee… you pick?”

“Me?!” Katya chirped excitedly.

“Yeah, but a cartoon one!  Not a grown up one!”

“Wanna watch one of my favorite cartoon movies?”  Shosh nodded, tossing her empty jello container into the trash & handing the spoon to Katya.  “It’s about two guys who go looking for treasure.”

“Do they find it?!”

“I can’t tell you!”

Shosh ran off into the living room without a response, staking her claim on two-thirds of the couch.  Katya refilled her wine glass & brought it into the living room, happy to take the end of the couch, Shosh’s feet in her lap.  She scrolled through the On Demand options until she found  _ The Road to El Dorado _ , one of her secret favorites.  She’d been 18— entirely too old for animated movies— when it was released, but she loved it anyway, having watched it at least half a dozen times.

Once the movie had started & Shosh was comfortably propped on a pillow, watching intently, Katya reached for her phone on the end table.   _ Can we talk later tonight?  Watching a movie with Shosh. _

It took a few moments before a reply came:  _ Of course.  Are you okay? _

_ Yeah… just anxious. _

_ You don’t have to be anxious, angel.  It’ll be okay.  _ Katya stared at the phone shyly, a soft smile pulling her cheeks upward.

_ I’ll text you when I put her to bed? _

_ Sounds good _ !  Trixie added her favorite emoji— the gift-wrapped heart.

An hour & a half later, the explorers & their gold-shoed horse had escaped, & Shosh snored quietly on the couch.  Katya slowly wiggled out from beneath her feet & hit pause on the movie. “Shosh,” she whispered. “Shoshi!” She didn’t budge.  Katya sighed & scooped her arms underneath her small body, lifting her off the couch to carry her to bed.

She didn’t feel like fighting to wake her up to brush her teeth, so she reminded herself to make sure she brushed them extra well in the morning before school— something her mom would never have let her get away with, but she was too drained to deal with it.  Katya tucked her in & pulled the door shut, leaving it open a crack to let the light in.

Back on the couch, she took a giant gulp of her wine & switched the TV back over to live, not bothering to change it from whatever Food Network show was on.   _ Shosh is out like a light _ , she texted Trixie, then chewed the inside of her lip as she stared at the screen, awaiting a response.

_ Do you want me to call you? _

_ Okay. _

Only a few seconds later, the phone vibrated in her hand.  “Hey,” she whispered shyly.

“Hi…” Trixie’s voice sounded uncharacteristically hesitant.

“I’m sorry for being weird,” Katya blurted out.

“You’re not weird.  What happened?” Her voice softened.

Katya sighed into the receiver.  “I don’t know, really. I just… I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Me too.”

“You can’t stop thinking about yourself?” she teased.

“Shut up!” Trixie giggled, easing Katya’s nerves a little.

“I don’t know, Trix… I’m not good at this shit.”

“At what shit?”

“Feelings.”

Katya could’ve sworn she heard Trixie swallow hard.  “Yeah.”

“I could barely focus at work because… I dunno… I was just thinking of you.”

“What were you thinking about?” Trixie whispered.

Katya chuckled quietly.  “The other night… but… just  _ you _ .  You in general…” her voice trailed off.

“What scares you, Katya?  Is it me?”

“Yes,” she sighed.  “No. I don’t know. This is such a weird conversation to have over the phone.”

“Wanna switch to FaceTime?”

“As long as you don’t judge how ugly I am.”

“Bitch—” Trixie warned, clicking the video button.

“Hi,” Katya smiled shyly as Trixie’s face popped up.

“Hi, ugly,” Trixie grinned.  Katya rolled her eyes melodramatically.  “Oh, shut up, you know I think you’re pretty.”

“How long have you been blind?”

Trixie screeched.  “What?!!”

Katya had to admit she felt a lot more at ease being able to see Trixie’s face.  “Really… I’m sorry I’m being weird. It’s just my brain… I don’t know…”

“Tell me what’s going on in there.”  Trixie looked to be lying in bed atop the blankets.  Katya’s mouth froze, incapable of forming words, as she looked her over— bare face & hair up in a loose, messy bun.

“You look so cute,” Katya’s voice lowered.

“I’m not even wearing makeup!”  Trixie protested. “I was getting ready for bed like an old person… ooooh, sorry,” she cringed teasingly.

“Bitch, I’m not  _ that _ much older than you!”

“Okay, fine, whatever you say!”  Trixie grinned. “But really, talk to me, Katya,” her tone became more serious.

Katya sighed, pushing her bangs to one side.  “I’ll just lay it out there…” She took a drink of her wine & then, in a rush, explained, “I like you.  I like fucking you, but I also  _ like _ you, & I don’t really know how to deal with that because I don’t know how to not fuck things like that up.”  She exhaled heavily, as if she’d just run a marathon.

Trixie beamed.  “I like you, too, babe.  We can…” she hesitated.

“What?”

“I was gonna say take things slow, but I’m gonna be honest with you, that’s not my forte.”

“Mine either… that’s my fear.”  Katya bit her lip & looked into Trixie’s eyes through the phone.

“I don’t really date much,” Trixie broke the silence.  “Like… I’m not very good at casual.”

“Yeah…” Katya’s nerves were suddenly back in full force.

“I mean…” Trixie sighed.  “Jesus, I can’t even figure out the words to say what I mean.  I don’t really…  _ do _ … what we did.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Katya poked fun at her, prompting a giggle.

“My personality is pretty flirty, just, naturally, but… I don’t really hook up a lot.  When I go for it with somebody, I really go for it, heart & all.”

Katya emptied her wine glass.  “Where’s your heart now?”

Trixie looked down & Katya could see her playing anxiously with the bedsheet.  “Here.” After a few seconds of silence, she looked back up at Katya. “But that’s too much—”

“No,” Katya cut her off.  “It’s not. Look… I’m used to being the one who’s too much.  Everything is cranked up to 100 in terms of intensity in my brain.”  Trixie nodded. “I just am afraid I’m gonna scare you away or hurt you or—”

“You’re not scaring me away,” Trixie comforted her.  “And you’re not hurting me. I feel so much, just… lighter… since I met you.  Like my eyes are a little more open.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

“Baby,” Katya breathed.

“Yeah?” Trixie’s voice was feather-light as she looked up at Katya through her long lashes.

“Are we crazy?  Like… we  _ just _ met.”

“Probably,” Trixie giggled.  “But… I can’t help it.”

“Neither can I.”  

Trixie got up & pulled her comforter back to crawl beneath it.  “Are you tired?” Katya asked.

“Just getting comfy,” she assured her.  Katya left her empty glass on the end table & crept to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.  She wiggled out of her pants before switching on the lamp on her bedside table & climbing into bed.  “Did you just take your pants off?” Trixie teased.

“Mayyyybeeeee.”

“Rude,” Trixie pouted.

“Okay, I’ll go put ‘em back on,” Katya grumbled.

Trixie grinned from ear to ear.  “Well, don’t do  _ that _ .”

“And why not, little missy?”

“Little missy, huh?”  The tip of Trixie’s tongue poked out from between her teeth.

“Yup… you got a problem with it?” she taunted.

“Nope.  My only problem is wishing you were here,” she smiled.  Katya watched her wiggle down into a pile of light pink pillows & turn onto her side to face her.

“I wish I was there, too.  I bet you’re a good little spoon.”

“What makes you think I’m the little spoon?!”

“Are you not?”

“Shut up,” she conceded with a giggle.  “Of course I am.”

Katya sighed warmly at the idea of Trixie being her little spoon.  “I can’t wait to hold you,” she whispered.

“I can’t wait for you to.”  Trixie bit her lip, causing Katya to grin.

“What?” Katya breathed.

“Nothing.”  Trixie’s cheeks were already turning pink.

“What are you thinking about?”  Katya pulled a pillow up behind her head to prop herself up further.

“Just… how nice it would be…” Trixie swallowed hard.  “For you to be here to help me with this problem I’m having.”

“What problem might that be?”

“Mmmmm, I think you can guess.”  Trixie reached up to untie her hair, letting it fall messily over her shoulders.

“I don’t think I can,” Katya winked.

“I can’t stop thinking about you on top of me,” Trixie breathed shyly.

“Yeah?”  Katya felt her breath catch in her throat & her heartbeat speed up erratically.

“I just want you… all the time…” Trixie’s words were dripping slowly from her lips.

“I want you, too,” she sighed.  “I wish I could spoon you right now… run my hands up & down your thighs…”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhmmm… I just want to touch you,” Katya whispered.

“I want you to touch me… so bad.”  Trixie stared right into Katya’s eyes as she spoke.

“Do it for me, baby,” she breathed, just loud enough for Trixie to hear.  Trixie tickled her fingertips up from her knees to the bend of her hip, causing goosebumps to form on her skin.  She licked her lips seductively & trailed her fingers beneath the waistband of her pajama shorts.

Even without seeing it, Katya could tell exactly what Trixie was doing based on her facial expressions.  She chewed on her thumbnail & clenched her thighs together, shifting uncomfortably in the bed. Trixie looked at her expectantly, eyes begging for more.  “It’s okay,” Katya whispered, “take ‘em off.” She watched the phone waver slightly as Trixie lifted her hips to pull her pajamas off. “I wish I was there to make you feel good, baby…”  Trixie whimpered at Katya’s words.

“You’ll just have to show me how good you can be,” Katya purred.

Trixie sighed quietly, lips parting slightly as her hand slid back under the comforter.  “I miss you,” she choked out.

“I miss you, too, princess… I owe you so bad… owe you as many fingers as you want.”

Trixie moaned outright at that.  “As many as you wanna give me.”

“Yeah?”  Katya couldn’t hold back any longer, letting her own hand slide under the blanket.  She was suddenly extremely grateful she had chosen to ditch her pants before getting into bed.

“Yeah…” she paused to stare intently at Katya, eyes darting downward toward the bottom of the screen where Katya’s hand moved at a steady rhythm.  “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“I want you in my mouth so bad.”  Katya licked her lips at Trixie’s confession.  “The other night when I couldn’t sleep… I laid here thinking about it for hours.”

“God…” Katya moaned.

“And seeing you in bed… fuck, I just wanna be between your legs,” Trixie whimpered.  Katya felt like the hand that was touching her no longer belonged to her— it was all Trixie.  Trixie’s mouth, Trixie’s lips, Trixie’s tongue.

“Trixie, Jesus…”  Katya groaned, closing her eyes against the pressure she felt building.  Trixie sucked her whole bottom lip between her teeth as she worked against the shoulder cramp she was starting to get.

“I wish I was there for you…” Trixie whined.  “There for you to come in my mouth…”

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Katya whimpered, voice rising an octave.  “Don’t stop.”

“No?  Show me, mama… show me how good I make you feel,” she purred.  “Next time, you can do this anywhere you want…” Trixie paused to catch her breath, fighting back her own body’s response.  “Just imagine I’m there… Katya… god, I want it so bad… I want you to come for me, mama.” Katya met Trixie’s breathy demands with a loud gasp & a rough thrust of her hips up into her own hand.  “Fuck…” Trixie hissed, watching Katya’s face scrunch up, then slowly relax as she rode out her own orgasm.

“Holy fuck, Trixie…” Katya groaned, shuffling her hips beneath the blanket.

“Good?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Mmmmm,  _ so _ good… my good girl,” her words were coming out in half-formed huffs.

“Really?”  Trixie’s eyes darkened, fingers curling up inside of herself.

Katya immediately recognized the reaction.  “ _ Such  _ a good girl… you did great, baby… you deserve to come so good.”  Trixie swallowed audibly before letting her mouth fall open into a gasp, eyes screwing shut for a moment as she moved under the comforter.  “Look at me,” Katya commanded.

Trixie’s eyes jolted open, gazing right into Katya’s.  When Katya smiled softly at her, Trixie felt the shocks start to course through her thighs.  “I’m so— I’m so close,” she whimpered.

“Yeah?  You look so beautiful, princess… so beautiful… I wish those were my fingers inside of you… god, I wanna feel you come.”  Trixie squealed loudly, inhaling as much air as she possibly could before letting it out, lips parted in a silent scream.

“Mmmm… I wish you could hold me right now,” Trixie whispered once she’d come down.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you,” Katya smiled sleepily.

“How?”  Trixie settled down into the pillows, clearly ready for bed.

“Just trust me.”

“I do,” Trixie smiled contentedly.  “I  _ so _ do.”

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff & angst for your nerve, kittens ♡
> 
> Come play with me on Tumblr @ http://zamokitty.tumblr.com ♡

When Wednesday rolled around, Katya was all-too-ready to see Trixie’s face in person when she took Shoshanna to dance.  As soon as Shosh pulled the front door open & Katya heard that lilting accent fill her ears, she broke into an uncontrollable smile.  Trixie leaned against the front desk, chatting with Alyssa.

“Sorry, we’re a little early,” Katya waved.

“Oh, that’s no problem, chickadees!  You ready for today?” Alyssa asked Shosh.

“Ready!” she gave her a thumbs up.  

Katya patted her on top of the head.  “Go get changed!”

After a couple of seconds of silence, Alyssa glanced suspiciously between Trixie & Katya & finally said, “I’ve… got emails to return!”

“That was weird,” Trixie whispered as Alyssa turned on her heels & headed toward her office.

The corner of Katya’s mouth curled into a smirk.  “Yeah.” She leaned down against the counter of the desk next to Trixie & bumped her hip with her own, prompting a quiet giggle.

“You’re dumb,” Trixie teased.

Katya winked in response & Trixie slid her hand slowly across the fake marble counter to stroke Katya’s forearm with her pinky finger.  They turned to look at each other & as Trixie smiled, Katya had to look away, cheeks burning pink. She stared at Trixie’s finger running up & down the sensitive skin of her arm & tickling the bend of her elbow.

“I missed you already,” Trixie breathed.

“I missed you, too,” Katya whispered in the direction of Trixie’s hand.  She turned her head & laid a soft, delicate kiss on Trixie’s bare shoulder, inhaling the sugary almond scent of her hair & letting her lips linger against her skin for a moment.

_ DING! _  The tiny chime above the front door jingled, causing Katya to yank her head back from Trixie & Trixie to pull her hand away from her arm.  One of the mothers— Katya had never bothered to remember which was which— & her daughter made a beeline for the changing room without so much as a second glance toward them.

Trixie bit her lip nervously & Katya felt her heart break when she noticed the fear on Trixie’s face.  “You okay?” she whispered, making sure to keep her voice low & hands away.

Trixie nodded & tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  “Yeah.” Her voice was less convincing than Katya had hoped it’d be, & she wasn’t quite sure how to reply.

“You sure?”

“I’m fine,” she forced a smile.  “Really.”

Katya nodded, not wanting to press the issue, & stroked Trixie’s back.  “Have a good class,” she whispered, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly.

Trixie’s eyes were wide, staring directly into Katya’s without blinking.  “Thanks,” she breathed, reaching over to quickly squeeze her hand before heading toward the studio.  Katya chewed a fingernail— on the one hand, she wanted to stay in the observation room & watch Trixie’s every move, but on the other, seeing the fear in her face at anyone suspecting anything scared her half to death.  She decided to walk to Starbucks, figuring she could get some work done while keeping herself at a safe distance from Trixie until they could talk about what had just happened.

After flipping through half a dozen portfolios, making notes about which pieces she preferred & why, Katya sighed.  Her back was stiff from the ill-designed Starbucks chair, & her laptop was about to die, thanks to the lack of working outlets.  She stretched, attempting to pop her back, & packed up her bag for the walk back to the studio. Just as she got there, she heard commotion in the back & knew class was letting out.

Katya lingered awkwardly in the lobby, knowing Shosh would be one of the last kids out, as usual.  She kept her head down, pretending to focus intently on her phone, as pairs of mothers & daughters passed her by.  When Shosh came out, duffel bag dragging on the ground, she flopped dramatically into a chair. “I’m  _ tired! _ ” she heaved a sigh.

“Well, let’s get you home so you can eat dinner early & go to bed, then!”  Shosh nodded lethargically, sliding down the chair & into a puddle on the floor.

“Did I work ya too hard?” Trixie laughed, seeing her limbs splayed across the ground as she rounded the corner.

“Uh huh!” Shosh whined.

Katya smiled shyly at Trixie, who mirrored her expression.  “Hey um…” Katya stammered. “Would you… wanna come over for dinner?  Unless that’s, um…”

“Sure,” Trixie nodded.  “I’d like that. Let me run home & take a shower first?”

“Sounds good.”

“But I’m warning you that I’m not taking the time to get all gussied up,” Trixie said adamantly.

“You can wear whatever you want,” she assured her sweetly.

“Gimme maybe an hour & a half?”

Katya nodded.  “I’ll get this one—” she pointed to the Shosh puddle on the ground— “fed & ready for bed in the meantime.”

“‘Kay,” Trixie beamed, leaning down to unzip her dance bag & dig for her car keys.  Katya tried to hide the fact that she was staring directly at her cleavage, but it didn’t work— Trixie glanced up & rolled her eyes playfully.  “Predictable,” she teased.

“What can I say?” Katya grinned.  “See ya soon.” She turned her focus to Shosh.  “Get up, dork!”

“I  _ caaaaan’t _ !  Carry me!”

“I’m not carrying you,” she chuckled.  “Up we go,” she extended her hand down to her.  Shosh took it & weakly pulled herself up to a standing position.  “Let’s go, drama queen!”

 

  
  


* * *

 

 

 

As soon as Katya got Shosh fed her semi-nutritious dinner of fish sticks & carrots, she could tell she was ready for bed.  “Jammies?” Katya suggested. Shosh didn’t protest— a sure sign that she was wiped out. “Go brush your teeth & pick out a story & I’ll be in in a minute!”  Through a yawn, Shosh nodded & shuffled toward the bathroom.

_ I’m outside _ , her phone buzzed on the kitchen table.

Katya texted back  _ Come in _ & cleared Shosh’s dishes from the table, then paused to make sure she heard the water running as she brushed her teeth.  She met Trixie at the front door, opening just as she knocked softly. “Hi,” Katya whispered, giving her a quick, chaste kiss on the lips.

“Hey,” Trixie beamed.  “Is Shosh asleep?”

“Not yet… I have to read her a book, but that won’t take very long.  Do you want anything to drink… I have wine or Red Bull or La Croix…”

“I’ll have a La Croix… as long as it’s not papa-moose or whatever.”

“ _ Papa-moose _ ?!” Katya wheezed with laughter.

“You know what I mean!!  Grapefruit!” Katya doubled over, tears streaming down her face.  “Shut up, you bitch!” Trixie playfully kicked her in the shin.

Katya stopped laughing long enough to catch her breath.  “Well, lucky for you, I have no papa-moose, only coconut or peach pear.”

“Peach pear is good!”  Trixie ran a hand through her hair, loose & still drying in waves over her shoulders.  Katya grabbed a can from the bottom shelf of the fridge & popped it open for her.

“I also have a confession to make,” she grinned, handing it to her, then turning back to the fridge.

“What?” a look of panic crossed Trixie’s face.

“I didn’t exactly think ahead when I invited you for dinner… so… we can have a frozen pizza or…” she glanced in the freezer.  “Or fish sticks or veggie burgers.”

“Well, I  _ am _ a vegetarian.”  Trixie sipped her drink.

“Veggie burgers it is.”  Katya grabbed a package & tossed them onto the counter to thaw for a few minutes.  “If you wanna, like, watch TV or whatever…” her voice was frantic & Trixie could tell she was nervous.

“Katya,” Trixie whispered sweetly, kissing her forehead.  “I’m fine. Go read to Shosh.”

Katya squeezed Trixie’s side & nodded.  “Be right back.”

Trixie settled on the couch, turning on the TV & immediately hitting “volume down” as many times as possible.  She scrolled through the channels until she stopped on  _ Flip or Flop _ .  Despite having seen nearly every episode of it, she could still pick up in the middle & enjoy it.  As the blonde onscreen picked out backsplash tiles, Trixie looked around the room. The early evening sky left the room dimly lit, only enough to barely illuminate the framed photos & stacks of art books that lined the shelves.

She smiled at the photo progression of Shoshanna from infancy to her current school picture, & couldn’t help but wonder what Katya looked like when Shosh was born.  A twinge of emotion pulled at her stomach as she imagined Katya, matted hair & sweaty face, holding Shosh in the delivery room. Trixie stood & wandered over to the photos, looking closely at Shosh’s round baby face, staring at how even when she wasn’t able to speak, she was still the spitting image of her mother.

“Hey,” Katya whispered, coming up behind Trixie & taking her by surprise.

“Hey… I was just looking at these—” she pointed.

“The little monster?” she smiled.

“Yeah… just…”  Trixie couldn’t find the words & instead, laid her head on Katya’s shoulder, burying her face in her neck.

“Hey, what?” Katya petted her hair.

Trixie breathed deep, taking in the scent of Katya’s skin.  “No, nothing, I’m fine… I just wish things had been better for you… with Shosh’s father & all.”

She weaved her fingers through Trixie’s thick pink hair.  “He’s not a father,” she murmured into it. “And as far as I’m concerned, everything is pretty good right now.”

Trixie looked up at Katya, eyes shining with tears & curled her naturally pink lips into a smile.  “Wanna eat?”

Without an answer beyond a smile, Katya started for the kitchen, popping a skillet onto the stovetop & cranking the heat.  As she pulled the package open & dropped the frozen burgers into the pan, Trixie leaned back against the counter, watching mindfully.

“Can I do anything to help?” she asked after a moment.

“No,” Katya shook her head cheerfully.  “You’re helping by just standing there.”

“I doubt that,” Trixie scoffed.

“You’re giving me motivation,” she stuck her tongue out at her.

Katya alternated between kissing Trixie & checking on the food until the latter was finished, sizzling & lightly charred in the pan.  As she flipped the burgers out onto two buns, Trixie rummaged through the fridge. “Do you not have stuff to put on them?” she laughed.

“Oh, uh… I hate condiments,” Katya awkwardly replied.

“What?!  How does a person hate  _ condiments _ ?!”

“They’re gross!” she laughed.

“Wait!  I found ketchup, at least!” Trixie grabbed a bottle that had been lying on its side.

“You can share Shoshanna’s ketchup!”

“Hey,  _ you _ don’t get to make fun of  _ me _ !”  Trixie grinned so widely, she showed her back teeth.  “ _ You’re _ the weirdo for not liking condiments!”  She playfully bopped her in the face with the half-empty ketchup bottle.

Katya handed Trixie a plate.  “Here, load it down with ketchup!  Ketchup it to your heart’s content!”

“Well… now I don’t want any!”  Trixie pouted.

Katya rolled her eyes jokingly.  “Eat the damn ketchup.” The two of them prepared their burgers, stacking cheese, pickles, tomato slices, & for Trixie, loads of ketchup, on top.  “Wanna—” she pointed at the living room, finishing her question with her gesture. Trixie nodded, already chomping into her burger as she walked. “Want some wine?”  Katya called quietly after her.

“Sure, if you do!”

The two of them settled on the couch, plates in their laps.  After a moment of silence while they ate, Katya turned to Trixie.  “Can I ask you something?”

Trixie wiped crumbs from her lip.  “Mmhmm,” she nodded through a mouthful of her burger.

“I don’t want you to get mad or anything…”

Trixie set her plate down on the coffee table next to Katya’s.  “Okay…”

“What happened today?”

She sighed audibly.  “I just kind of… panicked.”

“About what?” Katya’s voice was low & soothing.

Trixie shrugged.  “It’s just my paranoia…  I had to spend so much of my life pretending to be something I wasn’t, ya know.”  Katya nodded & comfortingly rubbed Trixie’s knee. “You’re from a big city, so it’s different…” she hesitated.  Trixie took a drink of her wine & then set the glass back down, staring straight ahead at it. “My family… they weren’t really accepting of me being gay.  I mean, they sort of came around to it, but I’ve never introduced them to anyone or anything like that. But living in a small town, like… everybody talks.  Everybody is in everybody else’s business.”

Katya squeezed Trixie’s leg.  “So you’re just used to keeping things secret?”

“I guess, kind of.  I mean, I’m not ashamed of it.  But if I so much as looked at a girl for a second too long, people would be so cruel, & I just…”

Katya pulled her into a side hug.  “You don’t have to worry about that, babe.”

“I just never know what people are gonna say or do… it’s like a reflex to, I dunno, act straight.”

Stroking Trixie’s hair, Katya whispered back, “I know.”  After a few seconds she added, in a teasing voice, “But you didn’t beat my gaydar, so you’re not doing a very good job at it.”

Trixie burst into laughter that she quickly hid beneath her hand.  “Oh my  _ god _ , you probably think everyone is gay!”

“Correction: I  _ hope _ everyone is gay,” she smirked.  “Especially if they’re little pink-haired baby dolls.”

“Know a lot of those?” Trixie grinned widely at Katya, showing all of her teeth.

“Nope… I’ve only been lucky enough to find one,” she tickled her side, causing Trixie to giggled & squirm further over toward the arm of the couch.

“Oh my god, stop!” she tried to muffle her laughter as Katya kept tickling her.  “Katya, stop!” She struggled to breathe through her giggles. Once Katya let up, Trixie straightened her shirt & sat back up.  “But seriously,” she smiled, cheeks still pink from laughter, “I’ll try to be better.”

“You don’t have to try to be anything,” Katya reassured her.

“No, I know… I just… I like you,” she glanced over at Katya through her thick lashes.  “And, I mean, there’s no one else. I’m a one woman… woman.”

“Me too,” Katya agreed quietly, then broke a long pause by asking, “Can I take you out on a real date, then?”

Trixie blushed.  “I’d like that.”

Katya beamed as if she’d just won Olympic gold.  “Maybe Friday? Shosh can spend the night with her friend…”  Trixie smirked in response to what Katya left unsaid, answering only with a nod.

As Katya flipped through the TV channels, looking for a movie to put on, Trixie went to the kitchen to retrieve the bottle of wine, refilling both of their glasses, & then sat down close to Katya, snuggling up against her body.  Still eyeing the TV skeptically, Katya reached her arm around Trixie’s back & pulled her in tighter, lazily stroking her shoulder.

“Have you seen this?” Katya murmured into Trixie’s hair.

“Uh-uh,” she shook her head softly.  “What is it?”

“ _ Jawbreaker _ .  I fuckin’ love this movie.”  Katya strained to set the remote down on the table without having to let go of Trixie, then threw a lightweight blanket from the back of the couch over them both.  As they watched the movie, Katya mindlessly twirled strands of Trixie’s hair around her finger & Trixie snuggled into Katya’s chest, happily breathing in the smoky, spicy scent of her perfume.

Trixie rested her palm against Katya’s chest, letting her eyes flutter closed as she felt her heartbeat.  After a moment, she slowly snaked it over to cover Katya’s breast through her shirt, fingertips softly sliding down to dance across her nipple.  She was filled with intense gratitude for the easy access that Katya’s preference for thin bralettes provided her. “You’re bad,” Katya scolded her in a whisper, unable to hide the grin peeking through her red lips.

“Nuh-uh,” Trixie nestled closer to her, hearing Katya’s breath quicken as her fingers kept teasing her.  Under the blanket, she let her other hand creep up the inside of Katya’s thigh.

“ _Trixie_ ,” Katya tried to warn her, but her voice cracked.

Trixie ignored her, squeezing her inner thigh so tightly Katya was sure it would leave fingerprint bruises.  Swirling her short nails across the fabric, Trixie tickled the bend of Katya’s leg where it met her hip, causing her to gulp.  Trixie could feel the heat radiating from her & dragged her palm lazily over the warmth.

Katya tugged at Trixie’s hair & whispered, “You’re gonna kill me.”

“Nooooo.”  Trixie’s voice was girlish, flirty as she rubbed the length of her fingers firmly against Katya, making sure she felt it through the thick fabric of her pants.

“Trixie,” Katya rasped.  “Fuck, you know I want this.”  Her hand braced the back of Trixie’s neck.  “But wait until Friday…” The words almost physically pained her to say.  Trixie looked up at her, eyes wide with desire. “I… um, I’ve never had anyone over, um, when—” she pointed to the hall that led to Shosh’s bedroom.

“Oh!”  Trixie sat up straight.  “Oh, god, I’m stupid, I didn’t even think—”

“No!  You’re not stupid.  You just deserve better than having to be silent under a blanket,” she laughed.  Trixie giggled & leaned up to softly peck Katya on the lips before snuggling back into her shoulder to happily finish the movie.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go-- a long chapter of fluff & smut to tide y'all over through the weekend. I'm so excited about where these two are gonna go; hopefully you are, too! Comments are always so, so, SO appreciated! ♡

 

“So you need me to keep Shoshanna tonight so you can have a sex fest, basically?” Ginger teased Katya.  She’d been so swamped with the process of narrowing down the artists for next spring that she’d totally forgotten to ask her the day before.  Katya glared at her. “Hey, maybe if you get laid, you won’t be such a cunt!”

“What’s your excuse, then?” Katya ribbed her.

“Bitch, I’m married.  I don’t get laid!”

Katya snorted a laugh.  “Will you just let her have a sleepover?”

“I  _ guessssss _ ,” Ginger exaggerated playfully.  “Do you want me to pick her up?”

“Actually, I could drop her off on the way to Trixie’s?  If that works?”

Ginger nodded.  “Before or after dinner?”

“I can do a drive thru after dance so you don’t have to worry about feeding her.”

“Works for me,” Ginger agreed.

Once Ginger had returned to the front of the gallery, Katya began to fret.  She googled  _ best date restaurants, most romantic restaurants, couples restaurants _ , then furrowed her brows as she realized most of them were variations on steakhouses.  “Fucking Texas,” she murmured under her breath. She’d mentally tucked away Trixie’s comment that she was a vegetarian, so anything meat-centric was out.

Popping a Tums into her mouth to try & settle her nervous stomach, Katya looked at pictures of each “romantic restaurant,” worrying that something capital-R romantic— candlelit tables covered in fancy linens— might be too much for a first real date, but at the same time, she wanted to treat Trixie right.   _ Ugh, dating is stressful _ , she thought to herself, pushing a hand through her hair.

She narrowed the search radius to within 20 miles of her house.  Katya had always been a nervous driver, & she knew that if she had to drive in traffic, she’d get anxious & then she’d sweat through her makeup, along with every other pore of her body.  Eventually, she found a place that balanced cute with romantic— a small French bistro not too far from her neighborhood. She dialed their number, “Hi, um, do you take reservations?” Katya didn’t figure she’d  _ need _ a reservation, but she’d always been impressed when someone had made one.

Once she got off the phone, she texted Trixie:   _ Can I pick you up at 7:15? _

_ You’re lucky I already washed my hair this morning _ , Trixie responded with a smiley face sticking out its tongue.   _ I’ll be ready & waiting _ !  she sent in a second text.

_ I’m excited! _ Katya replied, though the main emotion she was feeling was actually more akin to panic.

_ Me too! _

Katya laid her phone down on her desk, closed her eyes, & took a deep breath.  She pulled at a tiny hangnail on her thumb.  _ There’s no reason to be nervous _ , she told herself, willing her brain to believe it.  When she opened her eyes, she noticed the thin line of blood trickling down her knuckled from where she’d tugged at the skin.  As she watched it slowly crawl down the length of her finger, she felt her pulse become slightly more regular.  _ You’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine _ , she repeated in her head before pulling a tissue from her top drawer to wrap tightly around the small wound & heading outside for a cigarette.

 

* * *

 

“Hurry up & eat so you can go to Avery’s,” Katya told Shosh, who was sitting at the kitchen table, distracted by the tiny ghost on wheels that had come with her Happy Meal.

“Can I take him?” she held it up to her.

“Yep!  Now eat your nuggets, ya nugget!” she teased, then headed for her bedroom.  The tight black slacks she’d worn to work would do for dinner, she figured, as she glanced in the full-length mirror.  Stripping off her button down, she scrunched up her mouth as she considered her body, then pulled the plain navy blue bralette over her head.  She had to dig through the top drawer of her dresser to find something that she thought could be considered sexy.

Eventually, she remembered a black lace bra & panty set she’d only bought because she’d had a Victoria’s Secret coupon— she told herself she’d wear them eventually, but never had the motivation to dig them out until now.  She kicked off her pants & plain nude underwear, replacing them with the lacy black boyshorts. After a couple of wiggles to get them to sit comfortably, Katya pulled her pants back on & added the matching push-up bra. “Eh,” she said aloud to herself, reaching into the bra to adjust herself.  She felt silly wearing a push-up bra when she didn’t have a whole hell of a lot to “push up” in the first place, but she had to admit she felt sexy in her boyish slacks, still unbuttoned & unzipped, matched with the frilly bra.

She headed into the bathroom, quickly rinsing her mouth with mouthwash, rolling on another layer of deodorant, & spritzing texturizing spray through her hair.  “Okay,” she breathed aloud, grabbing a thin black sleeveless blouse that was adorned all over with tiny stitched gold flowers. After a liberal spray of perfume across her neck & chest, Katya returned to the dining room, where she found Shosh on the floor, rolling her plastic ghost back & forth.  “Done eating?”

“No!” she shouted, jumping back up.

Katya glanced at her watch.  “You’ve got five minutes.”

“Did you pack my bag?” Shosh asked as she shoveled a handful of fries into her mouth.

“Yep.”

“Did you put Buddy in there?”

“Buddy’s in there.”  Katya assured her she hadn’t forgotten her creepy skeleton stuffed animal.  She’d taken her to Build-a-Bear nearly two years ago & amongst all the pastel-colored teddies, puppies, & kitties, Shosh had only had eyes for the black stuffed skeleton.  Katya had gleefully sent a photo of it to her mom, who’d replied,  _ Yep, definitely your kid! _

As Shosh polished off her fries, Katya used the mirror just inside the front door to re-apply her lipstick.  “Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you gonna be bored without me?”

Katya laughed.  “Why?”

“What do you  _ do _ when I’m not here?” Shosh sounded as if she couldn’t believe her mom had a life outside of her— & to be fair, Katya sometimes couldn’t believe it either.

“Well, I’m going to have dinner with a friend,” she explained.

“Oh.  At McDonald’s?”

Katya chuckled, “No, not at McDonald’s.”  Shosh sat down on the ground in the doorway & slipped her sneakers on, apparently satisfied with the answer.  When she stood up, Katya handed her the tote bag she’d packed with her toothbrush, pajamas, pillow, Buddy, & _ Rainbow Fish _ , along with her new ghost.  “Ready?” Katya wasn’t sure if she was asking Shoshanna or herself.

“Ready!” Shosh answered for the both of them.

  
  


* * *

 

 

“You look…” Katya’s words stuck in her throat when Trixie opened the door to her apartment, & she swallowed hard.

Trixie giggled shyly.  “Thanks… you look great, too,” she kissed her cheek.

“You, um, you ready to go?”

“Yep!”  Trixie grabbed a denim jacket off the hook on the back of the door & stepped into the hallway.  As she turned to lock the door, Katya looked her up & down— hair pulled up into a loose bun, pale pink flower-patterned baby doll dress sitting off her shoulders & flowing loose around her thighs, strappy white kitten heels wrapped around her ankles.  Trixie turned her head back over her shoulder to catch Katya staring & winked. Katya nodded her head down the hallway & Trixie fell in step beside her, walking in silence.

They stood side by side in the elevator, staring straight ahead at the semi-reflective doors, until Trixie grabbed Katya’s hips & kissed her quickly but deeply, smudging both of their lipsticks.  Without a word, she turned back toward the doors, smirking. After a second, Katya laughed quietly & put her arm around Trixie’s waist. “You dork,” she shook her head.

“That’s me!” she beamed.

Katya protectively pulled Trixie closer as they walked down the street to her car.  “You hungry?”

Trixie nodded enthusiastically.  “Yes!” Once they reached Katya’s SUV, she opened the passenger door for Trixie, who squealed, “You’re so cute!”

When Katya climbed into the driver’s seat, she secretly prayed the car didn’t smell too much like either stale cigarettes or greasy McDonald’s fries.  “Okay, um, I hope you like French food?” she asked as she started driving.

“I probably do!”

“Have you never eaten it?” Katya laughed.

Trixie shook her head, “Nope!  But I’m not a picky eater!”

“Good!  It had really good Yelp reviews, so hopefully it’s decent…”

Trixie nodded happily, letting the two of them ride in contented silence for a few minutes.  Katya white-knuckled the steering wheel for most of the drive, which Trixie couldn’t help but.  “You don’t like to drive?”

“Huh?”  Trixie pointed to the death grip she had on the wheel.  “Oh,” she chuckled. “Yeah, not really. Public transportation was better in Boston, so I didn’t drive that much when I was younger.  It just makes me nervous.”

“What are you nervous about?” Trixie asked, genuinely interested.

“I dunno… just not having control of how everyone else moves.  That & my car spontaneously blowing up or the tires falling off or something.”

“Have your tires ever fallen off?!” Trixie gasped.

Katya burst into laughter, “No.  But… they could!”

“I mean, they  _ could _ , but it’s not likely!”

“I know, but—”

“No, I know,” Trixie laughed.  “I’m not trying to make fun of you… I see how driving could be scary.  I just love it.”

“You do?   _ How? _ ”

“You’re just in your own space & can put on music &... go?”

“Provided your car doesn’t start on fire & burn you alive.”

“Oh my  _ god _ , you’re morbid,” Trixie snorted.

“Are you really surprised?” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Okay,  _ no _ ,” she admitted.

Katya pulled into the restaurant’s small parking lot & into a spot.  “Being morbid is like 87 percent of my personality, just warning you,” she joked as she turned the car off.

“What’s the other 13 percent?”

“Mmmmmm…” Katya pursed her lips playfully.  “To be determined.”

Trixie giggled as Katya got out of the car & pulled her close to her side, arm around her waist, once more.  Katya saw the flash of insecurity across Trixie’s face as she nervously glanced around the parking lot. She started to withdraw her grasp until Trixie reached behind them to hold her arm in place.  Katya’s expression softened, realizing that Trixie really was trying for her.

“Reservation for Zamolodchikova,” she told the host, who nodded politely in response & took two leather-bound menus from the stand.

“You made a reservation?” Trixie whispered gleefully.  “What a gentleman!”

Katya pinched her side, “Shhhhh!”

Once they were seated & Trixie’d had time to peruse the lengthy list of vegetarian options & decided on a sun-dried tomato, asparagus, & mushroom pasta, Katya waved the waiter over.  “Bonjour, les filles,” he chirped.

“Salut, um, pouvons-nous obtenir deux verres de chardonnay s'il vous plaît?”  

The waiter looked pleasantly surprised that Katya was actually ordering in French & replied, “Oui, bien sûr!”

Katya glanced back down at the menu.  “Je prendrai la truite amandine et les pâtes du cap ferrat pour elle. Et pouvons-nous commander une crème brûlée à la lavande pour le dessert, aussi?”

He nodded, taking down the order, “Je vais passer votre commande, madame. Rien d'autre?”

Katya shook her head with a smile, handing him their menus.  Trixie’s mouth hung slightly agape. “You speak French?!”

“It must be the other 13% of my personality,” she winked, pouring them water from the glass bottle on the table.

Her eyes lit up.  “You’re so interesting,” Trixie rested her chin on her hands & stared at Katya.

Katya stared back, mirroring Trixie’s position, elbows on the table.  “И ты такой милый,” she grinned widely.

“Okay, that wasn’t even French!” Trixie pouted.

“Nope!”

“Say it again!” she squealed excitedly.

“И ты такой милый,” she repeated, more slowly this time, overexaggerating the way her tongue rolled in her mouth.

“Is that Russian?!” Trixie squealed.  Katya nodded. “What’s it mean?”

“And you’re so cute,” she grinned again.  Trixie’s cheeks flushed & she reached across the table to take Katya’s hand.  “See, point made,” Katya squeezed.

Over small talk & flirting, the two of them ate their meals, Katya having turned down the second glass of wine Trixie ordered.  When the waiter brought out dessert, Trixie’s voice squeaked, “Oh my god! That looks so good!”

“It’s a lavender crème brûlée,” she smiled, picking up one of the small spoons that accompanied the dish.  “Here—” she cracked the sugary top & scooped up a bite, holding it up to Trixie.

She leaned in, slowly taking the bite & letting her lips close around the dessert spoon so Katya had to pull it out gently.  “Mmmmmm,” she sighed, eyes closed & sending a shot of electricity straight to Katya’s stomach.

“Good?” Katya’s voice was low, teasing.

“Mmhmmm,” Trixie nodded, opening her eyes & grinning.  “Delicious.” She hooked her ankle with Katya’s under the table, watching her savor her first bite, too.  The two of them alternated taking bites, smirking & stroking each other’s calves with their feet, until they were scraping the bottom of the dish.

When the waiter brought their check, Katya quickly claimed it, handing her debit card to him.  “I’ll owe you,” Trixie smiled lazily.

Katya shook her head.  “Nope, I told you I wanted to take you out.”  She reached over to trail her fingertips up & down Trixie’s forearm where it lay on the table.  Trixie tugged the corner of her lip between her teeth & looked down, watching the fluid motions Katya’s nails were making.  When she finally looked back up at Katya through her lashes, it was through dark eyes that made her mood obvious.

Licking her lips slightly, Katya quickly shoved the card back into her wallet & signed the check, leaving the waiter a hearty tip.  “Come on,” her voice was quiet, but Trixie could hear how low & heavy it was. She let Katya lead her by the hand out of the restaurant & eventually to the passenger’s side, where she opened the door to let Trixie in, but before she could get settled in the seat, Katya slid her body between Trixie’s legs that hung out the door.  Without a word, Trixie launched forward, crashing her lips into Katya’s. Katya roughly grabbed the back of Trixie’s hair, forcing her as close as she could get her as she tilted her head & parted her still-sugary lips with her tongue. Trixie moaned into Katya’s mouth & grabbed both of her hips tightly.

After a minute, Katya came up for air & lifted Trixie’s legs into the floorboard, shutting the door behind her.  She took a deep breath, trying to remember how oxygen worked, as she walked around the back of the car to the driver’s seat.  As she got in, the sight of Trixie’s deep pink cheeks & disheveled hair, dress bunched sloppily around her thighs, made her wish she could teleport them home rather than having to wait the fifteen minute drive.

Katya kept agitatedly looking back & forth between the speedometer & the road, silently willing traffic to move faster.  Trixie wiggled one knee back & forth against the other, not bothering to hide the state she was in, which only made Katya want to floor it harder.  With only a couple of miles to go, Trixie reached over & crawled her fingertips up Katya’s thigh, any residual shyness gone as she shamelessly giggled at hearing Katya gulp.

“Hmmm?” Trixie hummed flirtatiously.  Katya cleared her throat, causing Trixie to reach up to unbutton & unzip Katya’s pants.  Her hands tightened around the steering wheel as she pulled up to a long line of traffic at a red light.  She refused to look over at Trixie, who had scooted to the very edge of her seat, arm outstretched over the center console to let her fingers dip beneath her slacks, teasing her through her overly expensive panties.

She pursed her lips to hold back a groan as the light turned green & Trixie slipped her hand away.  Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the slight heat rash that was creeping up Trixie’s chest as she pretended to stare out the passenger’s side window.  Katya shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she rounded the corner to her neighborhood. She reached down with one hand to fasten her pants as she pulled into the driveway, not bothering to put the car in the garage.  Trixie smiled, saccharine sweet & calm, as Katya turned off the car. Without a word, she hopped out & followed her to the front door, waiting patiently as she unlocked it.

Katya flipped on the living room lightswitch & nervously glanced at Trixie, who was standing innocently just inside the front door.  As Katya kicked her heels off & tossed her purse onto the counter, Trixie smoothed down her dress over her thighs & smiled girlishly.  “You’re shy now?” Katya poked fun at her.

“No…” Trixie simpered, taking a step backward.

Katya grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge & took a giant swig, never breaking eye contact with Trixie, who writhed flirtatiously against the wall.  A tiny moan of appreciation escaped Katya’s lips as she watched Trixie push her chest out & run a hand through her hair, pulling out a few strands from her updo.  “You just like the attention, huh?” Katya growled huskily, slowly putting the cap back on the bottle & setting it on the counter.

Trixie ignored her, tilting her head to the side & rolling her hips back against the wall.  Katya could feel her pupils dilating as she lowered her gaze to Trixie’s fluid movements, hem of her dress riding up her thighs with every sway.  She licked her lips hungrily as Trixie let her hand trail down from her hair, into the top of her off-the-shoulder dress, closing her eyes as she took a full breast in her hand & squeezed softly.  She knew she was torturing Katya, which turned her on beyond belief.

“Look at you,” Katya murmured, reaching back to run a hand through her slightly-sweaty hair at the back of her neck.  Trixie’s eyes fell open & her lips parted into an open-mouthed grin. At that, Katya couldn’t take it anymore. She hurried to Trixie, using both hands to shove her roughly against the wall with a slam.  Trixie gasped & Katya shut her up with a violent kiss as she unceremoniously pushed her dress down past her strapless bra, reaching around to unhook it in one swift motion & letting it fall to the floor. Both of her hands immediately cupped Trixie’s breasts, squeezing firmly.

Still in her heels, Trixie had a height advantage over Katya, who leaned down to swirl the tip of her tongue around one nipple before biting down gently.  “Katya,” Trixie whimpered, drawing out her name as she arched her chest further toward her mouth. She hummed around her nipple in response, whole mouth sloppily devouring one breast, then the other.  “ _ Fuck _ ,” Trixie breathed, running her hands through Katya’s already-messy hair.

Trixie instinctively spread her legs further apart, prompting Katya to nestle her thigh between them.  She bunched up Trixie’s dress for her, letting her grind against her thigh in only her thin panties. When Trixie ever-so-slightly pushed Katya’s head downward, trying to force her to where she needed her most, Katya roughly grabbed both of Trixie’s hands, slamming them against the wall at her sides.  Her gaze bore directly into Trixie’s, intense & unblinking, as Trixie slowly rolled her hips against Katya’s still-clothed thigh. Trixie’s lips parted in a quiet moan that was cut off by Katya kissing her softly, still maintaining a near-painful grip on Trixie’s wrists. “I need you,” Trixie whispered into her mouth, voice small & pleading.

“I know, baby,” Katya’s reply was so tender that Trixie could’ve sworn it made her heart stop.  “I know you do.” She let go of her wrists only to take her hand & lead her to the bedroom. Trixie stepped out of her shoes & followed as Katya guided her through the total darkness & silence of the house, their bare feet padding audibly on the hardwood floor.  Katya switched on the small lamp on her bedside table, providing just enough light to dimly illuminate the bed, before bringing both hands to Trixie’s face & kissing her gently.

After only a few seconds, Katya softly pushed her backward onto the bed & climbed on top of her, straddling her.  Trixie reached out needily, drawing her down until Katya was propped on her elbows on either side of Trixie’s head, faces close together.  Katya let her eyes flutter closed as Trixie kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheeks. When Trixie’s mouth found her neck, immediately biting & sucking at the skin there, Katya’s hips reflexively jolted downward.  “ _ Trixie _ ,” she gasped loudly, tangling her hands into her hair & going slightly limp against her mouth.

“Yeah?” Trixie murmured against her neck, sucking roughly.  One of Katya’s hands traced the curve of Trixie’s jaw, down between them to her bare breast.  Trixie’s hands lifted the back of Katya’s tank top & she leaned up to let her yank it over her head.  “God, you’re gorgeous,” Trixie smiled up at her. Looking down at her, Katya noticed Trixie’s lips were already swollen, eyes blown out, & skin blotchy with heat, but she felt the exact same way.

“Take this off,” Trixie breathed insistently, pulling the bra straps down Katya’s shoulders.  Katya reached back to unclasp it & let Trixie do the rest, tossing it onto the ground beside the bed.  “Wow,” Trixie smiled, hands roaming over Katya’s strong shoulders, down her biceps, across to her breasts, & down her ribs to her flat stomach.  She wanted to remember every surface of her, each one she revealed somehow even more mesmerizing than the last.

“Here,” Katya sat up on her knees, unzipping the side-zipper on Trixie’s dress & sliding it down into a puddle at her feet, leaving her in nothing but a pale pink lace thong beneath her.  Katya’s hands immediately reached for her hips as she leaned down, leaving soft kisses all the way across her stomach, circling her belly button. “You— really— do— have— the most— beautiful— body,” she managed between kisses.

“Look who’s talkin’,” Trixie laughed self-deprecatingly before pulling lightly on Katya’s hair, drawing her attention back to her eyes.  “Hang on,” she said.

“What?”  Katya immediately pulled back.  “What’s wrong?”

Trixie giggled, “Nothing.  I just want these off,” she nudged Katya’s leg with her knee.  Katya jokingly rolled her eyes & unbuttoned her pants, letting them find Trixie’s dress on the floor.

“Scoot up,” Katya whispered.  Trixie did as she was told, turning the right way on the bed, head amongst Katya’s black cotton pillows.  Katya stood over her beaming for a moment, admiring how small she looked in the giant bed, how starkly her pink hair & pale skin stood out against her all-black bedding.  She climbed in bed next to her, rolling so they were face-to-face. Trixie immediately wrapped her arms around Katya’s waist, hugging her close, & Katya caressed her cheek.  A tear rolled out of the corner of Trixie’s eye, down onto the side of her nose.

“Baby, are you okay?” Katya wiped it away.

Trixie nodded, smiling to bite back the tears she felt threatening to brim over.  “I’m just happy.”

Katya gently kissed the place the tear had just fallen & tucked a stray piece of Trixie’s hair behind her ear.  “You’re so cute,” she spoke into her skin. “So cute…” Trixie kept her in place with one arm while her other snaked between them, softly touching Katya through her soaking wet lace boyshorts.  She inhaled sharply as Trixie trailed down inside the front of them, fingers  _ finally _ making contact with her bare skin.

Trixie watched every slight change in expression carefully, learning what Katya liked most.  “Oh my  _ god _ ,” she hissed as Trixie dragged her already-wet middle finger upward against her clit.  Trixie grinned proudly at the noises she was able to draw from Katya, & continued the same pattern, watching her come apart in her arms.  

She leaned over & kissed Katya’s forehead again & again, before whispering, “Can I—”  Before she’d even gotten her question out, Katya was nodding furiously, & Trixie wasted no time scooting down the bed to pull her panties down.  Katya lifted a heel to kick them off & rested it over Trixie’s shoulder as she crawled in close, leaving gentle kisses up the inside of her thigh before dipping her tongue inside of Katya.  She moaned loudly as she felt Trixie’s full lips envelop her, sucking softly as her tongue thrusted slowly in & out of her. As Trixie moved upward with her tongue, she replaced it with two fingers, moving torturously slowly.

Katya was so wound up, it only took a moment before she could feel the dull tension knotting between her legs.  She used her ankles to push Trixie tighter against her, both hands threading through her hair to hold her in place.  “Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop—” she begged, on the verge of crying out, it felt so good. She thrusted her hips hard against Trixie’s mouth, & she moaned encouragingly.  When Katya leaned up on her elbows to see Trixie looking up through her lashes at her, the eye contact sent her over the edge & her mouth dropped open in a soundless scream. Trixie could feel her thighs tense around her, & Katya forced her eyes to stay locked on Trixie’s as she gasped, murmuring “fuck yes, oh god, fuck yes” over & over.

Trixie lowered her face, taking one final long, slow taste of Katya before crawling back up the bed to her.  “Jesus Christ,” Katya panted, lazily grabbing Trixie in her arms & hugging her close to her sweaty body.

“Did I do good?” Trixie asked flirtatiously, tracing a short pink nail between Katya’s breasts.

Katya kissed her hair, then tilted her chin to kiss her lips, not minding the taste of herself there.  “Mmmm, so good, baby… so, so good.” A grin spread across Trixie’s face at the praise, which Katya most definitely noticed.  She flipped Trixie over onto her back, her hair fallen completely out of the ponytail & splayed wildly around her, & climbed on top of her, kissing her deeply.  “You’re  _ so  _ good,” she breathed.  “Such a good girl for me… so beautiful…” she kissed down her shoulder, sucking against her collarbone before moving back up to her mouth, one hand slipping down to tug her panties from her hips, the other propping her up by the elbow.

Katya slid them skillfully over Trixie’s full thighs, leaving them at the end of the bed, & without breaking the kiss, slid a single finger inside of her.  She felt Trixie smile into her mouth & dragged it in & out, spreading her wetness around. “And you feel so good…” she whispered into her mouth. “So ready for me…”  Trixie nodded from beneath her, which was all the encouragement Katya needed to add a second finger. Trixie was canting her hips upward to meet Katya’s fingers, silently begging for more friction.  Her free hand grabbed Trixie’s, holding it softly.

“Mmmm, you want more, princess?”

Trixie squealed. “Please!”

Katya slowly pushed a third finger into her, moaning at the slight stretch she could feel, & curled her fingertips up into Trixie, causing her to shudder beneath her.  “Does that feel good?” she whispered.

“Yes, god, yes…” Trixie whimpered.

As her fingers dragged steadily in & out of Trixie, each time hitting that sweet spot she could feel swelling, Katya used her thumb to add firm circular pressure to Trixie’s clit, causing her to whine.  Just as Katya’s knuckles were starting to cramp, Trixie’s constant whimpers became high-pitched, jumbled shouts of “fuck,” & “please,” followed by a breathy “ _ Katya _ .”  She rubbed her fingers against the soft, swollen spot inside of her, & within seconds, Trixie let out a barely-coherent plea of “yes, make me come, mama!”  Katya felt Trixie twitch & then clench around her fingers & rubbed once more, unsurprised when Trixie soaked not only her entire hand, but also the bedsheet below her.

Trixie covered her eyes with her forearm, grinning as she tried to catch her breath.  When she uncovered her face, she watched as Katya sucked her fingers clean. “God, you’re sexy,” Trixie panted.  “Seriously.” Once Katya climbed up beside her, she added, “Sorry about the sheets,” with a sheepish grin.

“You can ruin every bedsheet I own if you do that for me,” Katya grinned in return, kissing her gently.

“If you fuck me like that, I just might,” she teased through the kiss, playfully slapping Katya’s ass.

Katya giggled.  “Can do!”

The two of them kissed lazily, legs wrapped around one another’s, until a tiny yawn escaped Trixie’s mouth.  “Sleepy?” Katya asked. Trixie nodded, rubbing her eyes. “Get up so I can change the sheets, then.”

“Can’t  _ you  _ just sleep in the wet spot?” Trixie whined.

“If you make me do that, there won’t be any more wet spots in your future,” she warned playfully.

“Okay, fiiiiiine,” she grumbled with a laugh, getting up so Katya could strip the bed.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back back back again... hope y'all are enjoying the journey with these two! Just a little domestic bliss before things get wild for them! ♡

 

Trixie was deep into a dream about herself & Katya building a snowman in the expansive yard of her parents’ house when she heard a jingling sound.  She looked down the street, expecting a car or maybe a dog with clanging tags, before she was being gently shaken awake by Katya.

“Yeah… no, that’s no problem.  If you wanna get her stuff ready, I can come & get her… no, really, it’s okay.  Tell her I’ll be there in a few minutes,” she spoke into the phone, not yet moving Trixie’s head from where it rested against her bare chest.

Trixie screwed up her face in concern as Katya hung up, dropping the phone onto the bed beside her.  “Shosh had a nightmare & apparently she’s inconsolable.”

“Oh, no!” Trixie frowned.

“Ginger tried to get her back to sleep, but she refuses… I gotta go pick her up.”  Trixie squinted at the bedside alarm clock. 3:48. She bit her lip, unsure what she should do.

Katya petted Trixie’s hair as she pulled the sheet back from her own naked body.  “Go back to sleep, baby.”

Trixie yawned deeply & sat up, pulling the sheet up around her breasts.  “No… I mean… should I go? I can get an Uber or—”

Katya immediately hushed her.  “No, no, don’t worry about it. You’re not gonna get an Uber at 4 o’clock.”  She climbed out of bed, quickly throwing on a pair of leggings & a hoodie from the closet.

“I’ll come with you,” Trixie said with finality, patting the bed as she searched for her missing hair tie.

“You don’t have to,” Katya assured her, but the look on her face told Trixie that she was grateful for the offer.

“I know, but it’ll be less awkward now than creeping around to avoid her knowing I’m here…”  she bunched her hair up atop her head. “Do you have anything I can wear?”

Katya smiled softly— she knew Trixie was right.  “Um… yeah,” she found a pair of pajama shorts & a burgundy Mass Art crewneck sweater in a drawer & tossed them onto the end of the bed.  “I dunno if these’ll fit…”

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” she hurried to get dressed & used her pinky fingers to wipe the makeup she felt caked under her eyes, then followed Katya’s footsteps toward the front door.  Katya slipped on a pair of black sneakers, Trixie not even bothering with shoes, & the two of them rushed to the car.

The whole way, Katya chewed anxiously on her thumbnail.  “I’m sure she’s fine,” Trixie tried to comfort her.

“No, I know—” Katya started.  “Just… I’m thinking about what to say to her when she sees you here.”

“Say we had a slumber party?”  Katya finally cracked a smirk. “I’m sure she won’t think anything of it, babe.”

“You’re right,” she sighed.  “This is just the first time I’ve—”  She stopped herself mid-sentence & Trixie stared at her expectantly.  “The first time I’ve actually cared about somebody in a long time & I don’t wanna fuck it up so soon.”

Trixie reached over to rub the back of Katya’s neck.  “Me too.” After a moment, she felt Katya relax slightly into her touch.  

When she pulled into Ginger’s driveway, making sure to turn the headlights off so as not to wake anyone else up, Katya left the car running.  “Be right back?” Trixie nodded supportively.

Katya saw Ginger peer out the curtains & waved at her.  By the time she’d reached the front door, Ginger was opening it to her, letting Shosh grab onto her mom’s legs.  She’d stopped crying, but looked absolutely exhausted & terrified. “Sorry,” Ginger mouthed.

Katya smiled softly, “Don’t worry about it.”

“Trixie?” Ginger mouthed & pointed to the car.  Katya nodded.

“You doin’ okay?” she rubbed the top of Shosh’s hair, & felt her shake her head  _ no _ in response.  “What happened?”  Katya wrapped her arms around her tiny body, clasping them behind her back.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” she whimpered timidly.

“That’s okay, bug.  Wanna go home?” Shosh nodded into Katya’s side.  

Ginger handed Katya the overnight bag & bent down to give Shosh a hug.  “Bye, honey,” she squeezed her tightly. Shosh buried her face in Ginger’s shoulder & hugged her in return before returning to clinging to her mom.

Katya guided her to the car by her hand, holding her breath the entire way there.  She lifted her up into her booster seat & hooked her in before Shosh even opened her eyes enough to look toward the front of the car.  “Miss Trixie! You came to pick me up, too?”

Trixie had turned her body in the seat to face her as Katya backed out of the driveway.  “Yep, is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Shosh whispered.  “I had a bad dream.”

“Your mom told me… those are so scary.”

“It was!” she whined.

“You know what I do when I have a bad dream?”

“What?”

“I close my eyes & I think about something silly happening in the dream instead.”

“But an alien with a scary face was trying to get me!” Shosh protested.

“What if he looked like…” Trixie pressed her index finger to her lips for a few seconds.  “Hmmm… what if instead of a scary face, his face was made of cookies?”

Shosh giggled.  “Then I could  _ eat him _ to get rid of him!” she announced proudly.

“Just dip that dumb alien in some milk,” Trixie giggled back.

“Nom nom nom,” Shosh mimed munching on a cookie.

“See!  Not  _ quite _ so scary anymore, is he?”  Shosh shook her head. Trixie turned back around in her seat to see Katya beaming at her.  Even in the dark car, Trixie could feel her cheeks flush as she grinned back at her. They rode in silence the rest of the way home, Shosh repeatedly nodding off in the back seat.

“Okay, kiddo, we’re here,” Katya announced once they had pulled into their own driveway.  Shosh mumbled something unintelligible & Katya sighed. “Can you unlock the door?” she passed the keys to Trixie.  “I’m gonna have to carry her.”

“Sure.”  Trixie ran ahead of them, getting the door opened by the time Katya reached it, bulky tote bag over her shoulder & sleeping child draped around her upper half.  She walked her through the dark house to her bedroom & switched on the night light that projected purple stars across her ceiling. Flopping Shosh down on the bed with a groan, Katya pulled the blanket up over her & leaned down to kiss her forehead.  “Night,” she whispered, closing the door behind her.

“Mommmmmm,” she heard before she’d even made it down the hallway.  She turned on her heels & opened her bedroom door, peeking her head in.  “Is Miss Trixie gonna be here tomorrow?”

“Is that okay?” she asked gingerly.

“Yeah, tell her I want her to read  _ Rainbow Fish _ with me,” Shosh yawned.

“Okay,” Katya laughed.  “I will. Now go back to sleep.”  She softly pulled the door shut behind her & found Trixie in the kitchen, drinking from the earlier-abandoned water bottle.  “Hi,” she whispered, coming up behind her & wrapping her arms around her waist.

“Is she sleeping?” Trixie whispered back, laying her arms atop Katya’s.

“Mmhmmm,” she kissed her ear.  “And I roped you into book duty in the morning.”

Trixie giggled.  “Perfect.”

“Now let’s go back to bed,” Katya spoke into Trixie’s messy hair, kissing the side of her head.  Trixie followed her into the bedroom & fell comfortably into the same spot she had been sleeping in earlier.

“Your bed is so much nicer than mine,” she murmured happily, stretching out & claiming the whole thing with her limbs.

“Go to sleep, you idiot,” Katya laughed, crawling into bed & lifting up Trixie’s arm to snuggle beneath it.

  
  


* * *

 

 

“Mmmm, hi,” Trixie purred when she woke up to see Katya already awake, wearing dark-rimmed glasses & scrolling through her phone.  She was propped up slightly in bed, still under the covers & letting Trixie curl up to her side as she slept.

“Morning,” Katya smiled down at her.  “You awake?”

“Nooooo,” Trixie murmured in response, wrapping her arms around Katya’s chest & throwing a leg over her hips.  Katya combed her fingers through Trixie’s half-up, half-down hair as she clung to her. “Whatcha doin’?” Trixie whispered.

“Just reading emails,” she leaned down to kiss her forehead, still massaging her scalp with her fingertips.

“You wear glasses?” Trixie asked in a hushed voice.

“Only when my eyes are tired,” Katya snickered.

“They’re cute…” Trixie’s hand rubbed Katya’s stomach through her hoodie before she let it slip beneath the thick fabric to caress her bare skin.

“Yeah?” Katya smiled, still staring at her phone.

“Mmhmmm…” Trixie hummed, pushing her hips against the side of Katya’s thigh.  “I like ‘em.” Katya absentmindedly rubbed the back of Trixie’s neck, scrolling with one hand.  Trixie grabbed hard onto Katya’s opposite side beneath her hoodie & rolled her hips against her still-clothed leg one more time.  Katya chewed on the inside of her cheek, curious how long she could tease Trixie without it showing on her face. Her short nails tickled the base of Trixie’s neck, dancing across her hairline.

Trixie could feel her pajama shorts riding up on her strong thighs, damp fabric bunching up against her, & thrust against Katya’s leg with a quiet moan.  Katya kept up her game— ignoring her, but for playing with her hair, eyes still focused on her phone. It only took a few seconds before Trixie gave up, burying her face in the thick cotton of Katya’s sweater & rubbing herself against Katya’s outer thigh, one leg wrapped tightly around her body.

Katya’s heartbeat sped as she could feel how warm & wet Trixie was, even through her leggings, but she tried not to let it show on her face.  Seeing Trixie this unabashedly needy sent chills up her spine, & she wanted nothing more than to watch her get herself off. Trixie’s thrusts sped up, hips scooting up & down Katya’s thigh, & she let out a delicious moan.

“Shhhhh,” Katya reminded her.

“Mmmmm, I  _ cannnn’t _ ,” Trixie whimpered into her side.  Katya heard Trixie’s breath start to fall in ragged gasps, & reached the hand that’d been in her hair down to cover her mouth tightly.  Trixie pushed herself hard into Katya’s body & choked out a moan against the palm of her hand as she picked up her pace, frantically aching for more friction.  Her fingers dug painfully into Katya’s stomach as she came, a muffled squeal vibrating against Katya’s skin.

“Quiet?” Katya asked after a few seconds.  When she felt Trixie nod, she took her hand from her mouth & laced it back through her hair.  Trixie, leg still wrapped around Katya’s body, reached down to press firmly against her wet pajama bottoms, trying to soothe the aftershocks trembling through her.

“Are you done with your emails?” Trixie teased quietly, looking up at her.

“It depends,” she looked down at her through her glasses.

“On what?” she grinned.  Katya didn’t reply, only smirked devilishly.  Trixie scooted up the bed so she was face-to-face with Katya & kissed her softly before slipping her hand under the waistband of her leggings.  “Hmmmmm,” she whispered.

“What?”  Katya set her phone down on the bed beside her.

“I thought you were just reading your emails,” Trixie taunted in a whisper, before drawing her hand back out of her pants.  “I can’t believe work makes you this wet,” she slowly licked her fingers one by one.

“Jesus…” Katya moaned, watching with wide eyes.  

She started to take her glasses off before Trixie interrupted her.  “No— leave ‘em on.”

Katya grinned.  “What kind of dirty professor fantasy…” she teased.

“You got it,” Trixie giggled, hand sliding back into her leggings.

“You  _ do  _ look cute in that shirt,” Katya winked at her, still wearing her college sweater.

“Ugh, you’re gonna kill me,” Trixie groaned quietly, slipping two fingers into her & moving agonizingly slowly.  She lazily pumped in & out of Katya, leaving sporadic kisses on not only her lips, but her nose & chin, as well.

“God, that feels good,” Katya sighed in a voice so low it was barely audible.

“Yeah?”  Trixie dragged her fingers up to draw slow circles against her.  She knew it wouldn’t be enough pressure to make her come, but she wanted to torture Katya for awhile, just like she’d done to her.  When Katya moaned, Trixie changed position, swirling her fingers against the bend of her leg or down her thigh. After a few minutes of hearing Katya groan frustratedly & feeling her thrust her hips, trying to chase her fingers, Trixie gave in, pushing roughly into her with two fingers before rubbing the wetness fast & hard against her clit, feeling the stretchy material of Katya’s leggings burning against the back of her hand.

Katya’s head fell back against the bed & she shoved a pillow over her own face to quiet the gasps that poured from her lips, shivers wracking her body.  She pushed hard against Trixie’s hand as she came, wanting  _ more more more _ .  Once Trixie had gently brought her down, she lifted the pillow only to bury her head beneath it, too, & kissed Katya softly.

“Is every morning gonna be like this?” Katya breathed against her mouth.

“I hope so,” Trixie grinned.

“Except get this thing off me… I can’t breathe,” Katya wheezed, pushing the pillow away.

Trixie screech-laughed, then clamped her hand across her mouth.  “Ooops.”

“It’s fine,” Katya laughed.  “Do you wanna shower first before she wakes up?”  Trixie nodded & rolled out of bed. “I can just… put on my dress from last night since these—” she wiggled her butt in Katya’s direction, “—are now unwearable.”

“That’s your fault,” she jokingly rolled her eyes.

“ _ Um _ , nothing’s _ever_ my fault!” Trixie chirped, bending down to retrieve the pieces of her outfit from the night before.

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  


Miraculously, Shoshanna had slept through both Trixie & Katya’s showers, though Trixie hadn’t washed her hair, telling Katya she had to use special shampoos & conditioners.  She’d just shrugged & called her spoiled, a word that made Trixie’s cheeks turn pink.

When Katya finally went in to wake Shosh, Trixie made them both coffee & rummaged through the fridge for breakfast ingredients.  

“What’s that smell?” Shosh asked sleepily as she climbed out of bed.

“I dunno!  Let’s go find out!”  Katya held her hand as they walked into the kitchen together to find Trixie, in her flowery dress from the night before, scrambling eggs in one pan & cooking sliced peppers & zucchini in another.

“Trix!” Katya gasped.  “You don’t have to cook!”

“This is barely cooking,” she waved her off.

“I wanna help!” Shosh ran over to Trixie.

“Perfect, I need an assistant!” Trixie exclaimed as she stirred the eggs around.  “Do you wanna be the toast chef?”

“Yesssss!” Shosh reached up to pull the bag of bread off the counter.  “Mom, help!” Katya lifted her by the hips & set her on the tall counter next to the toaster.  “One… two… three,” she counted out loud as she plopped the slices into the slots & pushed the lever down proudly.

“Watch your head!” Katya warned Shosh, pushing her down as she opened the cupboard behind her to retrieve three plates, setting them next to the stove.

“Miss Trixie, did you sleep here?” Shosh asked.

Trixie & Katya’s eyes darted to one another’s.  “Yeah!” Trixie confirmed.

“Why?” her voice was cheerful, but curious.

“Because I… um…” she tripped over her words.

“You know how I said I was going to dinner with a friend?” Katya interjected.  Shosh nodded. “That was Trixie!”

“Oh!  You’re friends?!”  Trixie giggled as she dished the eggs up onto the plates.

“Yep!” Katya answered.

“So you slept here… because… you’re friends,” Shosh slowly worked it out in her head.

“Just like you & Avery,” Katya said.

“Did you have a sleeping bag?” Shosh asked Trixie, who snorted in laughter.  “Because I like sleeping in Avery’s sleeping bag.”

“No, baby,” Katya cut in.  “She didn’t have a sleeping bag with her.”

“Did you have to sleep on the floor?”

Trixie & Katya locked eyes.  “No, I slept in your mom’s bed,” Trixie explained.

Shosh burst into laughter.  “Ha ha, Mom had to sleep on the floor!!”

The two of them shrugged & without speaking, decided it was easiest to leave it at that.  Thankfully, the toast popped up & saved them. “Alright, toast chef— what are we putting on these?” Trixie turned to her.

Once Shosh had helped spread butter & apricot jelly on each of the three pieces, they took their plates to the table— Shosh’s portion of vegetables replaced by a heaping pile of ketchup.  As they ate, she dominated the conversation, replaying them every second of her sleepover with Avery. Katya sipped her coffee slowly, gazing out from behind the mug at Trixie & her daughter, & wishing she could freeze the moment forever.

When everyone had finished eating & Katya was cleaning up the breakfast dishes, Trixie turned to Shosh.  “So… I hear you wanna read a book!”

Shosh nodded furiously, dirty blonde hair shaking around her face.  “I told Mom I wanted you to read  _ Rainbow Fish _ with me.”

“Well, go get it!”  As Shosh ran into her room, Trixie shuffled over to where Katya was washing the plates.  She reached down to refill her coffee from the pot & caught Katya’s eye.

“Thanks for breakfast, baby,” Katya whispered.

“Anytime, mama,” Trixie kissed her cheekbone, carrying her coffee into the living room to wait for Shosh.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back in the house!
> 
> Sorry for the delay-- life took over for awhile, but hopefully you missed these two dorks as much as I did. As always, your comments are my motivation, so drop 'em below! ♡♡♡

 

“Shosh, you’re gonna have to decide on something,” Katya laughed as she pushed a cart through the aisles of Party City.  Shosh was pulling costume accessories off the shelves at random— they’d set out to get her a ladybug costume, but everything they passed became Shosh’s new favorite Halloween idea.  A ladybug had transformed into a princess, into a doctor, & most recently, into a pirate, as she swiped a plastic sword from the shelf.

“This one!”  She waved the flimsy, cardboard-backed sword at her mom.

“A pirate?  Final decision?”

“Yes!” Shosh nodded.  Katya unloaded the various princess & bug regalia from the cart & tossed it haphazardly onto a rack.  “Okay, here—” she reached up to the higher shelf, taking down a black pirate hat, adorned with a skull & crossbones & plopping it onto Shosh’s head.

“What else?” she giggled.

“What else do you want?!”

Shosh looked up covetously toward the top shelves she couldn’t reach.  “Ummmm… that!” She pointed at a costume in a bag— a small burgundy jacket with a ruffled white shirt & an eye patch.  Katya thumbed through the packages until she found a size small & pulled it down. Shosh studied the package carefully.  “Can I have a mustache, too?”

“Sure!”  Katya tossed the costume pieces into the cart.  “I bet I can draw you one heck of a mustache!”

Shosh nodded excitedly & clung to the cart as her mom led it toward the register.  Katya, meanwhile, tried not to think about how ridiculously overpriced the cheap costume was going to be.  She knew Shosh needed to look cute for her dance class’s Halloween party, & she would spare no expense in making sure she didn’t stand out for the wrong reasons.

The next night, as Shosh paired her pirate costume with black leggings, Katya texted Trixie.   _ I’m not supposed to be dressed up for this thing, am I? _

_ No, but I have to be _ .  She added an eye roll emoji.

_ Gimme a sneak peak! _

_ NO. _

Katya laughed as she typed back,  _ Pleeeeease? _  “Come on, munchkin,” she pointed toward the bathroom.  “I need some light to mustache you up!”

Shosh ran out of her room & into the bathroom, flicking on the light.  “Do it good,” she warned her.

“Excuse me!” Katya laughed in mock offense.  “I am a mustache  _ expert _ !  Hop up.”  She kicked the footstool over to the counter so Shosh could climb up to sit on the sink.  Katya grabbed a dull black eyeliner from her makeup bag. “Now hold still.”

Just as she started to draw the second half of the mustache, Katya felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket & smiled to herself.  “How’s that?” 

Shosh turned to face herself in the mirror.  “I look like a boy!” she burst into hysterics.

“You look like a pirate!” Katya mussed her hair.

“Arrrrrgh!” she shouted, using her hands to push herself down from the counter with a loud stomp.  As Shosh positioned her oversized hat atop her head, Katya checked her phone.  _ What’s in it for me? _

_ Hmmmmmm…  _ Katya texted back.   _ A kiss? _  She added the lip emoji.

_ Tempting, but _ …

Katya replied with three lip emojis.  A moment later, a photo flashed on her screen— a bathroom mirror selfie of Trixie as what Katya could only describe as a roller skating Barbie.  A pale pink catsuit stretched across her body, expanding dangerously around her breasts, bright yellow elbow pads adorned her arms, & her hair was teased higher than Katya thought physically possible & held in place with a matching neon pink headband.  Her makeup was almost comically dramatic— lashes on lashes, glitter sprinkled around her big brown eyes, & overdrawn cotton-candy-pink lips.

_ Holy shit _ was all Katya could manage to reply.

_ You promised! _

_ I’m gonna have a hard time keeping my lips OFF of you in that _ !

_ Tease _ .  Trixie texted back.

_ We’re about to head over btw _ , Katya replied.

_ See you soon! _  Trixie sent a gift-wrapped heart.

Katya bit her lip, unsure what to wear for the studio party.  She knew it would just be kids playing games & eating sweets, but even so, her anxiety flared up when she thought about being around the other parents for that long.  Once she’d decided on a pair of black pants & a tight brown plaid button down, she finished off the look by touching up her red lipstick & slipping on black pumps.

The whole drive to the studio, Katya chewed at the inside of her cheek.  She wasn’t as easily distracted as Shosh, who was watching a video on the iPad in the backseat.  Rolling the window down only made her want a cigarette; listening to the radio only made her think of Trixie.  She started trying to memorize license plates as they whirred past— a habit left over from childhood. As a little girl, she would pick a car at random & decide it belonged to a criminal & if she didn’t memorize their license plate to tell the police, something bad would happen.   _ CWV 6267 _ , she ran in her brain as a white pickup lulled past.  As she turned the corner, she saw a red sedan.  _ DLM 4415 _ , she muttered under her breath.

Her compulsive game kept her focused long enough to avoid panicking on the way there.  Once she’d pulled into the parking lot, however, it was a different story. Shosh was already stashing the iPad in its sleeve, readying herself to jump out of the backseat, but Katya was frozen.  She gripped the top of the steering wheel with both hands, squeezing until her fingertips started to go numb. Her heart raced so quickly it started to physically hurt, & her eyes darted around the parking lot.   _ Three things you see _ , she tried to remind herself, counting off as she noticed a deep green tree, a yellow VW Bug, & a squirrel on the sidewalk.   _ Three things you feel _ .  Seat belt digging into her shoulder, toes squished in her heels… she started to panic again.  “Sweaty hands,” she mumbled, barely audibly. She got the third & unclenched her fists from the steering wheel, stretching her fingers over the top of it.

Katya swallowed so hard she could hear the lump travel down her throat, & palmed her breast, willing her heart to slow down as she took deep, steadying breaths.   _ They’re just people _ , she told herself.   _ They’re just people. _

“Mom?”  Shosh unbuckled her seat belt & leaned over Katya’s shoulder.

“Yep!  You ready?”  Her voice was shaky, but she tried her best to feign calmness as she opened the door & helped Shosh out of the car.

The lobby of the studio had been decorated with streamers & strings of cellophane pumpkins & spiders.  Along one side, a makeshift photo booth had been set up, using an iPad & a ring light; on the opposite, a long table full of appetizers & sparkling cider lined the wall.  Katya noticed that most of the people milling about in the lobby were parents, whereas the kids were off playing in the studio. She waved to Alyssa, who was dressed as Cruella de Vil & snacking on cheese & crackers amidst a group of moms, & followed Shosh into the mirrored studio.

Her eyes darted immediately to Trixie, who was knelt down on her sunshine-yellow knee pads, talking to a small circle of girls.  She looked incredibly animated as she fluttered her fake lashes playfully at the kids, letting them poke & prod at her glittered face.  Shosh went straight for the table of cupcakes, grabbing one & licking the frosting off before she’d even gotten it unwrapped. Trixie looked up to see Katya hovering in the doorway, & beamed, shooting her a sly wink.  Katya wiggled her fingers in a tiny hello & leaned her head against the door frame, happily admiring how perfect Trixie looked amongst the kids.

After a moment, Katya began to meander around the room, admiring the activities Alyssa & her staff had set up for the kids.  “Here!” Shosh suddenly appeared, thrusting the sticky bottom of a cupcake up at her.

“Did you just eat the frosting?”

“No!  I had the cake that was touching the frosting, too!”  Her mouth was already stained blue from the food coloring, & Katya just shook her head.

“Go play!” she sighed, sitting down at a small card table & picking at the remnants of the cupcake.  It only took a couple of minutes before Trixie freed herself from her students to join Katya.

“Hey,” she chirped, purposefully brushing her hand against her shoulder as she sat down next to her.

“Hi,” Katya smiled tiredly.  Though being around Trixie definitely quelled her anxiety, she couldn’t help but still feel antsy & emotionally wiped out.

Trixie noticed right away & put her hand on her knee.  “Hey, you okay, mama?” she whispered, concern evident in her voice.

Katya peered at her through her disheveled bangs.  “You’re cute, you know that?” She used her index finger to trace Trixie’s, from the tip down to the back of her hand.

“What do you mean?” her voice was low.

“Just hearing you say that…” Katya grinned, showing her teeth.  “Something about it… feels nice.”

Trixie squeezed Katya’s knee before drawing her hand back.  “Mmmm, we can return to that later,” she whispered. “But really, you okay?”

Katya nodded, pushing her hair out of her face.  “Just anxious about being here— not here— just— people,” she stammered.  “I kinda panicked in the car.”

“Oh, babe,” Trixie’s voice softened.  “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry, really.”  Katya tore off a piece of cupcake & popped it into her mouth.  “Cupcake?” she jokingly offered it to Trixie.

“If I eat a single bite of food, I will literally explode out of this outfit,” Trixie laughed, gingerly standing back up to rejoin the kids’ party.

“Well, it looks good in the meantime,” Katya teased.

Trixie rolled her eyes & made a quick kissing motion with her lips before turning away from Katya, deliberately exaggerating the sway in her hips as she walked.

Since Shosh & a few of her classmates were fully engrossed in painting styrofoam pumpkins, Katya took the chance to head for the lobby to grab a snack that wasn’t full of processed sugar.  She stacked a small paper plate with slices of fresh mozzarella, green olives, & cherry tomatoes, & poured a plastic cup of apple cider, then shuffled to the corner to people-watch as she ate.  Katya figured she could guess which couples were having marital problems, which were having affairs, which were happily in love, just by watching how they interacted. Knowing what  _ she _ needed was never her strong suit, but she could read others like a book.

“Hey,” Alyssa bumped her hip with her own, breaking her out of her observation.

“Nice outfit,” Katya chuckled.

“You’re lucky I didn’t make you dress up,” she laughed heartily.

“You’re right!”

“So… how are things…?” Alyssa’s voice was tinged with something Katya couldn’t quite pinpoint, but she noticed it immediately.

“Things are good.  Nothing too exciting,” she crunched on a tomato.  Alyssa stared at her, eyes sparkling. “What?” she finally gave in.

“No, nothing!” Alyssa shook her head with a laugh.

“What?” Katya’s voice rose nervously.  “Alyssa, you’re gonna make me need a cigarette!”

“Well, come on then!” she nodded toward the front door.  Katya’s eyes narrowed as she studied her face, then she tossed the empty paper plate in the trash can & walked outside without a word.  “Bum one?” Alyssa asked as Katya fished in her pocket & came up with a half-crushed pack of Spirits.

She handed one over to her, lighting her own before passing her the lighter.  “So…” Katya drew hard on the cigarette. “Spit it out,” she finally chuckled as she sat down on the curb.

Alyssa fluffed her long faux-fur coat out around her & parked herself beside Katya.  “I see you,” she elbowed her playfully.

“See me what?” Katya raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t have to tell me!” Alyssa blew smoke out the corner of her mouth.

“Tell you what?”

“You &—” she pointed back inside.  Katya licked her lips & flicked her cigarette ash.  “Trixie,” she lowered her voice. Katya looked down at her feet & chuckled anxiously.  “I’m not blind, honey!”

Katya glanced over at her for a moment before letting her lips curl up into a smirk.  “Yeah… I guess you’re not.”

“I knew it!” Alyssa whooped.

“Shut the fuck up!” Katya hissed through a laugh.

“Sorry!” Alyssa repeated herself in a low voice, “I knew it!  I see the way you two make googly eyes at each other… & don’t think I haven’t noticed you staying around to watch classes all the time!”

“That obvious?” Katya inhaled.

“Only to me,” Alyssa reassured her.  “She’s cute!” Katya nodded slowly, unable to suppress the way her smirk had turned into a full-fledged grin.  “Oh, bitch, you better invite me to the wedding!”

“Okay, I don’t think we’re  _ there _ yet!”

“Where  _ are _ you, then?  If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I don’t mind.”  Katya stubbed out her cigarette on the concrete.  “I just don’t really know… I mean… we haven’t talked about it.”

“Not much talking happening, huh?” Alyssa ribbed her.

“Fuck you,” Katya wheezed.

“Well, I just wanted to tell you I’m happy for you.  You deserve it.” She slung an arm over Katya’s shoulders.

“Thanks,” she tilted her head to rest it on Alyssa’s furry shoulder, waiting for her to finish her cigarette.

When the two went back inside, Katya found Trixie in the lobby, dressing up the students in various props beside the photo booth— oversized glasses, witch hats, clown noses.  “Mom!” Shosh waved her over. “Take a picture with me!”

“What should I wear?” Katya asked.

“This!” she held up an emerald green feather boa.

“I dunno, does it match my outfit?” she teased, bending down for Shosh to wrap it around her neck.

“Yep!”

The two of them stepped up to the backdrop & Katya grabbed the remote control for the camera.  “Ready?” she stooped down to Shosh’s height & counted down  _ 3-2-1 _ before clicking the button.

“Do another one!  A silly one!” Shosh crossed her eyes made what she thought was a scary face while Katya stuck her tongue out the side of her mouth & clicked.  “Can we do one with Miss Trixie?!” she clapped her hands together.

Katya & Trixie locked eyes & Trixie nodded.  “Scootch over!” she told Shosh, mimicking Katya’s stance so Shosh could stand between them with her arms around both of their necks.  When Katya caught a glimpse of the three of them through the ring light, she had to force back tears. The picture was everything she’d ever wanted— what she’d long imagined happiness to look like, but it’d always felt out of reach for her.

The light smoothed Trixie’s already-soft skin, making her look flawless, glitter glowing brightly around her wide eyes.  As soon as the photo appeared on the screen, Trixie turned to look at Katya & the words they didn’t say echoed throughout the room, causing everyone around them to blur into an indiscernible shape.  They stared into one another’s eyes in silence for a few seconds until Trixie watched Katya’s throat bob as she swallowed hard & she glanced down at her hand, still clasping the remote.

Katya handed it to Trixie, letting their hands linger together for a few seconds, & finally managed a smile.  Shosh had skipped off with one of her classmates back into the studio— presumably for more cupcakes or candy— & Katya hurried down the hallway toward the bathroom, locking herself inside & leaning against the door with a sigh.  

Less than thirty seconds later, she heard a soft knock.  “Katya, let me in,” Trixie whispered through the heavy door.

She opened it only enough to pull Trixie inside, then quickly shut it & twisted the lock, shoving her up against it & kissing her roughly.  “I’m— sorry—” she breathed through the messy kiss.

“For what?” Trixie gasped, hands locked around Katya’s back & pulling her hard against her body.

“For…” she bit Trixie’s lower lip, then licked over it with the tip of her tongue.  “For how much…” her hands pawed aggressively at the thin satiny material stretched across Trixie’s chest.  “How much I feel for you.” Her arms shot up to latch around the back of Trixie’s neck, tugging her thick pink hair beneath them as she kissed her so hard their teeth clacked together.

“Baby—” Trixie breathed, fingers pushing up Katya’s neck & into her hair.

“I just… seeing you… it just…” Katya stammered against Trixie’s lips.

“It felt right,” Trixie finished, tugging her lips away from Katya’s just enough to be able to look into her eyes, pupils blown wide, but that beautiful seafoam green color that had haunted her since the moment they met remaining there.

Katya felt the tears she’d fought back earlier welling up in her eyes.  As the first one crossed the threshold of her lashline, she wiped it away with a knuckle & giggled.  “It did,” she nodded. As the next tear fell, Trixie tenderly wiped it away with her fingertip.

“I’m glad this is happening,” Trixie whispered.

“What?  Me crying over Roller Rink Barbie in a bathroom?” Katya grinned through her tears.

“No!” she tickled Katya’s sides.  “Me finding someone else even sappier than I am!”

“Shut up,” Katya teased, fingers combing absentmindedly through Trixie’s hair where it lay matted to her neck.  “I’m not sappy! I just like you, okay!”

Trixie shrieked with laughter.  “Okay! But for the record—” she leaned in to kiss Katya gently.  “I feel the same way. I love being around you & I feel lucky to know you… & Shosh,” she added quietly.

Katya brought her hands up to trace both of Trixie’s cheekbones with her thumbs.  “It really does feel right, doesn’t it? All of it?”

Trixie leaned in to rest her forehead against Katya’s & closed her eyes softly.  “It does.”

They were interrupted by a knock on the door & Trixie jumped away from it.  “Um… just a second…” Katya managed.

“It’s just me,” Alyssa whispered.  Katya opened the door & was met with a smirking Cruella de Vil.  “Figured it was better me that interrupted you than anyone else,” she laughed.

A look of horror crossed Trixie’s face before Katya turned to her & giggled.  “Oh, yeah… & she knows,” she laughed, pointing at Alyssa.

“I… um… I…” Trixie stuttered, cheeks flushed bright pink.

“I don’t care, girlie!” Alyssa assured her.  “All I care about is that you get the hell out of the bathroom before I pee myself in this costume!”

Trixie giggled nervously & followed Katya out the door, back to the party.

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
“Hey, Mom?” Shosh asked tentatively.  She’d been sitting cross legged on the living room floor, coloring in her wild animals coloring book on the coffee table.

“Yeah?”  Katya, from her spot on the couch, looked up from her phone.

“Can I ask you a question?”  Shosh spun an orange crayon around in a circle on the table.

“Okay…” she answered tentatively & set her phone down on the arm of the couch.

“Don’t get mad at me because I think it’s maybe a bad word,” Shosh warned.

Katya pushed her reading glasses up on her head & knelt down on the other side of the coffee table, facing her daughter.  “Okay, shoot.”

Shosh picked up the crayon & scribbled aimlessly on the corner of the page.  “What’s dyke mean?”

Katya felt herself nearly choke on her own saliva.  “Why, honey?”

“Is it a bad word?” Shosh peered up at her, seeming scared to have said it.

“It’s not a nice word for kids to use, why?  Did somebody call you that?” Shosh shook her head, stringy blonde hair flapping from side to side.  She picked up a purple crayon & scribbled over the orange blob she’d just drawn.

“Where did you hear it?”  Katya tried to keep an even tone.

“Dance.”

“Who said it?”  Katya curled her toes firmly into the rug beneath her, channeling all her anger into the shaggy cotton.

“Charlotte.”  Shosh softly laid the crayon down against the spine of the coloring book.  “Am I in trouble?”

“No, baby, come here.”  Katya motioned her over with a wiggling finger.  Shosh circled the table to sit on Katya’s lap. “Why are you upset about it?” she asked, stroking her hair.

“It just seemed mean…” she trailed off.

“What did Charlotte say?”

“It…” Shosh stumbled, then finally looked up at Katya.  “It was about you & Miss Trixie.” Katya’s breath caught in her chest & she tried not to let the panic show on her face.  “We were stretching & Charlotte said that her mom said you & Miss Trixie are that.”

“Do you think you know what it means?”  Katya asked as she rubbed her back comfortingly.  Shosh shook her head.

“It’s just…” Katya faltered.  “Um…” She hugged Shosh tight with both arms before letting go & finishing, “It’s just a word for when people don’t understand others sometimes… it’s not a nice thing to say.”

“Why are they being not nice to you & Miss Trixie?” Shosh’s pale green eyes matched her mother’s, & in that moment, Katya could feel all of her hurt & confusion mirrored right back at her.  Her daughter was so open, so vulnerable, & Katya had to inhale sharply to keep the tears from falling.

“Well…” Katya took a deep breath.  She hadn’t been even remotely ready to have this conversation with her daughter, but here they were.  “You know how some people have a mom & a dad?” Shosh nodded. “That’s because sometimes a woman & a man love each other & have a family.”

Shosh scrunched her face up.  “But not us. We just have us.”

Katya chuckled.  “We just have us, kiddo, that’s right.  But sometimes, some girls love other girls… & not everyone understands that.”

“Why?”

“Well… that’s a good question.  Lots of girls like boys, but sometimes, when girls like girls, some people think that’s weird.”

“Why is that weird?”  Shosh’s innocence drove a stake through Katya’s heart.

“It’s not, baby,” Katya kissed the top of her head.  “It’s just people being meanies because they don’t see things the same way.”

“So Charlotte means you & Miss Trixie like each other?”  Her eyes were wide & curious as she peered up at Katya.

Katya took a deep breath, then nodded slowly.  “But she’s not being very nice about it.”

“Do you & Miss Trixie like each other, though?”  Katya felt her whole body tense beneath Shosh’s tiny legs.  She closed her eyes for a few seconds & took a deep breath in through her nose, out through her mouth.

“Yeah, we do, baby,” she stroked the back of Shosh’s head as she replied quietly, so quietly she wasn’t sure she’d even be able to hear her.

Shosh was silent for a moment.  “I like her, too.”

Katya laughed in spite of herself.  “Well, I’m glad. Would you be okay with Trixie spending some more time here?”

“Yessssss!” Shosh immediately jumped up, turning to face her mom.

“Okay, listen, though—” Katya reached up to brace Shosh’s hips where she stood before her.  “Don’t say that word, okay— it kind of is a bad word.” Shosh nodded. “Hear me?” She nodded more vigorously.  Katya leaned up & kissed her on the head. “How ‘bout you go watch TV?” she asked. She didn’t let Shosh watch much television, so she knew it would be an easy distraction.

Once she got Shosh settled in on the couch with Netflix Kids rolling, she snatched her phone from the charger & swiped her cigarettes & lighter from the kitchen table, then headed out the back door to the patio.  For as much as Katya loathed talking on the phone, this was gonna have to be one of those times. She glanced at the clock— 7:38pm. Hopefully she wasn’t interrupting anything, she thought, as she scrolled to Trixie’s number.

Waiting for her to answer, Katya lit a cigarette & paced nervously on the shoddy wooden patio.  She’d been meaning to replace it, but time had gotten away from her, & it had moved to the end of the list of her priorities.

“Hey, you,” Trixie purred as she answered, the surprise evident in her voice.

“Hi,” Katya sighed, exhaling smoke just as she had picked up.

“What’s up?” Trixie asked.

“I have to talk to you about something…” Katya started.  She took a deep breath. “I may have told Shosh about us.”

Her admission was met with a few seconds of silence.  “Oh? Okay…”

“Look, one of the fucking bitch mothers from your class— she called us dykes, okay.”  Katya paced pack & forth, speed accelerating as she got more & more worked up.

“What?!  What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, Trix.  Tonight…” she paused to sigh.  “Tonight, Shosh asked me what it meant.  She said one of the kids’ moms said that was us.”

“Okay.”  Trixie’s voice sounded eerily even-keeled.

“So I tried to explain it to her,” Katya continued.  “And I told her it means when girls like girls & she asked if that means we like each other.”

“Well, I like you,” Trixie said quietly, as if there was no problem whatsoever.

Katya heaved an angry sigh.  “That’s not the point.”

“Sorry.”  Trixie’s voice was suddenly meek.

“No… no, baby, I didn’t— UGH!”  Katya stomped her foot on the patio as she pulled hard on her cigarette, grateful for the few seconds of silence it provided her.  “Trix—” she said firmly, making sure she had her attention.

“Yeah?”

“I want  _ you _ .  All I’m trying to say is that people clearly know— or think they know.  I just want to make sure that’s something you’re ready for.”

Trixie didn’t miss a beat.  “It is.”

“Are you sure?”

“Katya.”  Her voice was steady, strong.  “I’m sure.”

“It sounds like we’re making something official,” Katya laughed nervously.

“Can we?”  Trixie’s voice was small & timid, like she wasn’t sure if she should’ve asked the question she did.

“Yeah, baby,” Katya’s voice softened.  “Hey?”

“Yeah?”  Trixie breathed.

“Do you wanna be my girlfriend?”  Katya held her breath & crossed all her fingers & toes after she asked.

“Yeah…” Trixie whispered.  “I do.”

“Do you wanna come over?”  Katya matched her tone.

“Yeah…” Trixie’s voice was so feather-light that Katya wasn’t quite sure if she had imagined hearing it.  “I’ll leave now.”

“Okay,” Katya whispered, hanging up softly.  The air was starting to get chilly, but she couldn’t feel it as she leaned back against the rough edge of the patio & took what felt like her first breath in ages.  Even in the cold October air, everything was warm. Everything was Trixie.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little (or a lot of) smut for your nerves.
> 
> Enjoy & comment away, chickadees!

 

“Hi, girlfriend,” Trixie grinned as Katya opened the front door to her.

Katya giggled.  “Hi, girlfriend!”  She pecked her on the lips & immediately looked down to notice the tote bag in Trixie’s hand.

“I brought my PJs,” she winked.

“Get in here!”  Katya took the bag from her & laid it on the counter, then turned back to extend her arms to Trixie, wrapping her in a full-body hug.  She sighed happily into her hair & let Trixie’s hands lull her into relaxation as she rubbed her back.

Shosh ran into the room after hearing the door open.  “Miss Trixie!” she squealed.

Trixie broke free from Katya’s embrace & knelt down on the floor to catch Shosh as she flung her body at her.  “Hey, kiddo! I heard you & your mom had a little talk…”

Shosh nodded.  “Yup!” Then she leaned in to Trixie’s ear conspiratorially & whispered, “Did you know my mom  _ like  _ likes you?”

Trixie bit back the urge to howl with laughter & whispered back into Shosh’s ear, “Wanna know a secret?  I  _ like _ like her, too!”  Shosh clapped her hand over her mouth in mock surprise, loving being in on something with Trixie.

“It’s about time for bed,” Katya chimed in.

“But  _ Mooommmmm _ , Miss Trixie is here!”

“What if I get ready for bed, too?” Trixie suggested to Shosh.  “We can do it together!”

“Are you sleeping over?” Shosh asked.  Without even a second glance at Katya in order to gauge her reaction, Trixie nodded.  “Then we have to brush our teeth,” she told Trixie firmly, taking her hand to lead her to the bathroom.

Katya held back a giggle & winked at Trixie as she let herself be pulled down the hallway, snatching her tote bag from the counter as she went.  Shosh climbed up on her step stool to grab her toothbrush from the holder. After she got it wet, she handed it to Trixie. “Can you help me?”

Trixie looked at her confusedly.  “It doesn’t have any toothpaste on it!”

“I  _ know _ ,” Shosh emphasized, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  “Mom won’t let me do the toothpaste because I waste it.”

“Ohhhhh,” Trixie understood.  “Well, Mom’s not here.” The sheepish grin on Trixie’s face caused the same to form on Shosh’s.  “Here, I’ll hold it.” She lowered the toothbrush down over the sink & watched as Shosh uncapped the bright pink bubblegum toothpaste.  Sure enough, she managed to get only a tiny sliver on the bristles— the majority of it spurted out all over the basin.

Trixie burst into laughter & shoved the toothbrush at Shosh.  “Here, quick! Before she comes in!” She pulled a handful of toilet paper off the roll & wiped the sink clean, then used Katya’s toothpaste on the brush she’d retrieved from her tote bag.  Katya appeared in the doorway, watching silently for a few seconds before Trixie & Shosh realized she was there. Seeing them standing next to one another, brushing their teeth together as if it was a normal part of their routine, sent chills down Katya’s arms, & her lips turned up into a grin.

Trixie finally noticed her staring in the mirror.  She spit her toothpaste & stuck her tongue out at her reflection, causing Katya to giggle.  “‘Bout ready?” she asked Shosh, who was just sucking on her toothbrush by this point. She answered with a dramatic spit into the sink & then rinsed her toothbrush off & hopped down off the stool.

“I need jammies.”

“Go pick some out, then!”

Trixie rinsed off her own toothbrush as Shosh headed toward her bedroom.  Katya wrapped her arms around her from behind, kissing her cheek as she whispered to her reflection, “You’re amazing.”  Trixie smiled sweetly, holding Katya’s arms in place around the front of her stomach. “You’re gonna get roped into book duty, I know it,” Katya teased her, leaving playful pecks down the length of her neck.

“I can handle book duty!  Although I suppose if I’m getting ready for bed, I should wash my face,” she sighed, not wanting to break contact with Katya for even one moment.

Katya nuzzled into the side of Trixie’s hair, inhaling deeply, & nodded.  “Mmhmmm.”

“Are you gonna let me go so I can do that?” Trixie teased quietly.

“Uh-uh,” Katya giggled, shaking her head against Trixie’s hair.  She relented anyway, & went to make sure Shosh had gotten herself dressed for bed, leaving Trixie to take off her makeup, cleanse, & moisturize.  She changed into the baby pink pinstriped pajama shorts she’d tucked into her tote bag, along with a loose white tank top. Trixie listened down the hall, as she could hear Katya reading to Shosh, & smiled.  Pulling her hair into two sections over her shoulders, she loosely braided each & tied them with tiny clear elastics before making her way down the hall to Katya’s room.

She sat down on the side of the bed, plugging her phone in & scrolling through Instagram while she waited for Katya to return.  She finally shuffled in after a few minutes & was immediately met with Trixie taunting her, “I got out of book duty, huh?”

“Jesus…” Katya murmured under her breath, eyes crawling slowly up Trixie’s body.  From her smooth legs up to her barely-existent shorts, then immediately to the braids she’d twisted into her hair.  Her eyes flickered to her plump, bare lips, & she shivered in spite of herself. “You…” she whispered. “Look…”

“Ready for bed?” Trixie teased.

“Ready for me to  _ take  _ you to bed.”  Katya’s voice was hungry, nearing a growl.  Trixie hadn’t heard this tone before & it made her heart race in anticipation.  As Katya locked the bedroom door behind her, Trixie gingerly laid her phone down on the bedside table.

“Come here, then,” she taunted.

Katya unbuttoned her pants as she slowly approached the bed, walking out of them entirely by the time she’d reached Trixie.  “Take this off—” Trixie started, reaching for Katya’s shirt, but she was interrupted.

“Shhhh.  Sit still.” Katya’s voice was stern, laden with seriousness.  She pulled her blouse over her head, letting it drop to the floor, & stared intently at Trixie.  Staring at Katya hovering above her in her plain black bra & matching cotton panties, Trixie clenched her thighs together.  Katya noticed. “No,” she warned, using both hands to pull her knees apart & wedge her body between them. Trixie looked up at her through doe eyes, cheeks already flushed pink.  “Can you be good?” Katya whispered.

Trixie nodded.  This was everything she had been waiting to unlock in Katya.  “Use your words, baby,” Katya scolded her.

“Yes… yes,” Trixie nodded.  “I can be good.”

“Good.”  Katya sweetly stroked the top of her hair, letting Trixie’s hands come to rest lightly on her backside.  “Take your shirt off,” she whispered against her forehead. Trixie obeyed, yanking it off at the speed of light.  “So pretty for me…” Katya murmured, kissing down Trixie’s cheek before stopping to swirl her tongue against her ear.  Trixie whimpered loudly as the warmth of Katya’s mouth sent electricity through her, breath heavy & hot. “So pretty…” she repeated as she unhooked Trixie’s bra, kissing down her collarbone as she slipped it off.  

Trixie’s hands shot up Katya's back, grasping blindly for bare skin, but Katya reached back & grabbed them roughly by the wrists.  She forced them down onto the bed at Trixie’s sides, then returned to her trail, teasing the tip of her tongue in a line across one nipple, then sucking it softly into her mouth before flicking her tongue against it & biting down gently.

Trixie arched her back, pushing harder into Katya’s mouth & tilting her head back slightly as Katya repeated the pattern on the other nipple.  Katya glanced down to see Trixie’s fingers gripping the sheets & smirked. “Feel good?” she asked against her skin.

Trixie nodded, but caught herself almost immediately.  “Y— yes,” she stammered. “ _ So _ good.”

Katya bent sharply to kiss down between Trixie’s breasts to the soft skin above her belly button.  She felt Trixie sit up straighter, trying to suck in her small stomach, she assumed, & reached around to cradle her back.  “You’re beautiful,” she whispered. “So fucking beautiful it’s unreal.”

“Kiss me,” Trixie pleaded in a whimper.

Katya didn’t even mind giving into her demand, lying her back to crawl on top of her & kiss her passionately.  She pinned Trixie’s arms above her head, holding her in place as she straddled her, rolling her hips against her bare stomach.  Trixie gasped for air as Katya used her mouth to force her down harder against the mattress, kissing her as if it was the last thing she’d ever do.  She wriggled an arm free of Katya’s grip & grabbed Katya’s thigh, pushing her firmly against her own body. Katya tore their lips apart & looked down at Trixie with fire in her eyes, stopping the movement of her hips.  “I thought you were being good.”

Trixie swallowed audibly.  “I am,” her cheeks flushed.

Katya swung her leg over Trixie’s body, climbing off of her, & flipped her over, earning a squeal from Trixie.  She looked back playfully over her shoulder, smirking at Katya, as she pushed her hips up in the air, wiggling them in her direction.  “Hmmmmm…” Katya hummed, straight-faced. “You really are a brat,” she scolded in a whisper.

“Nuh-uh,” Trixie shook her head, still smirking, finally settling into the role she was most comfortable playing— that role was definitely  _ brat _ , & she knew it.

“Uh-huh,” Katya countered, using her whole palm to softly massage Trixie’s backside through the shorts that had ridden up so high she could see the bottom of her ass.  Without a second’s warning, Katya brought her palm down hard against her ass, causing Trixie to gasp. Her heartbeat sped as she watched Trixie writhe against the sheets— soft skin, soft colors stark against the black cotton.   _ Smack. _  She spanked her again on the same side, causing Trixie to giggle through her moan.

“Is something funny?” Katya taunted, bringing her hand down in a powerful sideways swat on the other side.  Trixie gasped loudly, burying her face in the sheets & shaking her head from side to side. As Katya softly circled her hand over Trixie’s burning skin, Trixie canted her hips downward into the bed, grinding in spite of herself.  “No, princess,” Katya warned, but Trixie didn’t stop rolling her hips downward.

Katya reached up to forcefully grab Trixie’s braids, collecting them in one fist at the base of her neck & pulling tautly.  Trixie’s shoulders rose from the bed as she struggled to turn & look at Katya, eyes dark & mouth hanging open in a silent gasp.  “Are you gonna listen?” Katya’s voice was throaty & determined.

“Y— yes—” Trixie choked out.  Katya didn’t let go of her braids, instead she just locked eyes with her skeptically, still softly rubbing her ass with the other hand.  Katya let her hand trail down to the junction of Trixie’s legs, palming her through her soaking wet pajama shorts. She could tell Trixie wasn’t wearing underwear & shivered.  “Pl… please… Katya…” she begged.

Katya smirked, squeezing gently, but refusing Trixie the friction she needed.  “I don’t think you deserve it, baby.”

The desperation on Trixie’s face was mirrored in her voice, spilling hurried pleas, “I do, I do, please, I need you!”

Katya licked her lips & let go of Trixie’s braids, letting her neck fall forward, face returning to the sheets.  Trixie pushed back on her knees, trying to rub herself against Katya’s hand. It took all of Katya’s strength to stay still against Trixie’s chaotic movements, but she was determined.  “Tell me,” Katya whispered.

Trixie begged into the sheets, “Please… I’ll do anything… I’ll be good… I just need you to touch me, mama.  I need you inside of me…” Trixie’s lack of shame at openly begging only turned Katya on more, & she ran her fingers roughly between Trixie’s legs, over the wet patch on her shorts.

“Hmmmm…” Katya considered.  Trixie turned over her shoulder to look at her, eyes pricking with tears.  Katya gently pushed Trixie’s shoulder, rolling her over onto her back. “Show me how much you need it, baby.”

Trixie didn’t miss a beat, motioning with a finger for Katya to come closer.  As she got up on her knees to crawl toward her, Trixie hooked her fingers into the sides of Katya’s panties, pulling them down around her thighs.  She kicked out of them, letting them land on the end of the bed, & no sooner than she could get free of them was Trixie grabbing her hips & pulling her down onto her face.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Katya hissed as Trixie used her whole mouth to sloppily envelop her.  “Holy fuck…” Trixie giggled against Katya’s warm skin & cupped her tongue, gathering her wetness on the tip & swallowing with a moan.  She licked long, firm strokes from bottom to top, ending each with a tease of her clit. Her hands grabbed either side of Katya’s ass, pushing her down into her until she was resting her whole weight against her face.  She slid her forward slightly, a silent signal that it was okay for her to move. Katya heard it loud & clear & started to gently thrust her hips against Trixie’s mouth, drawing a  _ mmmmmm _ from beneath her.

Trixie’s pace became frantic, trying to prove to Katya just how much she wanted her.  She could feel her chin, cheeks, even her nose, were covered in a mix of her own saliva & Katya’s wetness as she messily alternated kisses, licks, & sucks.  Katya leaned forward in an attempt to catch her breath, & grabbed Trixie’s braids, wrapping them around her hands tightly & using them to force her tongue where she needed it.  “ _ There— there! _ ” she hissed as she felt Trixie make her tongue rigid to flick quickly up & down against her clit.  “Trixie, fuck!”

Katya spread her legs wider, lowering herself into a split on Trixie’s face, & grasped her braids so hard her knuckles turned white.  Her vision started to blur & she leaned forward, letting her stomach rest on Trixie’s forehead, choppy hair flung forward as she came with a grimace, then a long, strained moan from the back of her throat.

Trixie tenderly kissed Katya’s swollen skin, collecting every last bit of her wetness she could on her lips.  When Katya lifted a leg & swung off of her, Trixie licked her lips slowly, dramatically. “God, you taste good,” she whispered with a grin.

“Hmmm,” Katya hummed, leaning over to peck her swollen, shiny lips.

“You do!” Trixie giggled.  “If I could do that every day, I would!”

“You’ll hear no complaints from me,” Katya laughed quietly, swirling her index finger down Trixie’s shoulder to her collarbone.  

Trixie, with her burning cheeks, fucked out eyes, & damp, puffy lips, was nearly enough to kill Katya in that moment.  A shiver went through Trixie as Katya’s touch tickled her, causing her nipples to harden. Katya crawled down to take one between her teeth, tugging softly.  The hiss Trixie made was somewhere between pain & pleasure, & Katya wanted nothing more than to hear it again, as she reached over to firmly pinch the other. Trixie’s jaw dropped open in a quiet, sharp inhale as she watched Katya bite her again.

“Yeah?” she teased huskily.

“Mmhmmm!” Trixie moaned.

“Little baby likes the pain, huh?”

Trixie grabbed the sheets tightly & clenched her eyes shut as she nodded furiously.  Katya hollowed her cheeks & sucked Trixie’s breast into her mouth, letting go with a  _ pop _ & biting down again.  “More…” Trixie begged. “Please… more!”

Katya grinned, launching her teeth into Trixie’s neck & pulling her soft skin, sucking so hard it nearly cramped her jaw.  Trixie flailed beneath Katya’s grasp, moans turning into yelps. “Shhhhh,” Katya clamped a hand over her mouth as she bit a line down the side of her neck.  Trixie’s breath was hot against Katya’s hand as she moaned into it. Katya trailed her other hand back down to suddenly roughly pinch Trixie’s nipple, causing her hips to reflexively jerk up against Katya.  Trixie couldn’t take it any longer & reached her own hand down between her legs to paw at her now-soaked pajama shorts. She needed friction, pressure, anything to stop the throbbing ache there.

Katya sat back on her heels & watched intently as Trixie bit the side of her lip & furrowed her brow in desperation.  She pressed the heel of her hand into herself, feeling her pulse pounding in her clit. “Touch yourself for me, baby,” Katya demanded with a purr.

Trixie spread her legs a little more & slowly slipped her hand down the front of her pale pink shorts.  She gasped as she finally felt contact against her sensitive skin & tossed her head back into the pillows.  Katya scooted up the bed to sit beside Trixie & tenderly stroked her cheekbone, causing her to turn to look at her, brown eyes nearly black with desire.  Katya smiled sweetly at her & Trixie reciprocated, tugging her own bottom lip between her teeth as her fingers worked beneath her pants.

Katya leaned down to kiss her deeply before crawling backwards to finally pull her shorts off & settling between her legs.  Trixie stilled her hand. “Don’t stop,” Katya whispered, stroking up both of her legs from ankle to knee, up to the crease in her hips.  Trixie reached down with two fingers to rub her own wetness around, up to her clit as Katya ran featherlight touches up the insides of her thighs.  She leaned down & took Trixie’s hand in her own, bringing it to her lips to taste her wet fingers before gently setting her hand back down where it was.

Slowly, Katya teased her fingertips across Trixie’s full hip, down the slightly sweaty bend of her leg, & eventually stopped to hover just out of Trixie’s reach.  She pushed her hips forward, trying to capture them, but Katya smirked. Trixie stared pleadingly into her eyes; Katya matched her intensity, staring right back. “Words,” Katya reminded her.

“Fuck me,” Trixie whispered, voice weak.

“How?” Katya whispered back, eyes still locked with Trixie’s.

“I want it all,” she moaned.

“Yeah?”

Trixie nodded.

“Are you sure you can take it?” Katya taunted her, keeping her voice serious in an attempt not to let Trixie see just how badly she wanted to give it to her.  Trixie nodded again. “I don’t know if you can, baby,” Katya made a  _ tsk _ sound.

“Let me try,” Trixie whined.  Katya stretched over Trixie & tugged open the bedside drawer to grab a slightly sticky bottle of lube, prompting Trixie to grin proudly.

Returning to her spot between Trixie’s legs, Katya gently ran her fingertips along Trixie’s soaked skin, flicking teasingly against her entrance.  “Ahh, you’re so wet,” she groaned.

“Please…” Trixie begged.

Katya slowly slipped two fingers into Trixie, finding little resistance, & drawing a relieved moan from her lips.  She felt Trixie’s body immediately relax around her fingers & added a third, stretching her slightly. When she slid her fingers all the way up to the knuckle, Trixie grinned & nodded, leaning up on her elbows to watch Katya’s fingers move quickly in & out of her.  She thrusted into her roughly, pulling nearly all the way out before slamming her fingers back in over & over, causing Trixie to squeal under her breath each time.

“More…” she groaned.  “I can do it.”

Katya slid her fingers out of Trixie, sticky & soaked, & teased her clit with them before popping the cap on the lube & covering her fingers.  “Wow,” Katya whispered as Trixie propped herself up further to watch, cheeks ablaze. “You’re so fucking hot.” Katya bunched her three fingers together, tucking her pinky inside of them & pushed slowly into Trixie, watching her face carefully for a sign she should stop.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Trixie moaned quietly.

“You okay?” Katya asked abruptly.

“Yeah, yeah—” Trixie quickly reassured her.  “It just feels  _ so _ good!”  Katya could feel the heat pooling between her own thighs as she slid all the way inside of Trixie, this time more conscious of how tight she was, how much she was stretching her out.  She curled her fingers up to find the full, rough spot inside of her & stroked firmly, causing Trixie’s hips to slam down onto the bed as she covered her mouth in a whine.

Katya grinned & sped up, dragging her wedged fingers in & out of Trixie with a sopping sound that made the fine blonde hairs on her arms stand up straight.  “You want more?” she teased.

Trixie nodded, braids shaking against her collarbone.  “All of it.”

Katya bit the corner of her lip as she tucked her thumb into her fingers & pushed forward.  “Lay back, baby,” she eased Trixie down, pulling one of her legs up at the knee & wrapping her other hand around Trixie’s thigh, holding her in place.  “Tell me if it hurts.”

Trixie stared up at the ceiling, concentrating on the pleasurable burn between her legs as Katya edged forward, twisting her fingers from side to side to wiggle down to the knuckles.  Trixie grimaced & inhaled sharply, & Katya froze immediately. “Trix?”

“Uh huh,” Trixie’s voice was strained through her teeth.

“Baby, I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Keep going,” she insisted, pushing her hips ever-so-slightly against Katya’s hand.  Katya squished her fingers together as much as she could, sliding until her knuckles bumped against the bottom of Trixie’s pubic bone.

“Ow—” Trixie hissed.

“You’re too tight, angel,” Katya whispered.  “Have you ever done this before?” Trixie looked sheepishly down at Katya between her legs & shook her head.  Katya burst into laughter, “Trixie, you should’ve told me that! We can work up to it!”

Trixie’s cheeks turned deep pink.  “I just wanted… to do it for you…” she murmured shyly, averting her eyes.

“Oh, kitten,” Katya whispered sweetly, slowly pulling her fingers out of Trixie & wiping them haphazardly on the sheet.  “Come here.” She crawled up the bed & extended her arms to Trixie, who curled into them, facing her. “You don’t have to prove anything to me,” Katya chuckled as she kissed her hair.

“I wanted to do something for the first time with you,” Trixie whimpered.

Katya pushed a few stray hairs back from Trixie’s face & tilted her chin up to make eye contact with her.  “We can do anything you want,” she promised her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Trixie smiled softly & leaned in to kiss Katya, one kiss becoming more, until Trixie threw her leg up over Katya’s side, allowing her easy access.  She was still drenched with her own wetness & the lube from Katya’s fingers, & finding friction against was difficult. “Right now,” Katya murmured through a kiss, “I just—” she kissed her again.  “Wanna—” Kiss. “Make you—” Kiss. “Come.”

Trixie nodded, keeping her lips connected to Katya’s, & moaned as Katya’s long, nimble fingers worked their magic on her clit until she was shaking in her arms, burying her face in her neck as she came.  Trixie scrunched her body up tight against Katya’s, making herself as small as possible as Katya wrapped both arms around her & kissed the top of her head.

She whimpered happily as Katya played with her braids & whispered sweetly to her.  “You’re so beautiful… so sexy… such a good girl… all for me…” she trailed off, holding her tightly.

“Mmmmmm,” Trixie sighed happily.  “Promise?”

“Promise,” Katya reached down to take her hand.  They laid like that for awhile, stealing soft kisses & playing with each other’s fingers, until Katya asked Trixie if she was tired.

“Not really, actually,” she answered.  “Why?”

“I was gonna tell you… if you’re going to sleep, you should put something on in case of Shosh intrusion.  But if you’re not tired, we could watch a movie or something!”

“Yeah!”  Trixie agreed.  “I actually have to pee anyway.  But do you… um… have some pants I can wear?”

Katya laughed heartily, “Yeah!  I’ll get you some.”

Trixie climbed out of bed & hurried into the master bath, shivering at the loss of Katya’s body heat.  Katya, meanwhile, pulled a pair of black sweatpants from the bottom drawer of her dresser— they were a little baggy on her, so she hoped they’d fit Trixie.  She grabbed an oversized t-shirt & a pair of boyshorts & got dressed before Trixie returned.

Once the two of them were back in bed, propped up with Katya’s arm wrapped around Trixie’s shoulders, Katya opened Netflix & handed the remote to her.  “You pick.” Trixie grinned as she scrolled to the search bar & started typing. “Trixie, what is this?!” Katya laughed as she hit play. “Are we really watching a kids’ movie?”

“No.  We are watching a cinematic masterpiece.”  She handed the remote back to her so she could set it on the bedside table.

“Something tells me  _ The Bee Movie _ isn’t exactly a work of art.”

“Oh, but it is, mama.  It  _ so _ is.”

Katya rolled her eyes at Trixie’s insistence on the movie & pulled her close to snuggle.  “Fine.”

About a third of the way through the movie, Katya turned to Trixie, who was thoroughly enjoying the cartoon, & simply said, “Trix.”

“Yeah?”

“This is the goddamn stupidest thing I have ever seen.”

Trixie shrieked with laughter & kicked Katya under the blanket.  “No!!”

“Is she gonna fuck the bee?  Is that what this is leading up to?  Are you trying to reveal another one of your kinks to me?”  

Trixie snorted.  “It’s great, shut up!”

“But really, do you fuck insects?  I mean, she’s gettin’ pretty horny for this bee.  We can just watch porn if you want another go.”

Trixie was laughing so hard she couldn’t catch her breath, which caused Katya to crack up, too.  “Just watch the movie, you bitch!” Trixie playfully hit Katya in the side of the head with a pillow.

“Fine.  But I’m not letting this bee fucking thing go,” she laughed, pulling Trixie back into the crook of her arm.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, kittens! I've been procrastinating this world because of the one in "The Moderation of Saints," but I'm back! Just a little chapter of praise-filled fluffy smut to get us all reacquainted with these babes before the angst hits. I hope y'all are still reading & enjoying these two & haven't forgotten about them altogether! ♡
> 
> I've been slow to update both stories because of ~life things~ so if you'd like to hit up either my Ko-Fi to drop some much-needed surprise sugar or my Tumblr to talk anon smut (always a welcome distraction), the links are below!
> 
> ko-fi.com/zamokitty  
> zamokitty.tumblr.com
> 
> ♡ xo

 

“Why won’t you tell me what you’re gonna be?!” Trixie protested, pouting through the phone even though Katya couldn’t see her face.

“It’s a surprise!”

“Does this mean you don’t know?” Trixie pushed.

“No.  It means it’s a surprise!”

“Will you at least tell me where you’re at?”

“Hmmmmm… nope!”  Katya giggled as she flipped around a package of thigh high stockings, checking their measurements.

“What if we clash?”  Trixie tried her best to give a logical counterpoint to Katya’s stubbornness.

“Trix, baby, you’re gonna be a princess.  Nothing clashes with that.” She cradled the phone against her shoulder as she held up a strapless faux leather lace-up corset to her waist in the mirror.

“Not just a princess,” she corrected her.  “Princess Peach. Get it right!”

“I forget that you’re such a nerd…” Katya teased.

“I am not!  Just because I’ll kick your ass any day at Mario Kart…”

Katya laughed out loud.  “I’ll kick your ass in general if you don’t stop being a nerd!”  Trixie exhaled dramatically & Katya could tell she was probably pulling a baby face.  “I’m at the sex shop by the way.”

“What!”

“Yeah, like the stripper store.”  She absentmindedly clipped & unclipped the garter hooks hanging from the corset.

“Are you trying to kill me, bitch?”

“Only so I can cannibalize you,” Katya replied in a growl.

“Are you a sexy zombie?!” Trixie exclaimed, thinking she’d gotten it.

“Nope!”

“Tell  _ meeeee _ ,” she whined petulantly.

“You’ll have to wait & see!” Katya crossed the store from the clothing section to the toys, wandering aimlessly up & down the aisles.  She had a small stash of vibrators that marketed themselves as “quiet,” her main priority with a kid in the house, but not much else, so she wasn’t exactly sure what she was looking for.

“Can I help you find something?” the young salesgirl asked.

“Oh, um, yes actually!” Katya nodded.  “Hey, baby, I’m gonna call you back in a bit, okay?” she returned her attention to Trixie.

“Okay!  Bye!”

Katya hung up & shoved her phone into her back pocket.  “Um, okay,” she laughed nervously at the short brunette who stood before her.  “I don’t really know what I’m looking for, but I’m looking for something.”

“That’s a start!” she smiled.

“I have this girlfriend &...” Katya paused, pushing her hair behind her ear.  “I wanna get something to surprise her. She wants to try new things, but I’m not sure…” she trailed off.

“Okay, well, do you have any ideas what she might be into?  Or things you might wanna try?” The girl’s gentle tone put Katya at ease.

“Um… to be honest, I’ve been out of the sex toy game for awhile,” she chuckled, shifting her corset & stockings to her other hand.  “I was thinking maybe like this—” Katya pointed to the harness set displayed on the aisle endcap.

“Sure!  That’s a good starter set if you’re not totally sure what she’d like,” she agreed.  “It’s got—” she picked up the mannequin torso to show Katya the specs, “a super solid harness, little padded straps for your— or her— hips?”

“Mine,” Katya laughed anxiously, looking away from her.

“Right— the padding’s great on it, & then it comes with this set, three different sizes & they all have flared bases so they fit in nicely—” She tugged on the o-ring, showing Katya how secure it was.

She chewed on her lip nervously for a moment, squeezing the soft leather of the harness as she pretended to examine it.  Katya knew she wanted it, but didn’t want to come off  _ too _ excited right off the bat.  “Yeah, sure, I’ll try it. Thanks!”  She picked up the small square box & hoisted it under her arm.  The salesperson nodded politely & returned to the register, leaving Katya to wander.

It wasn’t long until the hanging display of accessories on the wall caught her eye.  She shuffled self-consciously over toward it, feeling like everyone’s eyes were on her, when in all reality, no one was paying her a bit of attention.  She ran her fingers experimentally through the various leather, suede, & rubber strands hanging from the floggers before something else grabbed her attention.  She had to stand on her tiptoes to pull it from the hanging rack— a small leather paddle with a heart shape cut out of it.

Katya set her other purchases on the tile at her feet & traced her index finger through the heart.  She wasn’t sure if it’d be too much for Trixie, but her heart raced thinking about the cute little marks it’d leave on her skin.  Fishing her phone from her pocket, Katya took a photo of it & sent it off to Trixie with no context. It only took a few seconds before three dots appeared on the screen.

_ YES PLEASE _

Katya grinned widely & texted back  _ You got it _ before stashing her phone & gathering her purchases from the ground.

“This is cute!” the girl smiled at the paddle as she rang it up.  “I bet she’ll like this!”

Katya nodded with a sheepish grin.  “It’s very her.”

Once she’d spent altogether too much money, Katya set off to the Halloween store to amass the rest of her costume, body buzzing at the idea of the purchases that sat nestled in the passenger’s seat.  She heard her phone vibrate in the cupholder & glanced down.

_ Did you buy it?! _

Katya waited until she pulled into a parking spot to reply:   _ You said you wanted it! _

Trixie sent back a praying hands emoji, then quickly followed it up:   _ I still can’t believe you waited until today to buy a costume, by the way! _

_ We can’t all be planners like you! _  Katya replied as she sighed at the crowds of people— mostly frazzled parents with small children or groups of college-aged bros— filling the aisles of Spirit Halloween.  She knew exactly what she needed— she just had to find it amongst the masses of other procrastinators. Katya wasn’t mad at an excuse to dress sexy, but when it came to adding the cheesy costume components, she hated going to the trouble.

_ Apparently no one at Spirit is a planner either _ , she texted Trixie.

_ You okay? _  Trixie knew crowds made Katya anxious & furrowed her brow as she waited for a reply.

_ Totally!  Just ready to get home & put this all on! _  She added a winking face.

_ I can’t wait to see it… whatever it is! _

_ Lucky for you, you only have four hours to wait! _

Katya, finally back out the door with an oversized shopping bag in hand, lit a cigarette & headed to pick Shosh up from school.  Ginger had invited Shosh to sleep over for a Halloween movie night with Avery, but Katya knew that was just her way of striking first before Katya had to suck it up & ask her to watch her.

Once she’d gotten her dropped off, overnight back— & Buddy— in tow, she poured herself a glass of red wine & set off getting ready.  An agonizingly careful shave job & extra dramatic makeup application later, Katya unwrapped her purchases, cutting their tags off with a pair of nail clippers & splaying them across the bed.  She pulled on a matching bra & thong set first, followed by a black bodysuit with narrow shoulder straps. Reaching down into her bra to push her tits up as far as they could go without her nipples being exposed, Katya slipped the corset on next, looking over her shoulder in the mirror as she pulled it as tightly as she could, cinching her already-small waist even further.

“Okay,” she mumbled.  “Okay, okay…” She clapped her hands together as she checked herself out, for once liking what she saw.  “Next,” she said out loud to no one but herself, as she hoisted one leg & then the other up onto the end of the bed, pulling up black thigh-high stockings & clipping them to the garter by their lace tops.  Katya was tempted to stop at this point, feeling sexy without the stupid Halloween accoutrements, but she knew when she’d agreed to go to the party at the club Alyssa hosted at, she’d have to wear an actual costume.

She checked her phone & took a break, padding in stocking feet to the patio to smoke one more cigarette before dousing herself in cologne.  When she returned to the bedroom, she sighed, pulling the elastic bands that held black & yellow wings up over her shoulders & slapped the headband, with its fuzzy yellow pom-poms, atop her choppy hair.  Katya laughed out loud as she stared at herself in the mirror, looking like the love child of an expensive hooker & a bumble bee. She pulled her tallest black pumps out of the closet & slipped them on, taking a couple of steps to wiggle her feet down into them.   _ This fuckin’ joke better be worth it _ , she thought to herself with a laugh as she headed toward the car.

Arriving at Trixie’s, Katya strutted up the sidewalk & rang her buzzer.  “Hey, I’m coming down!” Trixie chirped.

Katya stood off to the side of the front door, just out of sight.  A moment later, the door swung open & she watched as Trixie looked around curiously.  “Katya?” She stepped out of the shadow & jumped in front of Trixie, causing her to squeal at the top of her lungs.  “Oh my god, I fucking hate you!” she screeched, laughing hysterically.

“Do ya like jazz?” Katya put on a lascivious voice, winking at the pink princess that stood before her.

“I’m going back inside!” Trixie shrieked through her laughter.  “You’re so fucking stupid!”

“You love it!” Katya laughed, twirling in her heels & causing her shiny wings to shake with the movement.

“I do!” Trixie wiped the tears that had spilled from her lower lashes.

“A-ha!” Katya exclaimed.  “I  _ knew _ you had a thing for bees!”

Trixie playfully punched her in the shoulder.  “Only if they look like this!”

Katya leaned in & pecked Trixie on the lips, careful not to smudge her shiny pink lipgloss.  “You look adorable,” she purred, squeezing her waist.

“Thanks!” Trixie beamed.

“No, really— wait.”  Katya stepped back from her & pulled out her phone.  “I need a picture of this… for science.” Trixie rolled her eyes, but posed sweetly for the camera, fluffing out her ruffled pastel pink dress & tilting her head to show off the tiny gold crown pinned into her hair.  She glanced around & then quickly pulled her dress up to flash Katya her hot pink panties beneath it. “Jesus,” Katya gasped, eyes bugging out of her head.

Trixie giggled innocently.  “Let’s go!” she squeaked excitedly, skipping in her white heels toward Katya’s car.  Katya shook her head in awe & followed behind, hitting the automatic locks on the key fob to let Trixie in first.

  
  


* * *

 

“How ya doin’, baby?” Katya asked, twirling a lock of Trixie’s hair around her finger as she pressed against her on the dance floor.

“Good!” she yelled back over the music, gripping Katya’s ass with both hands as they swayed together to a synth-heavy song neither of them knew.

“Need a drink?  Water?”

Trixie leaned in to sloppily kiss Katya, neither of them caring about their lipsticks anymore, since half their makeup had been sweated off already.  They’d both only had a single shot when they first arrived, Trixie insisting that she wanted to remember how Katya looked in her costume. “Whatever you want,” Trixie giggled, pushing her hips playfully into Katya’s.

Katya raised an eyebrow & tucked her finger beneath Trixie’s baby pink choker, pulling her close with it.  “Come on, then,” she tugged, leading her on.

A high-pitched moan escaped Trixie’s lips as Katya led her, sending a fluttering shock straight to Katya’s core.  When she let go & turned back, Katya saw Trixie’s wide eyes & flushed cheeks & winked. “Come on!” she waved. Trixie followed after, shaky in her heels.

Katya leaned against the bar, sipping from a plastic cup of water she’d gotten from the cooler at the end of it, & smirked at Trixie, who stood face to face with her, only a few inches away.  Trixie lowered her eyes shyly & Katya snaked her index finger under the front of Trixie’s choker again, tugging firmly. Reflexively, Trixie’s tongue darted out of her mouth before she could catch it with her teeth.  She peered up at Katya through her false lashes, eyes devious. “Learn something about yourself, baby?” she teased, voice husky as she held Trixie in place.

“Maybe,” she breathed roughly.

“What are you thinking about?” Katya whispered.

“Hmmmmm,” Trixie hummed.  Katya tugged harder against the choker, pulling it painfully taut against the back of Trixie’s neck, & looked expectantly into her eyes.  “You,” she whispered.

“Yeah?” Katya picked up a stray curl from Trixie’s cleavage & tossed it back over her shoulder.

“Want me to take you home, princess?” Katya purred into her ear.  Trixie smiled innocently & nodded, cheeks pink to match her costume.  Reaching down to take Trixie’s hand, Katya nodded toward the side door.  Leading her through the costumed crowd, she squeezed protectively, not letting go until they were outside in the alley, at which point she shoved her against the brick of the building & kissed her passionately.

Katya twined her arms around Trixie’s waist & spread her legs slightly, pressing her bare thighs against the tulle of Trixie’s dress & kissing hungrily down her face to her neck.  “Mmmm, baby,” she moaned into her skin, nudging her soft pink hair from her neck with her chin.

Trixie’s breath was already coming in ragged gasps by the first time Katya rocked her hips into hers.  “Please… please, mama, please…” she begged, barely able to get the words out as she pressed herself back into the wall, knees weak as Katya reached up to snag two fingers beneath the faux suede of Trixie’s choker.

“God, I could—” Katya let her hungry voice trail off, leaving the fantasy unspoken as she reached down to take Trixie’s hand.  Trixie whimpered at the loss of Katya’s body heat against hers & let herself be guided down the sidewalk toward the car. Once the two of them were safely inside, Trixie buckled her seatbelt with a whine.  “What?” Katya breathed.

Trixie turned her head to pierce Katya’s eyes with her own.  “You  _ know _ ,” she whimpered.

“Shhhh,” Katya reached over & stroked her cheek lovingly.  “We’ll be home soon, baby girl.”

As soon as they made it to Katya’s house, both of them kicked off their shoes once they got inside, leaving them strewn haphazardly in the entryway.  Katya tossed her headband & wings onto the counter & Trixie unpinned her crown, setting it gently beside the antennae. “Hi,” Katya finally grinned, breaking the thick silence.

“Will you unzip me?” Trixie whispered with a smirk.

Katya motioned with a finger for Trixie to come to her, then motioned for her to turn around.  She tugged slowly at the fine white zipper, letting the dress slowly melt from Trixie’s shoulders.  Katya reached beneath it, sliding her hands down Trixie’s sides to ease it down over her hips & let it fall with a gentle  _ thud _ to the ground.  Holding Trixie in place, Katya pulled her soft body back against her, hands wrapping around to gently explore her stomach & hips before traveling up to cradle her breasts through her bright pink bra.  Trixie moaned softly, letting her head loll to one side, Katya’s face buried in her hair.

“God, I love your body,” Katya groaned against Trixie’s ear, nipping it softly between her teeth.

“Yeah?” Trixie moaned, reaching her hands back awkwardly to grab Katya’s hips, steadying her flush against her.

“Mmhmm,” she hummed into her curls.  “You’re so beautiful.” Katya let her hands slide tenderly up to Trixie’s shoulders, then back down, over the curve of her breasts, the sides of her stomach, then down to meet against the front of her lacy panties.  Trixie arched her hips backward into Katya’s, spreading her legs just enough to allow Katya’s hands access. “God, you feel so good,” Katya praised in a whisper as she let both palms stroke against Trixie’s wet panties in tandem, squeezing gently on her inner thighs.

Suddenly, Trixie whirled herself around, pressing Katya up against the countertop & kissing her deeply.  Katya gasped at the shock of it, then locked her hands together against the small of Trixie’s back, resting them in the dip there as she kissed her.  “Tell me what you want,” Trixie moaned against Katya’s mouth, fingers skillfully loosening the strings at the back of Katya’s corset.

Katya bit Trixie’s plump bottom lip, causing her to giggle.  “Oh, are you in control now?” Katya teased.

“Uh huh,” Trixie nodded, a glint in her eye as she pulled the corset from Katya’s body, tossing it onto the counter.

“Well, if you’re in control, you tell me.”  Katya knew she was taunting Trixie, but she couldn’t help but wonder what she’d do.

Trixie narrowed her brows in concentration for a few seconds, then burst into laughter.  “Fine!” she shrieked. “You’re in control!” Katya laughed hysterically, ending in a wheezing cough, as she grabbed Trixie’s hand & dragged her into the bedroom.  She tossed Trixie playfully onto the bed & Trixie reached back to unhook her own bra, throwing it dramatically across the room before she lay back.

“You’re so dumb!” Katya cracked up as she peeled her sweaty bodysuit & bra from her chest, kicking them onto the floor before following Trixie into the bed.

“You like it!” Trixie giggled.

“Do I now?”  Katya climbed on top of her, straddling her waist.

“Mmhmm!” Trixie chirped with a smug grin on her face.

“We’ll see about that!”  She leaned down, kissing her gently, while Trixie let her hands run up & down Katya’s sharply bent legs, stroking them through her stockings.  “Really, baby…” Katya sighed after a moment. “You’re so perfect.” She kissed down her chin & back up her jawline, softly caressing both warm breasts under her palms as her mouth worked.  “Such a perfect face… perfect hair… perfect body…” she squeezed her breasts firmly & smirked.

“You’re in a good mood,” Trixie teased with a giggle, hands trailing lightly up & down Katya’s lower back.

“How can I not be when I’m with you?” Katya grinned widely, causing Trixie to reach up to grab her shoulders, pulling her down against her.  Trixie rolled them onto their sides, pushing her hands up into Katya’s hair & Katya tangling hers into Trixie’s as they kissed, bodies progressively tangling themselves together.  Their legs twined around one another’s, chests & hips pressing as tightly as they could into each other, wanting to get closer, then closer still.

“God…” Trixie groaned as Katya’s stockinged feet wrapped around her calves.  She nuzzled her cheek against hers as Katya pushed her hips into her. “Will you fuck me, mama?” she whispered against Katya’s face.  “Please?” Her breath warmed Katya’s cheek.

“Is that what you want, baby girl?” Katya’s voice cracked.

“Uh huh!” Trixie whimpered in a high pitched, needy voice.  Katya let her hand travel down between Trixie’s thighs, stroking sweetly against the wet patch in her panties.

“Yeah…” Katya moaned under her breath as she slowly pulled Trixie’s panties off, tossing them to the foot of the bed, & immediately leaning down to leave soft, closed-mouth kisses all across her newly exposed skin.

“I got us something…” she smiled as she crawled back up Trixie’s body to kiss her lips.  “If you want.”

Trixie nodded expectantly.  “I want!”

“You don’t even know what it is, baby,” Katya giggled.

“I don’t care!” Trixie smirked.

“Here, hang on.”  Katya rolled off the side of the bed & padded over to the dresser, where she’d set her bag from earlier.  She reached inside & cracked the box open, pulling out the soft black harness. Trixie propped herself up on her elbows, watching from the bed as Katya reached into the box again, this time coming back with a sizable pink attachment.  Trixie squealed & wiggled her legs against the sheets as she watched Katya stripped her bra & panties off, leaving only her stockings, & fit the straps around her narrow hips.

“Told you I’d want it!” Trixie giggled as Katya reached into her bedside table to retrieve her lube.

“I thought you might,” she winked, climbing back into bed once she was ready, gently easing Trixie back down onto the pillows & kneeling between her wide-spread legs.

Katya leaned down, kissing Trixie’s stomach, then up in a line to one breast, swirling her tongue across the nipple before moving to the other & flicking it gently.  With each slight movement, Trixie could feel the cool, wet toy dipping against her bare skin & it drove her crazy, her hips bucking up to chase the sensation. “You good?” Katya whispered.  

Trixie nodded vehemently & groped for Katya’s thighs, trying to pull her into her more quickly.  Katya giggled, “Slow down, sweetheart.” She gripped one of Trixie’s hips to hold her still, the other easing her in ever-so-slightly.  Katya pushed forward at an agonizingly slow pace, relishing in the open-mouthed grin on Trixie’s face as she stretched her little-by-little.  Once she was halfway in, Katya thrust gently upward, causing Trixie to gasp in pleasure, before she pulled back & pushed slowly back into her, all the way this time.  

Katya leaned down, hair brushing against Trixie’s face, & kissed her tenderly.  “It feels so good,” Trixie whimpered. Katya swayed her hips gently from side to side, wanting Trixie to feel as filled up as possible before she slid back from her, then slowly back in.  They fell into a comfortable, slow rhythm, Katya’s hips rolling into Trixie, her elbows braced on either side of her shoulders, hands tangled in her cotton candy hair as they kissed.

Trixie cradled Katya’s tailbone beneath both of her palms, gently urging her back in every time she pulled away.  One of Katya’s hands trailed down between them to find Trixie’s clit, rubbing in time with her slow thrusts until Trixie started to whine, a sign she was close.  “You gonna come for me, princess?” Katya whispered.

“Yeah… yeah…” Trixie panted, eyes locked wide with Katya’s.  Her words became incoherent nasally whimpers as Katya’s fingers sped up, bringing her over the edge.  She slowly helped Trixie ride it out, pumping softly into her & stroking her hair, still staring straight into her eyes.  After a few seconds, Trixie inhaled sharply & giggled.

“Okay?” Katya managed in a husky voice.

“Uh huh,” she nodded dreamily.  Katya gently drew her hips back, pulling out of her with a heavy wet sound that caused Trixie’s mouth to drop open.  She unlatched the straps & dropped the harness clumsily onto the bedside table, figuring she’d deal with it later. Katya delicately draped her body across Trixie’s, resting her weight against her, & kissed her playfully.  “Thank you,” Trixie giggled.

“My pleasure,” Katya replied theatrically, stroking Trixie’s cheekbone with her thumb.

“Now are you gonna get off me so I can repay the favor?” Trixie teased.

Katya gasped melodramatically & flopped onto her back, limbs splayed out like a starfish.  “I’m off you!” she screeched.

Trixie sat up & grabbed one of Katya’s ankles, stroking the length of her stocking.  “I like these on you,” she smirked. Katya blushed & stretched her arms out above her head, posing for Trixie, whose fingertips were dancing along the top seam of the thigh-highs, prickling goosebumps up on her skin.  Trixie leaned down to kiss across the expanse of naked thigh above the top of each, inhaling deeply & letting Katya’s scent intoxicate her.

“Come here,” Trixie breathed, sliding Katya by her hips further down the bed, then hoisting her legs up over her shoulders, bringing herself face to face with Katya’s visibly swollen center.  She opened her mouth & extended her tongue as far as she could, licking long strokes up from the wettest part of her, all the way up into her closely-trimmed fine blonde hair, bottom to top, over & over, until Katya was groaning for more.  Trixie gripped her tightly by the ass, pulling her against her face as she wrapped her lips around her clit, sucking hungrily against Katya’s sweetness as if she were eating a lollipop.

“ _ Fuck _ —” Katya cried out, hips bucking into Trixie’s mouth.

“ _ Mmhmm _ ,” Trixie moaned, poking her tongue against her & flicking it back & forth quickly, fingers digging deep into the muscles of Katya’s ass as she moved.

“You’re… so… good at this…” Katya gasped.  Trixie felt her cheeks flush as Katya reached down to shove her hands into her hair, encouraging her not to stop.  “So good… make me come in your mouth…” she whined. “Please…”

Trixie clenched her thighs together & clung to Katya’s backside so tightly she was sure she’d leave little fingerprint bruises.  She nodded against Katya, lips & tongue still working in tandem, giving her permission. “ _ Ahh _ !” Katya screamed out & Trixie felt her thighs go rigid beneath her, hips lifting to slam against her mouth.  “God, fuck, ah— Trix— your mouth—” she babbled incoherently. Trixie quickly let her thumb take the place of her lips, rubbing firmly against Katya’s clit so she could thrust her tongue into her just as she came, circling her tongue frantically around inside of her.  Trixie moaned loudly at the small rush of salty-sweet liquid that trickled into her mouth as Katya grabbed almost-painfully at her hair, forcing her whole face to stay flush against her.

Once Katya collapsed her hips downward onto the mattress & let her thighs go limp around Trixie’s neck, Trixie pulled away with a proud giggle.  “Goddamn,” Katya gasped, running the heel of her hand between her breasts to dry the trickles of sweat that had formed there. She reached aimlessly toward Trixie, who scooted herself up to Katya’s side.  Katya playfully tugged at the front of the choker Trixie was still wearing, pulling her down to lazily kiss her.

“You should wear these more,” Katya grinned through the kiss.

“Why?” Trixie smirked back, pulling slightly away from her.

“No reason…” Katya tugged on it again, eyes glittering with amusement at how easily it caused Trixie’s lips to part.

“You’re so mean to meeeee,” Trixie whined in a high-pitched voice.

“Never, baby,” Katya purred, leading her down to kiss her again.  “But—” she started. “I  _ do _ like the idea of you curled up here sleeping with it on.”

“Do you?” Trixie ran her hands through Katya’s hair.  Katya nodded through a wide grin. “Are you gonna wake me up all horny if I sleep with it on?”

“Probably,” she laughed, wrapping her arms around Trixie’s shoulders.

“Then goodnight!” she giggled, teasingly flopping down onto the pillow & pretending to be asleep.

“Go to bed, dork,” Katya tickled her bare stomach.

“I’m trying!” Trixie squealed.  “You keep interrupting me!”

Katya shook her head playfully & snuggled up to Trixie’s side, tossing her leg over her thigh with a smile & a contented moan.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a disaster & I apologize in advance.
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: Content warning for internalized homophobia & discussions of past abuse. ♡
> 
> As always, sugar in the form of kudos, comments, reblogs (http://zamokitty.tumblr.com), or actual sugar via my Ko-Fi (https://ko-fi.com/zamokitty) are SO SO SO appreciated! xo

 

“Baby… hey… baby…” Katya whispered to the lightly snoring mass of pink hair that lay sprawled out across her body.  “Baby…” she strung her nails through Trixie’s hair, lightly scratching her scalp.

“Mmmm…” she sighed without moving.

“Trix,” she shook her shoulder where it rested draped across her chest.  “Wake up,” she giggled quietly.

“Whyyyyyy?” Trixie stirred, not opening her eyes.

“I need to pee!”  

Trixie groaned & rolled over, flopping dramatically off of Katya & pulling the sheet up over her chest.  Katya shuffled out of bed to the bathroom & when she returned, she watched as Trixie closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep again.  She covered her mouth to hide a laugh at Trixie’s bad acting & crawled up onto the end of the bed, creeping slowly toward Trixie’s feet.  “Hey,” she whispered. Trixie ignored her, still faking sleep. Katya tugged the sheet up from the bottom, where they’d already kicked it out of place, & crawled underneath it.

“I know you’re awake,” she taunted in a breathy voice.  Trixie didn’t move, even when Katya kissed each of her kneecaps.  “Were you dreaming about me?” she teased, gently pulling her thighs apart & exposing how wet she was.  Above the blanket, Trixie bit her lip & smirked, face hidden from Katya’s view. She pretended to be asleep as Katya licked up the inside of her thigh, then softly pushed her index finger inside of her, resting it there lazily.  “Still sleeping, huh?” she asked.

“Uh huh,” Trixie giggled.

“Hm, thought so!”  Katya drew her finger slowly in & out of Trixie for a moment, taking her time to appreciate everything about the sensation— her puffy skin, her heat, her warm sweetly-sweaty scent.  “You gonna go back to sleep?” she taunted.

“Uh huh!”

“‘Kay.”  Katya laid down on her stomach between Trixie’s legs, pressing her whole face against her & moaning at the moisture that covered it, nose-to-chin before she sucked gently on her clit.  She reached one hand up to rest on Trixie’s stomach & felt her inhale sharply, all the way from her abdomen. She arched her hips up slightly off the bed & Katya tenderly held her back down.  “Lie still, baby,” she purred. Katya kissed her all over, covering her hipbones, pelvis, & then back down to her inner thighs in slow, luxurious kisses.

Trixie moaned quietly as Katya’s lips teased against the bend in her inner thigh, hands trailing down to grope at the curves of her ass, lips following as she lifted Trixie slightly from the bed.  She squirmed at Katya’s torturously slow pace as she pressed gentle kisses along the inside of each cheek before running just the tip of her tongue in a teasing line all the way up between them. Trixie gasped, causing Katya to grin as she rested her hips back down onto the bed, sliding one finger back into her & finding no friction as she moved.

Katya nipped at her tender, swollen labia, running her teeth along the softest parts of Trixie.  “ _ God _ —” Trixie groaned, pulling her hair up from under her neck & weaving her fingers through it haphazardly, trying to cool down the heat Katya was building in her.  As Katya used her tongue to open her further, fluttering it playfully against her clit, Trixie yelped. “Fuck, ahhhhh—” She threw the sheet down over Katya’s head, giving her air she apparently gravely needed, based on her pink, sweaty cheeks.

Katya stared up at her, the smirk evident in her eyes as she didn’t break contact with Trixie’s clit.  “Jesus,” Trixie laughed through a sigh, looking down at Katya’s bright green eyes peering up at her through her lashes.  “How did I get this lucky?” she giggled.

Katya didn’t reply, only slid another finger inside of her, moving in & out as slowly as she could, wanting to prolong Trixie’s orgasm so long her fingers started to wrinkle inside of her.  She pulled her lips from her & whispered, “Good morning.”

“Good morn—  _ ahh _ —” Trixie gasped as Katya’s fingers curled up inside of her, pulling tantalizingly against her g-spot.  “If you do that—” she warned in a breathy tone.

“Uh huh,” Katya whispered with a knowing nod, leaning down to slide her tongue across her, adding the pressure she knew Trixie needed.  She felt Trixie tense her muscles & knew she was building her up little-by-little. Softening her tongue, she lapped tenderly against Trixie, swirling back & forth as her fingertips stroked the spongey rough patch inside of her.  She could feel it swelling & wrapped her lips tightly around Trixie’s clit, stroking it so hard her jaw started to hurt.

“Ka— Katya!” Trixie squealed so loudly Katya was sure the entire neighborhood could hear her.

“Mmhmmm,” she murmured into her.  “Do it.”

Trixie’s thigh muscles squeezed tightly & then suddenly released.  She whimpered incoherently, throwing her forearm over her eyes as she felt herself drenching Katya’s fingers.  “Fuck yeah,” Katya moaned quietly, slipping her fingers out of Trixie to softly pat them against her opening, the wet slapping sound echoing through the silence.  “That was a lot,” she grinned proudly, lifting Trixie’s butt off the bed just enough to admire the small puddle she was lying in.

Trixie laughed self-consciously.  “I will never understand why you like that so much!”

“Because it’s hot!” Katya pulled herself up to her knees, the friction between her thighs suddenly making her acutely aware of how wet she herself was.

“It’s embarrassing to keep ruining your sheets!” Trixie covered her eyes with one hand.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to punish you for it,” Katya smirked evilly.

“Oh?”  Trixie uncovered her eyes to see Katya’s devilish expression.

“Uh huh.”  She climbed over Trixie’s leg, rolling herself off the bed.  “Turn over,” she purred.

Trixie bit her lip & listened without argument, burying her face into the slightly smushed pillow that still smelled like Katya.  She heard a plastic rustling sound, then Katya’s bare feet padding on the floor, & grinned into the pillowcase.

Katya rested the palm of her hand on Trixie’s ass, massaging it slightly.  “Want your present?” she laughed.

Trixie turned & looked over her shoulder to see Katya dangling the heart paddle she’d send her a photo of, & her eyes lit up.  She nodded nervously. “Be nice to me, I’ve never done this before,” she giggled girlishly.

“You haven’t?” Katya sounded surprised.

Trixie shook her head, stray pieces of hair falling into her face.  “I’ve only had one real girlfriend before,” she admitted with a blush.  “I’m not very experienced at stuff.”

Katya felt her heart flip & she knelt down on the floor beside Trixie’s face, kissing her softly & tucking a messy wave behind her ear.  “I’m surprised by that!”

“Why?” Trixie giggled.

“You just seem… less innocent than that.  I would never have guessed you’d only slept with one girl!”

“Well…” Trixie pulled herself up onto her elbows.  “I’ve had one  _ girlfriend _ , but there have been a few other random… things.  Tinder or whatever. But not very many.”

“What’s not very many?” Katya grinned, kissing her softly.

“I dunno?  Four? Five?”

“You really are innocent,” Katya teased, kissing her forehead & rubbing her palm down the length of her spine.

“I’m not  _ that  _ innocent,” she protested.

“But you  _ are _ a Britney impersonator, apparently!” Katya made fun of her accidental song lyrics.

“I hate you!” Trixie shrieked through her laughter.

“Faaaaaaake!” Katya’s voice boomed dramatically through the room, causing Trixie to laugh even harder, kicking her feet against the mattress.

Katya stood up & softly patted Trixie’s round ass with her palm, giggling as she did.  “I’m gonna punish you anyway!” she teased. “Even if you are an innocent little baby.”

“Hmmmm,” Trixie turned to make eye contact with her over her shoulder, pupils dilating as she looked Katya’s naked body up & down before focusing on the paddle.  Katya noticed & rested it gently against the swell of her bottom, letting her feel the cool leather against her skin before lifting it up & swatting her softly.

Trixie couldn’t stop the smirk that crept across her face, even at the slightest of spanks.  Katya felt the fire kindling in her belly & squeezed the handle so hard her knuckles turned white.  “Tell me if it’s too much,” she whispered, her voice throaty.

“I will, mama,” Trixie locked eyes with her, a bratty gleam in them.  She knew exactly what that pet name would do to Katya & she  _ wanted _ it.

“Oh?” Katya perked up, cocking an eyebrow & licking her lips.  She shifted her weight, her inner thighs growing increasingly wet with each second that passed.

Trixie winked & shrugged her shoulders coquettishly, prompting Katya to reflexively bring the paddle down hard onto Trixie’s skin.  She kept her eyes locked with Trixie’s, swallowing hard as Trixie’s mouth dropped open in pleasure. Her eyes were already completely blown out & Katya felt drunk on it, lifting her wrist to spank her again, this time drawing a low moan from Trixie’s lips.

Katya looked down at the spreading pink marks on Trixie’s ass & bit the tip of her tongue.  She leaned over a bit, switching to the other cheek & slapped it firmly with the paddle— harder than before— & then left it there for a few seconds as Trixie yelped & fisted her hands into the sheets.  When she pulled the paddle away, Katya moaned quietly. “Hang on—” she growled, grabbing her phone off the bedside charger & snapping a picture of the perfect pale heart shape she’d left on her burning red skin.

“Lemme see!” Trixie giggled.  Katya tilted the phone in her direction & she gasped proudly.  “Oh, wow!”

“Right?” Katya’s voice was heavy with desire.

“I love it,” Trixie beamed.  Katya set her phone back on the table & bent down to kiss the center of the heart, then traced the soft leather edge of the paddle down the back of Trixie’s thigh before lifting it slowly & bringing it down with a loud, sharp  _ whack _ that caused Trixie to openly yell into the pillow.  “More…” she whimpered, voice muffled. Katya hesitated for a few seconds.  “Please, mama, I deserve it.” Trixie rubbed her thighs against the mattress, already aching for relief.

Katya pushed her lower back down firmly, holding her still.  “No, baby. You already made a mess,” she purred. Trixie whined loudly, but Katya only softly soothed her heated skin with her palm, swirling it in delicate circles.  Once Trixie had started to relax into Katya’s touch, she brought the paddle up & slapped it down firmly on Trixie’s ass, the handle quivering slightly upon impact.

“ _ Yes _ !” Trixie screamed through the tears that filled her eyes.  She pushed herself up onto her knees, burying her face into the pillow & squeezing it between both fists.  Katya didn’t miss a beat, smacking it onto the soft underside of her ass hard enough to leave an immediate heart.  The tears flowed from Trixie’s eyes. “Please, mama!” she brokenly gasped.

“Shhhhh.”  Katya set the paddle at Trixie’s feet & reached around her body to hug her, hands clasped under her stomach.  She kissed the center of the last heart she’d made & gently covered the reddest spot with her palm, as if she could absorb the heat from it.  Trixie let out a wavering cry, tears spilling down her flushed cheeks.

“Hey, hey, are you okay, angel?” Katya’s voice was heavy with concern as she knelt beside Trixie’s face, pulling her hair over one shoulder to wipe her tears.

Trixie managed a feeble smile & nodded.  “Yeah,” she whispered so quietly Katya could barely hear her.  

Katya used her thumb to catch Trixie’s tears & smiled softly.  “How do you feel?”

“Good.”  Her voice was floaty, breathy.  “Can you cuddle me?”

“Yes, baby,” Katya laughed.  “Scoot over.” She climbed up beside Trixie, holding her face to face in her arms, kissing her forehead & cheeks.  “Does it hurt?” Katya pressed a cool hand to Trixie’s ass.

“Yeah,” Trixie nodded.  “But I like it.” She grinned widely at Katya, who kissed her in response.

“Me too,” she whispered into her mouth.

Trixie snuggled up tightly against Katya’s body, trailing her hand down between them.  “Jesus,” she mumbled as she pulled her fingers back, soaked & sticky after barely even brushing them between Katya’s legs.

“Ooops,” Katya winked.  Trixie slid her fingers into her own mouth, sucking them clean with a moan.  “Come here,” Katya whispered, taking Trixie by the hand & leading her into the bathroom.  “We should shower…”

Trixie beamed excitedly at Katya’s suggestion, taking off her jewelry from the night before & dropping it with a  _ clink _ onto the counter as Katya started the water.  Katya stepped in, wetting her hair & body while Trixie watched, biting her lip hungrily.  After a moment, Katya beckoned her forward & Trixie stepped in with a smirk. “Turn around,” she whispered as she reached over to turn the water temperature down & soaked a washcloth before turning it back up.  

Katya tenderly stroked Trixie’s puffy pink skin with the cold cotton, soothing the burn she still felt.  Trixie sighed in relief as Katya’s other arm wrapped around her beneath her breasts, holding her steady. After a moment, she let the washcloth fall to the ground & kissed Trixie’s shoulder, trailing up to her neck before gently turning her around to kiss her lips.  Katya’s wet hands combed through Trixie’s hair & she reached up to angle the shower nozzle toward her. Trixie closed her eyes against the spray & let Katya rinse her hair, detangling it with her fingers as she went.

Katya moaned happily as Trixie’s lips parted.  “God.”

“What?” Trixie asked quietly without opening her eyes.

“You… you’re not real.”  Katya pulled Trixie’s soaked hair behind her, letting it trail down her spine in a long, dripping cascade.  Trixie giggled & reached up to push the showerhead away from her face before letting her hands find Katya’s breasts, rolling her nipples softly between her fingers & causing Katya to arch mindlessly into her touch.  Her hands traveled teasingly down Katya’s ribs to paw at her hips, holding herself steady as she kneeled down on the shower floor in front of her.

Katya peered down at Trixie & groaned.  “So beautiful…” From her angle, Trixie’s breasts spilled obscenely over her chest, hips curved out like waves, & her baby pink hair had darkened as it spilled down her back.  Her excited eyes & open, plump lips were the icing on the fantasy cake, & Katya had to giggle. Trixie shut her up quickly by attaching her mouth to her almost-painfully sensitive clit & sucking assertively.  “ _ OH—! _ ” Katya yelped, one hand coming down to rest on Trixie’s head, the other bracing herself against the shower wall.  Trixie scooted so she was beneath Katya, giving her full access to thrust her tongue into her while she drew circles into her clit with her thumb.  

Katya’s knees buckled slightly & Trixie reached up with both hands to steady her, pulling her down slightly.  “Ride my face,” Trixie begged hoarsely. Katya swallowed hard & let her feet slide apart, Trixie’s face the only thing keeping her from falling dangerously into a split.  Trixie moaned happily as Katya started to roll her hips against her mouth, grinding harder & faster the closer she got, Trixie’s tongue alternating between licks & flutters.

“Trixie—” Katya gasped desperately, gripping tightly onto her wet hair.  “ _ Fuck, god, fuck! _ ” she yelped, collapsing all of her weight onto Trixie’s mouth.  Trixie grabbed firmly onto both of Katya’s thighs, holding her up as she aggressively licked her through her orgasm.  “My legs— I need to sit,” she gasped after a few seconds. Trixie scooted backward, giving Katya room to slump to the ground, the water hitting her back.

“You okay?” Trixie cradled Katya’s cheek.

“Just old!” she wheezed, exhaustedly extending her arms to pull Trixie into them, relaxing together until the water began to cool & they forced themselves to get up & finish showering before it ran out.

  
  


* * *

 

Trixie pushed the cart through Target, leaning her weight into it, as Shosh had insisted on riding in the basket.  Katya precariously piled various cleaning supplies & bath products into the top of it as she checked things off her list.  When they cut through the dog & cat food aisle, Shosh called out. “Mom?!”

“Yeah?” she turned from where she walked slightly ahead of the cart.

“Can I get a pet?”

Katya groaned.  “No.”

“But  _ whyyyyyy _ ?”

“Because I don’t wanna take care of it,” Katya laughed.

“I’ll do it!”

“You’ll get up at 6 in the morning to walk a dog?  Or you’ll scoop a cat’s poop?”

“Yeah!”

“No,” Katya chuckled, shaking her head.

“Trixieeeeeee,” Shosh tried in a singsong voice, looking up at her.  Trixie raised an eyebrow at her. “Can I get a pet?”

Trixie giggled.  “Where are we gonna hide a pet when your mom just said no?”

“In my room!  You can come visit it!”

“What should we get?  A unicorn?! A dragon?!”  Trixie whispered conspiratorially.

“A pony!”

“Is it gonna fit in your room?  I mean, it needs a stable…”

“I’ll let it have my bed!”

“Hmmm, let me think about it!” Trixie winked.  That answer temporarily satisfied Shosh, who sat back down in the cart.  Katya slyly flipped Trixie off with a smirk & guided them to the next aisle.  

Trixie wrapped her arm around Katya’s waist & kissed the side of her hair as she compared the ingredients in two different brands of kids’ toothpaste.  “Hey! Trixie?” a woman’s voice called from the other end of the aisle.

Trixie’s eyes jolted up & she tore her arm away from Katya, pretending to scratch her neck.  “Oh, hi! Kameron!” Katya’s eyes narrowed, but she didn’t say anything.

“How are you?!” the tall, striking woman hugged Trixie.

“Good…” Trixie cleared her throat nervously.  “Just… um… shopping!”

Kameron nodded cheerfully at Katya.  “Hi, I’m Kameron!” she extended a heavily tattooed arm in her direction.

Katya shifted both boxes of toothpaste to one hand to meet hers.  “Katya.”

Just as Kameron opened her mouth to speak, Trixie interjected.  “She’s, um, my friend from the dance studio! Her daughter is one of my students!”  Katya felt her jaw clench.

“Aww, hi!” Kameron waved at Shosh.

“I like your bug!”  Shosh pointed at the tattoo on Kameron’s chest.

“Thanks!  I like your dress!”  Kameron chirped in reply.  Shosh grinned at the compliment.  “So how’s work going?” she turned her attention back to Trixie.

“Good!  We’re getting ready for a recital in December, so it’s pretty intense!” Trixie chipped at one of her fingernails.  “How ‘bout you?”

“Same ol’!  Not too much variety in training wine moms how to do deadlifts,” she laughed.

“I imagine!” Trixie chuckled.  Katya dropped one of the boxes of toothpaste into the base of the cart with a rattle.  “Anyway, it was good to see you!”

“Yeah!  We should catch up sometime!”

“Yeah!”

“It was nice to meet you, Katya!” Kameron smiled sweetly, then waved at Shosh, who waved back.  Trixie tucked her hair behind her ear & pretended to be very interested in a whitening mouthwash.  She could feel Katya’s eyes burning holes into her as she put it in the top of the cart & started to push it down the aisle without a word.

Once they’d made it to the front of the store, Katya deadpanned Trixie, “Are you staying for dinner?”

“If you want me to,” she answered quietly, looking up at her through her lashes.

Katya didn’t answer, only ripping a plastic bag from the rack & filling it with fresh green beans.  “Can we have tater tots?” Shosh asked quietly. Katya could hear it in her voice that she sensed the tension & deliberately softened her demeanor.

“Yeah, kiddo, we still have some in the freezer!”

“Good!”

Trixie leaned over the handle of the cart, trying to come up with something to say.  “Do you need me to get anything?” She chastised herself for coming up with something so stupid.

“No.”  Katya refused to look at her.  Trixie stared back down at her hands, focusing on a hangnail & trying not to cry.  She followed Katya through the produce, then to checkout lane, staring down at her feet like a scolded puppy.

Katya helped Shosh out of the cart so she could load the bags into the base of it, & Shosh looked up at Trixie sadly before going over to hug her hip.  Trixie patted her head & managed a small smile as Katya thanked the cashier for her receipt & steered the cart toward the door. Katya buckled Shosh into her booster seat, then returned to the trunk of the SUV, popping it open.  Trixie slowly loaded two bags in. “I’m sor—” she started.

“Not here.”  Katya loaded the rest of the bags & slammed the trunk shut.  Trixie pushed the cart over toward the cart return & then climbed into the car without a word, making sure to shut the door extra softly.  Katya turned the radio up & drove the entire way home in silence.

Once they reached her house, Katya let Shosh put the key in the door— one of her favorite responsibilities— & started to carry in bags.  Trixie followed, unpacking things on the counter & separating them into piles by where they went— cupboard, fridge, bathroom, closet. Katya tossed her keys onto the counter, still refusing to look at Trixie.  “Wanna go out & play?” she asked Shosh, who nodded enthusiastically.

She unlocked the sliding back door & opened it for her.  “Leave your jacket on!” she hollered after her as she ran down the patio stairs toward the swingset.  Katya slid the door shut & took a deep breath. She crumpled up the plastic sacks into a ball & tossed them into the corner of the kitchen before approaching Trixie, who still had her head lowered to her chest.

Katya raised a hand & Trixie visibly flinched.  “Jesus, I’m not gonna hit you,” Katya gasped, bringing her hand up to shove her own bangs out of her eyes.

“Sorry,” Trixie murmured, concentrating all of her energy on unwrapping a roll of paper towels.

“Trixie.”  Katya reached out to steady Trixie’s trembling hand, taking the paper towels from her & setting them on the edge of the counter.  She didn’t reply. “Trixie, look at me.” Trixie slowly raised her head, terror in her eyes as hers met Katya’s. “What’s going on?”

Trixie shrugged.  “I don’t…” A single tear fell down her cheek, leaving a faint track through her makeup.

“Come here,” Katya whispered, wrapping her arms around her & cradling the back of her head in her hand.  Trixie started to sob, mascara-tinted tears pouring into Katya’s blonde hair. “Baby, shhhh…” she comforted her.  “Come sit down.”

She guided Trixie by the hand into the living room & toward the couch.  “I’m sorry…” Trixie choked as they sat down side by side. Katya pulled her legs up & turned to face her.

“Talk to me.  You can.”

“I don’t… I don’t want you to be mad.”

“I’m not mad,” Katya sighed after a few seconds.  Trixie stared down at her knees in silence. “Baby, we can put that on hold.  Why did you shut down like that?” Trixie didn’t answer. “Did you think I was gonna hit you?” Katya whispered timidly.

“No… it’s just… reflex, I guess.”  Trixie anxiously cracked her knuckles.

“Can I touch you?” Katya asked quietly.  Trixie nodded & Katya stroked her knee softly, Trixie watching as her hand moved.  “You can tell me wh—”

“My dad,” Trixie interrupted her.  Katya locked eyes with her, silently telling her it was okay to keep going.  “They say when you grow up like that, it’s what you expect,” she mumbled.

“Baby,” Katya whispered, stroking Trixie’s cheekbone.  “Hey.”

Trixie managed a weak smile.  “It’s dumb.”

“It’s not dumb, angel.  But I need you to know something.”  Trixie stared expectantly at her. “I would never lay a hand on you.  Ever.” She nodded ever-so-slightly. “Trixie,” Katya repeated firmly.  Trixie’s face softened. “ _ Ever _ .”

“I don’t deserve you,” Trixie cried quietly.  Katya wrapped her arms around Trixie & held her close, letting her cry onto her bleach-stained black t-shirt.  

Once Trixie caught her breath, Katya stroked her hair gently.  “Can we talk about what happened?”

Trixie heaved a deep sigh.  “I’m an asshole, that’s what.”

“You’re not.  But… I wasn’t happy.”

“I know,” Trixie looked down at her lap.  “It was shitty of me.”

“I think…” Katya trailed off, pulling her hands back from Trixie.  “I think if you’re not ready for this…”

Trixie’s eyes opened widely, full of terror.  “No…” she trailed off, biting back tears.

Katya forced herself to look away from her face.  “I don’t want to force you to do something you’re not comfortable with.”  She could hear her own voice shaking.

Trixie grabbed her hand.  “Katya.”

Katya blinked hard.  “Trix… god, I don’t know what to do.”

“Just… give me a chance,” Trixie cried, unabashedly sobbing.

“I want to.”  She finally squeezed Trixie’s hand back.  “God, I want to. But I’m not gonna force you… & I know myself.  I spent too long… I don’t wanna hide.”

“Then don’t.  We won’t. I messed up!” Trixie bawled.  “Katya, please!”

Katya reached up to wipe away a tear with her knuckle.  “I can’t be a secret, Trixie. If you’re not okay with us…”

“Katya!”  She grabbed her face with both hands, turning it to look at her own.  “I’ve never wanted anything more than I want this,” she cried.

“Don’t do this, Trixie,” she whispered, resting her hands atop hers, but looking downward.

“Mama.”

“Baby, I—”

“I’ll tell everyone right now.  I’ll send a mass text:  _ I’m in love with Katya Zamolodchikova _ .”

Katya froze.  “You…”

Trixie inhaled sharply.  “I am. Just give me a chance.  Please.”

She looked up at Trixie, tears silently dripping from her own soft green eyes.  “I love you, too,” she whispered. “I just don’t want to have to hide that.”

“You don’t have to.  I messed up. Baby…”

“I don’t want to rush you… I shouldn’t have gotten so upset.”

“Yeah…” Trixie trailed off.  “I was just caught off guard… I hadn’t thought about it.”

“Does anyone know?  About you?” Katya squeezed Trixie’s thigh.

Trixie shook her head.  “Not really, no one here.  My friend Kim is the only one.”

“Your family?”

Trixie bit her lip.  “No.”

“Okay…” Katya exhaled heavily.

“I’m not hiding it,” Trixie quickly filled in.  “I just… it’s never come up.”

Katya pursed her lips anxiously.  “Do it on your time, Trix. I just… I don’t want to be your friend.  If you love—”

“I love you,” she answered.

“Then I don’t want to feel like you’re ashamed of me,” Katya whispered, reaching up to wipe the smeared mascara from under her eyes.

“I’m not, I promise… I swear.”  Trixie leaned in to kiss her softly.  “You just might have to be patient with me…”

“I will,” Katya nodded firmly.  “I’ll try.”

Trixie smiled through her own tears.  “Just try.”

The sliding glass door slammed & Trixie reached up to dry her own eyes with her fingertips.  “Look!” Shosh ran toward them. “I found this!” she extended her hands to show them a fuzzy caterpillar.

“Shoshanna!  Put it back!” Katya screeched through her laughter.

“Can it be my pet?!”

“It probably has a family out there,” Trixie giggled.  “Go take it back to its parents!”

“ _ Fiiiiiiiiine _ ,” she sighed, running back toward the door.

Trixie & Katya both burst into laughter as they heard it latch shut.  “You really wanna be a part of this?” Katya grinned.

“More than anything,” Trixie whispered, kissing her tenderly.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Get excited for some more Trixie/Shosh time, as well as a bit of insight into Trixie's brain. I know it's not quite as long as some other chapters, but hopefully y'all enjoy! ♡
> 
> As always, your comments set a fire under my ass & I appreciate them all so, so much!
> 
> Hit a girl up: zamokitty.tumblr.com + ko-fi.com/zamokitty ♡ ♡ ♡

 

Trixie had never considered picking up smoking until she sat in the pickup line for Shosh’s school, wanting to slam her head against the steering wheel every time she thought she would be able to move, but instead merely inched forward.  After what felt like a lifetime, she finally pulled up to the curb, only to be met with a confused stare from a middle aged woman. She squinted her eyes at Trixie’s windshield before leaning down to the passenger’s side window.

Trixie pushed the automatic window button & the woman stuck her head in.  “Hi, I didn’t see your sticker?”

Trixie leaned over the center console toward her.  “Sticker?”

“On your window.  The number that corresponds to your student.”

“Oh… uh… I’m here to pick up Shosh… Shoshanna Zamolodchikova.”

“Is your name on the emergency list?”

“I— I don’t know.  Her mom got sick today & asked me to get her…” Trixie trailed off nervously.

“What’s your name?”  The woman’s patience was clearly wearing just as thin as Trixie’s.

“Trixie Mattel.  I’m probably not on the list.”  The woman sighed loudly in response.  “Can you just tell me what I need to do to get Shosh?”

“You’ll have to park & come in to fill out the pickup form, but we’ll need confirmation from her mother that she’s allowed to leave with you.”

“Jesus,” Trixie sighed, pinching her tense eyebrow between her fingers.  “Okay, fine,” she acquiesced, rolling up her window & pulling out of the pickup line.  “For fuck’s sake,” she grumbled under her breath as she found a parking spot & turned the car off.  When Trixie was in school, the bell rang & the kids just ran outside— they all knew who was picking them up without a dog & pony show, & the whole production of it seemed overly precious to her.

She cursed herself for wearing sneakers & leggings, longing for the sense of authority a pair of pumps would have given her as she crossed the blacktop toward the elementary school.  As soon as she pulled open the front door, Trixie was hit with a cacophony of sounds & scents that reminded her of her own elementary school, & she wondered if there was some secret company that had supplied the same cafeteria pizza to every school in America over the past two decades.  

As she made her way through scrambling children, she finally saw Shosh.  “Trixie! Why are you here?!” she screeched, running over toward her.

Trixie patted the back of her head as Shosh hugged the side of her body.  “Your mom isn’t feeling too good, so she asked me to come get ya— is that okay?”

“Uh huh!”  Shosh started for the front door.

“Hang on, munchkin— I have to fill out a form or something first.”

“Oh.”  Shosh’s face was painted with confusion, but she shrugged, following Trixie into the front office.

“Um, hi— I was told I needed to sign something in order to pick her up?” she pointed her thumb at Shosh, who lingered behind her.

“Yeah, are you on the emergency list?” the secretary asked.

“I don’t think so… her mom just, uh, needed someone at the last minute.  She’s ill.”

The secretary nodded.  “Okay, unfortunately, if you’re not on the pickup list, we’ll need to touch base with mom first.”

Trixie combed her nails through her hair, trying not to get frustrated.  “Her mom is at home in bed with a migraine.” The secretary looked at her sympathetically, but helplessly, & let the expression linger in silence for a few seconds.  “Fine, I’ll try to call her,” Trixie sighed, scrolling to Katya’s number in her favorites.

“Hi— no, it’s okay, um, I needed some sticker or something— uh huh— yeah— so they said they need confirmation from you that I’m— okay— yeah—”  

Trixie handed the phone over to the secretary.  “Ms. Zamolodchikova, hi. Uh huh… uh huh, sure. I can do that— yep— okay, thanks.”  She passed the phone back to Trixie.

“Sorry, babe.  Go back to bed.  Okay… I will… bye.”  Trixie hung up. “Are we good to go?” she turned her attention back to the secretary.

“She wanted me to go ahead & add you to the pickup list, if you wanna wait just one second.”  Trixie peered around at her computer, watching her pull up a complicated-looking database, & then scrolled to the Zs, finding Shosh’s name.  “Name?” she asked without looking up at her.

“Trixie Mattel.  M-A-T-T-E-L,” she spelled.

“Phone number?” Trixie rattled it off.  “Relation?” Trixie shifted her weight to her other foot & jiggled her keys absentmindedly.  “Relation?” the secretary repeated after a few seconds of awkward silence. She peered up at Trixie through thick frames.

“Uh, is there a checkbox for mother’s girlfriend?” Trixie laughed timidly.

The secretary clicked her tongue against her teeth & furrowed her brow as she looked back to her screen.  “I’ll just write  _ family friend _ .”

Trixie’s breath caught in her throat at how quickly the woman’s demeanor turned icy.  She reached down to take Shosh’s hand. “Is that all?”

“Yes, you’re in the system now.”

“Okay, great,” Trixie tried to mask her anger & embarrassment as she faked a smile before turning on her heels.  “Come on, Shosh,” she swung their hands up in the air between them.

Biting back tears the entire way to the car, Trixie opened the back door of her tiny white sedan in order to let Shosh slide into the seat behind hers.  “I don’t have your seat, think you can handle it?” she winked.

“I don’t  _ aaaaaaalways _ have to have it!” Shosh protested as she buckled her seat belt.

“Okay, okay,” Trixie laughed, climbing into the driver’s seat.

“I have  _ so  _ much homework,” Shosh complained as they drove toward Katya’s house.

“You have homework in kindergarten?” Trixie asked incredulously, glancing back at her through the rearview mirror.

“I have to read a book & Mom has to sign my journal that I did it.”

“Oooh, what book do you have?”

“ _ Big Brown Bear _ … I picked it because he looked cute!” Shosh beamed.

“Well, maybe I could read it with you so your mom can take a nap?”

“Do you like reading?!” Shosh’s voice rose with excitement.

“I like big brown bears!” Trixie giggled.

“Good.  Me, too.”

Once Trixie pulled into Katya’s driveway, she led the way to the front door, knowing Katya had left it unlocked for her.  “Remember, shhhhhh,” Trixie held a finger to her lips. “Mom has a really bad headache.”

Shosh nodded.  “Shhhhh!” She exaggerated each creeping step as she followed Trixie inside & daintily set her backpack on the kitchen table.  “Can I have a snack?” she whispered to her.

“Like what?”

“Hmmmm… peanut butter crackers?”

Trixie opened the top cabinet & pulled out a pack of crackers, ripping the top open for Shosh.  “At your service,” she grinned as she handed them down to her. “How ‘bout you get your homework out & I’ll go check on your mom?  I’ll be right back.” Shosh sat down at the table, munching messily on her crackers as Trixie tiptoed down the hallway toward Katya’s dark bedroom.

“Hi, baby,” she whispered, pushing the door open just slightly to see Katya, fully clothed & lying on top of the blankets, a pillow covering her entire face.

“Hi,” Katya croaked, pulling the pillow away as Trixie sat down beside her.

“Your eyes are so puffy, babe,” she whispered, stroking Katya’s face gently.

“Owwww,” Katya cringed, gritting her teeth.

“Sorry!” Trixie pulled her hand away as if she’d just touched a flame.  “Do you need anything?”

“A sledgehammer for you to beat my fucking face in with,” she groaned.

“Okay, barring that.”

“No…” she moaned, weakly reaching out to rub Trixie’s knee.  “Thanks for getting her.”

“Yeah,” Trixie lifted Katya’s hand & kissed each of her knuckles.  “Sleep, sweetie.”

Katya smashed the pillow back over her face.  “I will,” she muffled through it, & Trixie shuffled her way out of the room, pulling the door quietly shut behind her.

“Is she sleeping?” Shosh asked when Trixie rounded the corner to the kitchen.

“Almost.  Let’s see what this bear’s all about, huh?”  She pulled out the dining table chair beside Shosh’s & settled in for homework time.

By the time Katya had gotten up a few hours later, describing the pain as “now only a baseball bat to the brain instead of an ice pick to it,” it was nearly Shosh’s bedtime.  Before Katya had come to rescue her, Trixie had thought back to her own childhood dinners, & hoped that a goodie— Easy Mac with sliced up hot dogs— was a sufficient dinner for Shosh.  Once they’d both gobbled it down, Trixie had gotten Shosh changed into her PJs & left her quietly playing with Barbies in her room.

“I could get used to having you around,” Katya smiled as she started to clear the table from Trixie & Shosh’s dinner.

“Let me do that,” Trixie stopped her, rushing over to take the plates & forks from her hands.

“Okay, let me rephrase— I could  _ really _ get used to having you around!”

Trixie took the dishes to the sink & rinsed them off before slotting them into the dishwasher.  “Mmhmm, you just want a vacation,” she stuck her tongue out at her.

“No, it’s just cute watching you be all domestic,” Katya wrapped her arms around Trixie from behind, resting her head weakly against her back.  

Trixie dried her hands on the towel, then smacked Katya’s forearm with it.  “Oh, really?” she laughed.

“Oh, yeah… witnessing this gourmet dinner you prepared got my pussy poppin’!” she teased.

“Get off me!” Trixie laughed, breaking free of Katya’s grasp.  She tossed the towel onto the counter. “Homework is done, but you have to sign it.  She’s in jammies, but no teeth brushed.”

Katya leaned in & kissed Trixie softly.  “You’re an angel.”

Trixie grinned through the kiss.  “Glad I’ve got you fooled!”

Katya cackled & shook her head.  “Take a compliment, why don’t ya?”

“Compliment?  Never heard of her.”  

Katya grabbed a handful of Trixie’s backside through her tight leggings.  “You truly are a brat,” she laughed.

“Never!” Trixie fluttered her lashes innocently.  “But I do have to meet up with Kim in—” she glanced up at the wall clock— “25 minutes.”

Katya whimpered.  “I don’t wanna  _ shaaaaare _ you.”

Trixie kissed her again.  “I gotta go drink away my day with someone who’s young enough to leave the house after 8pm!”  She nibbled on Katya’s bottom lip playfully.

“Oh, you bitch!” Katya smacked Trixie’s arm.  “I don’t hear you complaining about this cryptkeeper body when I’m—”

“ _ Okay! _ ” Trixie stopped her with a laugh.  “Fine! You’re young & vibrant & truly just a spry young thing!”

“Get outta my house!” Katya grinned through wheezing laughter.

“Bye, Shosh!” Trixie hollered down the hallway.

“Bye!” she screamed back, clearly not willing to move from her dollhouse.

“Bye,” she whispered to Katya, pressing a soft kiss between her eyebrows, one on the tip of her nose, & finally, one on her lips.

“Bye.  Drink something strong for me,” she hugged Trixie.

“Always.”  Trixie grabbed her phone & keys & headed out the door with a flirtatious wave over her shoulder.

  
  


* * *

 

“Are you inside?” Trixie asked Kim once she had expertly maneuvered into a parallel spot on the street just down from their designated meeting place.

“Yeah— I’m just sitting at the bar.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in a sec.  Fair warning I’m not dressed cute.”

“No time to change between your wild sexcapades?”

“Ha!” Trixie snorted.  “If only. I’ll see you in a minute,” she hung up, dropping her phone haphazardly into her purse & pulling open the heavy door of the bar.  Kim spotted her pink hair right away & waved her whole arm from across the room. Trixie smiled & hurried over to the empty leather stool next to her.  “Hi!”

“Hey bitch, long time no see.”  Kim leaned in to hug Trixie.

“Right?!  Things have been hectic!”  She hopped onto the stool with a bounce & pulled her hair up into a high messy ponytail, twisting it with a hair tie from her wrist.

“Too much making out with your sexy older lady?” Kim rolled her eyes teasingly.

“Too much playing mommy today!” Trixie laughed.  “What are you drinking?”

“It’s a creamsicle martini,” Kim grinned.

“Why is that the least surprising answer ever?”  Trixie dragged her index finger down the length of the menu, comparing the ingredients in the overpriced cocktails.

“What can I get you?” the tall, dramatically mustached bartender asked, leaning on his hands in front of Trixie.

“Oh, uh, I think I’ll try a strawberry basil martini?”

“You got it!” he clapped his hands together & set off to mix it.

“But  _ I’m _ predictable?” Kim laughed.  “You ordered the pinkest thing on the menu.”

“Excuse me, I didn’t get the—” she unfolded the leather-bound menu, “—pink passion!”

“You’re gonna get it next, though.”  Kim already knew what was going through Trixie’s head.

“Shut up!” she squealed.

“So,  _ Mommy _ ,” Kim teased from behind the rim of her glass.  “How’s that going?”

Trixie chuckled.  “Fine, good! It’s a new experience, ya know, but—” The bartender slid a deep pink cocktail over to Trixie, who smiled sweetly & passed over her debit card in exchange.  “But it’s actually really great.”

“I never thought I’d see the day,” Kim shook her head.

“What?”  Trixie licked the sweet liquor from her lips.

“What’s that line from that dumb Goldie Hawn movie?  If you have a baby, you can’t be the baby anymore or something like that?”

Trixie shrieked, then clamped her hand over her mouth.  “Oh my god, Kim!”

“Look, we all know you’re a child, Trixie!”

“I am  _ not _ !  I just…”

“Like to be a spoiled princess!” Kim finished with a laugh.

“Okay, yeah, but… I still get that,” Trixie smirked, sipping her drink.

“Okay,  _ gross _ .”

“I’m just sayiiiiinggggg,” Trixie sing-songed.

“I can’t hear this.”  Kim took a huge swig of her creamy drink.  “Outside of whatever you’re doing in the bedroom, how are things going with Katya?”

“Good… we did get in a fight a couple weeks ago & I accidentally told her I was in love with her, though.”

“You  _ what _ ?!  Did she say it back?”

“Yeah… I felt so stupid for just… exploding it so non-romantically like that, but it happened.”

“What were you fighting over?”  Trixie only sighed loudly in response.  “That bad?” Kim asked. “Wait, what did you do?!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Trixie defended herself.  “Okay, I mean, I did, but it’s not just that.”

“Okay…”

Trixie took a gigantic swallow of her martini, cringing at the acidic burn.  “So you remember that girl Kameron I used to work with?”

“The gym rat?”

Trixie laughed.  “Yeah, her. So we ran into her at Target & I just kinda… was an ass to Katya about it.”

“Wait, do they know each other or something?”

“No, I… I basically just freaked out about… like…”  Trixie paused.

“Her knowing you were with Katya?” Kim finished.

“Yeah,” she sighed sadly.  “So we kinda had a big fight about it, about like… our relationship not being a secret.”

“How do you feel about that?” Kim asked tentatively.

“I mean… I’m ready for that,” Trixie smiled softly.  “It’s just… it’s a lot to be ready for, ya know? People’s bullshit opinions…”

Kim reached over & rested her hand on Trixie’s knee.  “People can eat a bag of dicks. I won’t let anyone come for you.”

“I know,” she grinned shyly.  “But like… I haven’t figured out how to handle that judgment.  I picked up Shosh from school today & Kim, oh my  _ god _ , when I told the secretary I was her mom’s girlfriend, it’s like she became a totally different person.”

“What do you mean?”

Trixie drained her martini & nervously shifted the glass back & forth between her fingers.  “Like, she was fine to me until she found out I was gay & then she was so…  _ cold _ .”

“Trix.”  Kim’s eyes lit up.

“What?”  A look of panic crossed Trixie’s face.

“I’ve never heard you, like, actually  _ say _ that.”

Trixie blushed & grinned in spite of herself as she stared down at her lap.  “I guess you’re right.”

“Hey,” Kim whispered, reaching out to rub Trixie’s arm.  Trixie looked up at her, cheeks pink. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks,” she grinned widely.  

“Katya must be really special for you to be ready for this,” Kim squeezed her wrist.

“She is,” Trixie whispered, reaching down to clasp her hand with Kim’s.

“Well!”  She flagged the bartender down.  “Can I get two pink passion, whatever, things on my tab?!”  Trixie burst into laughter & reached up to wipe away a stray tear from under her eye.  “Have you thought about telling everybody else?” Kim asked delicately.

Trixie slowly nodded.  “I’ve been thinking about it a lot… I mean, I don’t think anyone we know would mind…”

“Oh, no!  You really think Farrah is gonna be upset about having more girls around?!  And Pearl will probably be too high to even notice anything different!”

The two of them burst into simultaneous laughter.  “You’re right!” Trixie squealed. “You’re  _ so _ right!”

“Let’s have a party!” Kim laughed.

“For what?” Trixie sipped her drink.

“A Trixie likes pussy party!”

“Oh my  _ GOD _ !”  She slapped the bartop.  “I hate you!”

“Why?!”  Kim laughed sarcastically.

“I mean… we can have a thing if you want… everyone can meet Katya.  But please, god, don’t call it that!”

“You’re no fun!” Kim stuck her tongue out at Trixie.

Once they’d looked at their calendars & settled on a date for Trixie’s Official Coming Out Party™ (as Kim saved it in her phone), they spent the night catching up on news about the studio, photos from Kim’s makeup job, & gossip about people they knew.  Trixie expected to feel terrified at the prospect of telling all of her friends about her sexuality, but instead, she found herself on the verge of happy tears the rest of the night. She was used to keeping everything inside, afraid to disappoint her family, afraid to have the world see her as anything less than the girl she’d worked so hard to be, but now, all she could think about was the excitement she felt about showing up with Katya by her side.

Trixie got home late— after 11— & didn’t expect Katya to be awake when she texted  _ I love you _ , but she got an immediate reply.

_ I love you, too.  Everything okay? _

Trixie climbed softly into bed, face washed & hair loose over her bare shoulders, & smiled as she typed.   _ Everything’s great!  I just wanted to tell you. _

_ You’re so cute! _  Katya texted back.

_ Night, baby _ !  She included a gift-wrapped heart emoji.

_ Night, princess _ .  Katya sent a second text with a line of black hearts & stars.

Trixie plugged her phone in & cuddled down into her blankets, exhilarated at the idea of finally being able to let go of the fear she’d kept inside for years.  She couldn’t pretend she wasn’t vaguely terrified, but for once, someone mattered to her more than the fear— someone with strong hands, soft lips, & the aquamarine eyes that flitted behind her own as she fell asleep, cuddling her pillow tightly.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, back, back again! This chapter is a long one, but hey, I’ve been motivated lately! Get ready for some angst & anxiety, Trixie’s coming out party, Katya’s picky eating habits, & a return to some good ol’ fashioned smut!
> 
> The love I feel for all of you who hit me with kudos, comments, & reblogs (zamokitty.tumblr.com) is unparalleled-- thank you so much for all the love for this story that’s now somehow passed the 50,000 word mark! ♡ ♡
> 
> As always, if you’re feeling especially generous & wanna help out a seriously (like... seriously) broke writer, my Ko-Fi can be found at ko-fi.com/zamokitty ♡

 

“What kinda sandwich do you want?” Trixie asked into the phone as she waited in line at Subway.  She’d offered to bring Katya lunch at work in exchange for being able to talk to her about the upcoming party.

“Um, just like… a veggie one on plain bread?”

“Veggie Delight?”

“Sure, I dunno!”

“Do you want cheese?”

Katya made a gagging noise.  “I can’t stand cheese.”

“What?!” Trixie shrieked, drawing the ire of the rest of the customers.  Lowering her voice, she added, “Who doesn’t like  _ cheese _ ?!”

“Me, bitch!” Katya laughed.

“Okay,  _ do  _ you want?”

“Uh, lettuce, tomato… cucumbers.”  Katya stopped.

“What else?”

“That’s it.”

“Babe, that’s not a sandwich.”

“Okay, then put some vinegar & oil on there,” Katya laughed.

“Oh, wow,” Trixie sighed with a laugh.  “Okay, I’m gonna order… see you in a few,” she hung up.

Once she parked at the gallery & made her way to Katya’s office in the back, she threw the plastic sack onto her desk.  “Here’s your sandwich of condiments, mama.”

“They’re vegetables, not condiments!” Katya laughed, unwrapping it.  “I hate condiments.”

“You hate—” Trixie paused.  “Ya know what, I can’t even go there!”  She sat down in the armchair opposite Katya, her desk between them, & spread out her own sandwich.

“So,” Katya started through a mouthful of bread.  “What’s up?” She leaned back in her chair & took a swig of the extra large Red Bull that always adorned her desk.

“Okay, so I have something to tell you about, & it’s kinda weird, but just hear me out.”

“Okay…”

“It’s nothing bad!” Trixie assured her, setting her sandwich down on the wrapper.  “Ya know last night when I went out with Kim… so we talked about… stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”  Katya munched on a fallen cucumber.

“Like, when I picked up Shosh… I told the secretary I was your girlfriend & she was a total bitch about it.”  A look of rage crossed Katya’s face, but Trixie quickly finished— “I was really upset at first, but then the more I thought about it, I was just… proud.  Like, yeah, I’m  _ Katya’s girlfriend _ , fight me.”

Katya nearly choked on her sandwich, laughing at Trixie’s feistiness.  “Babe!”

“So… I wanna tell my friends.”

“About us?” she raised her eyebrows excitedly.

Trixie nodded, picking the soft middle of the bread from her sandwich & tearing it into little pieces.  “About us, about me, just… I dunno… I just wanna… live.”

Katya reached across the desk to grab Trixie’s wrist, stroking it gently.  “Trix… baby,” she grinned widely, staring into her eyes. “I would love that.”

“Yeah?” she looked up at her expectant face through heavy lashes.

“Yeah, of course.  I’ll be by your side, whatever you need.”

“Okay, so…” Trixie smirked.

“I should’ve known there’d be more,” Katya laughed.

“I may be having a party.”

“This is the most Trixie Mattel way of coming out I could imagine!”

Trixie burst into laughter.  “Right?! So… uh… it’s this weekend.  At Kim’s.”

“Oh!  Okay!”

“You’ll come with me?”

Katya giggled.  “Yes, idiot, of course I will.”

“Okay, good!”  Trixie smile showed her relief.  “Now eat your bread sandwich.” Katya rolled her eyes, but picked up her sandwich, only to be interrupted by a knock against the door frame.  

“Oh, sorry!  I didn’t realize—” Ginger rushed.

“No, come on in— I actually want you to meet Trixie,” Katya glanced over at Trixie, who was wiping crumbs from her hands & smiling politely.

“Hi!” she extended a hand.

“Hey there, I’m Ginger,” she shook Trixie’s hand.  “Heard a lot about you!”

“Oh?” Trixie turned to eye Katya suspiciously, noticing the blush blooming across her cheeks.

“Uh huh!” Ginger chuckled.  “All the way back to the days of her cheesy ass crush on you.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Trixie burst into laughter.

“I’m just saying, watch out, she might be a stalker!”

“Ooooookay, that’s enough, you met, bye!” Katya rushed, glaring playfully at her.

Ginger smirked evilly.  “I was just coming to ask if you’d finished with that local artists file.  Marc was looking for it.”

“Uh, almost— I’ll get it back to him this afternoon.”

“Sounds good,” Ginger nodded.  “Nice to meet you, Trixie,” she waved.

“You, too!” she smiled as Ginger turned on her heels.  “So you stalked me, huh?” she whispered to Katya once they were alone again.

“No!” she squealed.  “I, uh… might have just been looking you up online.”

“You mean before you got caught creeping on my Instagram?” Trixie winked, drawing a deep blush across Katya’s face.

“I— um—” Katya shoved a giant bite of her sandwich into her mouth, forcefully keeping herself from saying anything stupid.

“It’s fine, it was cute!”

“But you got caught back!” Katya countered.

“No, I didn’t, you fucking idiot!”

“But you—”

“Yeah, I did that  _ on purpose _ .”

“Wait…” Katya laughed & shook her head in confusion.  “I don’t get it.”

“I figured you did it accidentally, so I wanted to let you know I noticed &, like, was into you, too.”

“You’re devious!” Katya snorted.

Trixie flipped her hair over her shoulder.  “Never said I wasn’t!”

“Can I take back agreeing to go to the party with you, then?  What if it’s just another plot? This time you’re trying to kill me, though!”

“Foiled!” Trixie snapped her fingers.  “Guess now I have to love you instead!”

“Darn, what a shame,” Katya grinned, leaning over the desk to kiss Trixie.

“Mmmmm… total shame,” Trixie breathed against Katya’s lips.  Katya reached out to slide Trixie’s elbows closer, pulling her over the desk.  “Don’t start somethin’ you can’t finish, mama,” she whispered.

“Oh, I’ll finish it,” she whispered.  “Later.”

Trixie moaned quietly in spite of herself.  “You better.”

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
“You okay, baby?” Katya asked quietly, rubbing Trixie’s back as they rode the elevator up to Kim’s loft.

Trixie managed a meager smile & a nod.  “I’m scared.”

Katya pulled her into a side hug.  “I know— it’s scary. But you can do it.”

“Yeah…”  She took a deep breath.  “This was so much easier when I was in college & like… I wasn’t close enough to anyone for them to ask questions.”

“Yeah…” Katya pressed a soft kiss to Trixie’s temple.

“I never had to, like…  _ say _ it, ya know.”

“Well, I’m here… & just think how great it’ll be once it’s all out in the open.”

Trixie nodded.  “I love you so much,” she whispered as the elevator door slid open.

“You got this.”  Katya squeezed her hip, then let her hand fall down to her side, wanting to allow Trixie take the lead on physical contact in front of her friends.

She knocked on the door & was immediately met with a beaming Kim, eyes elaborately painted with winged liner & purple & white shadows.  “Hi, honey!” she hugged Trixie tightly before grinning at the shorter woman standing behind her. “You must be Katya!”

“Hi, um, yeah!”  Katya reached out to shake her hand, but Kim pulled her into a hug instead, prompting Katya to laugh in surprise.  “Thanks for hosting!”

“Of course!  Welcome to the Trixie Loves Pussy Party!  Make yourself at home!”

Katya wheezed.  “Oh, I  _ like  _ you!”  She followed Trixie into the loft, letting Kim close the door behind them.  “So why do people think they’re here?” she whispered to Kim.

“To drink,” Kim shrugged with a giggle.  “No one really asked!”

“Makes sense,” Katya nodded.  As Trixie excitedly stutter-stepped in her heels toward a tall woman in a neon orange sundress, Katya lingered back, suddenly wishing she’d had a cigarette on the way.  The competing conversations, the new faces, the music she didn’t know— suddenly she felt very old & out of place.

Katya slipped past Trixie, motioning to the crotch of her skirt, then making a silly cringing face, letting her know she was off to find the bathroom.  Sliding gently past the groups of strangers, she finally found the bathroom & locked the door with a loud sigh. “Jesus,” she grumbled to herself as she sat down on the closed toilet & tugged her fingers along the length of her neck, trying to relieve the tension.

After a moment of steadying her breathing in through her nose, out through her mouth, Katya opened the medicine cabinet & found a bottle of Tums, tapping two of them into her hand.  “Come  _ on _ ,” she groaned aloud in the mirror, chewing the gritty tablets & then washing her hands for posterity’s sake before she returned to the party.

“Hey,” she said quietly as she saddled up beside Trixie, who was still excitedly talking to the statuesque woman from earlier.

“Hey!” Trixie chirped.  “Shea, Katya; Katya, Shea,” she waved between them.  “Shea’s a costume designer for the Dallas Theater!”

“Oh, cool!  That explains your dress!” Katya smiled, motioning up & down her body at the neon orange mini adorned with feathers & tiny glass beads.  “It’s unbelievable!”

“Thanks, girl!” Shea swung her hips from side to side, jiggling the beads.  “You look great, too! That skirt is sick!” She leaned down to admire the elaborate gold-painted pattern on Katya’s pleated black skirt & Trixie & Katya caught a quick glance & smiled softly at one another.  Shea’s compliment calmed her nerves more than she wanted to admit, since she’d been nervous about whether her outfit— a tight black tank top & fishnets paired with her favorite skirt & tall boots— was “too young” for her.

“Hey, do you want a drink?” Trixie asked.

“Oh, sure!  I’ll come with you!  Nice to meet you, Shea!” Katya waved.

“Same!”

“How are you feeling?” Katya whispered to Trixie once they’d made it into the kitchen.

“Good… okay.  I don’t really know how to like… start this conversation 800 times.”

“What about doing it all at once?”  Katya pulled two clear plastic cups from the stack & set them on the counter.

“What do you mean?” Trixie asked, measuring out two hefty shots of vodka into each.  “Cranberry juice?”

Katya nodded & watched as Trixie filled both cups.  “Like… I dunno… would it be less awkward to just stand on a table & yell it?” she grinned.

“Maybe we can just start fucking on the couch… that would probably be easier,” Trixie laughed.

Katya swirled her cup around in her hand, mixing the vodka with the juice.  “Easier? No. More fun? Absolutely.”

Trixie slapped her playfully on the shoulder & took a gulp from her cup.  “Maybe I could just like… tell Kim to say something & then… just spill it.”

Katya nodded.  “That’s a good idea.  Have you thought about what you’re gonna say?”

“Hi everyone, this is just an announcement to let you know I’m fucking this hot piece of ass, carry on!  How ‘bout that?”

Katya laughed so hard she choked on her own breath.  “Okay, fine, that works!” She leaned backward against the counter next to Trixie, who wrapped her arm around her waist.  “However you wanna do it.”

Trixie leaned in & gently kissed Katya before they were interrupted by a loud throat-clearing, causing her to jump backward.  “Jesus. Please don’t make any babies in my kitchen tonight,” Kim deadpanned.

Cheeks flushing, Trixie looked away shyly, scooting down from Katya.  “Actually, um, I was wondering—” she started. “Do you wanna just, like… help me?  Like get everyone’s attention so I can say it all at once & not chicken out?”

“Sure!”  Kim popped the top on a beer.  “Like a toast.”

“Yeah.”  Trixie tapped her thumbnail against her cup.  “That’s a good way to put it.”

“Okay, when do you want me to say something?”

“I dunno, now?  Before I get too scared?”

Kim ruffled Trixie’s hair teasingly.  “I’m proud of you.”

“Me, too,” Katya smiled.

“Let’s go,” Kim nodded firmly, taking Trixie’s hand & leading her into the living room, Katya following behind, anxiously biting the corner of her bottom lip.

Kim squeezed Trixie’s hand encouragingly as she turned the volume down on the bluetooth speakers, causing everyone to turn & look her way.  “Okay, hi!” she chirped. “Hang on—” she stepped up the couple of steps to stand in the entryway to the dining room, giving her a bit of height.  “I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for coming & drinking all my liquor!” The room filled with smatterings of laughter & clinked bottles & glasses.  “But I also kinda catfished you into coming here because, um, this is party is the simplest way we could think of for Trixie to tell you all something, so.”  She looked over at Trixie who smiled through a clenched jaw & gritted teeth & grabbed onto Katya’s forearm.

“I gotcha,” Katya whispered with a wink as Trixie slipped her arm away & slowly stepped up onto the stair.

“Hi, so!”  Trixie took a giant swig of her drink, downing nearly half of it in one go.  “This is probably, like, the most melodramatic way ever of doing this, but um, okay.”  Her eyes met Katya’s, who nodded encouragingly. “You probably don’t even care, but I guess I just wanted to be able to, like, say it in one fell swoop, so if you think I’m annoying or whatever, um, please don’t.”  She giggled nervously. “But, um, over the last few months I’ve kinda realized some stuff about myself & have been kinda, like, waiting until I was ready to say it for  _ real _ , so now I am…” she could tell she was rambling.  Katya stood below the stair & pressed her knuckles to her mouth anxiously, hiding her smile.  

“So I just, um, wanted you guys to meet someone, um…” She reached down to cup the back of Katya’s neck with her palm, pulling her over against her side.  “Yeah, so…” Trixie pounded her drink & in one breath spit out, “I like girls, particularly this girl & her name is Katya & I hope you like her too & I hope you still like me even though I’m definitely gay.”  She accidentally crushed her cup in her other hand, unaware she’d been squeezing it the whole time, & her friends laughed at her shock.

Someone whooped from the couch & then the rest of her friends started to laugh & applaud.  “Okay, now I need a shot, bye!” she giggled & ran off into the kitchen. Katya grinned from ear to ear & hurried after her.

“You did it, princess!” she whispered, wrapping her arms tightly around her.

“Eeeeeeee!”  Trixie squealed in delight, surprised at how excited she felt after one of the most nerve-wracking moments of her life.  She squeezed Katya tightly, letting her lift her a couple of inches off the floor to swing her around. “But I wasn’t kidding about a shot,” she laughed.

Katya grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the counter, along with two random shot glasses.  “You want Rocky Mountains or murderous alligator?” she held them up to her.

“Murderous alligator!” Trixie clapped her hands together.  

Katya poured their shots & handed Trixie hers.  “To the bravest bitch I know,” she grinned, raising her glass.

“I love you,” Trixie grinned, unable to stop smiling.

“Love you more,” she replied, tilting the glass to her painted red lips.

Both Rocky Mountains & murderous alligator drained on the counter, Trixie grabbed Katya’s face between both of her hands & kissed her roughly.  “You— make me— so— happy—” Trixie whispered between kisses. Katya tugged at Trixie’s hips, pulling her body into hers, suddenly wanting nothing more than to feel all of her warmth & weight against her.

“Should we go back to this party?” Katya asked quietly once Trixie had come up for air.

“Uh huh, but you’re not getting out of holding my hand all night now.”

“Good!”

The two of them started toward the living room, Katya grasping a Red Bull she’d managed to snag from a cooler.  Once they’d made it through hugs & introductions & excited squeals from Trixie’s friends, Katya excused herself for a much-needed cigarette.  Kim’s balcony was tiny & narrow, but she figured it’d do the job. Only a few seconds after she’d lit up, she heard the door slide open behind her.

“Hey, Katya, right?”

“Oh, hi!  Hey! Pearl?”

“Yeah, small world, huh?”  Pearl pulled a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of her oversized slacks.  “How are things going with the gallery?”

Katya waved her hand aimlessly.  “Chaos, as always! We’re trying to put together this local artists exhibit & you know from experience how hard it is to get everyone on the same page with  _ that _ .”

Pearl snorted.  “Tell me about it.”

“You working on anything lately?”

She shrugged lazily.  “Kinda been focusing on music, but I’ve got some ideas for a multimedia piece.  It’s all just ideas at this point, though.”

“Sounds awesome,” she nodded.

“So you & Trixie, huh?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, ha!” Katya chuckled nervously.  “Yeah.”

“She’s cool.”

Katya’s cheeks flushed as she smiled.  “Yep.”

“I mean, she’s hot as fuck, but never had guys around… shoulda guessed,” Pearl laughed cooly.  Katya glanced away shyly, looking down over the balcony. “You really like her, huh?”

She looked up over her shoulder & nodded, eyes glowing.  “Yeah. She’s…” her voice trailed off.

Pearl nodded in understanding.  “I can tell. The way she was looking at you in there, man… that’s the shit.”  Katya stubbed out her cigarette against the metal railing. “You’re lucky… don’t fuck it up,” she teased.

“Trying not to!” Katya laughed, raking her fingers through her hair.  “Good to see you—” she squeezed Pearl’s shoulder & slid the glass door open.

Her eyes scanned the room until she found Trixie’s pink head, bent down looking at something on a short blonde girl’s phone.  “Katya, come here!” Trixie shouted, waving her over. “Look!” She handed the phone to her. “Farrah got a puppy! Isn’t he so  _ cute _ ?!”

“Awww, he is!” she agreed, thumbing through a few photos of the tiny white fuzzball before handing the phone back to the blonde.  “I hope you’re Farrah & I’m not giving this phone to a stranger,” she laughed.

She giggled girlishly & as she turned her head toward Katya, she was nearly blinded by the amount of highlighted brushed across her cheekbone.  “Yeah, hi! I was telling Trixie how pretty you are & oh my  _ gosh _ !” she squealed.  “You are even prettier up close!  You have perfect bone structure, but I’m sure people tell you that all the time!” she gushed.  Trixie grinned & wrapped her arm around Katya’s waist.

“Oh, um, thanks, wow!” Katya stammered.  “And not really— I work in an art gallery with a bunch of pretentious fucks, so no one really pays attention to anyone else!”

Farrah giggled again & lightly smacked Katya’s forearm.  “Well, you  _ do _ !  I would literally pay you to let me do your makeup!”

“Oh my god, do it!” Trixie begged.

“Uh… yeah, sure!”

“You should totally come to the next girls’ night, oh my  _ gosh _ !”  Farrah’s tipsy vocal fry made Katya bite back a smile.

“Oh, she will!” Trixie assured her.  Katya cocked an eyebrow at her in reply, but she ignored it.

“Okay, well, I’m gonna go find food, I’m hungryyyyyy” Farrah whined & then wandered off on her own.

“You guys just wanna make look like I’m part of your fairy princess cult,” Katya teased quietly once Farrah was out of earshot.

“Uh uh,” Trixie shook her head, pulling Katya up to her by both hips.  “You’d look so cute in pink glitter!”

“Oh?” Katya wrapped her arms around Trixie’s lower back & pecked her on the lips.

“Definitely,” Trixie purred back, kissing her again.

“Let’s get a drink,” Katya whispered.  Trixie nodded cutely in response & grabbed her hand, letting Katya lead her into the kitchen.  Katya poured them each another vodka cranberry, conscious of Trixie’s eyes on her the whole time.  “What?” she asked with a smirk as she handed her the cup.

“Nothin’… I just can’t stop looking at you.”

“You’re a dork,” Katya grinned, kissing her cheek.

“Can we sit?  My feet  _ hurt _ .”

“Now whose fault is that for wearing five inch heels?  Huh?” she poked fun at her.

“Not mine!” Trixie protested with a pout, following as Katya weaved her way to the couch.  Miraculously, there was only one couple occupying it— a tiny, stunning girl named Joslyn & her husband, sitting side by side, whispering on one end.  Katya sat on the other end, propping her elbow against the armrest.

Trixie looked down at her curiously for a second before Katya said, “Well, come here!”  Trixie grinned & sat down sideways on the couch, tossing her legs over Katya’s lap, feet dangling off the end.  Katya rubbed Trixie’s bare shin, slippery-smooth from her lotion, & Trixie sighed contentedly.

“This is nice,” she breathed, turning to face Katya.

She nodded in agreement.  “How do you feel?”

“It’s just… it feels normal.  Like… it’s hard to explain. I worried about this for so long & no one gives a fuck that I’m here sitting on your lap.  It’s kinda anticlimactic,” she giggled.

“What did you expect?  Everyone would storm out?  Flip tables  _ Real Housewives _ style?”

She laughed out loud.  “No! It’s just… it’s nice to feel normal,” her voice softened.

“You  _ are _ normal, baby.  I mean… I dunno if these lashes are normal—” Katya flicked one of them with her thumb.  “But besides that!” Trixie looked down over her cheeks, suddenly shy. “I know how hard it can be to live your truth,” Katya’s voice lowered as she cupped Trixie’s knee.  “But you did something huge tonight… & it blows my mind how lucky I am to know somebody that brave.” A tear trailed down Trixie’s cheek & she reached up to flick it away with her knuckle.  “Really, Trixie.” Katya reached up to take Trixie’s chin in her hand, lifting her eyes to meet her own. “You’re incredible.”

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” Trixie giggled, scooting up further to rest her butt against the side of Katya’s thigh.

“You can cry, it’s okay.”  Katya’s voice was softer than Trixie had ever heard it & it made her feel like her bones had been reduced to dust.  “I’m so proud of you.”

Trixie leaned in to her lips.  “Will you take me home?” she whispered seductively against them, lashes tickling Katya’s face.

“Uh huh,” Katya nodded, closing the distance to tenderly press their lips together.

Hand in hand, the two of them said their goodbyes, Trixie stealing rushed glances at Katya the whole time.  Once they found Kim, she opened her arms to Trixie, knowing what she was about to say before she had to say it.  “Go,” Kim laughed into her ear. “You’ve got some celebration sex to have, huh?”

“Shut up!” Trixie whispered.  “But yes.” They both burst into laughter before Kim reached out to hug Katya goodbye.

Katya wrapped her arm protectively around Trixie’s waist as they made their way out the front door.  Trixie’s mind simultaneously raced a million miles a minute & was completely calm. She was at a party.  With her girlfriend. No one looked at her weird, no one judged her, & now all she wanted was to curl up into Katya’s tiny arms & cry endless tears of relief.

  
  


* * *

 

  
Once they’d gotten back to the house, Katya paid the babysitter & walked her out while Trixie violently kicked off her heels as she chugged a La Croix from the fridge.

“She said she’s out like a light— they went to the park,” Katya whispered as she locked the front door.  Trixie nodded from behind her drink. “You look tired, baby.” Katya pushed Trixie’s hair back over her shoulders.

“No, just… overwhelmed.  Feels like all my emotions are shot.”

“Come on, let’s go to bed,” Katya nodded toward the bedroom.  Trixie padded down the hallway & straight into the master bath.  She’d started leaving little “Trixie breadcrumbs,” as Katya called them, everywhere— an extra toothbrush on the sink, a pink travel sized bottle of moisturizer on the shelf, extra pairs of panties & pajama shorts that Katya threw in with her own wash, then folded into a neat stack in the corner of her underwear drawer.

As Trixie brushed her teeth, Katya slowly unzipped her dress & unhooked her bra for her, slipping them down to the ground & digging her thumbs into the specific muscles she knew would be sore.  Trixie always had knots under her shoulder blades, thanks to the weight of her breasts, & Katya had learned exactly how to press into them to release the tension.

Trixie began scrubbing her makeup off & Katya slid her hands up, drawing both palms repeatedly down the length of her neck, warming her tired muscles.  Neither of them spoke, but through the mirror, Trixie could see Katya swallow hard, eyes wide & hungry. As Trixie patted moisturizer onto her face, Katya reached around & cupped her breasts, lifting them up from her ribs & holding them there.  “ _ Ahhhhh _ ,” Trixie sighed in relief, leaning back to crack her back.  “I love when you do that!”

“I don’t know how you deal with these,” Katya laughed quietly.

“Me neither!  So you better appreciate them!”

“Oh, I  _ so _ very do!”  Katya turned her around with a devilish grin, massaging her breasts as she leaned in to kiss her softly, then teasing her fingertips over each nipple, feeling them stiffen as Trixie arched into her touch.  Trixie leaned back, hands holding her up on the counter. Her soft pink waves cascaded down over her shoulders, ends tipping into the sink as Katya drew long strokes down her ribs, firmly palming her belly.  “God, I’ll never get over this…”

“What?” Trixie breathed.

“Your body…”  Katya leaned down, kissing between her breasts, in a straight line down to her belly button.  “My dream girl…” she murmured into the tiny curve of her stomach. “God…” Trixie pushed her hips against Katya, silently signalling where she wanted her, but Katya only stood in response, wrapping her arms around Trixie’s neck & pressing her forehead against hers.  “Go get in bed,” she whispered.

She stepped back, giving Trixie space to wiggle past her out of the bathroom & quickly brushed her teeth & half-heartedly wiped her makeup off.  After shedding her skirt & tights on the floor next to Trixie’s dress, Katya switched off the bathroom light & hurried into the bedroom, where she found Trixie lying in bed, thick comforter pulled up to her chin.  Only her smiling face & messy pink hair popped out the top of it, causing Katya to giggle. “Gonna let me in?”

“Uh huh!” Trixie smirked, lifting the blanket for Katya to crawl beneath it.  “Come cuddle me!”

Katya scooted up tight against Trixie, feeling her bare breasts pressed against the thin spandex of her own tank top.  “Hi,” Katya whispered, twining her arms around Trixie’s bare back & embracing her.

“Hi,” Trixie giggled.  Katya’s hands tenderly explored her body, palms dancing down her spine, across the small swell of fat over her hips, back up to slide down her arms, pulling her skin to goosebumps.  All the while, she stared into Trixie’s eyes, marvelling at their chestnut color, at the way she could see her pupils dilating as she touched her.

“You’re so perfect,” she breathed, leaning in to softly brush her lips against Trixie’s before she could protest.  Katya cradled her cheek, opening her eyes to see Trixie’s lashes fluttering happily. “Love you so much…” she moaned into Trixie’s lips, throwing her leg over her hip & pushing slowly against her.

Trixie reached down with both hands, guiding Katya’s hips to roll against her thigh.  “Love you, mama,” she breathed.

“Yeah?”  Katya pulled away slightly, gazing into Trixie’s eyes as she let her fluidly draw her hips back & forth, grinding her body against her own leg.  One of Katya’s hands tangled in the back of Trixie’s hair, grasping the base of her neck as her mouth dropped open slightly.

“I wanna feel you,” Trixie whispered desperately, pawing at Katya’s panties.  Katya slipped them off, tossing them, along with her tank top & bra, to the floor.  She reached down & tugged at Trixie’s white, flower-print thong, peeling it down her legs & throwing it aside.  Trixie rolled onto her back, letting Katya straddle her thigh & ride it slowly, small breasts bouncing with each thrust.  She reached up to hold them, pinching one nipple, then the other, & causing Katya to groan & press her hips down harder.

“Here,” Katya croaked out, spreading Trixie’s legs wide & messily swirling her fingers a few times to spread her wetness around.  She forcefully threw the blanket off of them, letting her see Trixie’s splayed out body as she dipped two fingers into her, drawing them back out soaking wet & pushing them against her own clit.

“Oh!” Trixie gasped.  “That’s so fucking hot.”

Katya smirked & did it again, letting her head loll to the side as she pressed hard circles into herself & moaned.  Trixie licked her lips, unable to take her eyes off of the show Katya was putting on for her. She thrust two fingers into herself, slamming her hips down hard onto them & pumping a few times before dragging them out slowly & rubbing them against Trixie’s aching clit.  “God, you’re warm,” Trixie moaned, voice breaking into a gasp as Katya’s fingers worked against her.

Katya shifted her weight up further, then pulled one of Trixie’s legs tentatively up in front of her.  Much to her surprise, Trixie thrust it nearly straight up into the air. “Flexible,” Katya murmured.

“Uh huh!” Trixie grinned, letting Katya hold tightly to her thigh, pressing it back toward her.

Without any warning, Katya lowered herself onto Trixie, heat meeting heat, & gasped out loud as she just slightly rolled her hips into her.  “ _ Yeah… _ ” Trixie groaned loudly, the sudden weight & warmth of Katya overwhelming all of her senses.  She grabbed tightly to Katya’s knee, slung to the side of her, & pushed up against her, sure she could feel both of their pulses throbbing together between their legs.

The wet noises they made together filled the room, punctuated only by their ragged breaths & the slight creaking of the bed.  “You feel so good, baby,” Katya moaned, picking up speed to ride Trixie furiously, beads of sweat trickling down between her breasts & dripping onto Trixie’s stomach.

With each vicious thrust, Trixie jolted backward into the pillows, breasts & hair both bouncing in a way that made Katya think she could’ve come untouched just by watching her.  All of a sudden, Trixie clamped her hand across her mouth & squeezed her eyes shut, overwhelmed by the constant pressure on her clit, & rolled her hips upward at a broken pace, chasing the feeling she felt building.  All her other senses dulled— all of her energy channeled into the trembling wet feeling between her legs.

Katya watched her every move, eyes heavy with desire.  “Yeah… come, Trixie… do it for me,” she purred. Trixie made a small squeaking noise behind her hand, rolling her head from one side to the other.  “I know you want to, baby…” Katya encouraged her. “Show me… show mama how it feels…” The words were pouring honey-thick from Katya’s lips, & she wasn’t even entirely sure what she was saying, but she could tell Trixie wanted to hear it anyway, as her chest & neck bloomed pink, squealing noises barely muffled by her hand.

“Oh my god!” Trixie choked out loudly, hands knotting into the sheets, thighs shaking in Katya’s grip.  “ _ Fuck fuck fuck don’t stop _ ,” she pleaded.  Katya kept up the quick pace, rubbing hard into Trixie, sliding back & forth with hardly any friction, thanks to how wet they were.  “ _ Katya— fuck— god— I’m coming so hard— _ ” her voice was a high-pitched whine, & Katya could feel her shaking beneath her.

“So good, baby… so good…” Katya’s voice was hoarse as she held Trixie down onto the mattress, fucking her so frantically & sloppily she could hardly tell which limbs belonged to her & which ones were Trixie’s.  She held Trixie’s leg straight up in the air in front of her, hugging it tightly & pushing her face into her calf as she rode her, grimacing as her hips started to give out at the same time she felt herself getting close.  “Fuck,” she groaned frustratedly, a pained look on her face.

“Babe?”

“My fucking hip is cramping,” she laughed.

Trixie sat up & threw Katya down onto the bed, quickly pulling her legs up over her shoulders & aiming to finish the job with her tongue.  She moaned softly at the taste of herself mixed with Katya, & hooked her lips to her clit like a magnet, quickly flicking the tip of her tongue up & down just how she knew Katya liked it.

“Ah!”  Katya gasped, hands thrown up over her head, body stretched across the length of it.  “ _ There, there _ !” she cried out, feeling like she was on the verge of tears.  Trixie knew & smiled to herself as she kept steady, licking Katya to the point where she clamped her strong calves on Trixie’s back, accidentally vise-gripping her in place as she came with a series of breathy moans.

Trixie playfully licked up the inside of Katya’s thigh, causing her to shiver & laugh brokenly.  “Time for bed!” Katya let her legs collapse on either side of Trixie, chest heaving. Trixie leaned over her, resting her head on her stomach & lying down.  “We gonna sleep like this?” Katya teased.

“Uh huh,” Trixie’s words vibrated against Katya’s stomach.  “I’m just gonna cuddle you from here.”

She laughed quietly.  “As much as I like the idea of falling asleep with you between my legs, it doesn’t look very comfy.”

“True, I need a pillow on top of this bony stomach.”

Katya swatted the top of Trixie’s head.  “Rude! Now get up, ya idiot!”

“Not without a kiss!” Trixie pouted.

“Ummm… how ‘bout you turn the right way in bed so I  _ can _ kiss you?” she countered.

“Fiiiiiiine!” Trixie sat up & scooted backward in bed toward the pillows, hugging her knees to her chest.  “But you have to find me pajamas!”

Katya rolled her eyes as she forced herself out of bed.  “You get the  _ Contact  _ shirt, then!”  She grabbed the oversized Jodie-Foster-emblazoned t-shirt from her bottom drawer, along with a pair of Trixie’s pajama shorts & threw them at her.

“Thank  _ youuuuuu _ !” she sing-songed, pulling them on & snuggling down into the blanket, yanking it up to her chin.  “Now I just need my kiss!”

“Needy!” Katya laughed teasingly as she pulled on a tank top & sweatpants, rolling the waistband down over her hipbones before she wriggled under the blanket with Trixie, kissing her tenderly.  “Now turn over so I can cuddle you,” she grinned, burying her face in Trixie’s hair as she closed her eyes.

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, kittens! I'm gonna apologize in advance for giving you a literal 20-page long chapter, but I got rolling & didn't wanna stop. For all the lovely humans on Tumblr who've sent me wishes, hopes, & dreams for these three, don't worry-- you've been heard! Stay tuned! ♡
> 
> I always wanna chat about these losers (along with anything else!!) on Tumblr, so come play with me over there: mamazamo.tumblr.com ♡
> 
> As always, if you find some quarters in the bottom of your dryer, I would love you forever if you would chuck 'em my way at ko-fi.com/zamokitty ♡

 

“It’s snowing!” Shosh screamed, stirring both Katya & Trixie awake.  “It’s snowing!”

“Three— two—” Katya counted down, laughing.  Before Katya could even reach  _ one _ , Shosh’s footsteps got louder as she ran down the hall.

“Mom!”  Her voice was clearly right outside Katya’s bedroom door.

“I hear ya!” Katya called back.  Trixie snuggled down into the comforter with a grin as Katya propelled herself out of bed to open the door.

“Come look!” Shosh grabbed her hand.  Katya shot a helpless smile over her shoulder at Trixie, then let herself be dragged out into the living room & toward the window.  “It’s Christmas!”

“Not yet!” Katya laughed, rubbing the top of Shosh’s messy hair.

“Can we play in it?” she peered up expectantly at her mom, eyes wide as saucers.

“After breakfast.”  Katya didn’t want to break it to her that the inch of snow that barely even covered the fallen leaves in their yard would hardly be enough to play in.  Shosh ran to the kitchen table & climbed into the chair, suddenly  _ very _ ready for breakfast.  “Eggs?” Katya asked her, & she nodded furiously, knotted hair shaking around her head.

She started the coffee pot & pulled the skillet pan from the cabinet beside the stove.  “What are we makin’?” Trixie shuffled out into the kitchen, still wearing Katya’s  _ Contact _ shirt.

Katya held up an egg.  “A very fancy breakfast!” she grinned.

Trixie giggled before she pulled out her designated coffee mug & poured a cup, taking it over to the table next to Shosh.  “I hear it’s snowing, huh?”

“Yeah!  We’re gonna play in it!”

“We are?” Trixie raised an eyebrow in Katya’s direction.

“Yeah, Mom said!”

“Good thing your mom has warm clothes to put on!” she smirked.

“Where are  _ your  _ warm clothes?!” Shosh asked incredulously.

“At my house, silly!” Trixie took a sip of her coffee.

“You should bring your clothes here,” Shosh said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Trixie bit down on the inside of her lip.  “Yeah, you should bring your clothes here,” Katya echoed as she dished a pile of scrambled eggs onto the plate in front of Shosh.  She glanced over at Trixie, who was looking at her from behind her mug with an unreadable expression on her face. “Ketchup?” Katya asked Shosh, who nodded in response.

She grabbed the squeeze bottle from the fridge, along with the jug of orange juice, & poured a cup for Shosh, setting both down in front of her.  “You want a plate, babe?” she motioned toward the eggs.

“Um, sure, yeah.”  Trixie’s voice was quieter than normal.  Katya dished them both up a plate & set down across from Trixie with her own cup of coffee.  Despite being a pro at reading Trixie, Katya was concerned that she couldn’t figure out what was going on in her head at the moment.  “These are good,” she interrupted Katya’s anxiety with a soft smile.

“Thanks,” Katya said quietly, returning the expression.

Shosh unintentionally broke the tension by saying— through mouthfuls of food— that Charlotte had told her that Santa wasn’t real.  “What?!” Katya gasped in mock horror.

“Yeah, I told her she was wrong, but she didn’t believe me.”

Trixie bit back a laugh.  “I bet Charlotte is just mad because Santa only brings her coal!”

“I think so,” Shosh agreed.  “She’s not very nice.”

“And Santa’s only friends with nice people,” Katya added on in a serious tone.

“Like me!”

“Yes, like you,” Katya chuckled.

“How many days until he comes?” she asked.

“Only twenty-one more!  Three weeks!” Trixie chimed in as she watched Katya try to count down the days in her head.  Katya smiled appreciatively at Trixie’s save.

“Oh… that’s a lot.”  Shosh chugged the rest of her juice.  “Can we go outside now?”

“If you go get your coat & hat, we can.”  Shosh took off at a dead sprint toward her room, returning only seconds later with both items in her hands.  “Hang on, lemme go get a sweater!” Katya laughed. When she returned to the kitchen in a baggy grey hoodie, Katya tossed a navy blue one at Trixie.  “You’re not getting out of this,” she teased.

“I’m in shorts!” Trixie protested as she refilled her coffee cup.

“It’s not even cold!  Come out for a little bit!”

“Fiiiine,” Trixie gave in with a sigh, grabbing a blanket from the couch & following Katya & Shosh outside, balancing her coffee mug in her hand.  

Shosh started scooping up handfuls of muddy, grass-filled snow from the yard & throwing them up in the air.  Katya kicked a tiny drift in Shosh’s direction, causing a fluff of snow to hit her legs. Shosh squealed out loud.  “I’m gonna get you!” Small hands full of dirty, already-melting snow, she ran after Katya, trying to catch her.

Trixie sat down on the front step, blanket over her lap, & sipped her steaming coffee, giggling at the overly elaborate figure-eight patterns Katya ran through the front yard.  Katya was right— it was barely even cold out, especially in comparison to the Decembers Trixie was used to in Wisconsin— but the infrequent Texas snow made even the smallest precipitation into an event.  She beamed, watching the two of them laugh as they pelted one another with clumps of wet snow.

After a few minutes, Shosh had busied herself trying to amass enough snow to build a snowman; both Trixie & Katya knew it was a futile effort, but they let her go anyway.  “Hey,” Katya grinned, cheeks & nose tinted pink.

“Outta breath?” Trixie teased, lifting the blanket for Katya to saddle up next to her on the stoop.

“So old… gonna drop dead at any moment…” Katya exaggerated with a dramatic wheeze before reaching over to take Trixie’s coffee from her hands, stealing a sip.

“You’re all wet!” Trixie squirmed as Katya’s snow-covered pant leg brushed against her skin.

“You can tell that from there?  Damn, you’re good,” she whispered with a wink.

“Oh my god, get away from me!” Trixie shrieked, taking her cup back.

The two of them watched in silence for a moment as Shosh formed a lopsided snow pyramid.  “I’m serious, ya know… if you want to, I mean… what I said in there…” Katya stammered, focusing on pulling a string from the hem of the blanket.

Trixie held her mug in her lap with both hands, quiet for a few seconds before she turned to face Katya.  “Bringing my clothes here?” she asked quietly.

Katya shrugged.  “Your clothes… your stuff… I dunno…”  She finally looked up from the stray thread to face Trixie.

“My cat?” Trixie grinned teasingly.

“Even your cat.”  Katya matched Trixie’s expression.  Trixie didn’t reply & Katya filled the silence.  “I mean… you don’t have to, I know we haven’t, like, talked about it or whatever… but you’re here so much anyway & then I’ll feel less guilty about how much time that dumb cat spends alone.”

Trixie tapped her nails nervously on the rim of the coffee cup.  “I… my lease is up in January, but I already re-signed it…”

“How much is it to get out of it?”

“I dunno.  Probably a lot… & money… I—”

“I’ll pay it,” Katya cut her off.  “If you want to, I mean.”

“Babe, no, I can’t take your money.”

“Why?  I get a Christmas bonus.”

“Don’t you  _ run _ the gallery?” Trixie laughed.

“Yeah, so I’m giving myself a Christmas bonus!” Katya snorted.

“Are you sure?” Trixie whispered after a brief silence.

“One hundred percent.”

A wide grin bloomed across Trixie’s face as she turned slowly to look at Katya.  “Are we really doing this?”

Katya nodded, eyebrows slightly raised as she bit back a smirk.  “If you want to.”

“I do,” she whispered.  “Spending every day with you…” she trailed off happily.

Katya wrapped her arm around Trixie’s lower back, pulling her close.  Her pink hair splayed out across Katya’s shoulder as she leaned into her.  “Let’s do it,” Katya whispered.

“Okay,” Trixie whispered, feeling tears welling up in her eyes.  She looked up at Katya, who immediately caught her lips in a kiss.  “I love you,” Trixie breathed, grinning against Katya’s mouth.

“I love you,” she breathed back, unable to hold back the overjoyed laughter that bubbled up.  

Shosh had stuck pieces of mulch into the sides of her snow pyramid & was focusing on trying to get pebbles to stay in place as makeshift eyes when Katya interrupted her.  “Hey kiddo, come here a sec!” Shosh stood up & dusted the snow from her hands before running over to stand in front of the two of them. “Come sit,” Katya tossed the blanket backward onto the porch & scooted over to let Shosh plop down between them on the stoop.

“I wanna ask you what you think about somethin’, okay?”

“Ooookaaaayyyyy…” Shosh drew out.

“You know how you keep asking for a pet?”  Shosh’s eyes lit up & she nodded excitedly.  “How would you feel if a kitty came to live with us?”

“REALLY?!” she screamed.

“She’s Trixie’s kitty,” Katya explained.

“I can have her?!” Shosh turned to Trixie, confused.

“Well, we can all take care of her if she moves here…” Trixie started.

“How?”

“Well… you know how Trixie likes to spend time with us a lot?”  Shosh nodded. “Trixie & I were talking about how it would be pretty neat if she lived here all the time.”

Shosh was silent for a few seconds, then grabbed onto Trixie, hugging her tightly.  “I want you to live with us!” she squealed into her hoodie.

“Awwww, I’m glad!” Trixie squeezed her back, not even caring that she was getting covered in filthy melted snow.

“And the kitty, too?!”

“Yes, & the kitty, too!”

“Wow!” Shosh gasped.  “This is  _ so _ cool!”

“Are you gonna scoop poop?” Katya poked her.

“Hmmmm… maybe I’ll just brush her,” Shosh considered.  “And give her toys.”

“She’ll like that,” Trixie cuddled Shosh close.

“When is she coming?!”

“Oh, um…” Trixie stammered.

“Whenever she wants!” Katya answered, looking over Shosh’s head to meet Trixie’s gaze.

“Why wait?  Want me to bring her over to meet you tonight?”

“Can she, Mom?!” Shosh turned to Katya.

“That’s up to Trixie!”

“Yeah, sure!” Trixie answered.  “I’ll bring her tonight so you two can get to know each other!”

“Cool!” Shosh jumped up from between them.  “Can you take a picture of my snowman?”

Trixie & Katya both burst into laughter at Shosh’s short train of thought— she was the only person Trixie had ever met who was even more easily distracted than Katya.  “Sure, bug!” Katya pulled her phone from the pocket of her sweatpants & followed Shosh out into the yard.

As Trixie watched Katya kneel down to snap a photo of the pseudo-snowman, she felt tears begin to drip down her cheeks & onto her sweater.  After feeling like she had been running from bad situation after bad situation— running from people, running from herself— she felt, for the first time in ages, like she was on the verge of being home.

  
  


* * *

 

  
When Trixie pulled into the driveway later that evening, she saw the curtains flutter & knew that Shosh had been waiting.  Before Trixie had even gotten the cat carrier, litter box, & tote bag containing her food & toys out of the car, Shosh had pulled open the front door & was waiting excitedly on the step.  “Oh my  _ gosh _ !” she squealed as she peered into the carrier, seeing the tiny grey face & round eyes that stared back at her.  “I  _ love _ her!”

“Let’s get her inside, okay,” Trixie handed Shosh the tote bag.  “Can you take her stuff into the living room?”

“Uh huh!”  She proudly carried it in, taking items out one by one & setting them on the floor.

“Hey,” Katya smiled, drying her hands on a dish towel & coming to the front room.

“Hey— should I just put her stuff wherever?”

“Yeah, anywhere’s fine,” Katya waved her hand aimlessly.

Shosh wiggled back & forth on the balls of her feet, staring at the carrier.  “Will she bite me?” she asked.

“Nope,” Trixie shook her head.  “She might get frisky & accidentally scratch you, though, but she doesn’t mean to.”  Shosh nodded firmly, watching as Trixie undid the latch & let the tiny grey cat creep slowly out of the plastic box.  She pressed herself low to the ground & surveyed the room, eyes dark & nervous. “Come on, it’s okay, honey,” Trixie urged her.

“What’s her name?” Shosh asked, kneeling down at a safe distance.

“Mona,” Trixie answered.

“That’s pretty.”

“It’s from one of my favorite movies,” Trixie smiled, letting her crawl up onto her lap.  Shosh watched timidly for a moment as the kitty pawed Trixie’s thigh before settling down on it.  “You wanna pet her?”

Shosh looked up at her mom, who stood over the two of them, watching.  “She’s nice!” Katya assured her.

She crawled over to Trixie & reached out one finger to tentatively tap the kitten’s fur.  “She’s fluffy!” she giggled before shyly petting her with her whole hand. Mona stood up & turned to face Shosh.

“She wants head pets!” Trixie said.

“Awwww!”  Shosh used one finger to scratch between her eyes, smiling brightly as the cat rubbed her forehead against her.  “I think she likes me!” she proudly announced, looking up at Katya.

“I think so, too!” she nodded.

“I’m gonna go put her litter box away— do you want to carry her into the bathroom to show her where it’s at?” Trixie asked.

Shosh nodded & extended her hands, cradling the tiny cat like a baby.  Katya was slightly surprised the two of them took to each other so quickly, but she followed behind without mentioning it, watching as Trixie nestled the litter box into the space behind the door.  “Come here, bud,” she reached out for Mona. “Look— it’s your smells—” she baby-talked as she she set the little ball of fluff down in the litter, tiny paws leaving indents in it. She wasted no time, walking in a circle before sitting down in it.

“Is she peeing?!” Shosh giggled.

“Yeah,” Trixie laughed.  “Don’t stare at her!”

Shosh turned around to face the shower.  “Tell me when she’s done!”

After a few seconds, she started kicking the litter.  “Alright, come on,” Trixie picked her up. “Let’s go find your other stuff.”

“Shosh, how ‘bout you get her some fresh water & put it in the kitchen?” Katya suggested.  Once they reached her pile of stuff, Trixie passed Mona off to Katya, who propped her up on her shoulder, claws digging in slightly, while she opened the new bag of food & poured some into her bowl.

“Right here?” Shosh called, pointing to the random spot along the wall where she’d set the water.

“Looks good,” Katya nodded.  Trixie set the food bowl up next to it & shook it a little.  Mona dove down off Katya’s shoulder with a thump & ran over to devour mouthfuls of the fresh kibble.

“Whoa, she’s hungry!” Shosh gasped, hovering over her as she chomped.

“It’s her dinner time!” Trixie replied.

“How ‘bout we let her explore & get used to the house, yeah?” Katya suggested.  “Let’s leave her alone & go watch somethin’. You pick.” As Shosh set off to scroll through Netflix, Katya strung a hand through her hair & watched as the cat pawed across the tile, sniffing cabinets.

“You ready to have a cat?” Trixie grinned teasingly, seeing the nervous expression on her face.

“Guess so,” she snorted.  “I can’t believe Shosh got her way.”

“So did you,” Trixie tickled her side.

“Mmmmm… I did, didn’t I?” Katya stuck her tongue out, wrapping Trixie in a playful hug.

“Oh, also…” Trixie started, pulling back slightly.  “I, uh… I looked at my lease when I went home. It’s less than I expected to break it— a month’s rent & thirty days notice.”

“Oh!  Okay… that’s doable.  I guess with thirty days, we can move stuff little by little?”

“That sounds like a paiiiiiin,” Trixie whined.  “Can’t we just hire movers & do it all at once?”

“You just wanna be here  _ now _ , huh?” Katya ruffled her hair.

“Maybe,” she winked.

“What if I work from home tomorrow & we move the essentials?  Then we can figure out what to do with the rest of it?”

Trixie beamed at her & nodded.  From the other room, intro music Trixie recognized started playing from the TV.  “Nooooo,” she groaned under her breath.

“What?”

“ _ The Lion King _ .  This movie makes me cry so hard!”

“You’re such a baby,” Katya laughed, kissing the side of her head.  “Come on.”

By the end of the movie, Trixie had smeared her eyeliner halfway down her face & Shosh had abandoned Simba in favor of watching Mona bat a stuffed mouse around the floor.  “I’ll be right back,” Katya whispered to her, stepping out onto the back patio for a much-needed cigarette.

Until she saw Trixie lazily curled up with a throw pillow & Shosh stalking a kitten around the house, the reality of what they were doing hadn’t fully hit her.  She  _ wanted _ Trixie— & even the dumb cat— there, but as she lit a cigarette, her heart started to race as she panicked about whether it was too much too soon.  Unlocking her phone & scrolling through the numbers, she realized she wasn’t sure who she could even call— nor what she wanted to say to them when she did.  “Hi, I’m freaking the fuck out over nothing?” Before she could overthink why this was a hundred types of a bad idea, Katya held the phone to her ear, listening to it ring.

“Hello?  Katya?” the voice on the other ended sounded a bit tired, but surprised.

“Hi, Mom…” she trailed off.

“What are you doing, sweetie?  Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah… I… just hadn’t talked to you in awhile.”

“It has been awhile, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah… work’s been really hectic & school &—”

“What’s wrong?” she could hear it in her daughter’s voice that she was worried.

Katya bit her already-chewed-down thumbnail.  “I… nothing’s  _ wrong _ ,” she paused.

“Yekaterina,” she nudged lovingly.

She sighed loudly.  “Okay, so… I met someone.”

“Oh?!”  Her mom’s voice perked up.

“Yeah, she’s pretty great— amazing, really.  Her name’s Trixie & she & Shosh love each other & she’s just… a dream, I dunno.”

“But there’s a problem, huh?”

“Not a problem, per se…” Katya took a deep drag from her cigarette.  “I dunno, I just don’t wanna fuck it up & you know me,” she laughed self-deprecatingly.

“Why would you fuck it up?  She sounds lovely.”

“Well, yeah.  Okay, so here’s the thing— I, uh… I asked her to move in with us.”

“Oh!”  She was silent for a few seconds.  “That’s great, Katya!”

“It is?”  She hated how timid her voice was.

“Sure!  If you’re happy, baby, then that’s all that matters.”

“Yeah, but… I dunno…” she stammered.  “I love her, I just… what if I’m pressuring her for too much too quickly?”

“Does it seem like you are?”

She shrugged, then realized her mom couldn’t see it.  “No, not really.”

“But you’re just panicking anyway?”

“You know me,” she huffed.  “If there’s something to panic over, Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova will panic.”

Her mom laughed a deep, warm laugh.  “That’s true. So… when do I get to meet her?”

“Um.  Wanna do Christmas here?  I can cook.”

“Oh, so she cooks?!” she teased.

Katya laughed, punctuated by a series of wheezing coughs.  “Neither of us cook worth a damn, but it might be nice to do it here… just… as a thing…”

“Sure, honey, that sounds really nice.  What about her family?”

Katya groaned audibly.  “I dunno, honestly. She doesn’t like to talk about them because she had a bad time… I don’t think they’re really in contact.”

“Awww,” she frowned.  “So she’s not doing anything with them for Christmas?”

“I tried to bring it up & she changed the subject… so I guess not.”

“Well, I’d definitely love to spend Christmas with her.  If she makes you happy, then she’s good by me.”

“She does,” Katya smiled to herself.

“Are you done worrying now?” she asked kindly.

“Me?  Never!” Katya giggled.

“Try not to, sweetie.  If you’re actually concerned, bring it up to her… if you’re just being paranoid, then I’m here to tell you everything’s gonna be okay.”

“I’m just being paranoid,” she sighed, flicking the ash from the end of her cigarette.  “How’s work?”

“I’ll tell ya what, you couldn’t imagine some of the ways people manage to injure themselves during football season,” she laughed.  It’d been a decade since her mom had moved to small suburb south of Dallas to oversee the ER nurses at a regional hospital. When her parents had gotten divorced, she wanted a “fresh start,” as she called it— or a “midlife crisis” as her friends had— & when Katya had needed as far away as possible from Boston after Shosh was born, following her mom to Texas seemed like a good plan.

After a second cigarette & setting their Christmas plans, Katya said her goodbyes & quietly crept back inside to see Trixie & Shosh both sitting cross-legged on the floor, waving ribbons for Mona to leap back & forth between, her tiny paws flailing wildly as she tried to grab them.  She leaned against the counter as she typed out an email on her phone, letting everyone at the gallery know she’d be working from home with limited availability tomorrow, & that calling would be the best way to get ahold of her if any emergencies arose. As she stuffed her phone back into her pocket, Katya watched as Trixie showed Shosh how to get Mona to run in a circle, & both of them squealed with laughter as she chased her tail.  She swallowed hard against the anxiety that was still bubbling up in her throat & flopped down onto the ground next to them, tickling her fingers against the ground for the cat to chase.

“Everything okay?” Trixie asked quietly.

“Everything’s perfect,” Katya smiled softly, their tender eye contact being broken only by the yelp Katya let out as Mona caught her index finger between both paws, latching her claws into it.

“Sorry!” Trixie giggled, reaching out to pick her up.  “We got her a little riled up.”

“I  _ guess _ !” Katya huffed with a laugh.  “Let’s get ready for bed, yeah?” she turned to Shosh, who was amusing herself with one of the cat toys.

“Nooooooo!  I wanna stay up with Moooonaaaaa,” she whined.

“Mona’s still gonna be here in the morning, & you have school tomorrow.”

“Can I sleep with her?” Shosh’s bottom lip quivered.

Katya glanced quickly at Trixie before answering,  “Let’s let her get comfortable with sleeping here tonight, okay?  Maybe another night.”

“Nooooooo!  I wanna sleep with her  _ tonight _ !” she started to cry, balling her fists up at her sides.

“Another night,” Katya replied.  “Let’s go brush your teeth.”

“NO!” Shosh stomped her feet.  “I’m not going without Mona!!”

Katya rubbed a hand across her eyes before pinching the bridge of her nose.  “We’re not doing this tonight.”

Shosh glared up at Katya.  “I’m not brushing my teeth!” she wailed.  Trixie bit the corner of her lip nervously, not sure how to intervene, & petted her cat’s back.

“Shoshanna, get  _ up _ ,” Katya firmly demanded.  Trixie hadn’t heard her raise her voice like that before & it took her by surprise.  Shosh only shook her head violently from side to side, still crying. “ _ Now _ ,” Katya warned.

“Do you wanna say goodnight to Mona?” Trixie whispered, extending her furry form over toward Shosh.

Shosh wiped her tears with the back of her hand & planted a tiny kiss on the top of the cat’s head.  “Night, Mona,” she whimpered weakly.

Trixie reached out to pull her into a side hug.  “Night, kiddo. See you in the morning.”

“Night,” she sighed, wrapping her arms limply around Trixie’s shoulders.

“Up,” Katya motioned, pointing toward the bathroom.  “I’ll get your toothpaste ready.” Shosh stomped down the hallway & Katya rolled her eyes, following behind.  Trixie gathered up Mona’s toys that were strewn across the living room floor & put them back in the tote bag, reminding herself to bring her little toy box over tomorrow.  

Trixie tidied up the living room & turned Netflix off, switching over to  _ House Hunters _ before finding a spot on the couch & calling Mona over.  She tiptoed over to Trixie’s feet & she bent down to lift her up, sitting her on the arm of the couch beside her.  Two-thirds of the way through the episode, Katya flopped down next to her. “You know this is fake, right?”

“Huh?”

“This—” she pointed at the TV.  “It’s all staged. They already know which house they’re picking before the episode even starts.  The other two are fake.”

Trixie crinkled her nose up.  “Are you sure?”

“Yep!” Katya laid her head down on Trixie’s lap, feet thrown haphazardly across the couch.

“I mainly watch it just to see the houses anyway,” Trixie smiled, running her hands through Katya’s slightly greasy hair.  “Got her to bed?”

“Yeah,” Katya scoffed.  “Not without a fight. She’s being a terror lately about not getting her way.”

“Oh… well… she’s a good kid.”

“Yeah,” Katya sighed tiredly.  “So—” she looked up at Trixie. “I talked to my mom about Christmas.”

“Oh?”

“Uh huh, she’s gonna come here so we can all do it together.”

Trixie’s hand froze where it had been lazily rubbing Katya’s scalp.  “We have to cook.”

“Don’t worry, I already warned her we both suck,” Katya laughed.  “We have plenty of time to figure something out.”

“We should get a tree,” Trixie murmured anxiously.

“Got a fake one in the garage, baby girl.  Stop fretting.” Katya reached up to cup Trixie’s chin & pull her down for a kiss.

“Is she gonna like me?” Trixie squeaked.

“She’s gonna  _ love _ you, I promise.  Now watch your fake show,” Katya grinned, snuggling up against her stomach.

  
  


* * *

 

  
“Yeah… uh huh… no, that’s already been approved.”  Katya sat at the small desk in her bedroom, glasses on her face & phone to her ear as she scrolled through a spreadsheet on her laptop.  Trixie shuffled around in the master bath, pulling her hair up into a high ponytail & slipping on her leggings & sports bra from the night before.  “I can send over a copy of the budget, that’s no problem.”

Katya had dropped Shosh off at school, only to return home to an inbox full of messages— apparently the gallery struggled to function without her there to do  _ everything _ .  Trixie snagged Katya’s nearly-empty mug from her desk & took it to the kitchen, refilling it with lukewarm black coffee.  Smiling as she saw the fresh cup, Katya rolled her eyes & motioned at the phone. Trixie giggled quietly & wedged herself down onto Katya’s lap in her desk chair, looping her arms around her neck.

“Okay, but why doesn’t Marc have it?”  Katya sighed, biting back a smirk as Trixie pressed a silent kiss to her cheek.  “He didn’t. I had Tatianna deliver it to them.” Trixie nuzzled her nose against Katya’s cheekbone & Katya absentmindedly gripped her thigh with one hand.  “I’ll find the delivery invoice & forward it to you… uh huh… no, I know… okay, gonna do that now. Let me know if you need anything else.” She hung up the phone with a heaving sigh & tossed it onto the desk.  “Helpless,” she shook her head.

“I’m sorry,” Trixie purred flirtatiously.  “Can I do anything?”

Katya cocked an eyebrow at her, perched on her knee, breasts precariously stretching her tight spandex bra.  “I just have to get this spreadsheet updated & email Ginger a bunch of shit, then we can go,” she assured her, lifting her hand from her thigh to return to the laptop, inputting numbers that— to Trixie— looked totally random.

“Can I have a kiss?” Trixie asked in a sing-song voice.

“Of course,” she smiled.  Katya turned her head, kissing Trixie softly, but was met by Trixie parting her lips & tilting her head, the tip of her tongue darting across Katya’s mouth.  “Hmmm.”

“What?” Trixie whispered, arching her back slightly to press her nearly-exposed breasts into Katya’s shoulder.

“I have to get this done, принцесса.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Princess.  Because you’re being a needy little one right now.”  Katya grinned & turned back to the computer, adding figures & highlighting them in yellow.  Just as she clicked over to her email, she felt Trixie’s fingers playing at the waistband of her jeans.  She’d dug out a pair of baggy, ripped-up & paint-stained jeans from the back of her closet— the ones she always wore when she had physical labor to do— but now, Trixie unbuttoned & unzipped them slowly, pretending to watch whatever Katya was doing on the screen.

Katya ignored her, but couldn’t suppress the small smirk that played at her lips as she scrolled through her inbox, looking for the invoice she needed.  Trixie slipped her hand beneath Katya’s plain cotton boyshorts, teasing her lightly as the emails scrolled past on the screen. Finally clicking on one, Katya downloaded the file for herself, then hit  _ forward _ & typed in Ginger’s name.  Before she could hit  _ send _ , Trixie had dipped her hand lower, slipping just the tip of one finger inside of her.  She heard Katya’s breath catch as she traced her finger upward in a wet trail toward her clit, & smiled proudly.

“I have to… get this done,” Katya’s voice wavered.  She sent the message off & opened a new one, attaching the updated spreadsheet.

“So get it done,” Trixie replied, voice husky-sweet in Katya’s ear as she rolled her fingertip in a slow, rhythmic motion against her clit.  Katya shook her head slightly & grinned, typing out a message:  _ All— Attached is the updated budget with Marc’s new figures included.  Ginger should have the invoice from Tatianna if necessary. LMK if anything changes or if anyone hears back from _

Before she could finish the sentence, Katya’s jaw dropped open as she felt her breath start to come in ragged gasps, each exhale louder & more desperate than the last.  She clamped both hands down onto the side of her desk, whimpering from the back of her throat as Trixie spun quick, tiny circles into her with the tip of her middle finger.

Katya let out a choked moan, head falling forward to rest on Trixie’s shoulder as her hips jolted downward against the chair.  Moaning quietly, Trixie kept moving until Katya reached down to still her wrist in place with a hoarse laugh. “Babe.”

“Yeah?” Trixie smirked, batting her lashes playfully.

“You’re bad,” Katya kissed her, Trixie’s hand slipping gently out of her pants.  “I’m never gonna get anything done with you here.”

“Mmmmm, too bad,” Trixie pecked her lips.

“Yeah, you’ll be thinking  _ too bad _ when I get fired!” she cackled.

“No one can fire you!  You’re the boss!” Trixie countered.

“I’m gonna fire myself if I don’t get this shit sent!”  She slapped Trixie’s thigh & Trixie took the hint, climbing off of her & going to rummage around in the closet for a clean hoodie.  Katya wiggled her jeans back up her hips & buttoned them before signing off on the email & hitting  _ send _ .  She sat back & drank her coffee in huge gulps, watching amusedly as Trixie wiggled into one of her old college shirts.  “Too bad you’re gonna have your clothes here… I like you wearing mine.”

Trixie turned to face her, dramatically modeling the faded sweater.  “Oh, don’t worry, I fully intend to keep stealing yours,” she winked.

“Is she gonna be okay by herself here?” Katya pointed to Mona, curled up sleeping on the foot of the bed.

“Yeah, she’s fine.  All she does is sleep all day anyway.  I heard her digging in the litter box this morning, so she knows where that’s at— that’s really the only concern.”

“‘Kay.”  Katya closed her laptop & hoisted herself up from the chair.  “You ready?”

“Yep!”

  
  


* * *

 

After a stop to at the grocery store to beg for used apple boxes, Trixie & Katya made their way to Trixie’s small apartment, deciding to start in the bedroom.  As Trixie reinforced the boxes with packing tape, Katya started emptying the dresser, piling stacks of t-shirts & dance outfits into the first one. “Why do you have  _ so _ many clothes?” she complained.

“Because I’m stylish, duh!” she giggled, opening the top drawer to haphazardly throw unmatched socks, tights, & panties into a second box.  “You don’t even wanna see my closet.”

“Ugh,” Katya groaned.  “We’re gonna have to build another closet just for you!”

“Perfect!” she chirped playfully, sliding the door open.  She started to pull dresses from their hangers before Katya stopped her.

“Hang on— where are your garbage bags?”

“You can’t just throw it all away!” she pouted.

“No, you idiot, I have an idea.”

“Oh… they’re in the hall closet.”  

Katya returned with the open box & ripped a hole in the bottom of one.  “Here, gimme a stack.” She looped a dozen hangers through the hole & shook the bag down over the clothes.  “This way we don’t have to fuck with re-hanging them all.”

“Oh!”

Once Trixie’s bed was covered in stacks of garbage bags & her dressers had been emptied, Katya flopped down on her back on the carpet.  “I hate moving.”

“Well… at least we don’t have to move any of the furniture?” Trixie comforted her from where she stood on a chair, pulling things off the top shelf of the closet.

“What are you gonna do about all of that?” she gazed up at her.

“I dunno… sell it on Craigslist?  It’s all just IKEA shit anyway. Wait, look!”  Trixie jumped down from the chair, a thick, fabric-covered book in her hands.  She sat down on the floor next to Katya, who pulled herself upright, & slowly untied the ivory-colored ribbon that secured the book.

“What is it?”

“It’s my baby book,” Trixie smiled softly.  “I took it when I left… I figured…” she trailed off.  “I dunno, figured it meant more to me than to them.” Katya squeezed Trixie’s knee as she opened to the first page— a photo of a very plump baby lying in a hospital nursery, tiny pink hat perched on its head.

Katya covered her mouth, feeling strangely like bursting into tears.  “You were so cute!”

Trixie glanced over at her & grinned, then turned the laminated page with a creak.  “That’s my mom,” she said quietly, pointing to the photo of a pale, smiling blonde in a hospital bed, holding a tiny bundled up Trixie.

“You look like her,” Katya whispered.

“Yeah…”

“There’s my grandpa.”  Trixie’s voice softened as she pointed to the photo of a tall, tanned man in glasses, peering down at her with a grin on his face.  She felt the tears welling up in her eyes & swallowed hard to fight them back. Katya heard & wrapped her arm around Trixie’s back, rubbing it softly.

“He looks like a good guy.”

Trixie nodded, a tear dropping onto the page with a  _ plink _ .  She wiped it away & ran her thumb over his face.  “He was. He always tried to help me as much as he could… he taught me to play guitar, too,” she smiled.

“I wish I could’ve met him,” Katya kissed Trixie’s shoulder.  She silently flipped the page to reveal an array of photos of her first few months— sleeping in her crib… drinking a bottle… laughing at a stuffed animal someone held up to her.  “I can tell which ones are later by how much hair you have,” Katya laughed.

“I know, right?  It’s always been a mess,” she giggled.  “My mom would try to put it in updos & it would just fly out everywhere.”

“Thank god Shosh inherited my limp, stringy hair… makes it much easier to manage!”

Trixie laughed as she flipped to the back of the book.  Katya gasped as she saw a card with her tiny footprints & below it in the plastic cover, her hospital bracelet & the little pink cap from the first picture.  “Trix,” she gasped, unable to stop the tears from brimming over. “I can’t believe you were ever this little!” She reached into the plastic & took out the bracelet.  “Trixie Elizabeth Mattel,” she read under her breath. “Six pounds, twelve ounces, 08/23/89.” As she held it in her palm, Katya laughed quietly, “I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

Trixie rested her head on Katya’s shoulder.  “Because you looooove me,” she teased.

“Well, yeah.  But… wow. Just brings back a lot.”

“Shosh?”  Katya nodded, reaching up to wipe her tears.  “Do you miss it?”

“What?”

“Her being a baby.”

“Sometimes.  I just… I never thought I wanted kids, but then Shosh came &…”

“Yeah…” Trixie whispered.  She took the bracelet from Katya & set it down on top of the book, hugging her tightly.  She pulled back after a moment. “I’m hungry.”

Katya burst into laughter.  “Let’s go get some food, baby girl.”  She reached out her hand to help her up & didn’t let go of it the entire way to the car.

Over Katya’s salad & Trixie’s nachos, the two of them made a list of what they still had to pack & what needed to take priority.  Trixie figured the majority of her mismatched cookware & dishes could be donated, but she still needed to pack up her bookshelves & the random photos & artwork that hung on her walls.  “There’s no way all those vintage Barbie posters are going hung up in our house,” Katya protested through a mouthful of croutons. Trixie set her nacho down mid-bite & beamed. “What?”

“You said  _ our _ house.”

“Well… isn’t it?”  Trixie blushed & nodded, lowering her eyes.  “It’s  _ our _ house, babe,” Katya exaggerated.  “And speaking of which.” She reached into her pocket & pulled out a gold key attached to a bow keychain, sliding it across the table to Trixie.

Trixie stared at it in awe for a few seconds, almost refusing to believe it was real.  “Our house,” she murmured under her breath before picking it up & twirling the bow around.  “Thanks,” she whispered. Katya nodded, smiling uncontrollably.  _ Our house _ , she repeated in her head.   _ Our house _ .

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another 20 page chapter? It happened. ;)
> 
> Y’all literally have NO idea how much your comments make my entire week, so thanks to those of you who’re still along for the ride! And an extra big thanks to those of you who’ve sent a little sugar my way via Ko-Fi (ko-fi.com/zamokitty)! My asks are always open over on Tumblr (mamazamo.tumblr.com) if you wanna chat about these dorks! xo ♡
> 
>  
> 
> n.b.: TW in this chapter for vomiting, dissociation, & a somewhat-veiled one sentence reference to self-harm.

Trixie stood on a chair pulled from her dining room table, retrieving knick-knacks from atop her bookshelves & passing them down to Katya.  “You have so many pink things!” Katya scoffed after her third armful of frosted glass perfume bottles, tiny porcelain flowers, & miniature-sized Barbies.

“I do  _ not _ !” Trixie pouted, then glanced over at the table, covered in various shades of pink.  “Shut up!” she pointed down at Katya, who stuck her tongue out in response.

“Okay, last batch—” Trixie stood on her tiptoes to grab the final few decorative accessories from the back of the shelf.

“Ah, damn, I was enjoying the view!”

“You’re a monster,” Trixie laughed, shaking her head.

“Hey, I can’t help it that you have an ass that won’t quit!”

“Take these,” Trixie delicately handed her a set of tiny antique cats.  “You can talk about my ass once you don’t have breakables in your hands!”

Katya snorted & added them to the pile, then offered Trixie a hand to help her down from the chair.  “Okay, so now I’m free?” she grinned, smacking Trixie’s backside lightly once she’d jumped down.

Trixie rolled her eyes.  “I suppooooose,” she smiled.  “But I’d rather get these packed.”  Katya grinned & shook apart the junk mailers they’d retrieved from the recycling bin, starting to wrap each trinket in the paper & nestling them softly into one of the smaller boxes.  “Can we put up a shelf for some of these?” Trixie fluttered her lashes flirtatiously. “Maybe in the kitchen or something?”

Katya knew Trixie already knew the answer— she could’ve asked her to build her a shelf, a house, a whole goddamn town, & she would’ve said yes.  She nodded. “Yeah, there’s tons of wallspace in there.”

Trixie beamed, shyly returning to crumpling the newspaper tightly around each collectible.  As she finished, Katya retrieved the packing tape from the bedroom & Trixie sealed the box tightly, writing  _ PRETTY STUFF _ on the top.  She aimlessly doodled tiny hearts around the label as Katya hugged her waist from behind.  

“What?” Trixie asked cheerily as Katya held her tightly.

“Noooooothin’,” she sing-songed.

“Uh huh,” Trixie smirked, adding a flower to her drawing.

“I’m just ready to talk about  _ this _ now,” Katya giggled, moving both hands to roughly squeeze Trixie’s ass.

“You are the horniest person I have ever met,” Trixie playfully scolded her, surrounding the flower with a halo of stars.

Katya nipped softly at the side of Trixie’s neck.  “Says the one who wouldn’t let me send an email this morning.”

“Well—” she giggled.  “Extenuating circumstances.”

“Such as?”  Katya rolled her palms over the thin material of Trixie’s leggings.

“Mmmmm… you in glasses…”

“Oh?”  Katya gripped tightly to Trixie’s hipbones, leaning her down against the table.  “Well, I have extenuating circumstances, too, then.”

“Do you?”  Trixie’s voice was already throaty, teasing, as she snapped the cap back onto the Sharpie.

“Uh huh… you in these…” She groped roughly, hands filled with Trixie’s flesh.  Trixie rested her arms on the table, propping herself up on her elbows as one of Katya’s hands came up to gently push between her shoulder blades, easing her down onto the spare newspapers.  She giggled quietly, letting her long ponytail flip forward over her head. “Very, very extenuating circumstances,” Katya purred, hooking her index fingers over her stretchy waistband, knowing full well that Trixie wasn’t wearing underwear beneath it.  She slowly slid her pants down, kissing along the soft, newly-exposed skin of Trixie’s lower back, then down across her ass.

Trixie wriggled her hips slightly; knowing she was presenting herself to Katya at nearly a perfect ninety-degree angle.  She was surprised by how much it turned her on— the idea of a fully clothed Katya having free reign over her totally exposed body— & she whimpered in anticipation.  Katya smirked & tugged her leggings just beneath the curve of her ass, palming it firmly & squeezing so hard it caused Trixie to yelp.

“Off,” Trixie breathed desperately, the stretchy cotton bunching between her legs & causing far more friction than she could stand.

“Off what?” Katya mocked playfully, lightly swatting the curve of Trixie’s backside.

“Off  _ please _ ,” she groaned.

“Well, since you asked so nicely…” Katya took her time tugging her pants down over her thighs, stroking them as she went.  “Up,” she whispered once she reached Trixie’s ankles. Trixie lifted them one at a time, allowing Katya to toss the bunched-up leggings aside.  Sinking down to her knees, Katya drew teasing kisses up the back of Trixie’s bare thigh, biting softly once she reached the top. Katya giggled as she slapped both hands against Trixie’s ass, leaving splotchy pink handprints & causing Trixie to stick her hips out further, silently begging for more.

Katya licked a messy line across the width of her handprint, causing Trixie to shiver & clench her thighs together.  “You alright there?” Katya laughed.

“Uh huh!” Trixie giggled, burying her face in her hands against the table.

“You sure?” she teased, pushing Trixie’s thighs apart & breathing warm air against her.

“Yeahhhhh,” she whimpered.  Katya tickled her fingertips up the inside of Trixie’s thighs & into the bends of her legs, stopping just before she reached the place Trixie wanted her the most.  “Katyaaaaaa,” Trixie whined petulantly.

“Whaaaaaaat?” Katya mocked, enjoying playing with her.

Trixie wiggled her hips, trying to chase Katya’s hands, but Katya groped each inner thigh tightly, holding them in place & leaning in to envelop her with her mouth— sticky sweet & glistening wet.  She lapped her tongue up the length of her before sucking hard, leaving rough, open-mouthed kisses from her thighs all the way down to her clit, then back up.

“ _ God _ ,” Trixie breathed.  Katya was kissing, nipping, licking her so desperately that she felt like her legs could give out at any moment.  Her movements were so sloppy that Trixie couldn’t tell if the moisture she felt dripping down her thigh was from her arousal or Katya’s spit— some of both, she guessed.

Katya leaned up on her knees, sitting tall & thrusting her tongue inside of Trixie, swirling it in wild circles as if she would die if she didn’t taste every single inch of her.  Her hands slapped with a sharp echo against Trixie’s ass, squeezing it tightly as she let her tongue travel upwards to tease her there.

“Kat—  _ ah _ —”  Whatever Trixie had thought to say was interrupted by the flood of warmth that splashed across her face as she felt Katya’s tongue fluttering against her extravagantly-presented ass.  “ _ Ohhhhh _ —” she moaned, voice giving out as Katya’s fingertips dug into her flesh, mouth working a kind of magic she’d never felt before.  Katya, tongue extended as far as it would go, slipped her face easily between Trixie’s cheeks, then dragged her hand downward, pushing two fingers inside of her.  She pumped frantically with loud, wet sounds that made Trixie blush even harder.

Trixie couldn’t remember the last time Katya had fucked her with such desperation— loud moans & hums of appreciation spilling from her lips & being muffled against her body.  The noises coming from Katya were paralleled by her own, rhythmic whimpers growing into cries as she felt her legs start to shake. “You’re gonna—  _ fuck—  _ you’re gonna make me come, mama,  _ fuck _ !” Trixie cried out, eyes clamping shut as she thrust herself backward onto Katya’s fingers, unashamedly chasing her release.

Katya moaned loudly as Trixie bounced hard against her.  She knew the second she added any pressure to her clit, she’d be violently done for, & though she almost wanted to prolong it as long as she could, she wanted nothing more than to see Trixie come undone in that position— bent over the table & giving all of herself to her.  Her other hand slipped up between Trixie’s legs, middle three fingers rubbing quickly at her clit. Trixie yelped & then whined— a long, drawn out cry that she felt with her whole body. Her chest heaved against the wood of the kitchen table as she tried to come back to earth.  “ _ Oh my god oh my god ohmygoddddd _ ,” she breathed, words falling into an incoherent laugh.  Katya pressed a slow kiss between Trixie’s legs before standing up & playfully spanking her.  “Wow,” Trixie giggled.

“Wow yourself,” Katya replied, voice cracking with arousal as she massaged Trixie’s exposed neck.  “You staying like that all day?”

“Probably.  Can’t move.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just…” Katya unbuttoned & unzipped her pants, wide grin on her face.  It wasn’t until her hand had slipped fully beneath them that Trixie glanced up & realized what she was doing.

“Mmmmm…” Trixie hummed with a smirk.  She lazily rolled over into a sitting position on the edge of the table & licked her lips as Katya’s wrist moved up & down, the rest of her hand out of sight.  Trixie reached a hand out to her, beckoning her forward, but instead, Katya caught it in her own, twining their fingers together & staring intensely into her eyes.

Katya’s lips parted slightly in a heavy exhale, brows furrowing as she used her whole palm to stroke herself.  “Kiss me,” she gasped, & Trixie pulled her by the hand to stand between her legs, mouths crashing into a frantic kiss, all the while, Katya not relenting against herself.  Trixie felt Katya’s lips tremble against hers & she pulled back slightly to see her eyes screwed shut, face flushed & slack-jawed.

“Look at me,” Trixie whispered.  Katya’s pale eyes jerked open, momentarily struggling to focus on Trixie’s deep brown ones.  Trixie squeezed her hand tightly & gave Katya the small, bratty smirk that sent her over the edge, Katya clasping her lips together in a series of closed-mouth whimpers.  “Yeah,” Trixie breathed encouragingly. “ _ Yeah… _ ”  She kept her eyes locked with Katya’s, holding her hand as the shivers coursed through her body.

After a few seconds, Katya collapsed forward against Trixie’s chest, panting quietly as Trixie stroked her hair.  “Well,” Katya burst into laughter.

“Yeah,” Trixie cracked up, hugging her tightly.

Katya pulled Trixie down from the table & smacked her ass.  “Put your pants on, ya hoe, we got work to do!” she teased in an exaggerated Bostonian accent.

“Yeah, yeah,” Trixie grumbled as she stepped back into her leggings.  “We probably don’t have time to do the bathroom before I have to be to work, do we?”

Katya shook her wrist to flip her watch around.  “Probably not.”

Trixie sighed.  “That’s okay… I might jump in the shower real quick, though.”

“Go for it, baby.”  She pecked her on the lips.  “I’ll start organizing boxes.”

“Thanks,” she smiled gratefully.  “I’ll be quick!”

Katya nodded & started scooting boxes toward the front door.  When she heard the shower turn on, she crept out onto the balcony & pulled her cigarettes from her pocket, considering what they still had left to do.  “Oh!” she said aloud, inhaling quickly from her cigarette as an idea hit her. She ran a mental catalogue of all of Trixie’s furniture &, after she was done smoking, decided to start in the living room.  She pulled her phone out & snapped various angles of the couch, bookshelves, various tables, & the dining set before making her way to the bedroom & straightening the pillows & sheets.

“What are you  _ doing _ ?!” Trixie laughed as she walked in on Katya trying to take a panoramic photo of the bed.

“Oh!”  She turned the phone teasingly toward Trixie, wrapped in a much-too-small towel that revealed most of her body.  “Say cheese!” Trixie rolled her eyes with a grin. “That’s the one!” Katya clapped her hands together melodramatically.

“The one what?”

“I’m taking pics of your furniture to put on Craigslist.”

“And the pic of me?” she giggled.

“To put on Craigslist,” Katya deadpanned.

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll bring in  _ so _ much.”

“We’ll get that pussy trending!”

“That’s… not how Craigslist works,” Trixie shook her head with a laugh.

“Shhhhhh!” Katya turned back to her project.

Trixie padded over to the dresser & pulled the top drawer open.  “Shit… Katya?”

“Yeah?”  She turned around to see Trixie staring at an empty drawer & fell into hysterics.  “We packed… all your… clothes,” she wheezed, laughing so hard she cried.

“Well, where are they?!” she whined, stomping her feet.

“I’ll find the box… aren’t you glad we labeled them now?”  Katya winked & returned a moment later with two boxes,  _ DRESSER _ scrawled across the top of each.  She reached into her pocket & sliced the packing tape with a key.  “Dig in,” she motioned. Trixie eventually found panties, tights, & a sports bra in one box, & a hot pink spandex leotard & black shorts in another.  “Done?” Katya asked.

“Done!”  As Trixie got dressed for class, Katya sealed the boxes & returned them to the stack by the front door.  “Hey, I’m gonna start taking these down to the car, okay?” she called into the other room.

“‘Kay!  I’ll be out in just a sec!”  Once the two of them had loaded the day’s boxes into the car, stacking them in the backseat beside Shosh’s booster chair, Trixie nestled the baby book she’d grabbed atop them.  “I’m already tired,” she sighed as Katya started down the road. “How am I supposed to teach today?”

“The way the good lord intended,” Katya replied, pulling into a gas station parking lot.  “Red Bull.”

Trixie laughed.  “You know me too well.”

“I do, huh?” Katya agreed, leaning over to kiss her before she hopped out to run inside.  Trixie wolf-whistled to herself as she watched Katya jog across the parking lot in her ripped, baggy jeans & thin black t-shirt.  She wrapped her hair into a tight bun, grinning as she saw Katya’s tiny blonde head darting between shelves inside— the thought of that hyper, dorky little figure being what she got to come home to every day filled her with a sense of comfort so deep she couldn’t do anything but sink down into the seat & smile.

By the time they’d picked up Shosh & made it to the dance studio, a cold wind had set in.  Trixie stepped out of the car & shivered. “Brrrr, I forgot my jacket,” she rubbed her bare arms.

“Here—” Katya reached into the backseat & grabbed her Mass Art hoodie Trixie had left on the floor earlier, tossing it out the door to her.  She pulled it on quickly, burrowing down into its warmth before reaching into the floorboard to grab her dance bag. Katya helped Shosh— bundled tightly in her puffy silver coat— hop down out of the backseat & handed her the purple duffle.  “Ready?”

“Ready!”  Shosh ran ahead of them, trying to beat the few wet snowflakes that had started to fall.  

Once the two of them met at the front of the car, Katya leaned over to peck Trixie on the lips & swatted her ass playfully.  “You still look cute in that,” she grinned.

“Cool it, mama— you can’t be ready for another round already!” Trixie giggled, pecking her lips again before they followed after Shosh, who was already pulling the front door open.  When they reached the lobby, the pair were met with a knowing smirk from Alyssa, where she stood behind the desk. “What?!” Trixie laughed shyly.

“Nothin’!” Alyssa winked, shaking her head.  “Nothin’ at all!”

“See ya,” Trixie whispered at Katya, turning toward the hallway.

“Bye,” she smirked back.  As Katya evil eyed Alyssa, who was still watching them dreamily, Shosh jogged back out into the lobby, barefoot.

“Mom, can you help?  I can’t get this!” She tugged at the clasp on her overalls.

“Yeah, sure,” she chuckled, following her into the changing room.  She sat down on the long wooden bench. “Come here,” she motioned, beckoning Shosh over to stand in front of her.  Other moms sat across the length of the bench, combing their daughters’ hair into slick buns or helping them pull on tights.

“Is it gonna snow more?” Shosh asked as Katya unhooked the tricky buckles, letting the straps fall down behind her back.

“I dunno, maybe!”  She folded Shosh’s overalls as she stepped out of them.

“If it does, can we build another snowman?”

“Sure!”

“And Trixie too!  We have to all build one!” she gushed excitedly.

Katya cleared her throat nervously.  “Yeah, Trixie, too,” she repeated, handing Shosh her tights.  “Shirt?” she extended her hands to take it from her as she swapped it out for a pale blue leotard.  Out of the corner of her eye, Katya could see two of the moms a few feet down exchange a glance, their lips held into tight lines & brows raised as far as the Botox would let them.  She bit the inside of her cheek & tied Shosh’s hair into a bun, focusing on her own breath to keep the anger from spilling out of her body.

“All good,” she assured Shosh with a nod.  “Gimme your shoes.” Katya tossed them into the bag & passed Shosh her tap shoes.  “Have fun!” she smiled, tossing the duffel over her shoulder & following her out into the hallway.  When Shosh ran into the studio, Katya ducked out the side door, dropping the bag at her feet & lighting up a cigarette in record time.

She knew she shouldn’t let these random women’s judgment get under her skin— she’d been out since she was in high school & was usually able to let people’s homophobic bullshit roll off her back, but this time, it wasn’t her she was worried about— it was Trixie.  Katya had watched her come so far in terms of being comfortable with herself, & if she had to fight the world in order for her to stay that way, she was more than willing. The thought struck her— Trixie was in there with these women. What if one of them made a snide comment to her?  

Her hands started to shake, a mix of rage & anxiety consuming her.  She felt her tongue get heavy in her mouth & before she knew it, she was bent over a half-dead bush, retching into the brittle grass.  “ _ Fuck _ ,” she grumbled out loud to herself, nose & eyes burning.  She regretted her decision not to carry a purse as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand & walked around to the front of the building.

“Hey,” she croaked to Alyssa, who was fussing with the computer.

“Girl, you look busted!” she looked up in surprise.  “No offense!”

“None taken,” she shook her head.  “You got any gum or hard candy or anything in there?” Katya pointed to the desk.

“Umm…” Alyssa pulled open the drawer & rifled unsuccessfully through it.  “I have some Tic Tacs in my purse.” She rounded the desk & waved Katya back toward her office.  “You okay?” she asked, closing the door behind the two of them.

Katya stared at her blankly for a moment before shoving a hand through her flurry-damp hair.  “I’m okay— your bush outside may not be.”

“Oh, bitch,” Alyssa snorted.  “Got that stomach bug?” She passed her a half-empty container of Tic Tacs.

“Somethin’ like that,” she rolled her eyes, shaking a few mints out into her palm & popping them into her mouth.  She instinctively crunched down on them, then shook out a couple more to suck on. “If the bug is a bunch of dumb cunts in my ear.”

Alyssa stared at her in surprise for a moment before she pointed at the chair opposite her desk.  “Sit.”

She reluctantly flopped down with a sigh.  “Why does this feel like therapy?”

“Unless you’re about to cut me a check, I ain’t your therapist,” Alyssa assured her.  “Is this about pinky in there?” she pointed toward the studio.

“Pinky,” Katya scoffed with a weak laugh.  “Yeah, I guess.”

“I saw you two smoochin’ in the parking lot, so she must not be the problem!”

“Oh— uh—” A blush crept up Katya’s cheeks.  Alyssa waved a hand at her as if to tell her it was fine.  “Yeah, she’s definitely not the problem. We actually spent all day packing her place up.”

“Packing?”  Alyssa looked confused for a few seconds before she noticed Katya’s grin.  “ _ Ohhhhh! _  You filthy… wow!  Congrats!”

“Yeah,” she rubbed her neck anxiously.  “Issue being the, uh…” she hesitated, unsure how to say what she wanted to say.  “The people who… uh… have an issue with that.” She chickened out on telling Alyssa the whole truth.  “Just a lot to deal with.”

“Well—”  she leaned over & patted Katya on the knee.  “I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to go through that, but I’m here anyway.”

Katya nodded meekly.  “Thanks, girl.”

“Just try not to puke on anymore of my plants,” Alyssa ribbed her with a wink.

“I’ll try,” she smiled.  “I guess I should get in there.  I know she’s been stressing about assigning the Valentine’s recital parts & she’s supposedly letting them all know today.”

Alyssa nodded.  “I left it all up to her— she’s got a good grasp on what she wants!”

“Yeah,” Katya agreed shyly.  “And thanks.”

“Anytime.”  Alyssa squeezed her shoulder as Katya headed toward the observation room.

She sneaked into the back of the room, miraculously unnoticed by the other moms, & slid onto the end of a bench, taking out her phone.  Able to block out most of the idle chatter, she alternated between catching up on work emails & watching Trixie— still in her college sweater— shift the girls around as they practiced various steps that Katya could barely differentiate.  Shosh dutifully listened to all of Trixie’s directions, grinning up at her as if she hung the moon. Katya smiled to herself & looked back to her inbox.

The ninety minutes blazed by, Katya being jarred back to reality from the electronic portfolios she was scrolling through by Trixie peeking her head through the door.  “Hey, if you guys wanna come in for a sec, we can go over recital roles?” Trixie hadn’t made eye contact with her— a fact that somehow relieved Katya. She hadn’t asked her anything about what she’d been considering for the girls, not wanting to intrude on her setting the group up in whatever way she thought was best, but she had to admit she was nervous for Shosh.

Katya thought it was clear that Shosh was by far the best dancer in her age group— she picked up new steps with a preternatural ease & had a penchant for leading the other girls to stay on rhythm.  Multiple times, Katya had caught her standing in front of her bedroom mirror, extending her arms & legs at sharp angles as she hummed to herself. Shosh would never let on how much being the best meant to her, but Katya could tell.

Once the moms had grouped up with their daughters in a cluster along one wall, with Shosh nestled under Katya’s arm, Trixie cleared her throat.  “So…” She tapped a clipboard full of notes against her palm. “I know everyone has been working really hard these past couple of weeks. I’ve thrown a lot of new choreography at you guys & you’ve all done  _ amazing _ ,” she emphasized, smiling at the girls rather than the moms.  “I’ve grouped you into A & B groups— each group will have two numbers of their own, & then we’ll have a number for the whole class.”  

The moms nodded in understanding, their daughters excitedly rocking back & forth on their feet.  Trixie rattled off the names. “Any questions on that?” Silence. “Okay, good! We also went over the roles at the last meeting, so we know there’s one lead for the big routine… I’ve spent a lot of time considering who’s picked up the footwork the best in order to have the ability to lead us as our Cupid.”  She paused & then pointed her clipboard. “Shoshanna?”

Katya tugged the corner of her lip between her teeth, trying to hide the smile she wanted to let out.  Shosh nodded furiously & grinned up at Katya. “Good job, munchkin,” she whispered down to her.

From somewhere beside her, Katya heard a loud scoff & then a hushed “right?” snorted in reply.  She & Trixie made split-second eye contact. Katya knew she’d heard it, too.

“Sorry?” Katya asked, turning to face the other moms.  Two of them looked between one another, rolling their eyes.  “Did I miss something?”

“Nope,” a tall brunette said in a clipped tone.

“It sure seems like there’s a problem here.”  Katya tried to stay calm & even-keeled.

“What would make you think that?” the woman replied in a cold, sarcastic voice.

She took a deep breath, clutching Shosh’s shoulder tightly.  “Do you have an issue with the role, or?”

“Just how they’re won,” a shorter woman in a green cable-knit sweater murmured.

“What’s that supposed to me—”

Trixie interrupted.  “The parts were assigned on merit & if you’d like to discuss it further, feel free to set up a meeting.”  She tried to keep a strong, authoritative voice, but Katya could hear it starting to break. “You’re free to go, girls— good work today.”  She turned from the group & stuffed her clipboard into her duffle bag as the girls hurried out toward the changing room.

“But some of us apparently don’t have to set up meetings in order to get her ear,” the tall woman scoffed to the other.  “If I knew I could trade sexual favors for my kid’s solos…” The two of them laughed uproariously.

Katya glanced around quickly to make sure the kids were all out of earshot.  “Are you fucking kidding me?” she spat at the pair.

“About what?” the shorter one feigned sweetness.

“You’re really gonna play this game?  My kid didn’t deserve her solo?  _ Really _ ?”

“It’s nothing against Shoshanna,” she shrugged.

“It sure as fuck is!”  Katya felt the blood rushing to her cheeks as she raised her voice.

“Katya—” Trixie warned, starting toward them.

“No, it’s bullshit & you know it, Trixie!” she felt like she was boiling over with rage.

“Come on,” she tugged at her elbow.

“The two of you—” Katya pointed between the women.  “And all of your homophobic fucking friends can choke.”  Katya yanked her arm away from Trixie’s grasp & stormed out into the lobby.  When she didn’t see Alyssa, she charged back to her office. “I swear to fucking god, Alyssa—”

“What?  What?!” she leapt to her feet.

“I love you, but I will take my goddamn daughter out of here faster than you can blink if these mothers don’t knock their shit off.”

“Girlie— what’s going on?” her face was stricken with concern.

“What do you think?  Does my kid deserve a lead?”

“She’s the strongest dancer we have in the under 9 group, Katya, you & I both know that.”

“Right.”  Her face was aflame, arms crossed tightly over her chest.  “So there’s no reason for these dumb fucking—” she paused to catch her breath & started over.  “These other parents to be accusing anything else.”

Trixie showed up in the doorway behind Katya, having followed her voice down the hall.  “Trixie, what happened?” Alyssa asked.

“I… I don’t…” she stammered, biting back tears.  “Shosh deserves the Cupid part. She works the hardest & she’s already got the steps down pat.”  Trixie tugged at her sleeve where it barely covered her wrist.

“The moms— that little clique— you know who I mean,” Katya tried to explain.  She wasn’t sure how much of the argument Trixie had heard & braced herself as she said it.  “They said Trixie only gave her the solo because I… we…”

Alyssa held up a hand.  “No, ma’am.” She circled Katya to face Trixie.  “I hired you because you’re good at this,” she assured her quietly, but firmly.  “You’re a great dancer & you’re even better with the kids.” Trixie nodded solemnly.  “If they don’t respect your authority, then they can find another studio. I’ve worked with this group— I have no doubt that you assigned the parts fairly.”  Katya kept her arms wound across her chest, muscles clenched. “Do you want me to say something to them?” Alyssa asked.

Trixie & Katya spoke at the same time.  “No,” Trixie shook her head sadly; “Yes,” Katya jumped.

“I don’t wanna make it a big deal,” Trixie sighed.  “Can’t we just move on?”

Katya grimaced & walked around the two of them.  “I have to go find Shosh.”

Alyssa eyed Trixie sympathetically.  “Go get her. You know where to find me if you change your mind.”  Trixie forced the corners of her lips to curl into a put-on smile & shuffled down the hallway, head kept down.

Once the three of them made it home, Shosh ran inside to find Mona, who was stretched out across the back of the couch, sleeping.  “Hiiiii kitttyyyyyy!” she grinned, hugging her awkwardly.

“I don’t really feel like cooking,” Katya grumbled.  “And I’ve gotta carry in all these boxes.”

“I’ll make something,” Trixie whispered, not wanting to step on Katya’s toes, given the mood she was clearly in.

Katya shrugged.  “There’s not really anything here.”

“Want me to order a pizza or something?”

“I don’t care.  Pizza’s fine.” She tossed her phone & keys onto the counter & headed back out the door to start toting in Trixie’s stuff.

Trixie picked at the polish on her index nail as the front door clattered shut.  She wasn’t sure why Katya was mad at her, but she knew she was. Shosh tickled Mona’s belly & she stretched her paws out with a yawn.  “Okay…” Trixie muttered under her breath, grabbing her phone & placing an online order— half vegetable for her & Katya, half cheese for Shosh.  “It’ll be here in twenty,” she mumbled to Katya as she dropped three boxes inside the doorway.

“Great.”  She turned on her heels without looking at her.  Trixie stripped off Katya’s sweater, suddenly feeling warm with anxiety.

“Is this your stuff?” Shosh asked, examining the beat-up boxes.

“Yeah,” she smiled weakly.  “Wanna help me move it?” Shosh nodded.  “Okay, this one says  _ dresser _ , so wanna scoot it into the bedroom?”

“Got it!” Shosh replied proudly, feeling like she had been given an important job to do.  Trixie followed behind, carrying the other two boxes into the bedroom & setting them in front of the closet.  She heard the door rattle & silently went out to retrieve the next set, lining them up against the living room wall.  Katya returned after a moment, barely unable to see over the piles of garbage-bag-covered hangers in her arms. Trixie reached out to lift a few from her & they carried them into the bedroom, tossing them clumsily onto the bed.

“Two more trips,” Katya said.

“‘Kay.”  Trixie turned to Shosh.  “Wanna rip these bags off the hangers?”  Shosh dug in, using all her strength to tear at the bags, letting dresses & ruffled tops fall onto the floor.  Trixie picked them up without speaking, pushing Katya’s patterned dresses & black slacks to one end of the closet & hanging hers up in no real order.   _ What a way to spend our first night living together _ , she thought to herself as Katya loudly dropped a box of shoes & purses at her feet.

“I’ll clear drawer space later,” Katya said in a monotone as she turned to gather the last batch of Trixie’s belongings.  Trixie didn’t have time to reply before she was out the door again. She set up Mona’s toybox in the living room & nestled her baby book safely on Katya’s bookshelf before sitting down on the floor in front of the couch with Shosh.

“You excited to be Cupid?” she asked quietly.

Shosh glanced up from the iPad she’d just turned on.  “Uh huh!”

“Hey, Shosh?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like dance?”

“I  _ love _ dance!” she gushed.  “Love love love it!”

“Okay, good,” Trixie smiled softly.  She pulled her knees up to her chest & sat quietly, back propped against the couch, as Shosh focused on her game.

“Pizza’s here,” Katya interrupted her spacing off.  Shosh jumped up & raced to meet her at the table, but Trixie took a moment, trying to shake the vague malaise that had overtaken her.  “Babe?”

“Yeah, coming.”  She pushed herself up with her hands & shuffled over to the table, sitting next to Shosh & pulling a slice of veggie from the box.  Katya paced in the kitchen. “You gonna eat?”

“I’m not really hungry.”  Her voice was quiet, but softer than it had been earlier.  “Save me a piece, okay.” She pulled open the back door & stepped outside with her cigarettes, sliding it shut delicately.  Since she seemed to be calming down, Trixie decided against pushing the issue & just let her be. When she came back in, Shosh had already returned to her iPad & Trixie was fighting with the pizza box, trying to get it closed.  Katya walked, eyes heavy, past them & straight into the master bath, shutting the door behind her.

Trixie frowned, but unzipped Shosh’s backpack, glancing at her homework assignment.  “Hey, Shoshi— let’s read your book, okay?” After they got settled on the couch, Shosh slowly sounding out each word in the picture book, Trixie couldn’t help but wonder how anything got done around the house when Katya got in one of these moods.

Meanwhile, Katya stripped her t-shirt off in the bathroom & stared at herself in the mirror until her face started to become unfamiliar.  Her eyes were tired & her hair messy, but she could scarcely recognize those features as her own. She felt like she was looking down from a distance, seeing a robot version of herself looking in the mirror & washing its face.  She turned her head slightly from side to side, squinting at her reflection as her bangs fell over her eyelids.

She reached into the drawer & pulled out a pair of scissors, tapping the sharp point onto her palm a few times & staring at the tiny white imprints it left.  Her breath sped as she squeezed the metal handle tightly in her fist, focusing intensely on the lines of her palm, how the veins stemmed across her wrist & down her forearm.  Katya swallowed hard, eyes blurry, & brought the scissors up to her face, roughly chopping her bangs, fine blonde hairs falling over her collarbone & between her breasts. She didn’t stop clipping until her bangs had cleared her eyebrows & she dropped the scissors onto the counter with a loud rattle.

“Katya?”  Trixie jumped up & hurried into the bedroom, knocking on the door.  When she didn’t answer, Trixie gently turned the knob to see Katya standing shirtless, staring in the mirror with a blank expression.  “Babe? Oh—” She bit back a laugh as she saw Katya’s ragged haircut. “Do you want me to fix it?”

Katya nodded emptily & handed Trixie the scissors.  “Come here,” Trixie whispered, turning her to face her.  She held the scissors vertically & made delicate snips, softening the ends & trying to make it look like Katya had cut her hair with something other than a machete.  After a couple minutes of cleanup, Trixie stepped back & eyed Katya’s hair. “You look cute,” she smiled. Katya glanced down at the hair stuck to her chest & then back up at Trixie with a defined pout on her face.  “Katya, what’s going on?” Trixie grabbed a towel from the shower bar & gently brushed the tiny hairs from her skin. “Talk to me.” She took both of Katya’s hands in hers & walked her backward toward the bed, sitting down on the edge of it & letting Katya stand between her legs.

“I dunno,” Katya cleared her throat after the words barely came out.  “I just…” she stopped, furrowing her brows together.

“Come here.”  Trixie scooted backward onto the bed & patted the space next to her.  Katya climbed up, sitting cross-legged facing Trixie.

“I just shut down, I don’t know,” she whispered, voice hoarse.  “I got so angry, I just… I couldn’t do anything. I can’t fix anything.”

Trixie clasped Katya’s hands in her own.  “Katya. Look at me.” She tilted her chin upward.  “I love you.”

“That’s what makes it worse,” she mumbled.  “I can’t protect you & I can’t protect Shoshanna & it makes me feel like shit.”

“Baby.  You’re more than either of us could ever ask for.  You don’t have to take this on.”

“I do, though,” she replied quietly.  “I’m a mom.”

Trixie felt her breath catch in her lungs.  “You’re a great mom… & that makes me love you even more.”

A tear streaked down Katya’s cheek as she looked into Trixie’s eyes.  “I don’t want Shosh to have to deal with it. It’s not fair.”

“Then she won’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll quit.”

“Trixie, no.  Don’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not letting you give up something you love just because of…  _ that _ .”

“Then I’ll tell Alyssa to say something.”  Katya blinked hard. “I will. If that’s what you want.”

“Why didn’t you want her to earlier?”

Trixie sighed & shrugged.  “I dunno. I just don’t know… I’m not used to having to make my life an  _ issue _ , ya know?  It’s intimidating, like, now I’m ‘Gay Trixie’,” she made finger quotes around the words.

Katya scooted closer to her & rubbed her thigh.  “I don’t— I didn’t think of it like that,” she whispered.  “I just felt like you weren’t standing up for yourself, but this is all still new to you… I forget that.”

Trixie nodded.  “But you & Shosh are my priorities now.”  She looked down at Katya’s hand where it tenderly cupped her thigh.  “I won’t let anything happen to her just because of me,” she whispered, so quietly it was barely audible.

Katya trailed her hand up Trixie’s side to her cheekbone, where she tilted her face toward her own.  “I am so in love with you, Trixie Mattel.”

She giggled & kissed her softly.  “And I’m so in love with you, mama.”  Katya pulled back after a moment. “Even if you jacked up your hair.”

“I take it back— I hate you, you bitch!” she laughed hysterically.

“Go eat some pizza, wild woman!”  Trixie wiped the tears from beneath her eyes.  “Homework’s done, by the way.”

Katya grinned & shook her head.  “Ugh, I don’t deserve you!

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I’ve left y’all hanging for over a week, but life has gotten chaotic. Sadly, I’ve been having to focus more time on money-making & less time on these angels. If any of y’all wanna toss a little sugar my way via Ko-Fi to help with that stress... ko-fi.com/zamokitty. ♡
> 
> I can’t believe this is already Chapter 20-- we’re just short of 200 single-spaced pages into this journey, which is pretty wild to think about! I’ve been having a bit of a crisis of confidence with this story, so y’all’s comments make my heart soar extra high nowadays-- I truly appreciate each & every one of them so much!! My asks are always open over on Tumblr (mamazamo.tumblr.com) if you wanna chat some more about these ladies! I’ve got the next three or four chapters pretty solidly outlined, so I hope y’all are still along for the ride with me! ♡

 

“How are we supposed to do this with her here?” Trixie whispered to Katya as Shosh walked a few steps ahead of them through the mall.

“Oh, girl, I’m a pro,” Katya assured her.  “It helps that she’s easily distracted.”

“Ya don’t say?” Trixie nodded toward Shosh, who was leaning over the edge of a fountain to stare at the pennies at the bottom of it.

“No one can ever say she isn’t mine,” she laughed.  “Shosh, come on!”

“Look, there’s money!”

“I know!” Katya patted her head.

“Why’s it in there?”

“People throw a coin in & make a wish,” Katya explained.

“I wanna do it!”

Katya patted her wallet where it rode in her back pocket.  “No change, kiddo.”

“Here, hang on—” Trixie unzipped her purse & rifled through the miscellaneous lipsticks & receipts until she came up with three pennies.  “We can all do one—” Shosh grabbed a penny out of her palm & Katya took the other with a gentle shake of her head. “Okay, make a wish!” Trixie chirped.  After a couple seconds of silence, all three of them tossed their coins into the water with sharp plinks.

“I see mine!” Shosh pointed to a penny settling onto the concrete basin.

“What’d you wish for?” Katya nudged Trixie.

“Can’t tell you or it won’t come true,” she winked.

“Tease.”

“Me?! Neverrrrrr!” Trixie exaggerated.

Katya rolled her eyes & reached down for Shosh’s hand.  “Stay close to me— it’s gonna be busy in here.” The three of them weaved through crowds of people into the toy store, Shosh’s eyes lighting up with every turn of her head.

“What do ya think?” Trixie smiled down at her.

“Ummmmm… I want  _ everything _ !”

Trixie & Katya laughed.  “Well, what should we put on your Christmas list?!” Katya asked.  Shosh wriggled free of her mom’s hand & ran over to a shelf of Hot Wheels tracks, eyeing them covetously.  She ran her tiny fingers across the box without saying anything, tracing the shape of the track’s loops. Katya caught Trixie’s eye & winked knowingly.

“That’s pretty cool!” Trixie spoke up.

“Uh huh!  Are there pink cars for it?”

“Pink?!” Katya snorted in surprise.

“Yeah!  So Trixie can have a car, too!”

Katya covered her mouth to hold back a laugh.  “We’ll see if Santa knows anything about pink cars.”

“Cool!”

Trixie blushed at Shosh wanting to include her in her Christmas present, & leaned her head against Katya’s as Shosh sorted through the small packages of cars.  “What else, bug?” Katya asked. “We’ll put it on the list!”

“Hmmmm…” Shosh looked around until she found an aisle of dolls that caught her attention.  “I need a baby!” Trixie admired the dolls with nearly as much enthusiasm as Shosh, comparing the ones that could cry to the ones that came with full wardrobes.

“Looks like you need one, too,” Katya whispered & nudged Trixie’s ribs with her elbow.

Trixie raised an eyebrow at her & smirked.  “Maybe I do!”

“We’ll add it to your list,” Katya pecked her lips.

“Mom!”  Shosh interrupted.

“What?!”

“You’re not looking!”

“Okay, I’m looking!  Which one?” she laughed.

Shosh grabbed a vet doll off the shelf, complete with a doctor’s coat, accessories, & a tiny brown & white spaniel.  “She’s an animal doctor,” Shosh explained seriously. “& that’s her patient,” she pointed at the dog behind the plastic.

“Here, let’s take a picture of it to show Santa,” Katya took out her phone & snapped a photo of the doll.

“Can I get it?!”

“I dunno, we have to wait & see if Santa brings it!”

“Oookaaaayyyyy…” she sighed, setting it back down, but staring longingly at it on the shelf.

“Hey—” Trixie mussed her hair, then knelt down to her level to whisper, “Should we get rid of Mom so we can go find her a present?”  Shosh grinned widely & nodded. Trixie stood back up to Katya’s level. “Shosh & I have some stuff to do!” she chirped. “So…”

“You go away!” Shosh filled in loudly.

“Jeez!” Katya gasped in mock offense.  “Fine! I’ll go see if I can get ahold of Santa & see what he thinks about these presents!”

Shosh grabbed Trixie’s hand & Trixie let herself be led out of the toy store, shooting a wink over her shoulder to Katya.  Once the pair were out of sight, she grabbed the vet doll & Hot Wheels track, digging through the cars to find a couple of pink ones to supplement the set.  Carrying one box under each arm, she meandered through the aisles, looking for other things that screamed  _ Shosh _ .  By the time Katya made it to the register, she had added a pair of sparkly headphones with cat ears on top & a box of LEGOs.  On the way to carry her bags to the car, a used bookstore grabbed her attention & she added a stack of half a dozen picture books to the Christmas pile.

Combined with the two shiny metallic dance leotards she’d ordered online, she figured Shosh’s presents were just about set, & tossed them into the back of the car, covering them with the thick blanket she always kept in the trunk.  On the long walk back across the parking lot, Katya lit a cigarette & checked her phone. Seeing no texts from Trixie, she figured she could amble toward Starbucks & wait in the inevitably hellish line.

Meanwhile, Trixie asked Shosh what they should get Katya for Christmas.  “Ummmm… a dress?” she suggested, peering up curiously at Trixie.

“Good idea!” she nodded.  “Let’s find a pretty one!”  Shosh squeezed her hand tightly & Trixie felt her heart leap.  To anyone passing by in the mall, she knew they could easily pass for mother & daughter.  Trixie, in her cream-colored cardigan, ankle boots, & laziness-inspired light makeup, looked the perfect role of a young mother with her bouncy, blonde daughter in tow.  She bit back the swell of emotion as she thought about how she’d always dreamed of being a mom— having a little girl to protect, to teach, to make sure she knew she was loved unconditionally, had been her dream ever since she was young.  Everything she didn’t have for herself… she wanted to be able to give it tenfold to her own daughter.

Trixie sniffled back her brimming tears & led Shosh into a boutique full of wild-patterned dresses & chunky jewelry.  Nearly everything in the store looked like something Katya would love to have in her closet, so she felt safe letting Shosh loose to make her own decision.  She rifled through clothes at warpspeed, seeming to have her heart set on something in particular, & Trixie hovered behind, admiring her gusto.

“Can I help you ladies find anything?” a young salesgirl asked, smiling down at Shosh.

“Ummmm… I don’t think so!” Trixie answered.  “She’s looking for something for her mom.”

The girl nodded sweetly.  “Let me know if you need any guidance!”

As Trixie smiled a polite thank you, Shosh tapped her side.  “You have to try stuff on!”

“Me?!  Why?!”

“So I can see if I like it,  _ duh _ !”

“Well… Mom & I wear different sizes, so that might be tricky.  She’s littler than me!”

“Ooooohhhhh,” Shosh drew out.  “Because you have boobs,” she nodded firmly.

Trixie burst into shrieking laughter, momentarily alarming the other customers.  “Shoshanna!” she gasped through her hysterics.

“You  _ do _ !”

“Oh my god!”  Trixie wiped the tears from under her eyes.  “Just find something!”

Shosh pushed through a few more hangers before pointing at one.  “What about this? Is it her size?”

“Oooh, Shosh!  That’s really pretty!”  Trixie lifted the hanger from the metal bar & admired her choice— a floor-length black dress adorned with red & white flowers & long, see-through sleeves.

“Will it fit?”  Shosh’s green eyes sparkled excitedly.

Trixie checked the tag sewn into the back seam & nodded.  “Yep!”

“Yesssssss!” she fist-pumped.

“This is the one you want?”

“Uh huh!”

Trixie draped the dress over her arm & smiled— it was a perfect choice for Katya, & it touched her to see how well Shosh knew her mom.  “Hang on, kiddo,” Trixie held up a finger as she perused a display of necklaces. She’d spent way too much time secretly searching jewelry stores online, wanting to find the perfect gift for Katya, but none of the “romantic” earrings & rings seemed right.  Katya deserved something more  _ her _ than a tennis bracelet or pearl set, & as Trixie softly caressed a necklace on the display, she knew she’d found the right thing.  The silver chain held a meticulously sculpted replica of a vintage lock atop a black puzzle piece, & even though she couldn’t put into words exactly why she was so drawn to it, she knew this one was  _ it _ .

She gingerly laid it on the counter next to Shosh’s dress.  “Would you like gift boxes?” the girl asked.

“Oh, sure!  That would be great, thanks!”

“I have to wrap mine!” Shosh wobbled back & forth on her tiptoes, standing tall to see over the register.

“I bet your mom will love this!  You picked it all by yourself?”

“Yup!”

“You’ve got a good eye!” she winked at her, causing Shosh to grin proudly.

“She does!  She gets it from her mom.”  Trixie ruffled Shosh’s already-messy hair.

“And you!” Shosh corrected.

“Psh!  What do you get from me?!”

“I dunno!” she laughed & shrugged dramatically, causing the two women to giggle along with her.  As Trixie passed over her debit card, Shosh spoke up out of nowhere. “Can I have pink hair?”

“Oh… uh… we can talk to Mom about it when we find her,” Trixie stammered.

“Okay!  I’m gonna trick Santa with having pink hair.”

“So he’ll think you’re some other girl who deserves presents?” Trixie tickled her teasingly.

“Ex _ act _ ly!” she emphasized.

Trixie texted Katya to see where she was, though she knew what the reply would be— if Katya had a free few minutes, she would always be wherever the caffeine was.  “Alright, let’s go get her!” She thrusted her hand down to Shosh’s level & Shosh grabbed it giddily, skipping & nearly tugging Trixie’s arm out of its socket.

“Ooooh, what’d ya get?” Katya asked as she saw the two approaching her, swinging an unmarked paper shopping bag.

“It’s a secret!” Shosh grabbed onto her legs, hugging her tightly.  Katya handed Trixie the caramel frap she’d ordered for her before hugging Shosh back.  “You can’t look because I have to wrap it!”

“Fine, I  _ suppose  _ I can wait.”

“You can’t peek at Trixie’s either!”

“Trix!” Katya exclaimed.  “Don’t spend your money on me.”

“Shhhhh.”  Trixie took a sip of her frappuccino, swirling the whipped cream around the top of the lid.  “I just got you one thing. It’s fine!”

“Okay, well…”  Katya put her arm around Trixie’s back, pulling her close.

“Should I ask her?” Shosh whispered comically loudly.  Trixie nodded.

“Ask me what?”

Shosh’s face broke into an ear-to-ear grin.  “Can I get pink hair?”

Katya’s eyes darted to Trixie as she tried to suppress a smirk.  “Why?!”

“‘Cause I liiiiike it,” she sing-songed.

“Um.  We can talk about it in the car.”  At that, Shosh started to run ahead toward the parking lot.

“What was that?” Katya laughed at Trixie.

“Bitch, I dunno!  She brought it up out of the blue!  I told her to ask you!”

“She wants to be like you… how cute!” Katya stuck her tongue out & let her hand drift down to Trixie’s hip as they walked.  “You know how much of a fuckin’ problem that’ll cause if she shows up to dance with pink hair, right?”

Trixie sighed.  “Who gives a damn?  Alyssa is gonna come ambush them all tomorrow anyway.”

“I mean, yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Is your mom gonna kick my ass if she shows up on Saturday & Shosh has pink hair?” Trixie asked timidly.

Katya snorted.  “Yeah right! My mom had to deal with much worse than pink hair… I’m sure she  _ prayed _ for me to wanna dye my hair pink rather than being a goth blood drinker.”

“I— I’m sorry, what?”

“I said what I said!” Katya wheezed.

“Whose blood did you drink?!”

“My own… just to be weird,” she grinned, showing all of her teeth.

“I, uh… I gotta go… forever!”

“No!” Katya screeched.  “You’re not getting away from me that easily!”

“Why?!  Are you gonna do weird vampire shit to me?!”

“Mayyyyybe!”  She ran the tip of her tongue between her teeth & wiggled her eyebrows.

“Okay, executive decision!  Shosh is getting pink hair!”

“You’re making the executive decisions around here now?!”

“Someone has to!  You clearly have terrible judgment, you freak!” Trixie squealed & ran to catch up with Shosh.  Katya laughed to herself & guzzled her americano as she watched the two of them stroll side by side, giggling like the best of friends.

  
  


* * *

 

“I need a shot,” Trixie grumbled under her breath as the three of them pulled up to the front of the dance studio the next afternoon.

“You’ll do fine, baby,” Katya comforted her quietly.  “You know Alyssa’s got your back… & I’ll be in there.”  She leaned over to kiss Trixie, knowing she was probably smearing cheap red lipstick onto her bare lips, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.  Trixie’s eyes looked downtrodden, terrified. “Hey.” Katya tilted Trixie’s chin up so she made eye contact with her. “I know this isn’t easy for you, baby.”

“Yeah.”  Trixie glanced back to see Shosh still wearing Katya’s earbuds & staring at the iPad.

“I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”

Trixie managed a meager smile & unknotted her fingers to rub Katya’s hand.  “I know… & it’s the right thing to do.”

“I’m proud of you,” Katya breathed.

“Thanks,” Trixie lowered her eyes shyly.

Katya leaned in close to her, shielding her mouth with her hand.  “I’ll give you a reward later.” She gently nipped Trixie’s earlobe between her teeth, drawing a tiny giggle.  A slight blush coloring her cheeks, Trixie nodded & opened the car door, stretching her limbs into the cool air.

Once inside, Shosh ran into the changing room, having no idea what was up.  Alyssa met Trixie & Katya at the front door, nodding knowingly. She wore her thick black glasses & a zipped-up bright red track jacket, looking like a bad bitch completely ready for a fight— or so Katya thought, at least.  “How ya doin’, girlies?”

“Good,” Trixie nodded slowly.  Alyssa gazed at her skeptically.  “Anxious.”

“Well, I’m not gonna let any of these shenanigans & tomfoolery fly around here, don’t you worry.  I’m thinking I’m gonna hang around for a bit & then get all up your gig once the girls leave & we’ve got the parents alone?”

Trixie nodded.  “Sounds good.”

“Try to have a good class, baby,” Katya rubbed her back reassuringly.

“I will,” she smiled meekly.  As Trixie shuffled off to the practice room, Katya rubbed her forehead in exhaustion.  She’d already had a long day at work & the stress was only being compounded by worrying about dealing with homophobic assholes.

“She okay?” Alyssa asked quietly.

Katya shrugged.  “Yeah, I guess. I mean, she’s trying.”

“What about you?”

She snorted self-deprecatingly.  “What about me?”

“Are you okay?”

Katya waved her hand around aimlessly.  “I’m fine. I’m used to dealing with it— she’s not.”

“Doesn’t mean you should have to,” Alyssa squeezed her shoulder.

Katya nodded sympathetically.  “Hey, I’m gonna run down & grab a coffee, okay?  If Trixie asks—”

“I won’t say anything without you here.”

“Thanks.”  Katya pushed her hair back behind her ears & started the trek to Starbucks, relieved at the way the cold air was working valiantly to bring her body temperature down.  Even with only a light jacket on, she was still sweating through her powder blue button-down, despite the near-freezing temps.

Trixie was having the same problem back in the studio— she could feel her spandex pants sticking to the backs of her thighs & praised the universe for the extra strength deodorant she’d remembered to throw into her bag.  “Alright, guys! Let’s get warmed up!” she clapped once all the kids had meandered into the room. “Miss Alyssa is gonna help us out a little bit later, so we’ve all gotta be in tip-top shape for her, right?!” She was met with a chorus of  _ right _ s & nods as the girls spread out across the floor to stretch.

About two-thirds of the way through rehearsal, Alyssa quietly slipped into the room & leaned against the wall, watching Trixie guide the girls through their steps, pausing the music whenever anyone had a question or needed some extra help.  No matter how hard Trixie pushed them, they all worshipped the ground she walked on— that much was clear to Alyssa. Watching Trixie interact with them made it crystal clear that this was where she was supposed to be.

Once the group reached the end of their routine, Alyssa stepped forward, clapping enthusiastically.  “Beautiful, chickadees!”

Trixie pushed a few sweaty strands of hair back from her forehead & smiled tiredly at her.  “Aren’t they doing great?!”

“Big time!  Wanna take a water break for a minute & then I can take one of y’all’s groups?”

Trixie nodded & the girls scurried off to the corner where they’d stashed their water bottles, chatting amongst themselves as Trixie showed Alyssa the list of who was in which group.  “Do you wanna take A & I’ll take B?”

“Sure!”

“They should more or less know the routine— it’s just a matter of keeping them on time, really.”

“Gotcha!”  She gave Trixie’s forearm a gentle squeeze & the pair exchanged small smiles before Alyssa called for group B to join her on the far side of the room.  Twenty minutes later, the girls had been sufficiently wiped out & Trixie dismissed them to get changed. Alyssa ducked her head into the observation room.  “Come on in,” she motioned to the moms, making sure to lock eyes with Katya in an expression of steely determination.

In that moment, Katya was struck by how much Alyssa reminded her of her childhood gymnastics coach— athletic gear on her small frame & hyper-focused eyes to match her barking commands— & she felt strangely comforted by it.  She clutched her coffee cup between both hands, filing in after the rest of the parents & knowing they only had a couple of minutes until the kids returned, anxious to leave for dinner.

“Okay!  Can I get everyone’s attention for just a second?” Alyssa’s booming voice filled the room.  “It’s come to my attention that we’ve got a little bit of conflama happening with this here class, & I just wanted to address it head-on.”  She paused to scan the mothers’ eyes. “I want to say how glad I am that your angels are all here & every single one of them is a joy— but this is my studio, first & foremost, & when I hear that there’s disrespect happening inside of it, that’s not gonna fly with me.”

Trixie & Katya locked eyes, speaking volumes to comfort each other without words.  Alyssa continued after a few seconds. “Is there a problem with the way Miss Trixie here has assigned parts for the recital?”  Silence. “Is there a problem with my choice of teachers?” An even heavier silence. Trixie looked down at her feet & Katya wanted nothing more than to run to her— to tell her to hold her head high & not let them see her nerves.  “Because I’ll tell you ladies right now, if y’all wanna stay here & keep your beautiful girls in my program, you’ll learn to keep y’all’s  _ bigoted _ —” she paused for emphasis, nearly spitting the word, “thoughts to yourselves.”

The moms glanced nervously at their nails or twirled their rings, avoiding eye contact with the fiery director.  “If anyone would like to challenge my hired teacher’s authority, please— feel free. You’ve got my ear.” No response.  “Well, come on, y’all! Let’s hear it!” Even Katya was surprised by how aggressive Alyssa was being, but she loved her to death for it.

Katya broke the silence, turning her body slightly to face the other women & clearing her throat.  “I don’t give a shit what your issues are with me— or with Trixie. If you wanna be close-minded, that’s your prerogative.  But the  _ second _ —” she could feel the anger bubbling up in her & making her cheeks flush.  “You make this about my child… I have a problem. A real big goddamn problem.”

In the awkward silence that hung in the air, the girls started to skip into the room, finding their mothers standing with their metaphorical tails between their legs.  “If there’s anything else you have to say about me & Trixie—” she glanced over at her & was met with a slight nod. “Nevermind,” she exhaled loudly, stopping herself.

Shosh saddled up next to Katya, resting her sweaty hair on the side of her jacket.  “What’s wrong?” she asked, ever the empath.

“Nothing, bud.”  She hoped her daughter couldn’t feel her shaking.

“Are people saying bad things about Trixie?” she asked out loud, loud enough for the entire room to hear.  The moms averted their eyes as Katya bored her rage-dilated pupils into theirs as if to say  _ See what you’ve done? _  “Because I love Trixie!”  There was a moment of tense quiet before other kids echoed her sentiment—  _ I love her, too!  Miss Trixie’s the best! _

_ From the mouths of babes _ , Katya thought to herself, & shook her head disdainfully.  Trixie started to cry & walked quietly away from the group, tap shoes clicking on the hardwood floor.

“What you do on your own time is your business,” Alyssa finished.  “But in here? I won’t accept it. We’re all here for one thing: these girls.   _ Your _ girls.  Take it or leave it.”  She turned on her heels & followed Trixie, meeting her in the hallway & embracing her in a tight hug as she cried on her shoulder.  “Hey, hey now,” she whispered, petting her hair. “Don’t do that.”

“Sor— I’m— I’m sorry,” she hiccupped.  “I just… I love them all so much & this job & they’re all such good kids & it’s— it’s not fair!” she openly wailed, fingers digging painfully into Alyssa’s shoulder blades as she sobbed.  

Katya & Shosh were quick to follow.  “I know, Pinky,” Alyssa murmured as Trixie cried.  “Look who’s here,” she whispered, pulling back from her.

Shosh clung to Trixie’s hip & wrapped her short little arms around her waist.  “I love you!” she chirped into her side.

“Shoshi…” Trixie’s voice trembled.  “I love you, too, bug.”

Katya smiled softly & leaned in to kiss her, lips meeting more tenderly than she could ever remember them meeting before.  They were both acutely aware that they were in full eyesight of other parents & kids, but neither of them cared— not even Trixie.  The two of them looked into each other’s eyes for a moment, everything else blurring around them before they were interrupted. “Mom?”

Both of them reflexively glanced down at Shosh, who burst into giggles.  “You’re both Mom!”

“What?” Katya chuckled.

“I said Mom & you both looked at me!” she cracked up.

Trixie swallowed hard & fluttered her eyes up through heavy lashes to see Katya’s face.  She found Trixie’s hand without a second though & squeezed. They both smiled, exhaustion painted on their faces.  “Let’s go,” Katya breathed. Trixie nodded lazily.

“What did you want, Shosh?” Katya asked.

“I was gonna say— can we have Chipotle for dinner?”

“Sounds good to me.  You?” she nodded at Trixie.

“Yep… let’s go home,” she whispered, snuggling up close to Katya’s side— the place where she felt like nothing could go wrong, like she would be protected forever.

  
  


* * *

 

Once Shosh had finished half her burrito— the other half wrapped in the fridge for tomorrow— & Katya had double checked that she’d rinsed all the shampoo from her hair in the shower, she settled down in bed with Buddy, noticeably wiped out from the rigorous class.  Katya was relieved she didn’t put up a fight tonight, since she had other plans for her evening. Trixie was stretched out on the couch with her Chipotle cup & Food Network on TV, so she didn’t notice when Katya crept quietly into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine & two glasses, then into the master bath.  She lit a row of non-matching candles along the rim of the tub & laid out her fluffiest, most expensive towel on the rack before pouring the grocery store merlot into the glasses & perching them on the counter.

“Okay,” she muttered to herself.  “Ummm…”

She made sure to wipe all of Shosh’s strawberry-scented bodywash from the tub before turning the water on.  While it ran, Katya brought in the Bluetooth speaker from the bedroom & set her phone up on it, playing music from a  _ sexy ambient _ playlist she’d found on Spotify.

“Katya?” she heard the muffled call from the other room just as she dropped a bath bomb into the warm water.

“Yeah, baby, come here!”  She quickly shed her shirt & pants, leaving her in a matching navy blue set.

Trixie switched the TV off & shuffled into the bathroom.  She gasped when she saw the dark room illuminated only by candles, their flickering lights bouncing off the pink water.  “Babe!”

“Hi.”  Katya grinned shyly & handed her one of the wine glasses.

“You did all this…” she trailed off in awe.

“I told you I was proud of you…”

Trixie had to work to keep herself from crying as she let Katya gently pull her hoodie up over her head, taking her sports bra with it.  As Trixie stepped out of her sweatpants & panties, Katya cradled her breasts, kneading them softly & pulling a low moan from Trixie’s lips.  “Here, hang on,” Trixie whispered, handing Katya her glass as she tugged a hair tie from her wrist & piled her loose waves into a messy bun atop her head.

She stepped gingerly into the tub, exhaling happily as the warm water enveloped her sore calves.  Once she’d gotten settled, Katya handed her the wine glass & strained over to grab her own, then sat down on the shaggy bath mat, facing her.  The magenta-colored water rippled around Trixie’s breasts as she sank into it, closing her eyes daintily as she stretched her neck from side to side.  “This is so nice,” she mumbled happily.

“Good.”

The music filled the silence between them, Katya watching contentedly as Trixie shifted her legs to get comfortable, then took a long, slow sip of her wine.  “You didn’t have to.”

“I know,” Katya whispered.  “But… my princess deserves it.”

Trixie beamed at the pet name & cocked an eyebrow.  “Do I?”

“Mmhmmm.”  Katya reached into the water, playfully splashing it at her.  “I’ll spoil you whenever I want, thank you very much.”

“Mmmmm, tell me more,” she smirked from behind her glass.

Katya gripped the top of her thigh under the water, rubbing lovingly from her hip down to her knee & back up.  “Only because you’re such a good girl…” she winked. The water sloshed as Trixie spread her legs as far as the bathtub would let her, & Katya clicked her tongue in response.  “Or maybe not.” She trailed her hand away from the bend of Trixie’s leg, back down to her knee to massage her calf.

She groaned at the sensation— Katya knew her calves were always sore after a few intense days in her tap shoes & she dipped her other hand into the water, firmly kneading both of them.  “Goddddd…” Trixie sighed.

“Good hurt?”

“Uh huh.”  She tossed her head back & grimaced as Katya rolled the tension from her defined leg muscles.  After a couple of minutes, Katya scooted up along the floor to sit closer to Trixie’s face, her wet hands grasping both shoulders & letting her fingers dig in deep to the muscles there, sliding up & down her neck to find the knots.

Trixie moaned as Katya’s fingertips kneaded into her skin, cheeks flushing from the warmth of the room.  “Fuck, mama,” she breathed.

“Yeah?”  Katya’s voice barely even registered in Trixie’s ears.

“Yeah,” she purred seductively.  Trixie let the bottom of her empty wine glass loll into the water & Katya reached over to take it from her, setting it on the tile beside her.  “Feels so good…”

“Tell me.”

Trixie let her chin fall forward with Katya’s firm strokes against her muscles, eyelids heavy.  “Mmmmm… I love your hands.” Her words were punctuated with breathy moans as Katya pushed into her flesh.  “You always know…  _ ah _ … just what… I need.”

Katya rolled her hips slightly against the side of the tub, hands slippery as one crawled up to the back of Trixie’s neck & the other slid down to her collarbone.  She let it drop into the water to flick her thumb against Trixie’s nipple, causing her to inhale loudly, lips parting. A few stray strands of wispy pink hair tangled beneath Katya’s hand as she braced Trixie’s neck, fleshy parts of her fingers ghosting over Trixie’s nipple & causing it to harden beneath her touch.  “That’s my girl,” Katya breathed as Trixie reflexively arched into her touch.

When Katya tugged her nipple roughly between her thumb & index finger, Trixie felt the shock pulsing between her thighs & moaned unabashedly.  “Please…”

“Please what, baby girl?” Katya pinched her other nipple, noticing the ripple as it caused Trixie’s hips to buck upward beneath the water.

“Please…” she repeated, voice breathy & desperate.

“Sit up,” she encouraged her sweetly.

Trixie pulled her hips backward in the tub, sitting up straight & exposing her breasts.  Katya leaned over the edge of the tub, careful not to knock any of the candles, & sucked Trixie’s nipple into her mouth, ignoring the soapy taste from the bath bomb as she twirled her tongue around it, lips clasped against her breast as if her life depended on it.  One hand held her steady against the edge of the tub while the other groped softly against Trixie’s other breast, nipple peaked against her palm.

Trixie whimpered.  “Oh my god— Katya— fuck— please.”

Katya pinched her nipple between her front teeth, sending a jolt of electricity down Trixie’s stomach.  “Tell me,” she murmured against the soft skin.

“Ah— I need— I need it.”

Katya’s tongue tickled across her breast softly.  “What?”

“That… your tongue.  Please.” Trixie was whining unashamedly, trying with all her might not to touch herself under the water.

“Get out, then, baby.”  Katya stood & unfolded the plush white towel from the rack, holding it out for Trixie to step into.  She let Katya wrap the towel around her, eyes low & expectant. “Go get in bed,” she commanded in a husky voice.

Trixie listened, damp feet making indents in the rug as she padded toward the bed, climbing onto her side & lying down, towel held tight around her.  Katya pulled the drain stopper & then downed the rest of her wine, grabbed her phone, & blew the candles out before following after. Without a word, she double checked the lock on the door, then knelt down onto the floor beside the bed, ignoring the dull ache it’d almost certainly cause in her knees tomorrow, & motioned Trixie over to her.  She giggled quietly & scooted to the edge of the bed, letting Katya tug her by her feet until her hips hung off the edge.

Katya reached up with both hands, bunching the fluffy towel around her stomach, & wasted no time using her mouth to find the places Trixie’s pulse throbbed the hardest.  The damp, sweet taste of her pushed Katya farther as she thrust her tongue firmly inside of her, drawing it quickly in & out with a happy groan. “Ka— Katya—” Trixie whined.  She only answered with her tongue, slicking it up to kitten lick against her clit until Trixie violently arched her hips from the bed. “More!” she cried, & Katya listened, tongue pushing down hard & swirling in sloppy circles against her, lips sucking obscenely as she moved.  Even before Trixie started to let out nasally whimpers, Katya knew she was close, & made sure to keep her movements consistent, pulling her over the edge, thighs trembling slightly around her head.

As Trixie started to come down, Katya moved away from her overly-sensitive clit, but didn’t relent, lapping all around the rest of her, from the bend of one thigh to the other & back to the center.  “You’re not done,” she teased quietly, causing Trixie to giggle weakly. Her tongue wiggled back inside of her, flicking from side to side before she replaced it with two fingers, moving slowly at first to make sure Trixie wasn’t too sensitive.  Her other hand reached up to brace Trixie’s lower belly against the mattress as she fucked into her faster & faster, slipping a third finger in & feeling the gentle stretch.

Trixie grabbed onto the towel that was now only half-wrapped around her with both fists, slamming her hips against Katya’s knuckles to match her thrusts.  The thumb of Katya’s other hand drifted down to push softly against her clit, & when Trixie didn’t jolt away, she added pressure, drawing her thumb up & down quickly as her fingers moved.  “Gimme… gimme!” Trixie cried brokenly, trying her best to keep her voice down.

“Yeah…” Katya moaned encouragingly, both hands working in tandem.  “God, you feel so good, fuck…”

“Don’t stop talking!” Trixie whimpered through gritted teeth, pumping her hips vigorously against Katya’s hand.

“You like it when I let you fuck yourself like this?” she purred.  “You look so hot… Trixie, jesus…” She slammed her fingers harder & harder into her.  “You’re taking it so good, baby… so tight… that’s my girl, letting me fill you up… yeah… ”  Her scattered encouragements were interrupted by Trixie squealing against the back of her own hand, quieting her noises as she tightened around Katya.

“ _ Fuck… _ ” she gasped as Katya reluctantly slipped her sticky-wet fingers out of her.  Trixie already missed the fullness & wiggled her hips from side to side.

“I saw that,” Katya teased.

“Oh, did you?” Trixie’s voice was hoarse, but Katya could hear the playful tone that meant she wasn’t ready for bed yet.

Katya hoisted herself up & reached over to the bedside table, pulling open the bottom drawer & retrieving a small gold vibrator.  Trixie didn’t even lift her head from the mattress, knowing that whatever Katya decided on would be perfect. She giggled as Katya sucked gently against the sensitive skin of her inner thigh before turning the vibrator on to a medium setting & rocking it against her clit.  “Oh, godddddd,” Trixie groaned happily. “Yesssssss.”

Katya chuckled at how insatiable Trixie was as she dipped her tongue down to swirl into the wetness that pooled just inside of her.  She had no complaints— she would happily go down on Trixie until her jaw fell off. Everything— from the taste of her to her scent, to the sight of her puffy pink lips— turned her on beyond belief.  Trixie’s breaths were already coming in short bursts & Katya knew if she could have seen her, her breasts would be heaving & her cheeks would be painted with a heat rash. She twisted the dial to amp the vibrator up to max speed & Trixie moaned lasciviously.

Pushing two fingers into her, Katya immediately curled them upward, knowing she’d find her swollen & pliable inside.  “Ka—” Trixie attempted to whimper as Katya firmly stroked her. “Kat— Katya— I—”

“Shhhhh, baby…”

“ _ Ican’tIcan’tIcan’t _ —” Trixie whined frantically, syllables strung together as the muscles in her inner thighs clenched painfully.

“You can, it’s okay,” Katya comforted her in a tender, even voice, holding the vibrator steady against her as she squirmed.

“Stay in—  _ fuck _ —” she groaned loudly, & Katya knew, pressing firmly into the softness as Trixie lifted her hips from the bed.  “I need to— Ka— I’m gonna… too much… I’m gonna…” her delirious gasps refused to make full sentences.

“I feel you, baby… do it, I want it.”

Trixie hissed through her teeth, then let out a low cry & a series of yelps.  “ _ Fuck me, mama, please fuck me, fuck me, yes, fuck! _ ”  She felt the rapid contractions & then a warm burst of liquid trickle from between Katya’s fingers.  Katya yanked them out immediately, moaning quietly to herself as Trixie dripped nothing short of a small pond onto the hardwood floor below.

“Off, off!” she cried, & Katya silenced the vibrator, tossing it onto the floor.  Trixie struggled to find a rhythm to her breath, & Katya crawled up onto the bed next to her, swinging Trixie’s legs around the right way.

“How ya feelin’?” she pressed a tender kiss to her temple.

“Wiped out!” she laughed.

“Good… now you can get a good night’s sleep.”  She stroked her hair away from her face, pushing it up toward the knotted tangle atop her head.

“Uh huh,” she agreed, nodding tiredly.  “Can you take this?” she half-heartedly shoved the towel off of her body.

“Yeah.”  Katya tugged the towel out from under her & used it to dry the floor, then tossed it into the bathroom.  When she came back only a few seconds later, Trixie’s eyes were already drifting closed. With a bit-back giggle, Katya pulled the comforter out from beneath her & tucked it up over her shoulders.  Trixie hummed her mostly-asleep acknowledgment of thanks & rolled her face into the pillow. Katya circled the bed & crept up beside her under the blanket, smiling contentedly at her flushed, angelic face as she slept.

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it’s okay with y’all that we get wildly domestic with this chapter-- I’m feeling so soft for these angels, & I imagine I’m not the only one in desperate need of a little Christmas magic in the end of summer! ♡
> 
> Every single comment here legitimately makes my day-- y’all have no idea how much your support, encouragement, & kind words ~quite literally~ keep this story going! As always, my asks are always open at mamazamo.tumblr.com if you wanna chat, & my Ko-Fi is at ko-fi.com/zamokitty if y’all wanna help with the exhaustion of writing new chapters deep into the wee hours of the morning around work (pleeeeease xo). ♡

 

Katya had gently shaken Trixie awake to let her know she was leaving for work & to take Shosh to school.  Normally, Trixie woke up with her when her alarm went off, but she snored even through Katya’s shower. “Hey… stay in bed, baby,” she kissed her forehead.

“Hmmmm?” she asked, bleary-eyed.

“I’m taking Shosh to school.”

“Mmmm, okay… what’s today?”

Katya snorted.  “Tuesday.”

“Oh, I’m off, then… I’m gonna go get some more stuff from my apartment.”  She stretched her arms above her head.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Katya teased.

“Rude,” she stuck her tongue out.  “I’m just getting some small stuff… probably run some errands.”

“‘Kay.  I’ll see ya later.”  She leaned down to kiss Trixie’s warm cheek before closing the bedroom door behind her, then it creaked back open.  “I reloaded the Starbucks app, too,” Katya winked.

“My hero!” Trixie beamed, blowing her a kiss.  Hearing the front door lock, she climbed out of bed & wrapped Katya’s bathrobe around her body, inhaling her scent with a smile.  Once she’d taken her time showering & carefully applying her makeup, Trixie got dressed in a powder pink cardigan over a matching pink lace bra & paired it with light high-waisted jeans.  She tossed her half-curled hair over one shoulder as she pulled on a pair of ankle boots & grabbed her keys.

The night before, Katya had grumbled all the way through putting up the artificial Christmas tree she’d dragged in from the garage, & Trixie decided she’d probably have to be the one responsible for filling their house with the holiday spirit.  Thankfully, she knew she had a sizable box of Christmas decorations stuffed into the bottom of her hall closet in the nearly-empty apartment. All that was left were a few boxes she hadn’t prioritized, along with the things she’d decided to donate.  The furniture had been snapped up on Craigslist, thanks to Katya’s brilliant marketing skills, & when Trixie twisted her key, she walked into an apartment that no longer felt like hers— it was just an empty space where she’d lived an entire lifetime ago.

She slid the noisy cardboard box of holiday decorations out into the middle of the room & knelt beside it, rifling through to make sure everything she needed was there before toting it to the car & heading to Target to supplement it.  One gingerbread latte & one accidentally-expensive cart later, Trixie spread all her decorations across the living room floor, periodically swatting Mona away from the strands of lights. “Get back!” she squealed, prying a piece of faux mistletoe from between Mona’s claws.  “Not! Yours!” Trixie gently tossed the cat up onto the couch so she could observe the scene from a distance.

The Christmas music playlist she’d been playing for hours kept Trixie from hearing the front door unlock, & Katya’s loud gasp made her jump.  “Oh my god, hi!” she clutched her chest.

“Babe!  What are you doing?!”

“Wowwwwwwww!” Shosh dropped her backpack at the front door & ran over to look at the three stuffed snowmen Trixie had set in the middle of the kitchen table.  “Is it us?!” she peered up at Trixie with a goofy grin on her face.

“I dunno, are you a snowman?!”

“Are  _ youuuuu? _ ”

“Uh huh!  It’s why I’m always cold!” Trixie joked.

Shosh laughed, a piercing giggle that caused Katya to cringe.  “You didn’t have to decorate everything, sweetie,” she rubbed the back of Trixie’s neck.  “I could’ve helped!” She glanced around at the pillar candles atop the fireplace, the poinsettias in tartan pots on the coffee table, & the string lights snaking around the furniture.

“Oh, don’t worry, there’s plenty more for you to do!” Trixie leaned back into Katya’s touch.

“Wanna do the tree together tonight?” Katya asked sweetly.  Trixie nodded. “This looks amazing, really.” She pressed a gentle, grateful kiss to Trixie’s lips.

“Thanks,” she smiled.  “I’ve gotta put this—” she reached down to grab a wreath from the sack, “up on the door.”

She shrieked.  “You got a black wreath?!”

“Well, I needed something that screamed  _ a goth lives here! _ ”

“A goth?!” she snorted.

“ _ My _ goth?” Trixie tried with a grin.

Katya bopped her on the head with the wreath.  “Keep the cat back while I put this up,” she laughed.

“What’s a goth?” Shosh asked.

Trixie covered her mouth in a cackle.  “Um…” Katya hesitated, balancing the wreath on the sticky hook.  “It’s… uh… it’s just a person who… wants it to be Halloween all the time.”

“Oh!  I’m a goth!” she chirped, then ran off toward her bedroom.

Trixie couldn’t hold back & let her laughter explode.  “Katya!” she wheezed.

“What?!”

“She’s gonna go around telling people she’s goth!”

“So?!”

“I’m rethinking hanging up the mistletoe now!” she joked.

“No, do it!  You have to!”

“I’ll hang it up if you cook?” she bartered.

“Fiiiiiiine.  You know my weakness.”

“Mistletoe?”

“You,” she winked, leaning in toward her.

“No!” Trixie giggled & shoved her face away.  “Mistletoe only!”

Katya slapped Trixie’s ass.  “I hate you! Buuuuut… I’m gonna cook you dinner anyway, you brat!”

A bag of premade cheese ravioli & a box of frozen garlic bread (Katya’s “speciality,” as she called it) later, the three of them sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the tree, sorting through their respective boxes of ornaments.  Trixie had strung lights around the branches while Katya cooked, but had left the rest until after dinner. The small plastic tub that contained Katya & Shosh’s decorations was mainly full of mismatched snowflakes, elves, & candy canes, but in the bottom was a small square of bubble wrap.  It laid heavy in Katya’s palm as she picked it up & carefully unwrapped it to show Trixie a frosted glass star, engraved with Shosh’s name. Trixie traced her finger across the swirling calligraphy. “Shoshanna’s First Christmas, 2012,” she read quietly.

“Is that mine?!” she leaned over to see it.

“Yep!” Trixie confirmed.

“Here—” Katya handed it to her.  “Wanna pick where it goes?”

Shosh nodded & looped it over a low branch on the front of the tree, & Mona immediately ran over to swat it, causing it to swing precariously.  “Oooookay,” Trixie grabbed the cat, picking her up & cradling her under one arm. “Let’s put it up a little higher so she can’t get it, yeah?”

“Yeah!”  Shosh stood up on her tiptoes, stretching as high as she could with the ornament, & Katya made sure she caught the hook over the branch.  “Can I put yours up?!” she slinked down to her knees, watching as Trixie pulled her mostly pink & gold ornaments out of their cardboard box.  Mona peered inside the box, waiting for it to be emptied so she could climb in.

“Uh huh!  Go wild!” she handed Shosh a couple of hand-painted bulbs.

“This is gonna be the most chaotic tree,” Katya laughed, admiring the mess of colors & shapes forming across the middle branches Shosh could reach.  She shifted a few ornaments up higher to cover the bare top section.

Trixie stood, dangling one loop over her index finger.  She eyed the tree thoughtfully before finding an empty spot near the peak & quietly hanging it.  “That’s cute,” Katya whispered, wrapping her arms around Trixie’s waist from behind.

“It was my grandpa’s,” she smiled softly, straightening the ceramic nutcracker, a tiny guitar held between its slightly chipped hands.

Katya pressed a long kiss to Trixie’s cheekbone.  “I’m glad you have it.”

She nodded slightly, turning to hug Katya.  “It’s nice to have a place to put it.”

“You have all these ornaments, but no tree?!”

“I mean, I would usually just get a little one… but I was the only one who saw it, ya know.”

“Well, now you have one,” she squeezed her.  “Oh! Also!” Katya scurried off toward the bedroom.

“What?!” Trixie called after her.

“Hang on!”

“Are you getting the  _ thing _ ?!” Shosh hollered.

“Uh huh!” Katya appeared, hands held behind her back.

“Wait, what  _ thing _ ?!”

“Get ours out,” Katya nodded at Shosh, who reached into the decoration box.  She made it obvious she was pulling out two deep green stockings with white cursive lettering.  Each name— Katya, Shoshanna— had a bright red heart trailing off the end. Trixie eyed Katya curiously for a moment before she swung both arms around from her back & held out two matching stockings.

“They’re for you & Mona!” Shosh squealed, jumping up & down.

“Oh my  _ god _ , Katya!” Trixie covered her mouth in surprise.

“Like ‘em?” she beamed.

“Babe!”  Trixie started to cry as she took them both from Katya’s hands.

“Don’t cry!”  Katya softly wiped her tears with both thumbs.  “You’ll smear your makeup!”

“I don’t care!” she snorted.  “This is… I’ve never had a stocking,” she choked out.

“No?”

She shrugged.  “My family never did them…”  Her short nails swiped across the lettering of her name.

“Well… ours does,” Katya smiled, playfully punching Trixie’s upper arm.

Trixie took a deep breath, holding back the sob that she could’ve let wrack her body at Katya’s inclusion of her & Mona in the word  _ family _ .  “I can’t believe you got one for her,” she giggled instead, motioning to the cat, where she lay stuffed into Trixie’s ornament box.

“Why not!”  Katya rifled through the container for sticky hooks & mounted them across the mantle.  Trixie followed after, hanging hers & Mona’s, then lifting Shosh by her hips so she could hang the other two.

“You’re strong!” Shosh gasped in awe.

“Why?  ‘Cause I can lift your tiny little butt?!”

“I’m big!”

“No way!”

“Yes way!  Mom can’t lift me!”

“Oh?” Trixie cocked an eyebrow at Katya, who held a finger to her mouth in a  _ shhhh _ sign.  “I bet she can!” she teased.

“Try, Mom!”

Katya put on a creaky, deep voice.  “I’m an old lady! My bones are fragile!”

“Mommmmmmm!!”

“Fine!  But don’t blame me if I fall & break both of our skulls open!  You’ll have bandages wrapped around your head for Christmas!”

“A Halloween zombie at Christmas!” Shosh laughed.  “That’s goth!”

Trixie laughed so hard she had to lean over, hands on her knees to catch her breath.  “Oh my god!” she wheezed. “Oh my god!!”

Through her own laughter, Katya swooped Shosh up in her arms & lifted her up, her small arms wrapped around her neck.  “Come on, my little goth— let’s go get PJs on!”

“Put on an old t-shirt,” Trixie suggested.

“For what?” Katya asked, puzzled.

“Well, I might have gotten a surprise, too!  Just do it!”

Katya laboriously toted Shosh into her & Trixie’s bedroom, throwing her down onto the bed with a bounce.  “What’s Trixies surprise?” Shosh asked.

“I dunno!” Katya grabbed a worn-thin Red Sox t-shirt from her pajama drawer.  “Trade ya!” She tossed it at Shosh, who was stripping off her jeans & long-sleeved shirt.

“Here!” Shosh forcefully threw her balled-up jeans at Katya, hitting her in the face.

They both burst into laughter.  “Jeez, ya bully! Come on!”

Shosh hopped down, t-shirt hanging almost to the ground, & waddled out toward Trixie.  “I’m ready for the surprise!”

“You look like you don’t have any legs!” Trixie snorted.

“I took ‘em!” Katya put on her creepy voice again.  “Chopped ‘em off! Hid ‘em in the shower!”

“She didn’t,” Shosh explained seriously.  “The shirt’s just really big.”

“I—” Trixie started, then shook her head with a smile.  “That’s good! So… ya know how we talked about your hair?”

“Uh huhhhhhh,” Shosh nodded dramatically.

“Well, how do you feel about… this?!” She pulled a box of dye out of the Target bag on the counter.

“It’s pink!” she screeched.

“It says it washes out in one to two weeks,  _ but _ you can have pink hair until then!” Trixie explained.

Katya leaned casually against the kitchen wall with her arms crossed.  When Trixie looked her way for approval, she shrugged. “Go for it!”

“Okay, let’s do it in the bathroom!”  She got Shosh situated on the toilet lid & combed her hair out.  “Ya ready?”

“Ready!”  Trixie pulled on the uncomfortable plastic gloves that came in the box & squeezed a glob of the pink dye directly into her hands, then smacked it on top of Shosh’s head.  “It’s cold!” she shrieked.

“Hold still!” Trixie laughed, pulling the color through the length of her hair.  It only took a couple of minutes for all of Shosh’s relatively long hair to have turned a wet, deep pink color.  “Now we wait.”

“How long?”

She grabbed the box, smearing dye all over it.  “Twenty minutes.”

“Oh… can I watch a  _ Paw Patrol _ ?”

“Um… sure.  But you have to sit on the floor, okay?  We can’t touch your head to the furniture or else it’ll all turn pink, too.”

“‘Kay.”

Trixie got her situated in the middle of the living room floor,  _ Paw Patrol _ playing on the TV, & found Katya at the kitchen table, staring at her laptop.  “Whatcha doin’?” she flopped down in the chair next to her.

“Eh, just going over this proposal.  That grant meeting is coming up & it’s kicking my ass.”

“Baby, you’ve read the same proposal a hundred times.  It’s flawless.”

“Yeah,” Katya sighed.  “How’d her hair go?” she looked up from the screen.

“We’ll find out in twenty minutes.  You wanna join the pink hair club, too?” she winked.

“I think we might start to look like a cult if I did that,” she grinned widely.

“That’s kinda hot.”

“Trixie— what?!” Katya wheezed.

“I’m kidding!”

Katya jokingly rolled her eyes & turned back to her computer.  “Do you think I actually have a shot at this?” she pointed at it.

“What?  The grant?”

“Yeah.”

Trixie scooted her chair closer to Katya.  “You know I do. Your proposal’s solid… your idea fits every single one of their criteria… & you’re doing something really big.  If anybody can sell this, it’s you.” She squeezed her forearm reassuringly.

Katya glanced over at her.  “I guess… it’s just so much pressure to, like… not want to say anything about it ‘til it’s all done.”

“I can imagine.”  

“I just… UGH,”  Katya groaned. “Does my proposal even… do what they want?  Fostering awareness & appreciation of contemporary visual art, primarily through the support of exhibitions of work by emerging or under-recognized artists, with emphasis on support for artists from marginalized populations,” she read from the webpage.

“That’s  _ exactly _ what you wanna do, babe.”

“Yeah…” she sighed & raked her fingers through her hair.  “You’re probably right. I just wanna get this meeting over with so I can stop worrying about it.”

“I know,” Trixie gave her an understanding smile.

Katya leaned over & captured Trixie’s chin in her palm, pulling her face close to hers.  “I love you,” she breathed against her mouth. Trixie pecked her softly, but Katya wouldn’t let go, kissing her more deeply & feeling Trixie’s lips part to let her in.  “Mmmmm,” Katya hummed with a giggle. “I need a cigarette.”

“Go have one, then,” Trixie murmured against her lips.

“Uh uh,” Katya whispered, kissing her again & letting her hands both come to rest on Trixie’s thighs, palming them roughly.

“You’re mean,” Trixie grinned, nose pressed against Katya’s.

“Noooooo…” she whispered, trailing her fingers to tickle up the seam of Trixie’s jeans & causing her to shiver.

Trixie kissed the tip of Katya’s nose & captured her hands, pulling her up from her chair.  “Go have your smoke… I have some pink hair to wash.”

Katya giggled & grabbed her cigarettes, lighter, & phone.  “Fiiiiiine,” she whined melodramatically as she headed for the back patio, Trixie smacking her ass on the way.

“You—” she hollered at Shosh.  “Come on!” She leapt up from her spot on the floor, not even bothering to pause her episode, & sprinted into the bathroom.

“Ready!”

“‘Kay, let’s give it like… one more minute!”  Trixie took the removable shower head from its perch & ran the water lukewarm.  “Lean over the tub,” she pointed.

Shosh threw herself down on her stomach, balancing on the edge in a Superman pose.  “Like this?”

“Good enough!” Trixie chuckled, gathering Shosh’s matted hair in her palm & letting the water run through it, tiny pink rivers sprouting down the insides of the tub.  “Here, close your eyes.” She pointed the spray up toward Shosh’s hairline, rinsing the stains from her forehead.

“Is it done?!” she complained.  “This  _ hurts _ !”

“Almost!”  Trixie tugged her fingers through the strands, making sure the water ran clear from every angle.  “‘Kay!” She turned off the faucet & hung the nozzle up, then grabbed a towel from the rack, wrapping it around Shosh’s head.

“Am I pink?!”

“We gotta dry it first, hang on!”  She snatched the hair dryer from under the sink & plugged it in, then squeezed the extra moisture out with the towel before shaking Shosh’s hair free & pulling a comb through it.  “Hop up.” Shosh climbed onto the step stool so she could see herself in the mirror as Trixie started to blow dry her hair from the roots down, lifting each piece up to make it more voluminous.

“I see it!”

“Me too!” Trixie grinned at her in the mirror as her roots started to dry, showcasing their new cotton candy pink color.  Shosh’s face glowed as Trixie swiped the dryer up & down the length of her strands, lifting each piece before dropping it back down, pink against her faded red shirt.  “Alrighty!” she switched the dryer off & fluffed Shosh’s hair at the roots.

“Oh wow!” Shosh grinned at her reflection, & Trixie pursed back the laugh that threatened to escape as she heard her own mannerisms come from her tiny pink doppelganger.  “I love it!” she turned to grab Trixie around the waist, hugging her tightly. “Thank youuuuu!”

“Of course, munchkin!” Trixie kissed the top of her head.  “Now let’s go show Mom! Hide behind me!” The two of them slowly walked out into the living room where Katya sat on the couch, flipping through TV channels.  

Her eyes perked up when she saw Trixie & the two of them shared a sly wink.  “Alright! Ladies &... ladies! Meet the new Shoshanna Zamolodchikova!”

Shosh jumped out from behind Trixie, throwing her hands up in the air.  “Ta-da!”

“Oh my  _ GOD _ !” Katya shrieked.  “It’s… pink!”

“I’m Trixie!”

“It would appear so!” Katya laughed.  “Come here!” Shosh ran over to her & stood between her legs, Katya leaning forward to mess up her hair.  “You look cute as a button!” she tapped her on the nose.

“A  _ button _ ?!” she questioned.

“Cute as… a cupcake?” Katya tried.

“Better!” she nodded firmly.

“How’d you make it so… big?” Katya looked up at Trixie.

“I just blow dried it!”

“But… how is it… not flat?”

Trixie laughed at Katya’s complete ineptitude with hairstyling.  “You do it from underneath, little pieces at a time, & start at the roots.”

“Ohhhhhh.”

Shosh climbed up on top of Katya as if she were a wild animal & sprawled out on her lap.  “I wanna watch  _ Frosty _ ,” she pleaded sweetly.

“I wanna watch  _ Frosty _ , toooooo!” Trixie mimicked her, taking the cushion next to Katya.

“Oh, great!  Now the pink team is gonna gang up against me!”

“Yup!” Shosh reached out to gleefully high five Trixie.  “Pink team wins!”

Katya sighed loudly & pulled up OnDemand.  “ _ Frosty _ it is, then, pink team.”

  
  


* * *

 

  
Trixie shuffled her fuzzy slippers over toward Katya & Shoshanna, carrying a plate of sugar cookies.  “Here ya go!”

“Yessssss!” Shosh shouted, jumping up to grab one.

“Kid!  You’re gonna spill!” Katya yelped, steadying the two mugs of hot chocolate she was holding.

“Sorryyyyyy…” Shosh mumbled through a giant bite of cookie.  “ISHOT!” she stuck her tongue out, crumbs falling down her chin.

“Well, yeah, they just came out,” Katya sighed.  She patted the couch next to her & Trixie sat down, leaving the cookies on the coffee table & picking up her own mug.

Shosh blew on the rest of her cookie, trying to cool it down while she chased Mona around the living room.  Every few seconds, the cat would turn around & swat at Shosh, as if she was making sure she was still playing along, & every time, Shosh would burst into laughter through her cookie.  Katya wrapped her arm around Trixie’s shoulders & pulled her close. “Thanks for these, baby.”

“Of course, mama,” she purred into her ear, nuzzling into her.  Katya lazily stroked Trixie’s upper arm through her sweater.

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” she teased quietly as Trixie rested her head against her shoulder.

“Never.”  She sipped her hot chocolate.

“What did you guys do for Christmas Eve?” Katya asked her.

“Oh… nothing, really.  We just went to my grandparents’ on Christmas morning… but everyone always ended up fighting.”

Katya squeezed her close.  “Why?”

Trixie sighed heavily.  “Just… my dad. It was like… a tradition.  If it was a holiday, he picked a fight. With me, with my mom, my grandparents… it was like roulette.”

“I’m sorry, angel,” she whispered into her hair.

“It’s fine,” Trixie smiled up through her lashes.  “We just never got to do any of the cutesy Christmas stuff because the day usually ended up with me hiding in my room, ya know.”

“Yeah…” Katya whispered.  “But now you’re stuck with this—” she pointed at Shoshanna spilling hot chocolate down the front of her reindeer t-shirt.

“Thank god,” she smirked, tilting her head up & silently begging for a kiss.  Katya answered with her lips, covering Trixie’s with her own & sliding a hand up into the back of her hair.

“Jesus, you’re good at that,” Trixie whispered into her ear once they’d pulled apart.

“Oh, am I?” Katya massaged Trixie’s neck, eyes boring into hers.

“Mmhmmm,” she smirked.  “Very.”

In the time they’d been distracted by one another, Shosh had taken it upon herself to investigate the presents under the tree, sneakily shaking a few of them to see what noises they made.  “Hey, you rat!” Katya snapped at her with a laugh.

“What?!”  Shosh attempted to feign innocence.

“You can do stocking & one present— you know the rule!”

“Stockings first?” she asked.

“Sure.”  Katya got up & unhooked all four stockings from the mantle, carrying their lumpy forms back to the couch.  “Gimme a cookie!” she demanded to Shosh, who was standing anxiously in front of her.

Shosh handed her one.  “Here ya go, Mommy!”

“Mommy?!” Katya snorted.  “You really want this stocking!”

Shosh grinned.  “Uh huh!”

Katya handed it over to her & she sat down on the floor to dump it out, spilling the contents with a squeal.  A plush cat keychain, nail polish, glittery Play-Doh, flavored lip balm, panda patterned socks, & a pile of Airheads candies fell out onto the rug.  “Oh my  _ gosh _ !” she chirped, picking up each present one by one to admire it.  She smudged strawberry lemonade flavored lip balm across her lips & smacked them loudly.  “Mona next!”

Trixie & Katya had both been sneaking small gifts into all of the stockings all week, & Mona’s was no exception.  “Bring her here!” Trixie said. Shosh picked her up & toted her over to Trixie, who sat her on her lap. “Okay, buddy, you ready?!” she smirked, scratching her between the ears.  “You wanna open her presents for her?”

“Sure!”  Shosh grabbed the stocking with her name sewn onto it & slowly took out each cat toy one by one, making sure to let her sniff it & bat it with her paw before moving onto the next one.  Trixie giggled when she saw some of the little gifts Katya had apparently bought for her— a tiny ball of yarn, a catnip-filled piece of pizza, a little bag of salmon flavored treats.

She sniffled hard, tears welling up as she watched Katya shake the ball & baby talk her.  “Yes, who’s a good little kitty… who likes her ball?” Katya cooed, letting Mona bump her nose against the toy.

“Who knew you liked cats so much?” Trixie elbowed her.

“Well…” Katya grinned broadly before whispering, “Normally I just like pu—”

“OKAY!” Trixie clapped her hands to shut her up.  “Anyway!” They both fell into giggles while Shosh amused herself with a rainbow-colored mouse on a spring.  Mona’s eyes widened into little black saucers as the toy bounced up & down, & she suddenly dove off Trixie’s lap to pounce on it.

“She got it!” Shosh exclaimed.  “She’s so smart!”

Trixie pulled her feet up onto the couch beside her & munched on a cookie while Katya & Shosh got the cat all riled up with her menagerie of gifts.  She slyly snapped a couple of photos of Katya crawling around on the ground, her face nose-to-nose with Mona’s, & giggled under her breath as she posted one on Instagram with the caption  _ katya is now catya _ .  Only a few seconds later, Kim commented a rainbow-colored row of hearts, & Trixie grinned as she liked the comment.

_ Don’t think I don’t have your notifs on, lesbian _ , she texted Trixie immediately afterward.

_ You better! _

_ How’s Christmas Eve going? _

_ Amazing! _  Trixie added a mix of pink hearts.   _ We’re doing stockings… I made cookies & hot chocolate. _

_ You domestic bitch!!!!!! _

_ Guess so! _  Trixie texted back, smirking to herself.

“What’s so funny?” Katya asked, crawling back up onto the couch & sneaking a peek at Trixie’s phone.

“Nothin’!  Just Kim being dumb.”  Katya was clearly satisfied with the answer, as she picked up her mug of hot chocolate & took a swallow with a giant grin.

“Wanna do your stocking?” Trixie poked her in the ribs.

“Hell yeah!”

Shosh kneeled down, elbows on the coffee table, to watch Katya open her stocking.  She & Trixie had stuffed it full— mainly of Skittles, Katya’s favorite, but also a few other gifts.  “Okay!” Katya pulled out three fun-sized bags of Skittles. “Yessssss!” she shouted. “Jackpot!” Further down, she retrieved a box of incense (she smelled it luxuriously), a package of cigarettes (she burst into laughter in Trixie’s direction), & a small bundle of eyeliners & lipliners (“you’re so much better at Sephora-ing than I am!” she laughed).  After a couple more bags of Skittles, she turned the stocking upside down onto her lap & a tiny rubber chicken fell out.

“That’s from me!” Shosh cracked up.  Katya picked it up & pretended to put it in her mouth.  “Noooo! Don’t eat it! It’s good luck!” Shosh screeched.

“I’ll just give him a little kiss,” Katya giggled, leaving her red lipstick on its squishy beak.

“We were at the candy store,” Trixie explained, “& they had a little bucket of those.  The sign said they were good luck charms & Shosh insisted!”

“Come here, Shoshi!” Katya chuckled, hugging her tight.  “Thanks for the luck!”

“Uh huh!”

Katya sloppily stuffed her gifts back into the stocking, posing the rubber chicken on top of the pile.  “Your turn!” she extended Trixie’s stocking toward her.

Trixie excitedly removed some face masks, a couple of Lush bath bombs, a glittery mason jar candle that Shosh took responsibility for, a bar of dark chocolate, & a pair of soft white ruffly socks that Katya winked at.  “You guys!” she beamed, admiring the presents splayed across her thighs. “This is so nice!”

Shosh launched herself at Trixie, hugging her neck tightly.  “Merrrrrry Christmas!” she exclaimed.

“Thanks, bug!” she squeezed her tightly.

“Hey, you wanna pick your present out now?” Katya asked.  Shosh nodded. “First, you gotta bring Trixie hers from me, though!”

Shosh scurried over to grab the tiny box that Katya had messily wrapped in snowflake paper & scrawled “Trixie” on the front of with Sharpie, her handwriting as quick, yet beautiful as ever.  “Well, get Mom’s, too, then!” Trixie chimed in, & Shosh scooped up the other small box. Trixie had neatly wrapped hers, sharp corners & all, in burgundy paper & affixed a little gold bow to the top.  

She handed each gift to its respective owner, then circled the tree in contemplation.  “Hmmmm…” she hummed as she took silent guesses at each box. “This one!” The Santa-patterned box was medium sized, which surprised Katya— she had figured Shosh would go for the biggest gift under the tree.  The pieces inside rattled slightly as she set it down on the coffee table, tearing voraciously at the paper until she revealed enough of the box to squeal at its contents. “LEGOS!!!!!” she screamed. Trixie watched in awe as Shosh scrambled to remove the wrap, hugging the box to her chest.  “I LOVE LEGOS!!!!!”

Katya smiled, satisfied with her impulsive buy.  “I know!”

“Can you open it?!” Shosh extended it to Katya.  Once she’d dumped the bricks out onto the floor & started sorting them into piles, Shosh was in her own world.  

“So... one present, huh?” Trixie smirked at Katya.

“That’s the rule!”

“You wanna go first?”

Katya nodded slowly, sliding her thumb beneath the artfully-applied clear tape.  “You make it look like a fucking child wrapped yours!”

Trixie giggled.  “Just open it!”

Katya peeled back the thick paper to reveal an unmarked cardboard box.  She tugged the top off & gasped. “Trix!” She bit the knuckle of her thumb.  “This is…” Lifting the puzzle piece necklace gently from the styrofoam padding, Katya grinned brightly.  “I can’t believe…”

“Good?”

“Baby!”  Katya leaned in & kissed her softly.  “It’s perfect.” She reached back to clasp it around her neck & glanced down at it where it lay against her collarbone.  “Thank you,” she whispered.

“Of course… I’m glad you like it,” Trixie replied shyly.  She turned to face Katya on the couch, legs crossed into a pretzel shape between them.

“Do yours,” Katya smiled, stroking Trixie’s knee.  She nudged a hole into the paper, prying it apart with her nails, & uncovered a black box.  “Go ahead,” she grinned excitedly, encouraging Trixie to pull the top off of it.

“Oh!” she breathed, overwhelmed by the delicate gold bar bracelet.  It was engraved with a simple heart, & she picked it up daintily, tracing her finger over it.

“Flip it over,” Katya whispered.

“3113,” she read aloud.  “Katya…” she started to cry, recognizing it as their address.

“I figured… our first home together…”

“Wow.”  Trixie couldn’t make words through her tears.  “I love it so much.” Her voice cracked with each word, eyes reddening & cheeks darkening with tracks of makeup as she cried.

“Here,” Katya breathed, taking it from her & softly clasping it around her left wrist.  Trixie wiggled it around to see the heart & managed a smile through her sobs. “Looks good on ya.”  Trixie answered only by tossing her arms around Katya’s neck & pulling her close in a tight, desperate embrace.

“I love you so much.  So, so, so much.”

“I love you, too, baby girl.”

After a moment, the two of them ended up twined around one another on the couch, Katya leaning in to steal a bite of the cookie in Trixie’s hand as Shosh stacked her LEGOs into a castle.  They cuddled together & watched Shosh’s determined progress for awhile before Katya yawned. “Tired, mama?”

“Uh huh.  I don’t even wanna think about getting up in the morning.”

“What time is your mom coming?”

“Ten.”

“Let’s get you to bed, then,” Trixie softly kissed her temple.  

Katya nodded in agreement.  “Come on, Shoshi! Bedtime.”

“But I’m buildinnnnng,” she whined.

“But Santa’s cominnnnnng,” Katya mimicked her.

“Oh!”  Shosh jumped up & ran into the bathroom as if she’d forgotten all about Santa.  She turned the water on, & both Trixie & Katya knew that meant there’d be toothpaste squirted all across the sink afterward, but neither cared enough to stop her.

Trixie started to pick up the LEGOs, dropping them noisily into the cardboard box, & Katya put the leftover cookies in a Tupperware container.  “Oh! Fuck! Mother fucker!” Trixie yelped, causing Katya to come running.

“What?!  What happened?!”

Trixie slowly lifted up her foot to show a deep indent.  “Stepped on a LEGO!” Katya erupted in laughter. “Bitch, it fucking hurts!” Trixie protested indignantly.

“I know!” she wheezed, reaching down to scoop up the last few blocks & deposit them in the box.  “It’s basically the worst pain imaginable!”

“Jesus!”  Trixie winced at the shallow wound.

“But we all do it!  It just makes you an official mom now!”  Katya tossed the box of LEGOs back under the tree.

Trixie froze, a grin slowly spreading across her face.  “An official mom?”

“Yeah!” Katya pecked her lips.  “You’re not a parent until you’ve fucked your foot with a LEGO!”  Trixie didn’t want to let on how fast her heart beat at Katya calling her a mom, but even so, she couldn’t hide her ecstatic expression.  “What?” Katya teased.

“Nothin’!” she replied quietly.

“What?!”

“I just… that feels nice.”

“Slicing your skin with a plastic brick?” Katya taunted, causing Trixie to furrow her brows.  “No, I’m kidding. Hey…” her voice softened. “You know Shosh loves you, right?” She nodded. “I mean… that’s how I see you, really.”

“A mom?” she whispered.

Katya nodded, taking Trixie’s hips beneath her hands.  “You’re family. My family.” She rested her forehead against Trixie’s, closing her eyes softly.

Trixie sniffled back tears.  “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! Merry Christmas in September, everybody! A little angst, a little smut, & a whole lot of fluff!
> 
> Infinite thanks to everyone who's left comments here & sent me love on Tumblr-- it honestly means so much to know that you’re still along for the ride! ♡ Make sure to let me know how you're feeling about the journey these dorks are going on! For everyone who's requested a flashback, I promise I haven't forgotten-- it's coming in the next chapter! ♡
> 
> I love each & every one of you for your patience & support! Come play with me on Tumblr (mamazamo.tumblr.com) & love me on Ko-Fi, if you so desire (ko-fi.com/zamokitty)!
> 
>  
> 
> tw: brief mention of past emotional & physical abuse

 

When Katya woke up at five am, full of nerves & in desperate need of a cigarette, she pulled on a hoodie & Trixie’s boots that swallowed her feet, & crept out onto the patio.  The dark sky was painted with charcoal-colored clouds, & the cold, still air bit at her nose as she inhaled. Doing a mental inventory of everything that had to be done— Santa gifts, coffee, breakfast— she took a deep breath & shrunk into her sweater.  Her mom didn’t make her nervous, per se, but she was secretly worried that she’d think Trixie was too young for her, that they’d moved too quickly, especially given Shosh. Her innate ability to read every microexpression both Trixie & her mom could muster only added to her anxiety— if either of them were nervous, she’d feel it in a heartbeat.

Shuffling back inside, she used both hands to open the door to the hall closet, steadying the seam to keep it from creaking.  If she was awake, she might as well do Santa duty now, she figured. Pulling an armful of gifts wrapped in bright red reindeer-patterned paper from behind the stacks of blankets & beach towels, Katya nestled them on central display in front of the tree.  Just as she was arranging the last box, she heard a rustle behind her & turned to see Shosh standing next to the couch in her PJs, dangling Buddy at her side.

“What are you doing?!” Shosh asked sleepily.

“Um…” Katya glanced down at the  _ To Shosh, from Santa _ tags.  “Just… making sure Santa labeled everything so we know you got the right presents!”

“Santa came?!” she shuffled in her socked feet over to the tree.

“Yeah, he came, alright!  Look at all of these!”

“Wow!” Shosh gasped, leaning down to examine the boxes.  “Is it Christmas yet?!”

“Not yet!  Go back to bed, kiddo.”

“But I’m up  _ now _ ,” she protested, hugging Buddy tightly.

“It’s way too early!” she laughed, ruffling her pink hair.

“Can I sleep with you?” Shosh pleaded sweetly.

“I dunno, go ask Trixie,” she winked.

“Okay!”  She took off running toward Katya’s open bedroom door & climbed laboriously up onto her tall bed.  Trixie was curled up on her side with her hair tossed over her face as she slept, oblivious to the Santa festivities.  “Trixieeeeee,” Shosh whispered, sitting up on her knees on Katya’s empty side of the bed. “Trixieeeeee?” She reached over & poked her shoulder.

“Hmmmm?” she stirred, not waking up.

“Trixieeeeeeeeee.”

“Oh!  Hi, bug,” she used her palm to push her hair out of her eyes.

“Mom said I have to ask you if I can sleep in here.”

Katya appeared next to the bed, taking her hoodie off & tossing it onto the floor.  “What time is it?” Trixie mumbled.

“Not even 5:30,” Katya whispered.  “She can’t sleep.”

“Because of Santa?” Trixie asked Shosh.

“Uh huh… he brought a lot!”

“Okay, well… get in here, then.”  She scootched backward in the bed, making sure Shosh had room in the middle of them.

“Yay!” she bounced down onto the bed, claiming one of Katya’s pillows & wiggling under the comforter next to Trixie.

“Okay, but you’ve gotta go to sleep,” Katya warned her.

“I will!” she nodded, cuddling Buddy against her chest.  Katya pulled the comforter up around Shosh, burrito-ing her in before climbing up to lie beside her.  She thanked the universe that she was a hot sleeper & didn’t mind that she was left without a blanket.  Rolling over onto her side to face the two of them, Katya kissed Shosh’s head. Expectantly, she held Buddy up above the blanket & Katya kissed his head, too, before snuggling up to Shosh &— to her own surprise— falling immediately back asleep.

When Katya’s alarm went off at nine, she covered her mouth to hide the giggle that threatened to escape.  Neither Trixie nor Shosh had woken up at the sound; instead, at some point, Shosh had ended up sleeping with both arms above her head & mouth hung open, drooling, while Trixie cuddled Buddy securely against her own chest.  She couldn’t resist the opportunity, & snapped a picture of the two of them before heading for the kitchen to start the coffee pot. Mona’s short claws clacked along on the tile before she sat down at Katya’s feet, staring up at her.  “Fine,” she smiled, shaking her head as she grabbed the bag of salmon treats, shaking a few out onto the floor for her.

Once she’d brewed a full pot of coffee, Katya poured a cup for herself & took advantage of the silence to have a cigarette before pouring a second cup for Trixie & carrying it into the bedroom.  “Hey baby,” she whispered, softly threading a hand through her soft, messy hair to rub her scalp. Trixie stirred, but didn’t open her eyes. “Merry Christmas,” Katya whispered, wafting the coffee in front of her nose.

“Hi,” she grinned sleepily, groaning quietly into Katya’s touch.  “Mmmmm, play with my hair.”

Katya softly scratched her fingertips across Trixie’s scalp, tugging through the small knots in her hair.  “You gotta get up,” she whispered, leaning down to gently kiss her lips. “You can have coffee!”

As Trixie sat up in bed, taking the coffee mug between both hands, Shosh stirred beside them, coughing quietly.  She grabbed blindly for Buddy & pulled him up to her chin, still asleep for a few seconds before her eyes jolted open.  “It’s Christmas!” she yelped.

“Uh huh,” Katya laughed.  “It is!”

“Is it present time?!”

“Not until I’m more awake!” Trixie croaked, sipping the hot coffee.

“Not ‘til Grandma gets here,” Katya added.  “Get up & get some clothes on!”

“‘Kay!”  She dove out of bed, then stretched back over it, grabbing Buddy from the sheets & dragging him by the arm behind her toward her bedroom.

“You gonna shower?” Trixie looked up at Katya, who was still standing beside her, combing through her hair with her fingers.

“No,” she snorted.  “Are you?”

She shook her head, eyes sparkling contentedly.  “I don’t wanna wash my hair.”

“Gross,” she teased, leaning in for a kiss.

“Mmmm, very,” Trixie giggled through a moan.

“Get up, filthy.  You’ve got forty minutes.”

“I’m goinggggg,” she grumbled, sliding her feet to the floor.  As Trixie washed her face & meticulously applied her makeup in the bathroom mirror, Katya sat on the toilet lid, combing through Shosh’s hair.  She reached over to wet the comb in the sink before running it back through, end to end. “What are you doing?!” Trixie asked incredulously.

“Huh?”

“Come here, Shosh,” she laughed, motioning her over with a wave.  Shosh wiggled free of Katya’s knees & stood before Trixie expectantly.  She grabbed a small black bottle with a pump on top & squirted some gel into her hands before rubbing them together & stroking down the length of Shosh’s pink hair.

“What’s that?!”

“Smoothing serum,” Trixie grinned.  “All you were doing was making it look greasy.”

“Well, excuuuuuuse me!  Do I look like a hair stylist to you?”  She pointed at her own untamed hair, sticking out wildly in every direction possible.

“Do I have to do your hair, too?” she teased, then swatted Shosh on the butt to send her out of the master bathroom.

“I’m thinkin’ I’m gonna go as is,” Katya spoke into the mirror, tugging her ends out even further so they looked like spikes protruding from her head.  “Mama look pretty?!” she grinned.

“Brush your hair, idiot,” Trixie laughed, smacking a brush into Katya’s palm & returning to lining her eyes.  Once Katya’s hair was tamed to Trixie’s satisfaction, she threw on her normal quick makeup, smacking her lips together to spread the bright red lipstick around.  She grabbed Trixie’s coffee mug from the bathroom counter & took a swig, leaving a bright lip print on the rim. “Gross,” Trixie grumbled, then flipped her hair upside down to spray it.

“It’s my Christmas gift to you!” Katya beamed.

“Uh huh, suuuuure.”

Katya wandered into the living room to find Shosh standing behind the curtains, staring out the window.  “Whatcha doin’?”

“Waiting for Grandma!” she answered without turning around.

Katya chuckled & went into the kitchen, pulling out a tube of cinnamon rolls from the fridge & preheating the oven.  After popping them open & arranging them in a pan, she emptied a giant plastic container of sliced fruit into a bowl & plopped a skillet onto the stove to start a bag of frozen hashbrowns.  “That’s a lot of food for four people,” Trixie smiled from behind her.

“Oh!” Katya turned abruptly at her voice, then softened when she saw her— barefoot in a knee-length white dress with lace trim, her hair half up in a bun with the rest of it spilling in gentle, loose waves down her shoulders.  “Babe.”

Trixie smiled shyly.  “Is it okay?” Katya blushed & lowered her eyes, nodding slowly before turning to slide the cinnamon rolls into the oven.  Trixie looked even softer than normal— her makeup was delicate, eyes accented with pink shadow & brightened with white liner, lips nude & glossy.  “Can I help?” Trixie asked.

“If you wanna make some more coffee?

“Sure!”  She rinsed the pot & reloaded it while Katya stirred the hashbrowns around, watching them sizzle in the skillet.

“You look pretty today,” Trixie rubbed between Katya’s shoulderblades as she cooked.

“Hmm?” she hummed absentmindedly.“You do.”  She ran her nails up & down the back of Katya’s burgundy cable-knit sweater, tracing the pattern.  “I like you in jeans,” she whispered, & Katya could hear the grin in her voice. Trixie was used to seeing her in slacks, weird dresses, or sweats, but hardly ever jeans.

“Do you, now?” she wiggled her ass backward against Trixie, who reached down to cup it with both hands, grabbing firmly against the taut muscles as she giggled.

“Grandma’s here!” Shosh screamed, twirling herself out of the curtains & racing toward the front door.  

Katya heard the car door in the driveway & turned the burner down, turning to peck Trixie on the lips.  “Excited?” she whispered.

“Mildly terrified,” Trixie smiled back.

“Don’t be.”  Katya pecked her again, licking the thick gloss from her lips.  

Just as Katya pulled back from her, Shosh yanked the front door open & screeched “Merry Christmassssss!” at the top of her lungs.

“Hi!” A short, thin grey-blonde woman wiggled through the door, arms loaded with gift bags.  “Where should we put these?!” she asked Shosh sweetly.

She pointed exuberantly toward the tree.  “There!” Once she’d dropped the gifts beneath the tree, mixed in with Trixie & Katya’s, she let Shosh launch herself into her arms in a tight hug.  “How are you, kiddo?!”

“Good!  Santa came!”

“I see!  Wow!”

“Let Grandma breathe,” Katya laughed as her mom stood back up from her kneeling position.  “Hi!” She extended her arms into a comfortable embrace. Trixie watched nervously from the kitchen, pretending to be stirring the hashbrowns.  After a moment, she rested the spatula on the side of the pan & padded into the living room.

“Hi, honey!” her mom grinned, reaching for a hug.

“Hi,” Trixie replied shyly, letting the smaller woman envelop her.  “I’m Trixie,” she smiled once they’d separated. Her voice was low & quiet, which Katya knew meant she was nervous.

“I’ve heard so much about you!  You’re like a doll, my gosh!” Trixie blushed & peered down through her lashes as she took her hands in her daintier ones.  “Nadia, although I’ll answer to whatever,” she chuckled. Trixie heard so much of Katya in her laugh, & it made her heart swell.

“Nice to meet you… would you like some coffee?”

“Sure, honey!”

Trixie felt better once she was able to make herself useful, & scurried off to the kitchen, pulling a clean mug from the cupboard.  Nadia wrapped her arm around Katya in a side hug, resting her head against Katya’s neck as they talked about something inaudible to Trixie.  She hadn’t seen Katya being soft with anyone but her & Shosh, & it filled her chest with an unnamable warmth— to see where Katya had come from, where those cheekbones, that laugh, that heart, had grown…

She poured a cup of coffee & carried it over to Nadia.  “I didn’t know if you wanted it black like Katya, or—”

“This is perfect, sweetie, thank you!”

She’d barely gotten a sip in when Shosh grabbed her hand, tugging her away.  “Come ‘ere!” she insisted.

“For what?!”

“It’s a secret!  I need your help!”

“Oooookay,” she agreed, following Shosh toward her bedroom.

“She loves you,” Katya whispered, squeezing Trixie’s bicep.

“She’s so cute!  She’s so much like you.”

“You think?”

Trixie snorted.  “She’s nicer than you, but!”

“I hate you!” Katya wheezed.  “So much!” Nadia skittered out into the kitchen, pulling open the junk drawer.  “What are you looking for?” Katya asked.

“Don’t worry about it!”  She hid a roll of scotch tape in her fist & scurried back into Shosh’s bedroom.

“What?” Trixie started.

“I have no idea!” Katya laughed.  She refilled her coffee cup & took the hashbrowns off the warmer.  “Wanna help set the table?”

Trixie nodded & set out four plates & forks, putting the tray of cinnamon rolls & bowl of fruit in the middle of the table.  “Scoot that, over,” Katya pointed, needing room for the hashbrown pan. After the table was fully set, Katya hollered into the other room, “Come eat!”

Shosh ran over to the tree & Trixie & Katya both pretended not to notice that she’d stashed a gift beneath it.  Nadia returned the tape to the drawer & pulled out a chair. “You really cooked?!” she turned toward Katya.

“Well,” she shrugged.  “Somewhat.”

Once the four of them got seated with plates of food in front of them, Mona shuffled out from the bedroom toward the table.  “Oh!” Nadia chirped. “There’s the cat!”

“That’s Mona!” Shosh perked up.

“Yeah, she’s mine,” Trixie mumbled nervously.

“Hi!” Nadia leaned down to scratch the top of her head.  “You’re so cute!” her voice rose.

Katya beamed at Trixie.  “See!” she mouthed silently.

After a breakfast full of small talk, Nadia getting to know the basics about Trixie & vice versa, Shosh hurried them along, goading them for “present time.”  “Fiiiiine,” Katya heaved playfully, following Shosh to the living room, coffee cup in hand. Trixie & Nadia exchanged smiles & followed behind, Trixie taking the couch cushion next to Katya, Nadia taking the end chair.  Shosh dove onto the floor for the Santa gifts, grabbing the biggest one first. “Go for it!” Katya nodded.

Once she’d torn into a seemingly endless number of boxes of toys, books, clothes, & candy, Shosh sat with her gifts in a circle around her.  “Wowwwwww!” she gasped, eyes wide.

“Say cheese!” Trixie laughed, leaning down to take a photo of her, surrounded by her spoils.  Mona jumped lazily through the discarded wrapping paper, clawing stray pieces as she went.

“Wanna do Grandma’s presents next?” Katya suggested, pointing toward the two neatly-wrapped (thanks to Trixie) packages under the tree.  

Shosh carried them over to Nadia & dropped them into your lap.  “These are from me!”

“Hey!” Katya snorted.

“ _ Okaaayyy _ , they’re from all of us,” Shosh conceded.

“Thank you, baby!” Nadia hugged her side.  “Wanna help me open ‘em?” Shosh started tugging at the paper, revealing the gift box beneath.  “Oh! This is so nice of you!” Nadia’s eyes rose to meet Trixie & Katya’s once she saw the array of five neatly folded blouses & sweaters.

“Trixie did most of the picking!”

“These are lovely, sweetie!” Nadia pulled the garments out one after the other, rubbing a particularly soft one against her cheek.

“I’m glad you like them!” Trixie replied quietly.  “I figured we didn’t want Katya picking out anyone else’s clothes.”

Nadia snorted with laughter.  “You got that right!”

“Rude!  Can’t believe you’re already teaming up against me!”

“Open mine!” Shosh interjected, shaking the second box.

Nadia refolded the shirts & set the box at her feet as she turned her focus to Shosh’s present.  “You got it!” Every year, Katya’s mother insisted that she not worry about getting her gifts; every year, she did.  But she knew that the gift she looked most forward to each Christmas was the one that was always “from Shosh”— framed copies of her school & dance pictures.  Opening the box, she giggled— a laugh that could’ve been straight from Katya’s mouth— as she saw Shosh’s toothy, squinting smile in her school picture. “Oh my gosh!  Who’s that kid?!” she teased.

“It’s me, silly!” Shosh clapped her hands.

“Nooooo, this girl has blonde hair!” Nadia tapped the glass with a nail.

“Grandmaaaaa!” she giggled.  “There’s more!”

Nadia lifted the next frame.  “Awwwww!” Shosh, wearing a black bodysuit, a bright yellow belt & socks, & her tap shoes, posed in front of an all white background.  One hand rested on her hip, the other was extended at her side, a big grin on her face. “You look fancy!”

“That was from picture day!  Trixie helped me with it!”

“She did?!” Nadia asked excitedly.

“Uh huh!  She showed me how to do my hands!  Like this!” She matched the pose in the photo.

“Well, that was nice of her!” Nadia winked up at Trixie.  “I love these!” she opened her arms for Shosh to jump into.  “Wanna get their presents?” she whispered into Shosh’s ear.

She leapt down & ran over to the tree, grabbing the gift bags for Trixie & Katya & carrying them over to them.  “I dunno whose is whose!” she shrugged.

“You didn’t have to!” Trixie blushed, holding her gift between both hands.

“Oh, it’s nothing!” Nadia waved her off.

The two of them had barely gotten their gifts opened— a pink flower-patterned travel mug & a gift card to Sephora for Trixie, & a thick grey scarf & Starbucks gift card for Katya— before Shosh climbed up between them, clutching a thin, sloppily-wrapped package.  “This is from me!” she set it down on her lap.

“Shosh!” Katya laughed. “Where did you get a present?!”

“It’s a secret!” she grinned over at Nadia knowingly.  “You have to both open it!”

Trixie slipped a nail under the bunched-up paper & pulled one end open while Katya untaped the other.  “Ahhhh!” Trixie squealed when Katya had freed it from the packaging. Shosh had drawn a picture of them standing in the grass in front of their house, each holding one of her hands, with a tiny grey Mona held under Trixie’s other arm, a voice bubble saying  _ MEOW _ above her head.  A ring of hearts circled the neon pink scribbles of Trixie’s hair, as well as the sharp yellow lines that made up Katya’s.

“Shosh!” Trixie whispered, wrapping her arm around her shoulders.  “This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten!”

Katya leaned down to kiss the top of Shosh’s head.  “I love it, bug. We’ll put it up on the wall!” She looked over Shosh’s hair to catch Trixie’s damp eyes, & could tell she was biting back tears.

“Grandma helped me wrap it!” she announced proudly.

“Yep!” Nadia confirmed.

Trixie pulled Shosh up onto her lap & hugged her so tightly she was almost afraid she was hurting her.  “Thanks,” she murmured into her hair.

“Uh huh!”

Once they’d opened the rest of their gifts— including Shosh’s black dress for Katya & the fuzzy bathrobe Shosh had secretly picked out for Trixie— Shosh asked for help taking the twist-ties off her toys so she could check them all out.  “I’ll get ‘em,” Trixie piped up, knowing Katya almost certainly needed a cigarette. Katya smiled gratefully, heading straight for the patio, her mom following.  _ Of course she’s a smoker, too _ , Trixie thought with an internal laugh.  The two of them were so alike, it was eerie.

It wasn’t too cold outside, even for Christmas day, & Katya & her mom sat in the patio chairs, cushions crunching slightly from lack of use.  “So?” Katya exhaled from her cigarette.

“What?” Nadia did the same.

“ _ Sooooo _ …?” she emphasized, waving toward the house.

“She’s lovely, Katya,” Nadia laughed.  “I assume that’s what you’re asking me?”

She shrugged.  “Maybe… I just… she was nervous, & I dunno, I guess I was, too.”

“About what?” the surprise was evident in her voice as she ashed her cigarette.

“I mean, that you’d think it was too fast or… whatever.”

“It’s fast,” she agreed solemnly, causing Katya to hold her breath.  “But I’ve never seen you look… content?”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Yekaterina,” she sighed.  “You know what I mean. You seem like your brain has slowed down a little… like you’ve planted your feet.”

“Yeah,” she sighed happily.  “You’re right.”

“Shoshanna really gets along with her, huh?”

“Ha!” Katya snorted.  “They’re like best friends.”

“I can tell!”  Nadia & Katya smoked their cigarettes in silence for a moment.  “Are you happy?” she asked quietly.

Katya took a deep breath & then spoke out into the cold air.  “Yeah.” She let the answer linger for a few seconds before turning to face her mom.  “I am.”

She smiled tenderly.  “Good.”

“It’s weird,” she admitted with a chuckle.

“What is?  Being happy?”

“No… yeah,” she conceded.

“You’re a good person,” her mom reached across the table to grasp her forearm.  Katya scoffed. “You are. You’ve been through enough. If she makes you happy, then it’s  _ good _ .”

She swallowed hard, sniffling against the building wind as she stubbed out her cigarette.  “I should call Dad,” she changed the subject before the tears had a chance to build.

Nadia squeezed her wrist supportively.  “Good idea.”

She went inside, grabbing her phone from the table & scrolling to her dad’s number to FaceTime him.  Despite her parents’ divorce, they were on surprisingly good terms, Katya thought. She couldn’t imagine divorcing someone, completely separating your life from theirs, & still wanting to talk to them after all that, but her parents managed it.  While the phone rang, she glanced across the living room to see Trixie & Shosh carefully putting together the Hot Wheels track, & smiled.

“Katya!” her father’s voice boomed as he answered the phone.

“Merry Christmas, Dad,” she waved into the camera.  She heard dogs barking in the background & knew that meant he was at his brother’s house.  “How’s everybody?”

“Oh, they’re good!  Say hi, everybody!” He held the phone up over his shoulder to let all of Kata’s aunts, uncles, & cousins greet her at once, a cacophony of waves & _ hi _ s & _ hey _ s filling the screen.

She laughed at the chaos & finally said, “Hey, um, I won’t keep you— I just wanted to call & say hi.”

“No, no, you’re not keeping me!”  He got up & walked into the kitchen, which was much calmer.  “Where’s that little goblin?!”

“Hey, Shosh, come here!” she called.

Shosh sprinted toward her, sliding across the tile floor.  “What?!” Katya turned the phone down toward her. “Grandpa!” she squealed.

“Well, hi!  How’s your Christmas going, pink head?!”

“It’s  _ so _ good!  Santa came!”

“What’d he getcha?”

“SO much!” she exclaimed.  “Right now, I’m doing Hot Wheels with Trixie!”

Katya caught him playfully cock an eyebrow.  “With Trixie, huh? Grandma told me about her!”

“She did what?” Katya poked her face back into the camera.

“Let’s see her!” he guffawed.

“Dad,” she sighed, pushing her hair back from her face.

“Katya,” he sighed back, mocking her.

Trixie had been listening in as best she could from across the room & stood from her knees, brushing the cat hair from her dress & pulling it down over her thighs.  “Hi,” she waved shyly into the camera.

“She exists!” His voice was a deep, hearty bellow, ending in a chuckle.  “When Nadia told me about ya, I worried Katya had made you up! Too good to be true!”

“Oh my god, Dad,” Katya groaned.

“Nope, I’m real!” Trixie chirped.  “Nice to… kinda meet you?”

“Same to you!  Is Yekaterina taking good care of you today?  She didn’t make you cook, did she?”

Trixie giggled.  “She is & she didn’t!  She did it all by herself!”  

In the corner of the screen, Katya shook her head in embarrassment.  “I hate my life,” she mumbled.

“Well, good!  You take care, sweetheart— I’ll let you all get back to Christmas.”

After Trixie & Shosh said their goodbyes, Katya took the phone back just in time to see her cousin pass by in the background.  “Hey Katya!” she nodded, reaching into the fridge for a soda.

“Hey Ali!”

“When are you coming back out here, bitch?” she called over Katya’s dad’s shoulder, cracking a Diet Coke.

“Ugh, it’s such a hassle,” she complained.  “Maybe next year?”

“You should!  Please!”

“I’ll see what I can do,” she laughed.  Trixie shuffled around the kitchen, clearing the table, & Katya took note of the soft frown on her face.  “Alright, well, I’ll talk to you guys later! Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Katya!” her dad blew a kiss before he hung up.

Once Katya had gotten off the phone, Shosh was apparently giving Nadia a lesson in how to use Mona’s toys to get her to jump higher & higher in the air.  “What’s wrong?” she whispered to Trixie, resting a hand on her shoulder.

“Nothing,” she deadpanned quietly, pulling away to stash the leftover cinnamon rolls in a Tupperware container.

“Trixie.”

“I’m fine.”  She rinsed the pan & set it in the sink, not making eye contact with Katya as she dried her hands on the dish towel.  “Let it be. I just need some Advil.” With that, she started toward the hall bathroom, grabbing the bottle from the medicine cabinet & downing two pills.  When she looked at herself in the mirror, Trixie couldn’t hold the tears back as she tightened her bun, & decided she needed some more privacy— the last thing she wanted was Katya’s mom to walk in on her in crying.

She retrieved her small lock box from the closet & sat down on the rug, twisting the numbers to open it.  Shuffling her important documents— birth certificate, social security card, insurance forms— aside, Trixie found the small stack of slightly faded photos at the bottom & held them in her palm.  The corners were bent & curling, but she slowly filed through each one, letting them fall to the ground in front of her as she went. She struggled to reconcile the smiling, chubby-cheeked face with her own; to see the tall, muscular man gleefully holding her up in the air as the one who had caused her so much pain.  

Her mother hovered in the background of most of the photos— happy, but shying away from the center of things, & in that moment, Trixie resented her for it, for that being her role.  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d spoken to her, & it tied her stomach into an intricate knot of guilt, sadness, & rage.

“I’ll be right back,” Katya called to Nadia, who forced a small smile.  She could tell something was up, but didn’t want to pry. Katya peeked into the bathroom first, then delicately pushed the bedroom door open to find Trixie on the floor, hair hung down on both side of her face.

“Trix?”  She didn’t answer, so Katya cautiously approached her, sitting down in front of her & folding her legs.  “Baby?” Trixie looked up at her through lashes heavy with tears, a heavy frown on her face & mascara streaked under her eyes.  “Talk to me.”

Without a word, she picked up the photos & laid them in Katya’s hands.  After she’d looked through them all, Trixie croaked, “I dunno.”

“Hey.”  She gently put the photos back into the box & reached out to take both of Trixie’s hands in hers, tilting her head down to see her eyes.  “What are you thinking about?”

“It’s just not fair,” she whispered.

“What?”  Katya stroked the inside of Trixie’s wrist with her thumb.

“You’ve got this normal, happy life.”  Her voice broke as she gulped back tears.  “Seeing your mom & dad & all your family… they care about talking to you & want you there… no one even calls me on Christmas.”

“Hey—” Katya tucked Trixie’s loose hair behind her ears.  “ _ You _ are the reason my life is happy.   _ You _ .  This is your family.”

Trixie nodded meekly.  “I just… your mom loves you so much & mine… she…” Her lower lip trembled as she tried to find the words.  “She picked him.”

“Come here,” Katya whispered, leaning over to hold Trixie in a hug.  “Shhhhh.”

“It just…” she hiccuped.  “How could you not love your own child?  How?” Her voice was raising from sadness to anger.

“Oh, Trixie,” Katya murmured into her hair.  “Have you thought about calling them?”

“No!” she snapped.  “Not a chance.” Katya pulled back to see Trixie’s face.  “When I left— when they made me— he said I was never welcome there again.  That I was dead to them.” She used her pinkies to wipe the mascara from beneath her eyes.

“Why—” Katya started.  “Was it because of your… you being…”

“Gay?” Trixie snorted.  “No, that’s the funny thing— they don’t even  _ know _ .  I went home to see them during summer break my junior year of college… he got into it with my mom & I got in the middle.”  Katya absentmindedly picked up Trixie’s loose hair, piling it off the base of her neck as she spoke. “He… he backhanded me into the wall, told me I was a worthless bitch.  So I packed a bag.”

“Trix…” Katya breathed in shock.

“No, I mean… it’s fine.  It’s whatever. I got all this—” she pointed to the photos, “& a few other, like, childhood things.  All those books… stuff like that. I just put them in the backseat of my car & walked out.”

“What did they say?”

“My mom?  Not a damn thing.  She cried, I guess, but she didn’t stop me.  He told me if I thought I was too good for them, then to go & never come back.”

“You haven’t talked to them since?”

She shook her head.  “No, I mean. My mom tried to call me once a few months later & I didn’t answer, but that’s it.  Eight years,” she laughed bitterly. “Eight years of nothing. So… I dunno… it just all hit me seeing what it looks like to have… that.”

“You have that now,” Katya promised her.

Trixie nodded.  “Yeah.”

“Gimme a kiss?” Katya smiled.  Trixie leaned in, feeling her anger calming down as Katya’s soft red lips met hers.  “Love you,” she whispered.

“Love you.  I should go fix my face.”

“‘Kay.”  Katya squeezed her hand once more, helping her up from the rug.  She headed back out into the living room as Trixie started for the master bath to fix her makeup.

Nadia’s eyes met Katya’s right away, full of concern, but then she smirked when she saw the glossy tiny to Katya’s lips.  “All good?”

“Yeah,” Katya sighed, raking her fingers through her hair.  “Everything’s fine… what did I miss?!” Shosh was lying on the couch, flipping through one of the books she’d gotten, & Nadia was rummaging through the kitchen cupboards.  “What are you looking for?” Katya laughed.

“Spices.”

“For what?!”

“Don’t you want some глинтвейн?!”

“Oh!  Yes!” she laughed.  Nadia poured a couple of bottles of red wine into a pot she’d found under the counter & started it on the stove, mixing in spoonfuls of aromatic spices Katya didn’t even realize they had.

“What smells so good?” Trixie appeared after a moment, leaning over the kitchen counter with her chin in her hands.

“Russian mulled wine,” Katya put her arm over Trixie’s shoulders, snuggling her close.

“Oh, I  _ definitely _ want some of that!”

“Good!” Nadia chirped.  “I make it every year!”

“Awesome!” Trixie leaned her head down onto Katya’s shoulder, cuddling in while she stroked her hair, all too glad to let the warm scents of cinnamon & cloves calm her nerves.

  
  


* * *

 

By the time Shosh had gone to bed— finally allowed to take Mona with her— Trixie, Katya, & Nadia lounged in the living room, Katya’s legs stretched over Trixie’s lap on the couch & Nadia curled up in the chair beneath an afghan.  Nadia regaled Trixie with stories of Katya’s “blood drinking days,” as she called them, causing her to howl with laughter.

“Oh, you never would’ve talked to me in high school!” Katya snorted.

“Definitely not!”

“What were you like in high school?” Nadia asked with a laugh.

“She was a goody two-shoes!” Katya filled in.

“Shut up!” she slapped Katya's shin.  “But I was! I was prom queen,” she cringed.

“Prom—” Katya choked on her third cup of mulled wine.

“Did you ever think you’d get the prom queen, Katya?!” Nadia laughed hysterically.

“Hell yeah!”

“And I never thought I’d get the weird kid no one talked to because she was too busy chain smoking & drawing naked ladies!”

“That’s Yekaterina in a nutshell!” her mom wheezed.  “I always found full packs of cigarettes & weird German industrial CDs in her room & I couldn’t for the life of me figure out where they were coming from!”

“All my Blockbuster paychecks went to bribing the bums outside 7-11 to buy me smokes!”

“You worked at Blockbuster?!”

“Yeah, back in the day, we had these things called video stores—”

“Shut up, you idiot, I’m not  _ that _ young!” Trixie reached over to push Katya back by her forehead.

After Katya had filled her mom in on the gallery & her grant proposal, & Trixie had gushed about her dance kids— especially Shosh— Nadia started to yawn.  “Tired?” Katya asked.

“Uh huh,” she burrowed down into the blanket.  “This drive is gonna be awful!”

“Noooo! Just stay here, Mom.”

“I don’t wanna impose, honey.”

“You’re not!” Trixie jumped in.  “I can get some stuff for the couch, if you want!”

“Okay, sure, why not!”  Trixie got the couch made up as nicely as she could, tucking sheets beneath the cushions & draping an extra blanket over the top, along with two spare pillows, & Nadia tucked herself in immediately.  “Perfect!” she smiled, kicking off her socks from beneath the blanket.

“Alright, we’re gonna head to bed, too, then… do you need anything else?” Katya asked.

“Nope!  Night, girls.”

“Night,” Katya leaned down to kiss her on the forehead, then followed Trixie into the bedroom.

Once they’d both brushed their teeth & washed their faces, Katya was snuggled up in bed in an oversized t-shirt & sweatpants & Trixie climbed in after, wearing a short, silky pink nightgown.  “Hi,” she purred with a low giggle, cuddling up to Katya’s side. Katya raised an eyebrow at her & rolled her eyes, lifting her arm up for Trixie to burrow into. “Thanks for today,” she whispered into her ear.

She strung her fingers through Trixie’s hair.  “Of course,” she whispered back. Trixie whimpered quietly & Katya had to swallow a laugh.  “What?”

“Nothiiiiiing,” she sing-songed, kissing Katya’s neck.

“You’ve had red wine, that’s what, huh?”

“Shut up.”

“Should’ve thought about that ahead of time,” she teased, fingers traipsing lazily over Trixie’s scalp.  Trixie responded only by biting softly at the side of Katya’s neck, tugging the skin between her teeth as she wrapped an arm around her, circling her ribcage.  “Trixie—” she whispered in a threatening voice.

“Mmmmm,” she groaned, sucking with more force this time.

“Not with my mom right there!” Katya hissed, voice shaking.

“I locked the door!” she whined, letting her hand trail slowly up the front of Katya’s t-shirt to palm her bare breast.

“Fuck, ugh!” Katya gasped, lips parting to drink in as much air as she could.  She reached down to still Trixie’s hand. “Babe.”

“But…” Trixie nuzzled against Katya’s ear, tongue dancing over it before she spoke.  “I waaaaaanna.”

“Bad idea…” Katya smirked, voice clearly close to giving in.

Trixie brushed her fingers across the waistband of Katya’s sweatpants, dipping beneath the elastic to her bare skin & dragging the tip of her middle finger slowly up & down her clit.  “Still a bad idea?” she teased. Katya locked her eyes with Trixie’s, taking in her flushed cheeks & huge pupils.

“Bad… idea…” she breathed with a nod, bucking her hips up into Trixie’s touch.

Trixie nipped Katya’s earlobe before breathing heavily against it, sending shivers through Katya’s whole body.  “What if I wanna ride your face?” she purred.

“Then you better not make a goddamn sound,” Katya whispered with a mischievous glint in her eye.  Trixie knew she’d won— & Katya had known all along she’d let her. If Trixie wanted her way, she’d get it.  In a split second, she had pulled her panties off & thrown them to the floor, tossing one leg over Katya so she was straddling her shoulders.  She smirked down at her, drunk on both mulled wine & power as she watched Katya lick her lips, then nudge her nose softly against her clit, taking her in with all of her senses before tugging her down by the hips & settling her on her mouth.  “Shut up,” she winked up at her. “For real.”

Trixie grinned as she rolled her hips against Katya’s lips, feeling them immediately get slick.  Katya opened her mouth wide, letting her tongue move in a wave motion all across as much of Trixie as she could get & causing her to grab onto the headboard for balance as she let out quiet gasps.  “Shhhh!” she hissed against her.

Clasping one hand over her mouth, Trixie thrust downward against Katya’s tongue, letting her drag it forcefully in & out of her.  Katya tapped her thigh for air & Trixie leaned forward with a quiet giggle, settling back down against her top lip, Katya’s sharp nose moving back & forth against her clit as she messily moved her head from side to side, alternating rolls of her tongue with sucks of her lips.  Trixie’s hair flipped forward over the crown of her head as she braced herself against the headboard with one hand, fleshy side of the other shoved between her teeth to keep her quiet. She fell forward as she came, slamming the headboard into the wall & letting out a single high-pitched whimper before biting down hard on her hand to mute the rest of the sounds that wanted to escape her lips.

“Trixie!” Katya laughed under her breath, slapping her thigh.  “Shut the fuck up!” Trixie cracked up in spite of herself, chest still heaving as she came down.

“Sorry!” she beamed, rolling off of Katya & pulling her nightgown back down to cover herself.

“Jesus,” Katya whispered, wiping her mouth with her knuckles.  “It’s like you’ve never had to be quiet in your life.”

“Maybe I haven’t!” Trixie grinned.

“Interesting.”  Katya’s voice was barely audible as she rolled onto her side, facing Trixie.  “We’ll have to work on that,” she taunted, speaking almost directly against her lips.

“Will we?” she smirked, softly resting her lips against Katya’s swollen ones as she slid a hand between them & beneath Katya’s sweats.

“Uh huh,” Katya breathed & Trixie grinned evilly as she tilted her hand down to slide two fingers inside of her.  Katya groaned as Trixie slipped them back out, torturously slowly, then thrusted hard.

“Quiet,” Trixie mocked.

“Fuck you,” Katya whispered against her mouth, smirking back.  Trixie pumped her fingers slowly, feeling the sweat start to build on Katya’s forehead where it was pressed against her own, Katya’s hand wrapped around the back of her neck & holding her close.

“God, you feel good,” Trixie sighed, closing her eyes & focusing on the feeling of her fingers sliding in & out of her.

“Shhhhh,” Katya moaned, mouth falling open as Trixie rolled her thumb in a circular motion against her clit.  “Fuck,” she breathed, jaw popping audibly as she caught a groan in her throat. Trixie’s other hand shot up to cover Katya’s mouth, eyes clenched tightly shut as she came around her fingers.  Trixie felt her heart pounding as the bed creaked with Katya’s jolting hips. Once they’d stilled, she slipped her hand from her sweats, wiping her fingers carelessly on her own bare thigh before pushing Katya’s sweaty bangs back from her eyes.

“I hate you,” Katya grinned widely, flopping over onto her back & pushing the comforter off her overheated body.

“Do not!” Trixie giggled quietly, nudging Katya’s arm to get her to lift it up for her to snuggle in.  “Ew, you’re sweaty!” she whined.

“Wonder why.”

“Shut up!” Trixie smacked her chest.  “Merry Christmas,” she whispered, burying her face into Katya’s shoulder.

“Merry Christmas, idiot!”

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHTY, KITTENS. Between a much-needed mental health break & DragCon chaos, I know it's been a super long time between chapters, so I first & foremost wanna thank you all for your patience! ♡
> 
> We're entering the new year with our little family, & Trixie's taking advantage of the fresh start head on-- the outcome of which we'll see in the next chapter. I've promised y'all a Baby Shosh flashback, & I planned to include it here, but honestly, this chapter got so long that I'm splitting the flashback up in two. Hopefully that's okay with y'all, & hopefully you're okay with the exploration into Katya's backstory. I really, really love writing her, & this chapter was a lot of fun for me to shape! I'm kind of anxious about it doing something different, so your comments will be particularly meaningful on this one! ♡
> 
> As always, I love each & every one of you for your support, as well as your lovely kudos, comments, asks (mamazamo.tumblr.com), very much needed sugar at ko-fi.com/zamokitty (y'all, I gave Katya all my money... seriously...), & general wonderfulness. Come talk to me both here & on Tumblr! Your comments make my day, for real! ♡

 

Trixie knelt on the living room floor in front of Shosh, who was perched on the edge of the couch, feet barely reaching the ground.  “You gotta hold still!” she laughed, cupping Shosh’s chin in her palm as she used her pinky finger to wipe a smudge of blush from the side of her face.

“I am!” Shosh squealed.

“That’s why there’s makeup all over you, huh?” Trixie teased.

Shosh stiffened all of her limbs, sitting statue-still.  “I’m frozen,” she managed through pursed lips.

“Good!  Now close your eyes.”  Trixie swirled a brush through a shimmery gold shadow & swiped it across Shosh’s eyelids, one after the other, then dusted it across her cheekbones & the tip of her nose.

“Am I glittery?!”

“Uh huh!”  Trixie held up the palette mirror in front of her.

“Oh wow!”

Katya burst into laughter from across the room where she had just come in from having a cigarette.  Even without context, hearing Trixie’s mannerisms come from Shosh sent her into hysterics. Trixie turned over her shoulder to grin at her.

“Trixie’s making me pretty!” Shosh chirped.

“I see!  But you’re already pretty anyway!” Katya approached the pair, kissing them both on the tops of their heads.

“But now I’m shiny!”

“I like it!” Katya agreed, sitting down next to her.

“Make Mom shiny, too!” Shosh commanded, turning her attention back to Trixie, whose eyes glowed deviously at the prospect of putting makeup on Katya.

“I don’t look good shiny!” Katya protested.

“We have to match!”

Katya narrowed her eyes at Trixie, who grinned broadly.  “You have to match!” Trixie echoed.

“How ‘bout we give you bright pink lips instead?!” Katya countered, reaching for a liquid lipstick from Trixie’s makeup bag.

“ _ And _ make you shiny!”

Katya knew she’d been beaten as she slapped the small lipstick tube into Trixie’s outstretched palm & sighed.  “Alright, do your worst. Make me shiny.”

Shosh shrieked with laughter, bouncing up onto her heels on the couch as Trixie packed the brush with as much sparkly gold shadow as it could hold.  Katya reluctantly closed her eyes & let Trixie dab the shimmer over her signature messy black eyeliner. She went back for seconds with the brush & drew it in sharp lines up Katya’s cheekbones, causing Shosh to giggle.

“Mom’s glowing!” she clapped her hands together.

“Don’t get too used to it,” Katya grumbled.  “I’m only letting you two do this to me because it’s New Year’s Eve.”

“What should we do next?” Trixie leaned in to whisper conspiratorially to Shosh.

“Make these things really long!” Shosh poked Katya in the eye.

“Ow!!”

“What things? Her lashes?”

“Uh huh, her lashes!”  Trixie rifled through her makeup bag until she found a small plastic container of dramatic falsies.  “Those ones!” Shosh pointed.

“I hate this,” Katya deadpanned as Trixie squeezed a line of glue across the first lash.

“You’re gonna look so prettttyyyyyyy,” Trixie sing-songed, blowing on the lash to set the adhesive.  “Now look straight at me.” Katya widened her eyes, staring comically into Trixie’s. “Not like that, jerk!  Just… look normal!”

“Dunno how,” she stuck out her tongue.  Trixie glared & pouted brattishly, prompting Katya to relax & lean in.  She lined the lash up just above her eyeliner & used the tips of her nails to stick it down, then repeated the process with the other.  

Katya fluttered her eyes a few times, settling them in, before turning to Shosh.  “Whatcha think?”

“You’re a princess!”

Katya snorted.  “What’s that make you?!”

“The queen!”

“I… don’t think that’s right…” she laughed.

“Uh huh!  & Trixie is the other princess!”

“I’ll take it!” she nodded with a chuckle.  “Now you want some lips or what?” Trixie uncapped the bubblegum pink lipstick & held it up to Shosh.

Once both Zamolodchikova girls were made up to Shosh’s standards, Trixie returned her makeup kit to the bathroom & took a moment to fluff up her hair in the mirror.  This was the first year since high school that Trixie hadn’t gone out for New Year’s Eve & she was surprised that she didn’t mind skipping the festivities. She usually relished the opportunity to buy a too-short, too-tight sequined dress, paint her face in dramatic shades, & drink a ridiculous amount of champagne she knew would give her a hangover from hell to start the new year, but this year, spending the night with Katya & Shosh was a much more exciting prospect.  Katya had offered to get a babysitter & take Trixie out to a club, but Trixie knew she wasn’t too excited about the idea. When she’d suggested they stay in instead, Katya heaved a sigh of relief, saying how she hated going out on “amateur nights.”

“All the people who drink three times a year go out & get messy,” Katya had rolled her eyes.  “We can celebrate New Year’s two weeks in or something!”

Their party, instead, consisted of a fully-fancied-up Katya & Shosh making mini-pizzas for a late dinner— the scene Trixie walked in on.  “You have to do yours!” Shosh waved a squeeze bottle of pizza sauce in Trixie’s direction.

“On it, boss!” Trixie saluted, joining the two of them at the kitchen counter.  She wore one of Katya’s baggy partially see-through black dresses (though it fit much more snugly against her curves than it did Katya’s), unable to forgo  _ every _ bit of New Year’s Eve glamour, & the oversized sleeves swung precariously close to the pizza toppings until Katya grabbed them & shoved them up her forearms for her.

“Make your boring, plain pizza,” she teased, sliding a small crust over in Trixie’s direction.

“Hey!  It’s not boring!  Cheese pizza is good!”

“Suuuuure.”  Katya popped a pepperoni into her mouth.

“Mama, yours isn’t any better!” she laughed, pointing to the pizza that was stacked with a mountain of pepperoni slices & nothing else.  “You don’t even have cheese on it!”

“Here.”  Katya grabbed a tiny pinch of mozzarella & set it daintily on top of the meat.  “Better?”

“I don’t get you,” Trixie laughed.

“Sorry I’m too advanced for your hillbilly palate!” she flipped her hair dramatically.

“Can I have more cheese?” Shosh chimed in, stretching to reach the bag.

Trixie handed it over to her & watched as she poured half the bag onto her pizza.  “You’re having enough for both of ya, huh?” she laughed as the crust was eclipsed by a sea of mozzarella.

Katya glanced at her phone— 9:02.  Shosh had sworn up & down she’d stay awake ‘til midnight, but Katya highly doubted that would happen— she was already loopy at nine o’clock.  It didn’t take long for the yawns to kick in. By 10:47, Shosh— stomach full of pizza— stretched across Katya’s lap on the couch. She tried valiantly to focus on the countdown show on TV, but her eyelids started to drift closed.  “Psssst,” Katya hissed at Trixie, pointing down at Shosh.

Trixie grinned, shaking her head.  “Not gonna make it,” she whispered.

“Nope,” she whispered back, softly stroking her pink hair back away from her face.

“Hmmmm?” Shosh mumbled, pulling her eyes open.

“Sleepy?”

“Uh uh,” she protested.

“You can go to bed,” Katya laughed.

“Noooooo, it’s not New Year’s yet!”

“It is in Australia!” Trixie chimed in.

“What’s Australia?” Shosh murmured groggily.

“Where the kangaroos live!” Katya answered.

“Oh… it’s New Year’s for kangaroos?”

“Uh huh!” Katya nodded.  “So you can just be a kangaroo tonight.”

“I’m a kanga—” Shosh was interrupted by a dramatic yawn— “a kangaroo.”  Her eyes narrowed into tiny slits, lashes fluttering up & down as she struggled to stay awake.  “I’m gonna hop.” She climbed off Katya’s lap & started jumping up & down toward her bedroom.

“Be right back,” Katya whispered over her shoulder to Trixie, who nodded with a smirk.

By the time Katya had helped Shosh do a half-hearted teeth brush & tucked her in, Trixie had cracked open a beer & was sipping it from the bottle, watching pop bands she’d never heard of on the countdown.  “You’re early,” she smiled, pointing at the TV.

“11:09,” Katya read from the screen.  “Who’s this?”

“Hell if I know,” Trixie shrugged.

“Oh, I forgot!  If it’s not Dolly, it’s not good enough for you!”

“Hey!  This coming from the person who doesn’t like ‘music with words,’” Trixie held up scare quotes.

“I’ll take a good funeral dirge any day.”  Katya leaned against the arm of the couch beside Trixie, squeezing her knee.  Trixie rolled her eyes & took a swig of her beer. “Drinkin’ alone, huh?”

“Not anymore!” She extended the bottle to Katya, who gratefully took a swallow.

“Come have a cigarette with me,” she smiled as she passed the bottle back.  Trixie raised an eyebrow suspiciously, then downed the last gulp of beer & clasped her hand with Katya’s, letting her pull her up from the couch & lead her out to the garage.

“It’s cold in here!” she shivered once Katya had quietly closed the door behind them & switched on the dim single bulb that hung overhead.  Bending over, Katya flipped on the small space heater she kept outside solely for smoking purposes, & without a word, opened the backseat of her car.  “What are you do—” Trixie started, but stopped when she saw Katya retrieving a bottle of champagne, two plastic flutes, & a single red rose from the floorboard.  “Katya!” she breathed through an open-mouthed grin.

“For you—” she handed her the flower & watched shyly as Trixie brought it to her nose, inhaling slowly.

“How—”

Katya shrugged.  “I knew she wouldn’t make it ‘til midnight.”

“I thought you had to smoke,” Trixie teased.

“I’m a liar— you’ve exposed me!  Drag me for it! I dare you!” Katya’s voice rose melodramatically.

Trixie giggled, twirling the rose between her fingers.  “Never.” Katya handed her one of the champagne flutes & popped the bottle, grateful that it didn’t make too much noise.  

After both glasses had been filled to the brim, Katya took the flower from Trixie, snapping the stem & tucking it into Trixie’s hair behind her ear.  “Perfect,” she whispered, letting her thumb linger over Trixie’s cheekbone.

“You’re so sweet,” Trixie blushed.  Katya only raised her glass in reply, tapping it softly to Trixie’s before taking a sip & letting the sharp feeling of the carbonation wash over her tongue.

“So what’s your resolution?” Katya asked, eyeing Trixie from behind her drink.

She shrugged.  “To learn to cook better… or to try to, at least.  I need to be better wife material,” she grinned.

Katya’s molars chomped down on the inside of her cheek, forcing back the excited smile she wanted to flash at Trixie thinking about being a wife.  “You’re not a bad cook!” she substituted instead.

“No, well… I mean… I’m not a  _ good _ one!  What’s yours?”

“I dunno… stay alive?”

“Katya!” Trixie playfully punched her bicep.  “A real one!”

“That is my real one, you bitch!” she wheezed.

“Well,” Trixie pouted.  “I’ll accept it only because I want you alive so much.”

“You better.”

Trixie swigged the rest of her champagne & set the empty glass on the cement step, then leaned in toward Katya, wrapping both arms around her neck.  “I do.” Katya followed suit with her glass, letting her hands come to rest on either of Trixie’s hips & staring dreamily into her eyes. “What?” Trixie teased.

“Nothin’.  You’re just pretty.”  A dopey grin spread across Katya’s face.

“Oh my  _ god _ ,” Trixie giggled.  “You’re dumb.”

“Wait—” Katya interrupted the moment to fish into the pocket of her tight black jeans & retrieve her phone.  She opened Spotify & quickly scrolled to a playlist, hitting play on a French song.

“What’s this?”

“Shhhhh.”  She gently set the phone on the hood of her car behind Trixie, then wrapped her arms around the small of her back, drawing her close.  “I can’t dance, but—” she whispered, swaying softly against her.

Trixie swallowed hard, feeling her cheeks grow pink as she held Katya close, letting herself be slowly led across the cold cement floor of the garage.  “What’s it mean?” she whispered against Katya’s hair after a moment.

“It’s called ‘Tant de Belles Choses,’” Katya whispered back, letting one hand trail up Trixie’s spine to lazily tangle in her loose waves.  “So Many Beautiful Things.”

“Mmmmm,” Trixie sighed happily, resting her cheek against Katya’s as she began to sing the lyrics under her breath.

“ _Rien ne défera jamais nos liens… même s'il me faut aller plus loin, couper des ponts, changer de train…_ ”  She pressed her lips to Trixie’s cheek, holding them there & quietly breathing in the scent of her skin.

“Hmmm?”  Trixie rested her weight against Katya’s body.

“It’s about… how…” Katya punctuated each word with a gentle kiss against the apple of her cheek.  “Nothing can ever break the bond between two people…” She nuzzled her nose against Trixie’s. “How there’s so much beauty waiting ahead…”  Her lips brushed over Trixie’s, breathing champagne & warm air across them.

“Yeah?”  Trixie’s voice was low, heavy as her alcohol-tinged eyelids.

“Uh huh.”  Katya licked softly over Trixie’s bottom lip, nudging it with her tongue as she kissed her deeply.  The song switched over to another romantic French track that was unintelligible to Trixie. Swaying with the rhythm, she wrapped her arms tightly around Katya’s neck, tilting her head as they kissed slowly, warmly.  Katya’s hands slid down to caress the dramatic curve of Trixie’s backside, squeezing through the thin dress & drawing a quiet moan from her.

Hands knotting in Katya’s choppy hair, Trixie tugged her closer still— she felt like she’d never get enough of her in that dim, cool garage— bare feet slowly warming against the cement, the length of Katya’s body pressed hungrily into her own.  She pulled firmly at Katya’s hair, causing her to groan loudly against her mouth, & then to reciprocate by bunching the back of Trixie’s dress up, letting her palms have free rein of her bare thighs & the thin lycra fabric of the panties that just barely covered her ass.

“Katya—” Trixie’s voice audibly shook.  Fingertips slipping up beneath the fabric stretched across her ass, Katya smirked against her lips, not breaking contact as she clumsily walked her backward against the hood of her SUV.

“Shhhhh,” she warned, nipping her bottom lip between her teeth before pulling away, leaving it visibly puffy.  Devious look on her face, Katya used both hands to encourage Trixie up onto the hood of the car, then looped her fingers around the waistband of her panties, sliding them easily down her thighs to fall onto the cold ground at her feet.

“Fuck—” Trixie breathed, overwhelmed by the sight of Katya kneeling down in front of her & bunching her dress up against her hipbones with both fists.

“This dress looks better on you.”  Her voice dripped with desire— throaty & raw.

“Liar,” Trixie managed, bracing herself against the car with both hands.

“Mmmmm, no,” Katya shook her head, then dipped it forward, swollen lips & wild tongue finally making contact with Trixie.  She sat up tall on her knees, nearly having to strain to reach her, & in that moment, she silently cursed herself for owning such a tall car.  “What a view,” she murmured hungrily. Trixie responded only by cupping the back of Katya’s head with one palm, pushing it forward between her legs.  “Needy,” she hummed against her clit.

“Uh huh,” Trixie agreed in a whimper.  Just as she felt Katya’s tongue slide inside of her, Trixie held her breath— the song changed & the beat of silence made her feel the need to muffle the quiet gasps that were already building in her throat.  She leaned back as the song swelled, spine resting against the probably-dirty metal of the car, & rhythmically rolled her hips upward into Katya’s face, hand still forcing her taut against her body.

“Taste— so— good—” Katya mumbled between swirls of her tongue.  “Fuck, Trixie—”

“I need—” she gasped suddenly, legs lifting off the bumper & wrapping around Katya’s neck.  Katya held her up with both hands, securing her in place as she went rigid beneath her. “Please— fuck— please— oh, god— please—” she whimpered frantically.  Katya made sure to keep a steady pace, tongue flicking in quick upward motions against Trixie’s clit, even as she felt her thighs tighten around her neck & shoulders, clamping down.  Once Katya felt her loosen her grasp, hand falling from the back of her head down to lightly stroke her neck, she lapped softly up the length of her, bringing her down.

“You slut,” Trixie giggled, chest heaving.

“Me?!  Noooooo!”  Katya flipped Trixie’s dress back down to cover her before she stood, hovering over her exhausted body where it lay sprawled across the hood of the car.

“Shut up & kiss me,” Trixie laughed, clumsily pulling her on top of her & wrapping her legs around her waist.  Katya did as she was told, devouring Trixie’s mouth with her own until Trixie sat up, pushing her backward as she hopped down from the car.

“What?” Katya asked.  Trixie didn’t answer, but instead opened the front door of Katya’s SUV.  “Going somewhere?” she raised an eyebrow. Trixie smirked evilly & shook her head, then motioned Katya forward with a finger before pushing her down into the driver’s seat.

“Oh?” she cocked a brow.  Trixie didn’t answer; instead, she climbed atop Katya, straddling her, & reached down for the seat control, sliding it all the way back so she could fit comfortably on her lap.

“Just wanna kiss you,” Trixie growled, taking control in a way that both surprised & delighted Katya.

“Kiss me, then,” Katya purred, leaning back in the seat.  Trixie launched her lips against Katya’s, crashing violently into her & ignoring the way their noses & cheekbones slammed together in an almost-painful way.

“I wanna fuck you,” Trixie moaned into her ear, spurred on by Katya pushing her hips upward against her thighs.  Fingers of one hand deftly unhooking the button of Katya’s pants & sliding the zipper down, Trixie slipped her hand beneath Katya’s panties, teasingly scratching her blunt nails against bare skin.  “Wanna fuck you so good,” she murmured, breath hot against the curve of Katya’s ear.

“I want it,” Katya breathed, lifting her hips from the seat to tug her jeans & panties down her thighs.  Trixie reached behind her to push them further, crossing the threshold of her knees until they were pooled in the floorboard over the gas pedal.  Knowing she didn’t need to ease into it, Trixie wedged three fingers together & thrust them forcefully into Katya, causing her to gasp, then moan with an exhale.  “Please,” she begged. “Please.”

Trixie pumped in & out of her a few times, the French music fading in the background as she focused on the delicious wet sounds her fingers made as they drew in & out of Katya.  She leaned back against the top of the steering wheel, careful to avoid the horn & allowing her a better view of Katya’s bright red cheeks, growing deeper all the time as she swirled the soaked tips of her fingers over her clit.

“There— there—” she gasped raggedly, reaching down to grasp Trixie’s wrist, steadying her touch where she needed it.

“Good?” Trixie smirked, seeing Katya’s mouth open mid-pant, face burning hot.

“Uh huh,” she whined in a breathy voice, pressing her head back against the seat.  “Yeah—” Trixie leaned in to kiss Katya, feeling her thighs clench beneath her as she came against her fingers.  “Fuck,” she gasped, guiding Trixie’s wrist downward to dip a finger inside of her to feel how wet she was.

“God,” Trixie moaned, breathless.  “You’re so hot.”

“Mmmmm,” Katya hummed lazily, arm twining around Trixie’s soft waist as a mindless smile creeped across her face.  “You wanna finish that champagne?”

Trixie leaned down & kissed Katya gently, lips barely touching.  “Sure.”

 

* * *

  
  
“What year is it?” Shosh asked Katya the next morning as she spooned Froot Loops into her mouth.

“2019.”

“I’m seven this year.”

“Uh huh!”

“What year were you seven?”

Trixie snorted behind her mug & Katya shot her a death glare.  “There were dinosaurs when Mom was seven,” Trixie answered.

“Really?!” Shosh’s eyes glowed.

“No, not  _ really _ !” Katya snapped.  “I’m not  _ that _ old, jeez!”

“What year was it?” Shosh pressed on.

“1989,” Katya sighed, refusing to make eye contact with Trixie.

“Wow!  That’s a long time!  In the 19s! Were you seven in the 19s, Trixie?!”

“Yep, 1996,” she sipped her sugary coffee, trying to stave off the champagne hangover she felt building in the back of her neck.

“So you’re littler than Mom?”

Katya erupted in laughter.  “She’s very little!”

Trixie pursed her bare lips & furrowed her brows in a pout.  “I’m not that little,” she grumbled.

“Did you have pink hair when you were seven?” Shosh continued her unprompted interrogation.

Trixie giggled.  “No, baby. It was blonde like yours before I made it pink.”

“Oh.  Hmmm.”  Her face became very serious as she studied Trixie’s hair.

“What?!”

“I wanna see you with blonde!”  Trixie gingerly set her mug on the table & crossed the room, standing up on her tiptoes to grab her baby book from the top of the bookshelf.  “What’s that?” Shosh pushed her bowl of multicolored milk away from her as Trixie set the book down on the table.

“It’s my baby book,” she explained.  “I don’t have very many pictures of me when I was seven, but these are me when I was  _ little _ little.”

“I wanna see!!”  Shosh folded her feet beneath her to lean up over it.  Katya smiled softly, encouragingly at Trixie as she opened the ribbon-ties & let Shosh take control of the pages.  “This is  _ you _ ?!” she squealed, laughing at the first picture of Trixie in the hospital.

“Yep!”

“You didn’t have hair!”

“Well, you didn’t have much hair when you were born either, silly!” Katya told her.

“Uh huh, I have blonde.”

“Not when you were one day old!”

Shosh looked skeptically away from her mom & back down at the photos, clearly unconvinced that she didn’t pop out with a full head of hair.  “Is that your mom?” Shosh ran her index finger over her face; Trixie didn’t even mind the fingerprints she was leaving. She nodded softly. “Is she nice?”

Trixie bit the inside of her lip & glanced quickly at Katya.  “Yeah,” she answered quietly, voice sticking in her throat.

“Oh!  Can she come over?”

Trixie’s nose crinkled in a way that Katya immediately recognized meant she was holding back tears.  “Maybe one day,” Katya interjected. “She lives really far away.”

“She can take an airplane,” Shosh replied as if it was the most obvious solution in the world, & really, Trixie thought, it should have been.

“We’ll see,” Katya said firmly.

Shosh kept flipping through the pages, giggling at Trixie’s fat cheeks & lips that were too big for her baby face.  “Where’s your dad?” she spoke up after a few pages.

“Oh… um… just a sec.”  Trixie hurried into the bedroom & came back with the lockbox, handing Shosh the loose photos from inside, standing above her as she looked through them.

“He’s tall!” she gasped.

“Yep, that’s where I get it from,” Trixie smiled.  “My mom is really short!”

“Shorter than Mom?”

“Hey!  I’m tall!”

“Nuh uh!  That’s why I’m short.  I don’t have a dad so I’m only like you!”

Katya masked her discomfort with a cough & Trixie rested her hand on the small of her back, silently steadying her.  Thankfully for Katya, Shosh was easily distracted by a toddler photo of Trixie, thick blonde waves curled into ringlets around her face, & burst into laughter at how much she looked like a doll.  The two of them exchanged a long look, no emotion reading on either of their faces, but their wide eyes holding one another up.

“Here, let me put these away before they get Froot Loops on ‘em!” Katya carefully stacked the pictures & slid them back into the bottom of the lockbox.

Shosh took her bowl to the sink & climbed up the stepstool to rinse it out.  Ever since Katya had agreed to give her five dollars a week for doing chores, she’d become obsessed with completing them all perfectly, & Katya wasn’t going to complain.  “You okay?” she whispered to Trixie.

“Yeah,” she smiled sadly.  “Don’t worry about me.”

“You sure?”  Trixie nodded, closed-mouth smile saying one thing, but damp eyes saying another.  Katya squeezed her forearm before returning the box to the closet & the book to the shelf.

Trixie refilled her coffee & grabbed a fleece blanket from the couch, then whispered, “I’m gonna go outside for a minute.”

“Trix?  Talk to me,” Katya stepped in front of the back door.

“No, I— can I have a cigarette?”

“Baby, you don’t smoke.”

“Can I just have one?”  Her voice sounded tired, but sure.

“Okay,” she relented, snatching her pack from the counter & extending the open end toward Trixie, who delicately pulled one out between her nails.  

Katya opened her mouth to speak, but Trixie preemptively cut her off.  “I have to do something, okay. While I have the nerve.”

“What do you—”

“Trust me, okay.  Just call it a second New Year’s resolution I’m trying to knock out early.”

Katya nodded, scanning the panic apparent on Trixie’s face, but also the determination.  “Okay,” she whispered, stepping aside from the door & letting Trixie pull it open. She watched as she set her mug down on the small patio table & lit her cigarette, pulling the baby blue blanket tightly around her shoulders.  When Trixie didn’t look back at her, Katya returned to the kitchen, giving Shosh’s cereal bowl a final scrub before nestling it into the dishwasher. Glancing back outside, she saw Trixie holding the phone to her ear & visibly shaking, even beneath the blanket.  Suppressing her first instinct to race outside & cradle her, Katya let her have her privacy & picked up a cat toy, swirling it around for Mona in order to distract herself.

She looked at her phone.  Only two minutes had passed, but it felt like hours.  “Hey, wanna watch TV in my room?” Katya asked Shosh, who was crouched down on the floor tickling Mona.

“Yeah!  Can Mona come?!”

Katya nodded & Shosh scooped her up in both arms like a baby, leading the way toward the bed.  A couple minutes later, the three of them were settled in amongst the countless pillows Trixie liked to sleep with, Magic School Bus playing on the mounted television.  It didn’t even take half the episode before Katya found herself yawning, & she wrapped her arm around Shosh, pulling her close to snuggle against her chest. She wasn’t nearly as used to late nights as she once had been, & the repercussions of the New Years’ festivities were hitting her hard.

As she drifted off, she turned her head into Shosh’s faded pink hair & inhaled the scent of her cotton candy shampoo.  No matter how old she got, Katya could still immediately transport herself back to the scent of her little baby head the first time she nuzzled against her in the hospital, nurse resting her delicately against her bare breast.

 

*  *  *

 

**_October 2011_ **

 

“Mom…” Katya whispered anxiously.  She’d decided to do this over the phone instead of face-to-face, since she was still incredibly unsure how she felt about the situation at large.

“Yeah?”

“Um.”  She was overcome with a swell of nausea & wasn’t sure if it was due to the state she was in or her nerves.  Silence.

“Katya?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay?  Is something wrong?”

“No… yeah… no.”  She breathed deeply, in through her nose & blowing air forcefully out through her mouth & into the phone.

“Honey.”

“I’m pregnant,” she blurted out.

“Oh!  You are?!”  Katya could hear the joy in her mom’s voice & felt immediately guilty for not matching it.

“Yeah,” she whispered.

“Are you… did you go to the doctor or…”

“Uh huh.  I missed my period &, like, I didn’t think anything of it with like stress or whatever.  But then I missed it again.”

“What did the doctor say?”

“Nine weeks,” she mumbled, licking the blood from the inside of her cheek where she’d chewed it raw, wishing she could smoke a cigarette.

“Katya… wow.”  The grin was evident in her tone.

“Yup.”  Nadia let the silence sit between them for a few seconds.  “I dunno what I’m gonna do, Mom.”

“Why, baby?”

“I mean… it’s just… it’s so fucked up.”

“Do you have…” Nadia hesitated, treading carefully as she chose her words.  “Help?”

“Are you asking me who the father is?”

“I—”

“No.  He turned out to be a piece of shit— surprise, surprise.”  Nadia was quiet. “We aren’t together.”

“Well, you have us.”

“Yeah…”  Katya swallowed back exhausted tears.

“Have you eaten today?”  Her daughter’s lack of a response said enough.  “Katya, you have to eat.”

“I’m about to.”

Nadia sighed.  “Come over for dinner.  I’ll make whatever you want.”

“It’s already 3:30—”

“Shhhh.  What do you want?  Come over whenever.”

Katya relented, knowing she’d have to confront the reality of her pregnancy in person sooner or later.  “I dunno… something with… turkey?”

“Turkey?” Nadia laughed.

“It’s all that sounds good,” Katya finally let herself laugh for the first time all day.

“You really are pregnant,” Nadia tsked.  “I’ll start something. Come over.”

“Okay.”  Though she was no less terrified, Katya was relieved to have told someone other than Jack about the baby.  She hadn’t expected him to be thrilled, but she didn’t expect her longtime friend (“with benefits,” she mentally rolled her eyes) to completely shut her out.

“Do you want me to, um, give you some money or?” he’d asked over the single pint of beer that sat between them in the dingy dive bar they frequented.

“Money?”

“To take care of it.”

“I’m not having an abortion, you fucking asshole.”

“But you’re all… feminist  _ woooo _ ,” he mocked.

“Yeah, just because I believe in it doesn’t mean I’m gonna do it.”

“Well.”  He coolly took a gulp of his IPA.  “I dunno what to tell you then.”

“Are you serious right now?  Like? Are you being fucking serious?”

“About what?!”  He threw his hands up in the air as if he was completely lost.

“You don’t have any interest in this  _ child _ ?” she spat.

“A kid isn’t really in my five year plan.”

“You’re a goddamn sociopath, you know that?”  Katya could feel her hands shaking.

“Look, do what you want, Katya.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  She balled her hands into fists, crushing them viciously against the sticky tabletop.

He shrugged.  “It’s your choice.”

“But you aren’t gonna be a part of it, that’s what you’re saying?”

“Right.”

“Wowwwww,” she drew out, voice harsh & rumbling in the back of her throat.  “I wish I’d never fucking let you put your pathetic dick in me.” Katya felt the insults boiling in her chest, ready to be lava-spilled with a snap of her fingers.

“Well.  You did.”  He finished his beer & stood to leave.

“So that’s it, huh?”

“What?”

“This.”  She waved her hand around aimlessly.  “You’re just peace-ing out of the whole thing?”

“Why does it matter?  You expect me to move in & play husband?  We both know damn well that isn’t what you want.”  The sneer on his face sent Katya over the edge.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means exactly what I said.”

“No, Jack—” Katya stood to match him, taking a step forward.  She felt the bile rising in her throat as she whispered, “What do you mean?”

“Katya,” he looked down at her, the few inches between them suddenly feeling like miles.  “Figure your shit out.”

“Get the fuck away from me,” she shoved him with both hands, palms slapping against his button-down shirt & echoing against his toned chest.  “Get the fuck out of my life, you piece of shit.” The tears started to pour from her eyes & she didn’t bother masking them as he pulled on his blazer from the back of the chair.

“Good luck,” he shrugged, turning on his heels.

“Fuck you!” she yelled from the depths of her lungs, suddenly acutely aware that most of the patrons had turned to see where the commotion was coming from.  She lowered her eyes, using the back of her hand to wipe her tears, smearing her mascara across her cheekbones, & hurried out of the bar. As she leaned against the exposed brick outside, she sobbed aloud.  “I just want a fucking cigarette,” she whimpered to no one in particular.

When Katya pulled up to her parents’ house for dinner, she was met at the front door by her mom, who pulled her into a tight hug before she even got inside.  “I haven’t told your dad,” she whispered into her ear.

“Can you?” she sighed tiredly.  “I don’t wanna keep saying it.”

“Oh, Katya.”  Nadia stroked her hair.  “Come eat.” She danced her palm softly against Katya’s still-flat belly as she walked past, causing Katya to roll her eyes.  “Sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s fine,” she forced a weak smile as Nadia closed the front door behind her.

“Yekaterina!” her dad called from the living room.

“Hey!”

He rose from the couch to greet her, but his face quickly folded into a frown.  “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“You look…” he hesitated, trying to decide on a word as he sized her up, head to toe.  “Sad.”

She shrugged.  “I dunno, Daddy.”

“Come here,” he wrapped her into a hug, large hand cradling the back of her head.  “What’s wrong?” She buried her face in the crook of his neck & started to cry, silently at first, but she couldn’t keep quiet, heaving in his arms.  “Hey, hey—” He pulled back from her, sitting down & patting the leather couch beside him.

Katya sat next to him, elbows on her knees & rubbing both temples with her thumbs.  She looked down at the beige carpet she vividly remembered from her childhood. “Don’t be upset,” she mumbled down to it, avoiding speaking directly to her father.

“Why would I be?”  He rubbed a calloused hand up & down her spine.

Out of the corner of her eye, Katya caught sight of her mom leaning silently against the doorframe, watching the pair.  “I— I’m—” she stammered, unable to say it. Finally, she turned to face him, her pale green eyes even lighter from crying.  “I’m pregnant.”

“Ahhh!  Why would I be upset?”  He squeezed her shoulder tightly.

“I dunno, just… none of this is going the way it’s supposed to.  Nothing about  _ me _ is the way it’s supposed to be.  I don’t know… I’m just a gigantic fucking screw up.”

“Yekaterina, don’t say that.”

Nadia sat down beside her husband on the couch.  “What’s going on in your head?” she quietly asked her daughter.

Katya sobbed.  “I don’t know… I don’t know how to be a mom.  I’m gonna fuckin’ suck at it like everything else I do,” she choked through her coughs.  “All this because I slept with someone I don’t even fucking like. I don’t like this & I don’t like him & I don’t even fucking like men, Jesus fuck,” she rambled.  “& I just want a goddamn cigarette!” She punctuated her emotions with a shameless wail.

“We love you for who you are, honey,” her mom reassured her.  “You’ll get through this & you’ll have a little you to love just the same.”

“Oh god, another Katya,” her dad joked, elbowing her.

“Right?!” she cry-laughed.  “Just what the world needs!”  She wiped the tears from her painfully swollen eyes.  “Did you make turkey?”

Nadia burst into laughter.  “Yes, pregnancy brain, I made turkey.  Veggies & potatoes, too.”

“I just want turkey.  Plain… dry with salt. Lots of salt.  Extra salt.”

Her father shook his head in recognition as he stood to head for the kitchen.  “ _ So _ much like your mother.”

 

* * *

 

 

**_April 2012_ **

 

“Hey, um—” Katya grimaced into the phone.  “Do you work early tomorrow?”

“No, why?” her friend Willam replied on the other end of the line, glancing at the phone to see the time: 11:05pm.  “I mean, not ‘til noon, if that’s early.”

“Okay, uh… do you think you could maybe—” she stopped to hiss, biting the flesh of her hand.  “Come here?”

“Yeah, wh—  _ OH _ !”  Willam was hit was the sudden recognition of what Katya was asking.  “Fuck, are you in labor or some shit?!”

“I dunno… it’s just uncomfortable.  Doesn’t feel right.”

“I’m literally leaving right now,” Willam rushed, & Katya could hear rattling in the background that she assumed meant she was grabbing her keys.  “Do you need to like… lie down or something?”

“It hurts worse to lie down,” she groaned.  “My back is gonna fuckin’ explode if I don’t keep moving.”

“Okay, uh… I’m getting in the car.”

“I don’t need a play by play,” she growled through a cramp.

“Are you gonna be less of a bitch when this kid is out of you?”

Katya managed a chuckle.  “Doubtful.”

“Do you need me to get you anything?” Willam talked into the speaker as she drove in her typically maniacal fashion through the streets of Boston.  It was normally only a ten minute drive between Willam’s loft & Katya’s house, but tonight, she was determined to cut it in half if she could.

“A lead pipe to smash my face in.”

“I don’t have a lead pipe, but I can bring you a glass one.  Maybe smoking will help.”

Katya smacked her palm to her forehead.  “I’m still pregnant, you fucking idiot.”

“Oh.  Yeah. I’ll smoke you out after she pops out, then.”

“Great,” Katya deadpanned, gritting her teeth.  “Can’t wait.”

“Are you having, like, contractions or whatever?”

“I dunno.  It’s like my stomach is eating itself.”

“Did you fuck a human or a monster?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

Willam laughed.  “No!”

“It’s like…” Katya paused.  “Like really bad period cramps?  But they won’t stop.”

“Okay, fuck, I’m like… ninety seconds away.”

“How?!”

“Skills.”

“Should I just come outside?”

“Whatever you wanna do… do you have a hospital bag or whatever?”

“Uh huh.  I’ll come—  _ ah _ — to you.”

As Willam yanked her Corvette into the driveway, Katya was locking the front door, heavy baby bag slung over her shoulder.  “Your taxi’s here, you breeding bitch!” she hollered out the open driver’s side window. Katya flipped her off as she waddled painfully to the passenger’s side door Willam had reached across to open for her.  Her long hair had become a dull blonde since she couldn’t highlight it during pregnancy, & it hung half-up, half-down against her spine. She’d added a pair of worn flip flops to her black pajama shorts & faded cut-off Twin Peaks t-shirt before locking the door, but she couldn’t bring herself to care how awful she looked when it felt like her uterus was flipping inside out.

“Try not to pop your cork or whatever in here,” Willam demanded as she reversed out of the driveway.  “I just had this shit detailed.”

“Why did I call you again?” Katya grumbled.

“Because you love me,” Willam flipped her honey-colored hair over her shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah.”  She held the baby bag in her lap, knuckling the strap til her fingers went numb.

“You okay?” Willam asked after a few moments of silence.

“Uh huh,” she grimaced.  “Scared.”

“You’ll do great,” Willam’s voice trembled uncharacteristically.  Despite her bawdy manner, Willam’d had a soft spot for Katya ever since the gallery Katya worked for hired her as a stylist for a photoshoot.  She’d brashly told Katya she either needed to get fillers or a better lipstick; Katya had told her to suck her dick, & the friendship had exploded from there.  Katya appreciated her rough-around-the-edges style, along with the fact that she always showed up with Louboutins & Gucci bags & shrugged it off when people asked how she afforded them.  

“I wish I had the balls for that,” Katya had told her one night over a half-handle of whiskey.  

“It ain’t about balls— it’s about this—” she’d pointed to her mouth.  “And I told you to get your lips done, you cow!”

Willam jerked her sportscar into the hospital parking lot & into the ER section, grateful to find a spot before Katya ruined the interior of her car.  “Hang on!” she assured her, getting out & hurrying, heels clacking against the uneven concrete, to Katya’s door. She opened it & extended her a hand.

“I can walk,” Katya breathed deeply, though her shaky legs made her glad Willam was there to spot her.  Once they got inside, a nurse hurried over with a wheelchair, guiding Katya down into it before handing Willam a clipboard full of papers & the baby bag from her lap.

“Hey, I didn’t knock her up!” she waved it back at the nurse.

“Oh my god,” Katya squeaked out a laugh.  “Ignore her,” she told the kind-faced older woman.

She just shook her head with a soft smile.  “We’ll get you to a room— are you having regular contractions?”

“I… I don’t know?  It doesn’t  _ hurt _ hurt, it just… feels bad.”

“No worries,” she nodded, pushing her more quickly.  “I’ll get ahold of a doctor & we’ll find out what’s goin’ on.”

Katya nodded, hands trembling.  She tried to focus on picking the clear nail polish from her thumbnail, but Willam’s heinously high heels tapping along the tile like a demented metronome made it difficult.

“What time is it?” she asked the nurse as she wheeled her into a small, beige & pink room.  

She twisted her wrist around to glance at her watch.  “11:36, honey.”

“Oh, thank god!” Katya let her head loll back against the wheelchair.

“Why?” the nurse asked as she extended both hands to help Katya up onto the bed.

“Because it’s April 19th.”  The nurse looked at her quizzically.  “The last day of Aries.”

“Typical narcissistic Taurus,” Willam interjected.  “Just wanting to make more fucking Tauruses.”

“Here, let’s get you settled, okay?” the nurse pulled the blanket back for Katya, who wiggled uncomfortably up into the bed.  “This little one isn’t gonna come in the next twenty minutes, so you’re safe,” she patted her bare shin.

“Thanks,” Katya forced an approximation of a calm smile, despite the adrenaline coursing through her body.  As the nurse gently closed the door behind her as she left, Willam handed the clipboard to Katya. “You should probably fill this out before you start screaming or whatever.”

It had taken hours— sixteen of them to be precise— & Katya wasn’t screaming, per se, as much as she was just ready to punch something— anything.  It was just after 4:30pm when she gave in & asked Willam (who’d called off work) to call her parents. She knew, as well meaning as they were, that their presence leading up to the moment itself would just cause her more anxiety.  “It’s happening,” the doctor had reassured her. “She’s just being stubborn— you’re dilated to five.”

“Isn’t my water supposed to break or something?” she glared at her, sweaty hair already matted to her forehead.

“It’s not unusual for first time moms to go through slow progressing labor.  We’ll monitor you for another hour or two & if nothing big happens, we’ll start you on Pitocin.”

Katya nodded.  “Can I take my shirt off?” she asked exasperatedly.

The doctor laughed.  “You can do whatever you want!”

“Oh, thank Jesus.”  She yanked her soaked-through t-shirt over her head & threw it across the room at Willam, leaving her in only a red bralette, bottom half naked under the blankets.

“Gross!” Willam screeched, sweaty cotton smacking her in the face.  “You smell like shit!”

“Had to share it with you!” Katya grinned wildly.

By the time her parents arrived an hour later, both full of frantic energy, Katya’s water still hadn’t broken.  “Doctor just checked,” she told them, re-piling her long hair onto the top of her head. “Almost a six. I told her to give me the damn Pitocin.”

“Honey, that means the pain is gonna skyrocket,” her mom gently warned her from beside the bed.

“Good!  Bring it on!  I’m ready!” she clapped her hands victoriously.  “Play the Rocky music! I’m gonna beat the shit out of this pussy!”

“ _ Yekaterina _ ,” her mother sighed.

“I’m just ready to get things  _ gooooooing _ ,” she exaggerated.  “All I’m doing is sitting here sweating my ass off & feeling like my hips are gonna give out.  And I want a goddamn cup of coffee!”

“Can she have coffee?” her father leaned his head out into the hallway to ask a passing nurse, who shook her head no.  “Has she been like this all day?” he quietly asked Willam, thinking they were out of earshot of Katya.

“Pretty much,” she laughed.  “She just keeps saying she’s bored.”

“I am!” she hollered across the room.  “I wanna get this show on the road!”

By 11pm, she regretted her proclamation.  She’d physically torn off her bralette, ripping the thin lace & completely giving up any worries about anyone in the room seeing her naked— she just couldn’t get cool enough.  Sweat ran in rivers down her collarbone, pooling crudely between her breasts, & her hair was so wet, it refused to stay up in a bun. She’d read online about various mothers’ labor experiences & had told the doctor she didn’t want an epidural.  Kneeling backwards against the bed, vertebrae rippling through her skin as she shook, she kept repeating “I’m so stupid, I’m so stupid, I’m so stupid” through her tears.

“Why, baby?” her mother asked, holding a cool washcloth to her neck.

“Because I didn’t get a goddamn mother fucking epidural!” she howled.  She’d decided she only wanted her mom in the delivery room when she gave birth, so Willam & her father had gone down to get food only a few minutes prior.

“Do you want some good news?” the doctor asked delicately.  Katya turned to look at her, fury & sheer exhaustion raging in her eyes.  “It’s time to check you again.” Katya groaned aloud & forced herself to roll over in the bed.  “Well.”

“Well what?” she whimpered.

“You ready to push?”

“What?!” her face went blank.  “No. I’m gonna puke.”

Her mom grabbed a trash can just in time, then pushed her soaked hair back from her face.  “You good?”

“I just wanna sleep,” she wailed.  “Just let me sleep!”

“You can sleep as long as you want so soon,” the doctor reassured her.

“I can’t!  I’m so tired!”  The tears flowed freely down her pale cheeks.

“Yekaterina, look at me,” Nadia focused her.  “You’ve gotta push.”

“Ready?” the doctor asked, stroking Katya’s cramped-up foot.  She nodded weakly & clamped her eyes shut.

Twenty minutes later, a tiny, wet bundle was being hurried to Katya’s bare chest.  “Oh, hi,” she gasped, grinning down at her round face & giant eyes. “Hi…” she brushed a fingertip across her cheek.  The baby looked right up at her, noisy cries quieting to a whimper. “I’m your mom,” she whispered, eyes blurring with fresh tears.  She craned her stiff neck down to kiss her barely-there fluff of blonde hair, resting her nose against her soft head & inhaling deeply.  “I’m your mom.”

 

 


End file.
